FabSwingers.com forum: do people read profiles before sending a pm

By *abeandhim OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

we were just wondering if people read profiles before sending a pm, we have so many pm's that we open and read that do not match what we are looking or ask for, that expect a reply, mostly single males under 35 and we state on our profile we will not reply to these as we are not looking for them at the moment and will find them if we want them. also why take the time to send a pm to some one and put only 3 or 4 words into it. Do other people have the same problem with pm's

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Ill think you'll find that everyone has exactly the same problem

My thoughts on this are that its quicker to send out a bunch of mail to see if you get lucky at some point than it is to read through some profiles lol

It annoying but it seems to be part of life on swinging sites

I normally just ignore those that clearly hav'nt read our profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont think they do lol

i get mails saying what a nice couple we are and so on.

would like to know where my other half is then lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We think a lot look at pics and fire off mails or winks but that serves us right for having a long boring profile lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read a profile once that was quite long, but about 2/3rds of the way down it said "mention the word 'banana' when you reply to show you've read my whole profile". I thought that was a fab idea!

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By *abeandhim OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

Mmmmmmmmmm bananas, now theres a thought, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah there are a few who do that and it's a clever idea.

Even I get mail from people who completly dont match me, couples and bi guys. I think because many people don't have their profile properly filled out so you can never know. Most of the time I chat to people their interests aren't whats listed on their profile...

You can be sure of one thing though, if it says no single guys, they mean it! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

simple answer to this question is no lol, i'd say 90% of the mail i get are from couples and 'toy boys' two things which i clearly state i'm not looking for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

id agree a lot dont n wish they would for eg,, we clearly state on profile that we r smokers n had 2 mails from cpls that dont??.mad eh

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By *icurious40sCouple
over a year ago

kendal

"id agree a lot dont n wish they would for eg,, we clearly state on profile that we r smokers n had 2 mails from cpls that dont??.mad eh "

Lol Usually manage to produce some steam but rarely go fast enough for smoke these days!The odd carpet-burn maybe. xx Mark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Defo... mostly single guys and strangely enough, they are from the other end of the country from us, up in the N/East... also smokers have PM`d us as well.

Could understand it if our profile was like War and Peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read all of any profile I'm interested in and as soon as I get to the part that says no single guys I move on. BUT. Why do so many couples tick the men box in looking for, then in the first line of their profile say 'NO SINGLE GUYS'?

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By *inge61Couple
over a year ago

n/wales

most dont read lol or cant read and ours is not a long profile

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By *nffCouple
over a year ago

derby

we took the easy option and blocked all single males from messaging, winking or inviting. problem sorted lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Its not just single guys though its all across the board

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you are interested its only polite to read the profile and see if you will be compatible.

then send your pm which should contain a reasonable amout of information to allow the contact to progress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its not just single guys though its all across the board"

exactly its not

wish folk lay of us singles guys

i always read profiles before pm

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

I think we have received more than 50 mails from couples who are overweight and whose male components do not have long hair. It is as if, because they are a couple, the general "rules & regs" don't apply to them. Sometimes the tone of the message suggests that we should be grateful for being contacted at all......??

I don't get it.

Jane x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we took the easy option and blocked all single males from messaging, winking or inviting. problem sorted lol."

I think everyone who doesn't want Single males or who ever you don't want to hear from should do this. it would save a lot of hassle in the long run. But I do think alot of people don't block the unwanted so they feel popular.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if they dont want them tick the box

its that easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is annoying to receive messages from people who haven't taken the time to read the blurb on a profile but the simple answer is don't reply and delete...they'll soon get the message - lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we took the easy option and blocked all single males from messaging, winking or inviting. problem sorted lol.

Could be the case for some, but for us although we are not looking for single guys we do have single guys who are friends and we like to keep in contact on here with them. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always read the profile before sending a message!

if i get to any part where i don't fit or any part i don't like, i click back to browse.

However it is disappointing to be told i've not read it when i have.

recently got a quite offensive response for reponding to a profile that said age limit 38, at 37 i thought i was ok, but aparently not! jeez, did i get both barrels or what!

i mean, how dare i fall within the catagory specified!?!

So it would seem even reading the profile isn't always correct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for us although we are not looking for single guys we do have single guys who are friends and we like to keep in contact on here with them. x"

I'm not having ago at you guys. But if thats the case and these single guys are friends, why only keep in touch with them on here? If you blocked single guys from contacting you, you wouldn't get loads of unwanted mail. Surely the single guys you're friends with have your email address.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

First things first, not just single guys (as a sweeping generalisation) can be guilty of this. Couples and single fems can be just as bad:

Most of the mail I receive are from bi/gay guys trying to convince me to "try it", mostly to "take cock up that arse on display". When I politely tell them no, they then backtrack a little and offer to suck mine.

I don't block all males (as some of my chums are male) so I block the individual (As his own selfishness isn't making him listen).

I sometimes receive mails from couples from other side of the country who, whilst I don't mind SOME travel, say they can't accommodate overnight, or don't meet at home and don't like hotels (so what options to I have?) then have a go at me (usually "Ok, your loss") when I turn down the offer.

For the record, its not my loss if they contacted me.

I also get mails from some single females who, just cause I mention BDSM on my profile, make the mistake to assume I'm a sub and they "kindly" offer to prove how Domme they are - in short, offer to beat the crap out of me.

I reckon they need to put that pent up energy and aggression to use elsewhere, or preferably, the man that pissed them off so much in the first place.

Now if I was blocking groups of people (As a sweeping generalisation) I'd have blocked everyone. SO I block individuals instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

for us although we are not looking for single guys we do have single guys who are friends and we like to keep in contact on here with them. x

To be honest I didnt think that you had been having a go, but no the single guys we are friends with on here don't generally have our email address, we just send the odd mail to each other on here and to let each other know when we are going to our local club.

I don't generally moan alot about the ammount of unwanted mail off people who clearly havnt read our profile, Iv learnt its always going to happen so Ive taken a more light-hearted approach to it now and just tell Scott and we have a laugh at how some people think we will alter what we are looking for just for them.

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By *nffCouple
over a year ago

derby

even if you block say just single guys any that you have previously corresponded with can still pm etc you. so if you do have your friends that you just chat too there won't be a problem.

just like to say i don't have a problem with single guys and i quite happily chat in the chat rooms just would never meet.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well the thing is for me. When I browse the profiles on here, I browse the ones that are looking for men. Yet, I still end up reading profile after profile from couples that arn't looking for Single guys.

So I ask each and every one of those couples, Why tick the men box in you looking for????

ok you don't have to block them. But you would cut out 50% of unwanted mail if you unticked this box.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got one today from a woman belive it or not.... read: "Hi Ozzy...."

I mean, how much effort does it take?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got one today from a woman belive it or not.... read: "Hi Ozzy...."

I mean, how much effort does it take?

You got mail from me the other day too, i eint heard back from you yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it seems some people send out the same mail "en masse" to people even though they dont meet the criteria of the people they are mailing.

however this could be down to the fact that when you take a few minutes to compose a personal message and send it to someone that DOES meet your criteria they - read it and then totally ignore it with not even so much as a "no - thank you" - i guess people then think "why bother" and just sned standard copy and paste messages to all and sundrie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" this could be down to the fact that when you take a few minutes to compose a personal message and send it to someone that DOES meet your criteria they - read it and then totally ignore it with not even so much as a "no - thank you" "

Happens to me 99% of the time!

But then, i guess it proves they are ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think longman has a point, I do read the profiles in full and after sending a pm (as no mention of no singles) I have got a fairly rude reply stating that I can't read or be bothered to read lol. If couples do not want to be contacted by single males they should state clearly in the profile and make sure they are not in the search criterea seeking 'men'.

Simples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alot of this has been covered in other threads. Yes, it is only right to read someone's profile in full before contacting them so you know what their looking for. However, it does seem pointless most of the time because of the lack of replies and the fact people state they are looking for single guys, girls, couples etc when their not. Write a long email and it's ignored; write a one liner and it's deemed not enough effort...

Is there perhaps a way to have a search option that can make you invisible to people your not looking for? So if for example people are not looking to meet a single guy, then they wont appear on single guys search lists???? You'd have no problems of receiving emails from people you don't want to meet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happens to me 99% of the time!

But then, i guess it proves they are ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway."

Just a thought, but rather than doing the foot stompy thing and calling everyone else ignorant would you not be better off seriously considering why 99% of the time you are being ignored?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well the thing is for me. When I browse the profiles on here, I browse the ones that are looking for men. Yet, I still end up reading profile after profile from couples that arn't looking for Single guys.

So I ask each and every one of those couples, Why tick the men box in you looking for????

ok you don't have to block them. But you would cut out 50% of unwanted mail if you unticked this box."

Ye I agree with you on that point thats why we havnt got the looking for men box ticked, thinking that and our profile would stop them contacting us for meets. To be fair if they mail asking for advice or to ask us what we thought of a club we have been to etc then we dont mind at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happens to me 99% of the time!

But then, i guess it proves they are ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway.

Just a thought, but rather than doing the foot stompy thing and calling everyone else ignorant would you not be better off seriously considering why 99% of the time you are being ignored?"

where did i stomp my feet?

you do not know what i have written to people!

And i didn't call everyone else ignorant

i find your post offensive!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happens to me 99% of the time!

But then, i guess it proves they are ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway.

Just a thought, but rather than doing the foot stompy thing and calling everyone else ignorant would you not be better off seriously considering why 99% of the time you are being ignored?

where did i stomp my feet?

you do not know what i have written to people!

And i didn't call everyone else ignorant

i find your post offensive!"

You were always going to find it offensive, I could have taken money off of Ladbrokes on that bet.

You say you didn't call everyone ignorant but in your post you wrote

"Happens to me 99% of the time!

But then, i guess it proves they are ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway."

which appears to me to be you accusing the 99% of people you wrote to who never replied of being

"ignorant and probably not the type of person i want to meet anyway."

which beggars the question if you thought that why write to them, or anyone for that matter, in the first place.

IMHO the statement above signifies someone who is not doing rejection very well. People who do not write back are sending the very same message that those who reply "Thanks but no thanks" are transmitting. Because you say that 99% of your emails go unanswered you need to look closer to home.

You do not need the brains of a rocket scientist to work out that there is something wrong with either, your profile or the style of your emails and that is what is causing you these difficulties.

You can call that offensive or take it as constructive criticism, personally I really couldn't give a monkeys either way but if you don't see an element of petulant in the way you react to rejection then maybe you need to do some serious introspection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooooooh 2bonk, love it when you get all masterful

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have absolutely no problem with rejection, as has been posted by many on this and other sites, being a single male means women have a lot of choice and you aren't going to ge a yes very often. so i don't feel i need to lokk at myself anymore than anyone else.

Perhaps you should practise what you preach. and ask yourself why you need to attack peoples post so often!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just proves that most guys minds are ruled by their loins .. thats just guys i guess ,, they will undoubtably be the guys who never manage a meet and occasionally have a go at guys who do have meets and wonder what they are doing wrong ,,,,, just my thoughts on it ,, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For heavens sake !!!!

It's not just single guys, it happens to everyone and every group of the membership are or have been responsible in one way or another (Unless of course there are any 'perfect' members on this site?). We've all sent a message to someone who maybe we shouldn't have if we'd read the profile properly. It could be a genuine error or even a well planned effort to sway someone to meet us.

At the end of the day what is the big deal ? It's a simple matter of replying to or ignoring the 'offending' private message

Move on !

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Well said Redhotcouple.

A great point to end on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see ascaris point. I and others on this site have already discussed the whole issue of getting replies to emails and the site is always going to be split between those who see a reply as a polite necessity, while there are those who say no reply is an answer in itself. I would imagine the majority of those who say why should people reply to an email are those who have loads of emails sent to them in the first place and have no need to send any of their own. I do wonder if these people would ultimately feel the same way if their own emails were ignored 99% of the time!

Personally I do believe a quick reply is polite and fits into the etiquette of a site like this. Posting these kind of threads is not always about rejection and I think that gets banded around far too much as a comeback. For me, and I imagine others on this site it’s more to do with the fact that you carefully read someone’s profile and then spend a lot of time and effort in crafting a personal, in-depth email only for it to be dumped in the delete bin without even a thanks but no thanks, and in all probability it’s not even read. What would people think if all they were sent is a crude one liner or a very short email which obviously wasn’t written with any effort behind it? I read on profiles and forum threads all the time that people expect to receive emails that have obviously taken time and effort to write and the people who write those emails would like the same courtesy. I do ask what is the point in many, many people writing a good email if your just wasting a lot of time and effort for absolutely nothing?

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