FabSwingers.com forum: How to get a girlfriend

By *porty.ben OP Man
over a year ago

West Hampstead

Hi, I'm a 20 year old Male,

I have been looking for a proper girlfriend for a while now, but I think I have been looking wrong.

I am a very nice guy, you will rarely find a guy as nice as me. I'm not too sure if that's my problem. I know a lot of girls like the 'bad boy' but I was hoping some liked the really good guy as well...

So I am quite shy so find it very hard to just start chatting with anyone in a bar or pub; not the best of chatters at first either, don't get me wrong with the right person if you get me started I can chat a lot! ha.

I haven't tried really chatting up girls, mainly due to my confidence issue (I don't deal well with rejection). So I have resorted to going to nightclubs and trying to pull, then chatting with them and hoping we get along as well. Seeming as I don't pull that much (mainly cos I'm the nice guy who steps back and lets someone else go in) this doesn't happen often.

So where am I going wrong and what advice does anyone have?

Thanks,

Benj

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Best advice would be, don't ask for dating advice on a swingers site

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By *porty.ben OP Man
over a year ago

West Hampstead

well I thought there might be a few ex-nonswingers around who might have some insight...

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Seeming as I don't pull that much (mainly cos I'm the nice guy who steps back and lets someone else go in) this doesn't happen often."

Sounds like you know where you're going wrong, so maybe stop doing what you're doing and do something else?

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

Best advice I can give you is to stop looking.

What I mean by that is that if you find something you enjoy doing and you happen to meet someone you're attracted to then you'll find you instinctively have something to talk about as you have something in common. It's much easier to strike up a relationship with someone if you share the same interests.

I've always found partners when I've not been looking for them.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

why do you want one, you have your whole life ahead to fall in love... why not just stay single, have a great sex life with no commitment, then time ahead will offer you what you seek

good luck

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By *porty.ben OP Man
over a year ago

West Hampstead

what as in stop being the nice guy? or stop trying to pull in clubs? I'm kinda asking what else should I do...

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"why do you want one, you have your whole life ahead to fall in love... why not just stay single, have a great sex life with no commitment, then time ahead will offer you what you seek

good luck "

True... being in a relationship isn't everything.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Best advice I can give you is to stop looking.

I've always found partners when I've not been looking for them."

I agree with this.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"what as in stop being the nice guy? or stop trying to pull in clubs? I'm kinda asking what else should I do..."

I know this sounds very 1950s but what about joining a club of some sort or volunteering for something, that way you have a ready made subject to talk about and conversation comes much more easily also the main reason you are there isn't to get into a relationship. This follows on from the advice to stop looking really

You are young and you do have years ahead of you but I can understand you wanting a girlfriend it is nice to be in a relationship just don't jump in feet first for the first girl who shows any interest and don't get too heavy with her. It's a minefield isn't it lol..good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate you are at uni, if you as nice as you say surely some of the women on your course must like the "nice guy"? Or are you not involved in any social activities there?

Personally I suspect that you are hiding behind the nice guy excuse in the same way that many hide behind many excuses on here - the I can;t get a meet because I'm fat/short/black/white etc...

I'd also echo what others have said about trying to stop looking - desperation is not productive. I'd echo the earlier comment meeting people when least expected.

And also suggest being true to yourself, the persona displayed in this thread is very different to the persona on your profile. Not sure which is true (I suspect somewhere between the 2), being true to yourself will give a confidence others will find appealling.

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