FabSwingers.com forum: Couples playing alone without agreement

By *ohnOvManchester OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I’m just putting this here to vent I guess cause this side of my life if pretty secret. I’ve been involved in this side of life with different partners and being single. I’ve been careful about when I’m involved, how and who with and if I’ve been with a partner I’ve only played when they are there.

But you know what really hurts, and I know I shouldn’t care it’s just sex so I don’t know why but it actually does… I’ve just recently found out that someone I was seeing but our personal relationship had been a bit on and off, and we did this for a bit of fun and excitement. We only agreed to only do it together as a couple I’ve just found out she has been to a club twice now with her female friend without me. It’s my fault introducing her to this I guess, I’ve tried just swallowing it but but it has really actually hurt

Anyway I don’t know why I’m typing this it’s a bit embarrassing this has always been fun and nobody I’ve been involved with has ever done anything apart when we’ve been in it together so I’ve not know I’d feel like this. It’s risky isn’t it introducing someone into this sort of thing. I’ll get past it but it definitely hurts

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By *ohnOvManchester OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Sorry bad sentence structure there, I guess my heads a bit fucked hope it makes sense!!

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By *3xDECouple
over a year ago

nottingham

Are you more upset that she didn’t come to you first and tell you that she had chose to attend without you or that she potentially enjoyed some time with others without you after agreeing to do it together? X

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By *ohnOvManchester OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester

"Are you more upset that she didn’t come to you first and tell you that she had chose to attend without you or that she potentially enjoyed some time with others without you after agreeing to do it together? X"

Just the fact it was something we was doing as a couple, was something that we said we’d only so together so it’s like a betrayal feeling I don’t know. Not a nice feeling anyway but like I said it’s never happened before people have always been honest when we’ve got involved

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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

As a member of a couple who only play together, we do not do the hot wife thing, for one of us to go it alone would be considered cheating but we have been living together as a monogomous couple for 7 years and we joined this together. Your statement that you have been on and off with this girl suggests you are not living as a couple and it sounds like as soon as you started seeing each other, in the discovering things about each other stage, you said hey, look what I do, wanna join me?

I think it's easy for her as the 'cheater' to justify it with, 'well he did this anyway and would still do, it's a part of him and now it's part of me and we're not solid anyway' but I can also see your side if you only do it as a couple when you're I'm a relationship.

Ultimately, I suppose it depends how the introduction to this happened, what agreements were made and whether she can justify feeling you are not an exclusive couple, ie why are you on and off

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By *ongueFkYouMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"As a member of a couple who only play together, we do not do the hot wife thing, for one of us to go it alone would be considered cheating but we have been living together as a monogomous couple for 7 years and we joined this together. Your statement that you have been on and off with this girl suggests you are not living as a couple and it sounds like as soon as you started seeing each other, in the discovering things about each other stage, you said hey, look what I do, wanna join me?

Ultimately, I suppose it depends how the introduction to this happened, what agreements were made and whether she can justify feeling you are not an exclusive couple, ie why are you on and off"
WOW I love your pics and videos got me feeling quite horny right now lol I'm from Bradford too xx

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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

I just looked at your profile. I can imagine you might have reopened this profile so u can ask this question privately but why, if you feel you are in a committed relationship, did you get a veri 4 months ago? Yes she says she met u 2 yrs ago but still if your single profile has been hidden due to being in a relationship why could the woman find you to veri you and why is she trying to sell you to others saying this profile is real?

If your answer is going to be you've been with the gf for less than 4 months, either I don't buy it or I think you should separate cos if youve been on and off whwn youve been together less than 4 months then you are not suited. The honeymoon period should last approx 6 months.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Need to be careful what you wish for on Fab.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault

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By *aughty power coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cotswolds

"You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault "

This...

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault "

While this is very important in any form of ethical none monogamy...

I've picked up on the fact you say your relationship is very on/off...

How formal and structured is your relationship, were these club visits while you were 'off'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you cant use swinging to repair a relationship it never works all it does is show that the relationship is broken ... swinging couples are strong people together people ie there relationships are good and thats why they can have fun with others ...

so swinging never repairs already broken or bad relationships

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

To be fair you say your relationship was very casual. What agreement did you actually have?

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By *ohnOvManchester OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester

"You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault "

Exactly we had an agreement. I’m glad someone understands. It’s a confusing situation now, killed that level of trust. Think it’s probably killed the relationship as well tbh.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault

Exactly we had an agreement. I’m glad someone understands. It’s a confusing situation now, killed that level of trust. Think it’s probably killed the relationship as well tbh. "

It's not that I don't get it, it's that I was trying to clarify... For example...

- situation one

Couple in relationship agree to only swing together.

Relationship is in an 'off' patch, person a thinks "actually I liked swinging, I'm gonna do that"

Couple get back together

Person b is not happy person a went swinging.

- situation two

Couple in relationship agree to only swing together.

Relationship is rocky and on and off but no matter it is deemed both people are in said relationship at all times times.

person a thinks "actually I liked swinging, I'm gonna do that" tells Person b.

Person b is not happy person a went swinging.

Both situations *could* be taken from your original post. And both situations (to me) are very different.

I have been in situation a. Not quite with swinging but partner b ended the relationship, i went to a gig that I'd paid for we were meant to go to together, we ended up getting back together. Partner b was hurt I went to the gig without them...

How long after a relationship ends should someone honour agreements?

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By *ohnOvManchester OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester

"You had an agreement, she broke it. You are entitled to feel the way you do and it isn't your fault

Exactly we had an agreement. I’m glad someone understands. It’s a confusing situation now, killed that level of trust. Think it’s probably killed the relationship as well tbh.

It's not that I don't get it, it's that I was trying to clarify... For example...

- situation one

Couple in relationship agree to only swing together.

Relationship is in an 'off' patch, person a thinks "actually I liked swinging, I'm gonna do that"

Couple get back together

Person b is not happy person a went swinging.

- situation two

Couple in relationship agree to only swing together.

Relationship is rocky and on and off but no matter it is deemed both people are in said relationship at all times times.

person a thinks "actually I liked swinging, I'm gonna do that" tells Person b.

Person b is not happy person a went swinging.

Both situations *could* be taken from your original post. And both situations (to me) are very different.

How long after a relationship ends should someone honour agreements? "

Kind of more like we was in a constant state of situation a. It’s nothing new we’ve been like this for a while but also stayed very close, life’s not always straight forward is it. We’d just agreed to only go to clubs together. But like I said I introduced her to this, it takes a lot of trust doesn’t it where feelings are involved but that’s gone now. Regardless of how much to blame I am for the current situation, it still just hurts. I don’t know why I wanted to air it, therapy I suppose I don’t know. There are no answers are they it is what it is

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