FabSwingers.com forum: embarresment in the bedroom

By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

just for the hell of it and the fun of it i wondered if anyone fancied a laugh sharing of tales of embarrassment in the bedroom and sex gone wrong to brighten our day.

(doesn't have to be the bedroom)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (fem) fell asleep on top of a guy once. As in dribbling and snoring apparantly.

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By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

thats fantastic.

lol

my mate fell asleep betwean his mrs legs after a night at the pub once lol

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

My fella asleep while geting a bj of his ex..

guess thats why shes his ex lol

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By *arry_UkMan
over a year ago

birmingham

"My fella asleep while geting a bj of his ex..

guess thats why shes his ex lol"

Hahaha that's funny!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put a banana up a girls bum n it was full of poo !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was getting a bj..and whilst i was cumming, she moved her mouth and i shot it right in my eye..god it stings!!!

Thought i lost an eye. Then had to wonder around the whole day with a red eye and find excuses to answer people why i have got a red eye lol

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By *hite SnakeMan
over a year ago

leeds

How do you get poo into a banana?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did the loudest fanny fart ever once... And then just burst out laughing at the mortified look on the fellas face..... Sort of spoiled the moment x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some time get fanny fart jut give me the giggles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we both nearly died of embarrasment in the bedroom one afternoon..

having jumped into bed mid-afternoon for a noisey quickie.. we were mortified to hear that we had just been given a "round of applause" upon completion by a gang of road workers..

the curtains were shut but i had forgotten to close the window..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing bad as of yet. I always wash my bum out before taking a banana.

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By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

Ok I shall shame myself here this is very embarrassing. But damn funny! And worth a tell but I must stress it has never happened before and never happened since and I think we were both as surprised as each other.

So the story goes I had not been very well and just starting to feel better i agreed to meet my at the time on off gf a very beautiful lady too who liked the best things in life and loved a classy and decadent life style. We returned to the hotel for a night of passion when at the end of it she was on her knees sucking for the peal necklace the climax was reached but amongst the moans of ecstasy and a human firework display emerged and altogether more sinister guttural (literally) sound as a suprise gust emerged as repugnant and foul as they cum!. I laughed she didn't I got slapped and laughter turned to tears and I had more than a tear in my Jap's eye as that was the end of that. An experience to darken the soul yes but a bloody funny one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once went into the wrong hotel room but that was about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was getting a bj..and whilst i was cumming, she moved her mouth and i shot it right in my eye..god it stings!!!

Thought i lost an eye. Then had to wonder around the whole day with a red eye and find excuses to answer people why i have got a red eye lol hahaha

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i tell this story every time i see an 'embarassing stories' thread...

was giving a guy a bj after a few too many drinks and some pork scratchings....one helpful hand behind the head too many and i gagged, ried to control it but ended up throwing up all over myself

ran into the bathroom, showered off then went back to it....he hadnt even moved, i think he was in shock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was with a lady ( her words not mine ) she was giving me oral...very good oral I have to say, anyway I squirted on her face,.... She was mortified, if looks could kill ... There wasn't a rematch!

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

Me and the misses both fell asleep in a 69 after a night on the beer and wondered why we were top and tailing in the morning ha ha not that were big drinkers but we found it funny and carried on where of had left off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a mmf recently and me being me said "well I recon the 15k we spent on the Mrs's sex change was money well spent" it sort of killed things for a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

at some lovely friends party, very late after much fun and vodka the man of the house fell asleep on the sofa with his hand kinda in a ladies foo foo, she too fell asleep.Every now and then he'd stir and move his fingers , she'd moan a little in her sleep , then they'ed both start snoring again, it went on for ages and the rest of us pissed ourselves laughing every time`!x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A girl I slept with was squirting for about 2 hours it was everywhere her sofa was like a pond in the end and I starting playing with her again after a break and she passed out sleeping in it

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Lol very funny

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Lol very funny

I thought so.

He was mortified

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Lol very funny

I thought so.

He was mortified

My mate said he was sat in his towel after having a shower and felt something licking him and it was the dog licking his balls lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Lol very funny

I thought so.

He was mortified

My mate said he was sat in his towel after having a shower and felt something licking him and it was the dog licking his balls lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

licking a womans pussy on a picnic table at night, then a fox set off a security light and people inhouse saw me, ooooops i didnt know house was there,lol

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By *tewart39Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

When I was 20 years old met a beautiful Blonde Irish girl on holiday in santa ponza !!!! she whispered in my ear to take her home and make wild love to her all night !!!!!.....Got back to her apartment ...she got changed and I said lets make love on the balconey xxx outside ..she agrred and I took her with my hand look her straight in the eyes ....this is going to be good unknown to to me the patio doors were closed .....so led her to what I believed would be the most erotic hour of my life ..........i hid the patio doors at 5mph and woke up a minute later with an Irish girl laughing all over me !!!!!!!! the sexual tension was gone but i received a lump on my heed which was as big as the lump in my pants lol !!!!!!!! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The funniest was getting a very severe leg cramp, which left me pulling out of a very intimate situation and hopping around the bedroom howling in pain, whilst she lay they legs akimbo wondering what had happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i was single i had a meet with a couple at my house,a nice relaxed night we had a few drinks and a good laugh,them we went to the bedroom for some fun,while she was giving me a bj her partner had her doggy going hell for leather after about 5 minutes the male said ok chris your turn,so i got the lady to lie on her back while i went down on her for some reason i decided to give the finger and sniff test

thank fuck i did cos her partner had shot his cum up her and i had cum running down my hand, as you can imagine i lost a bit interest as i ran to the toilet to wash my hand and that was the night over and done with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1st time I spent the night with my ex, we were both naked in bed. I started playing with his cock and teasing him. He'd told me he hadn't had any in ages. I didn't realise this would result in him exploding in my mouth after a couple of seconds! He'd told me to stop but I didn't think he was being serious!

Embarrassing for him, yes, but more so for me when I squealed, jumped out of bed, ran naked to the bathroom (bearing in mind I'm like 18 stone/size 22 at this point and we'd never seen each other naked) and spat it out in the sink, shouting my apologies from the bathroom! Thankfully we both saw the funny side and it brings a big smile to my face when I think about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and my ex wife were at it one mornining(rare occasion)and our son 3 ran in shouting horsey jumped on my back so i had to play horsey for the next half hour wife was gone smile every time i think of it hes now an employment law addvisor

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By *ornyD80Man
over a year ago

West Sussex

I was about 18 and going down on a girl I met at a party I choked on a pube and proceeded to throw up between her legs! luckily we were outside. She was not impressed when I d*unkenly said "oops your turn now" and got my cock out for her to suck. I slept alone that night hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Umm I hope ya not eating... I was rimming someone once and they farted

we did eventually laugh but I will never lick an arse again lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a meet with a squirter a few yrs ago under a different profile i met a great single fem.

She was hot, funny and could drink. We'd gone out with her 'normal' mates faking having met via facebook or something.

Regardless we were steaming d*unk and had the sort of porn sex only steaming d*unk swingers have all over her house. She squirted over my clothes, kitchen table etc it was great fun.

When we eventually we made it to the bed i teased her for ages and then eventually gave her her release. She bucked and wriggled it was intense for both of us. But when she squirted again a v v tiny little nugget of poo came out.

She didnt realise at first , then eventually with me in her mouth she must have smelt it and almost died with embarrassment trying to cover it up. After i had tried to laugh it off on her behalf we changed the sheets but she wasnt quite as into playing anymore.

Never had another meet with her after that. Gutted

but kind of get why.

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By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

some great stories here give me a giggle at least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was 22 I was pissed and was shagging a new beaue from behind standing up.....fell asleep but apparently stayed rock hard and kept slowly humping her as I slept!lol Ahh....the virility of youth!lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Love it, I would have laughed over this for ages

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

I came home from a night shift and my girlfriend of the time said she'd give me a bj. I told her I couldn't stay awake. She said that's ok and got started, next thing I know I'm waking up to her calling me a dirty smelly bastard... Apparently as she was down on me I feel asleep and as I relaxed I let rip with a stinky fart....

then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (Mr A) thought this needed this story.

When I was in Uni, I lived with a few friends, including one called Bill. One night, after far, far too much drink in the students union, Bill had pulled a very attractive girl caled Julie. We walked back to the house, and Bill and Julie vanished into his room.

About 4 minutes later, I heard a blood curdling scream, and the slamming of doors, I walked out my room to find Julie marching down the stairs, and Bill apologising profusely after her.

Turns out, in his d*unken state, he'd tried to give her oral, and thrown up most impressively on her, and inside her! The story always gets brought up, and was even mentioned at Bill's wedding..... by his dad!

aaaaahhh.. good times! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good few years ago whilst an avid reader of FHM I picked up a tip from an interview about the great effect Alka seltzer has when used whilst going down on your lady. That might hoping for the full effect I had two of the bad boys stashed under the pillow, once I was happy that my oral skills had TB's pussy wet n wanting I retrieved my stash and quickly slotted them in her hoping for her this amazing flood of ecstasy . Well the reaction came but not as I expected, talk about plink plink fizz, her pussy was foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies and with a scream she shot out the bed into the bathroom when I got there she had the shower nozzle embedded up her now on fire pussy and screaming at me quizzing wtf did I do. Now that would have been bad enough on its own but as fate has it she had a smear test next day and wanted to kill me even more as the nurse asked about the strange burn marks inside her

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!

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By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral

"A good few years ago whilst an avid reader of FHM I picked up a tip from an interview about the great effect Alka seltzer has when used whilst going down on your lady. That might hoping for the full effect I had two of the bad boys stashed under the pillow, once I was happy that my oral skills had TB's pussy wet n wanting I retrieved my stash and quickly slotted them in her hoping for her this amazing flood of ecstasy . Well the reaction came but not as I expected, talk about plink plink fizz, her pussy was foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies and with a scream she shot out the bed into the bathroom when I got there she had the shower nozzle embedded up her now on fire pussy and screaming at me quizzing wtf did I do. Now that would have been bad enough on its own but as fate has it she had a smear test next day and wanted to kill me even more as the nurse asked about the strange burn marks inside her

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!"

This had me in pleats laughing, partly because you tried something you'd read in FHM, but most of all because like most blokes you only read the first part of the manual and assumed you'd know the rest. The moral in the tale, always read all the instructions....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!

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By *ornishBiLoverMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I turned up for a meet and my manhood almost instantly went floppy and stayed that way. needless to say I havent had an invite back lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

years ago when i was married and used to meet as a couple with my ex we met a couple, nice couple, had a drink, chat as you do then we started to play, things had started and everyone was naked and the lady of the couple was on all fours giving her fella a blow job so my ex went up behind her and put his head down to lick her, just as he did she farted straight in his face

and just carried on like nothing had happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!"

i know a guy, and this is no word of a lie, who used deep heat on a condom because someone told him it had the same effect as air waves, and would give the woman a cool tingling feeling, the woman he met had to go to hospital

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!

Bloody hell! Why would anyone do this to someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"years ago when i was married and used to meet as a couple with my ex we met a couple, nice couple, had a drink, chat as you do then we started to play, things had started and everyone was naked and the lady of the couple was on all fours giving her fella a blow job so my ex went up behind her and put his head down to lick her, just as he did she farted straight in his face

and just carried on like nothing had happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really embarrasing as such because luckily it's not happened on any 'first meets' so they've either known about it or been understanding anyway.

My left shoulder has a tendency to slip out of place on occasion almost like dislocating but not. Currently in the process of physio/looking at surgery but generally only happens once every other month or so randomly.

Sometimes it's happened just getting out of bed or over-reaching for something but a couple of times it's happened during sex.

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By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!

I know of a similar accident when my friend was getting the best hand job he had had in his life after a night out drinking in a dark room with his at the time GF to aid his pleasure she reached for the lube. and then the screaming started "whats that" ."it burns!" yes she had got the deep heat instead and sure enough he had to go to hospital in agony and with a set of blue balls on him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

years ago...having a shag before my swinging malarkeys, my pet rat at the time jumping out of his cage as he was wanting to see the action...i went to pick him up..he turned on me, bit my hand landed on my feet and started biting inbetween my big toe... I managed to get him back in, but the blood started squirting everywhere and my 'date' was in hysterics..can still picture her boobs bouncing away in the panic!

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By *ornieandhotCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Not really embarrasing as such because luckily it's not happened on any 'first meets' so they've either known about it or been understanding anyway.

Sometimes it's happened just getting out of bed or over-reaching for something but a couple of times it's happened during sex.

I had to put a guys knee back in place once thank god I used to be a nurse lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(I later found out from FHM that I should have dissolved the tablet in water and taken a little of the fizzy water in my mouth when going down)!!!!"

hahahahahahahahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stood up after sex, passed out, broke her arm on the way down.

Whoops.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not really embarrasing as such because luckily it's not happened on any 'first meets' so they've either known about it or been understanding anyway.

Sometimes it's happened just getting out of bed or over-reaching for something but a couple of times it's happened during sex.

bet you have multi directional sockets like me...means sockets are flat and ball joint does not sit in snugly, my knees do it too!

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By *rokengirlWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"In that lovely post coital haze my boyf of the time suddenly shot bolt upright and looked at me accusingly and said "something just licked me!"

Tuns out the cat was curled on the edge of the bed giving himself a bath and decided my boyfs bum needed washing too...

Love it proper made me giggle as my dogs done similar lol

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By *onderlust76Woman
over a year ago

St helens

On holiday went back to a lads room giving him bj to hear his mum n dad come in the room for a quicky lol

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By *oofyCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Sunday morning nooky time! I am on my back, wife kneeeling between my legs giving me a nice BJ, we are both starkers! in comes my Alsation, jumps on the bed and mounts wife, she screems and trys to get him off her , asked for my help, but I am convulsed with laughter and unable to do anything. She gets the dog off her, and I asked did he get you? she said "Yes the bastard did, middle for didle" I was still giggleing several hours later. Wife still didnt see the funny side of it, especialy when I said, " its OK he has been nuetured"!!!!

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By *oofyCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Incidently when I told my present wife about it, she thought it was hilarious, but also said we are not having another dog!

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

a meal at a cpls house madras curry nite upstairs bit of oral on the mrs who now should be a contender for the high jump

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By *rSinful OP Man
over a year ago

mysteryville

"Sunday morning nooky time! I am on my back, wife kneeeling between my legs giving me a nice BJ, we are both starkers! in comes my Alsation, jumps on the bed and mounts wife, she screems and trys to get him off her , asked for my help, but I am convulsed with laughter and unable to do anything. She gets the dog off her, and I asked did he get you? she said "Yes the bastard did, middle for didle" I was still giggleing several hours later. Wife still didnt see the funny side of it, especialy when I said, " its OK he has been nuetured"!!!!"

MANS BEST FRIEND LOL!! I LOVE IT HAHAHA

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Embarassment in the jacuzzi at Chams about a month ago.

OH & I were in the jacuzzi having a cuddle and chat when I splashed him, in return he pushed me into the middle and said I was in for a drowning (he's always teasing me like this). As he tried to tip me backwards I put my arms out and grabbed onto the stepped sides to stop him pushing me too far, but my one hand slipped and in my panic to get my face back to the surface I did a full 360degree backflip with my ass rising out of the water like a bloomin' whale.

It wouldn't have been so bad if we had been in there on our own, but there was another couple in there with us, not kissing or canoodling, just sitting watching us. Needless to say, I quickly got out of there with not intention of getting back in toe water at all that night

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Was in the 'cage' in Chams swing room with a woman, 69ing on our sides. It was crowded and a young couple were fucking below her feet and just above my head. My lady was getting more and more excited and finally let out a moan and gushed. Some of it went in my mouth and I automatically jerked my head away, the rest of her gush sprayed all over the young couple and the girl shrieked. Fortunately they saw the funny side of it, and we all started laughing. R was in the swing so missed it all, said later she'd wondered what all the moaning, shrieking and laughing was about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was once playing in a tribute band and we had a gig in kirkaldy??(if thats how you spell it..) and i met this lovely girl and we decided that as the rest of the band were being twats lol that we would lock ourselfs in the bathroom of our hotel and habe sex in the shower. just as we were really getting in to it one of the guys bust the door open with the video camea and as i was still inside her treying to cover her modesty my cock slipped out and poited straight at my mate who was videoing it lol...it really did look funny on the play back......anway i kept in touch with this girl and when we went back up to play again i booked my own room so we could have a really good shag which after 4 month of talking on the phone we were really ready for each other...after she had finished sucking me off i went on top of here and slipt my cock inside her...i forgot that we were only in a single baed and went to rest my arms but there was nothing to rest on and i ended up falling off nearly breaking my cock in the process and knocking my self out after banging my head on the bedside cabinet....ouch it fucking hurt ...killed the moment...and i never saw her again lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cats....they've been the cause of amusement a couple of times with some people.

I've been either going down on someone or fucking away and then the next moment you feel a cat swiping at your feet. Can sometimes be a put off lol

And one time someone's cat bin-raided and was running around the place with the condom

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