FabSwingers.com forum: Married guys who are cheating

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I get the impression that married guys who are cheating on their partners are as popular as a bacon sarnie in a synagogue. Views?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know many jews who like a sly bacon buttie.

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By *araphiliaWoman
over a year ago

Londinium

"I know many jews who like a sly bacon buttie.

Most of the Jews I know (I am east London 1x 16th Jew) love bacon lol

but I won't play with "single" blokes (actually blokes at all) but I would keep away from attached men all together (apart from bi guys who don't want to meet women, but that's my kink)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't judge, sex is sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im married and wife knows bout this profile and she has her own, as well as us having a joint one,phew!!!! we started seperate so we could chat then progressed to meets, but we are honest with each other telling each other about who our meets are

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lol @ Montecristo. It would seem that there aren't many "Jews" on here that enjoy a sly bacon sarnie, not to mention the occasional pork sausage.??

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By *araphiliaWoman
over a year ago

Londinium

"Lol @ Montecristo. It would seem that there aren't many "Jews" on here that enjoy a sly bacon sarnie, not to mention the occasional pork sausage.??"

Spam daggar lol !!!!!!!!!!

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By *araphiliaWoman
over a year ago

Londinium

"im married and wife knows bout this profile and she has her own, as well as us having a joint one,phew!!!! we started seperate so we could chat then progressed to meets, but we are honest with each other telling each other about who our meets are

On facefuck... you can like. Here is my like !!! totally think your set up is what I would love to have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm married and have a few meets now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So RomfordGuy, The Only Way Is Essex lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a good Jewish girl who loves Bacon. But all jokes aside I've got to the point now where what other people do is their business.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been the cheated wife, the cheater and the other woman so I'm in no position to judge! However as my profile says I won't knowingly meet attached guy's, quite simply because of a past experience not because I'm judging anyone...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/11/12 01:45:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about those that are not married?!?! Still just as bad or slightly less of a ****?! similar to the above comment, I have been on both sides of the stick. As far as i'm concerned, if someone has to look for sex elsewhere, then there is obviously something missing in their lives but circumstances might just be holding them back from breaking that commitment.....or they are just idiots who think the grass is greener. Either way, each to their own

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

"I get the impression that married guys who are cheating on their partners are as popular as a bacon sarnie in a synagogue. Views?"

It could just be a symptom of the numbers.

If you consider there is only a relatively small number of single fems looking for 'a bloke' and a relatively small number of couples looking for 'a bloke' and there are 1000's and 1000's and 1000's of blokes looking to cheat on their wife then the math would say that blokes trying to cheat on their wife are not very popular.

Even if the cheating part was nothing to do with it, meaning all the so-called single blokes were actually single there still wouldn't be enough shags available to them.

Then of course if you consider that most swinging couples are happily married then the guy who is cheating on his wife isn't going to bode too well with the ethos of a married couple.

If ALL of the guys available as solo were in fact married and cheating then chances are more couples who seek a male would settle for married guys as a 'better than nothing'.

In the end, regardless of the morals/judgments people might have/make it comes down to supply and demand.

The problem for us with all of that is it suggests we as a couple are highly unattractive as we seek single bi-males and find they are as rare as hens teeth

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

I used to only meet married guys, so I knew they wouldnt wanna get close to me or anything, but it totally backfired and had a couple of guys become pushy and jealous.

Given up on guys all together at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On facefuck... you can like. Here is my like !!! totally think your set up is what I would love to have

I am in same situation I love bi night at Chams and I am more interested in guys , my wife isn't interested in clubs so I go alone , she is happy I am happy win win but , I have had the sorry don't see marred guys when trying to arrange meets !

I could just lie and have a single profile ! But that's not me

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I've met with married guys. My take on it is that they are on here already so I'm hardly leading them astray. Their moral conscience is their business.

That said I find they tend to let you down at the last minute as something can crop up which they can't get out of. So am often reluctant to arrange meets with them.

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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I'm a good Jewish girl who loves Bacon. But all jokes aside I've got to the point now where what other people do is their business.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. "

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. "

I love it when people try to use that argument because it is almost saying that all sins and lies are the same when they are not......

In the real world there is a bit of a difference between telling , lets say the person you profess to love more than any other, that you only had one chocolate biscuit when in fact you had two........ And having sex with someone else without their consent

One is kind of a biggie....

I have been cheated on and it crushed me, and I wouldn't wish the pain, hurt and anger I went thru on anyone else.... So I chose not to be part of other people's deception

All of this "live and let live" stuff.... Easier to do when they are some sort of an anonymous figure... But would you say that to them at the other end of a phone, or face to face? I doubt it....

People think they are bulletproof! Oh I won't get caught because..... But I am different because.......

Bet you will and bet your not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys get to much stick, there are a lot of women on here who are playing alone without the other half knowing. Im one of them and i dont get judged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On facefuck... you can like. Here is my like !!! totally think your set up is what I would love to have

"
thanks heres my like back to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference between gents who cheat and ladies who cheat is that, the ladies just get on with it, without moaning and groaning about life being unfair la di da in a public forum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The difference between gents who cheat and ladies who cheat is that, the ladies just get on with it, without moaning and groaning about life being unfair la di da in a public forum!

poor babies.

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

oh lets live the life in the end the day we all gona die so lets hv fun

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

oh the jews men circuncise dicks lol mmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I love it when people try to use that argument because it is almost saying that all sins and lies are the same when they are not......

One is kind of a biggie....

I have been cheated on and it crushed me, and I wouldn't wish the pain, hurt and anger I went thru on anyone else.... So I chose not to be part of other people's deception

All of this "live and let live" stuff.... Easier to do when they are some sort of an anonymous figure... But would you say that to them at the other end of a phone, or face to face? I doubt it....

People think they are bulletproof! Oh I won't get caught because..... But I am different because.......

Bet you will and bet your not

My ex had a 2 year affair which I found out about after we split up. It was the last 2 years of my dad's life & it was with someone I knew. I just don't want to spend my energy getting all morally uppety about somebody else's behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would rather not play with singles that are playing away,we dont want to be the cause of a breakup

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

interesting you say "someone elses behaviour"... because I bet a lot of people would say what I am about it...

The moment you find out they are playing away and you decide to play with them... you become "morally complicit" in that behaviour.... you are then part of that person's behaviour.....

so again.... easy to say that when the other person is anonymous... but what are you going to say in the face of the other person...

"oh its not my fault, even though I knew and played regardless... you best have a word with your other half!!".....

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Guys get to much stick, there are a lot of women on here who are playing alone without the other half knowing. Im one of them and i dont get judged "

I don't see a difference, a person playing away without consent is a person playing away without consent regardless of gender....... so they are treated no differently by me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was meeting a man that said he was divorced, stayed the night, loved to be scratched and bitten, text all day, was great fun, until his wife who he happily lives with found his profile on his phone along with my texts and number, she has now kicked him out, banned him from seeing the kids, is divorcing him and naming me in divorce. To say i was pissed off is an understatement!! So i try to steer clear from the married cheating men but it isn't always easy to tell!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Guys get to much stick, there are a lot of women on here who are playing alone without the other half knowing. Im one of them and i dont get judged "

I bet you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a personal persepective we also take the moral stance.

But there are other considerations that married men on here don't seem to grasp. Married men can't accomodate. Married men tend to clock watch because there wives expect them home. Married men tend to cancel because their wives suddenly change their plans. Married men aren't available at short notice.

Plus there is the potential drama factor. Playing with a married man could bring a lot of hassle and drama into our lives and my simple rule in life is that if it is going to potentially cause me grief then don't bother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We don't judge, sex is sex."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was meeting a man that said he was divorced, stayed the night, loved to be scratched and bitten, text all day, was great fun, until his wife who he happily lives with found his profile on his phone along with my texts and number, she has now kicked him out, banned him from seeing the kids, is divorcing him and naming me in divorce. To say i was pissed off is an understatement!! So i try to steer clear from the married cheating men but it isn't always easy to tell!!"

Yep....that's a good enough reason for us!

There's enough aggro in life without courting it for the sake of a bit of sex play.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys get to much stick, there are a lot of women on here who are playing alone without the other half knowing. Im one of them and i dont get judged "

Oh believe me you do.

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By *TR8HUNTERMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

i love married guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From a personal persepective we also take the moral stance.

I do all the above as I have part custody of my children and work my ass off during the week within my profession...but I can understand why people on here play it safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

interesting you say "someone elses behaviour"... because I bet a lot of people would say what I am about it...

The moment you find out they are playing away and you decide to play with them... you become "morally complicit" in that behaviour.... you are then part of that person's behaviour.....

so again.... easy to say that when the other person is anonymous... but what are you going to say in the face of the other person...

"oh its not my fault, even though I knew and played regardless... you best have a word with your other half!!"....."

If you read my profile you'll see I don't meet married/attached guys. What I'm saying is I'm not going to get myself in a tizz over what someone on here does. If I get a message from a married guy the reply is, "I'm sorry I don't play with married/attached men when their partner doesn't know"

What my point is is that really its nobody else's business what others use this site for.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

What my point is is that really its nobody else's business what others use this site for."

up to a point I would agree.... the Caveat to that though is the more married people bring it up and the more they ask for "_iews"... the more it does make it other peoples business....

so maybe the real answer is maybe they shouldn't bring it up so often and complain that things don't go there way.. which may be the true difference between married men and married women doing it as pearl said earlier.....

my "bullshit mountain" alarm just goes off at phrases like "all lies are the same" and "let he without sin yadda yadda yadda" because we all know it isn't true....

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

What my point is is that really its nobody else's business what others use this site for."

I agree and if they just got on with it, no fucker would know

it is when they whimper about lack of meets, or blame a 3rd party who is unaware his/her lack of sexual prowess/inclination is being discussed in public, that others get involved with opinion

not my business... pop it on a profile and let people make an informed choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know many jews who like a sly bacon buttie.

I know quite few muslims that enjoy bacon butties.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

When I first joined Fab a few years ago I was still living with my wife in the same house, but we had decided to seperate. That lasted a few months and I said I was married in my profile, with a short explanation - it drew a few comments and the occasional abuse but I was comfortable that I'd been as honest as I could. A lot of people judged me on it, I didn't care as my conscience was clear. We were over, so it was not an issue.

We've been seperated well over 3 years now, a girlfriend has also sadly come and gone in that time as well (I hid my profile whilst we were together, as I considered being on here, even as 'not meeting', a kind of cheating, but I was cyncal enough not to delete it).

Technically I'm still married as we've never divorced. I still occasionally call her 'the missus' by accident lol. She knows I'm on a website like Fab, in fact she's the only person who does.

I dislike cheating but it's not my place to comment on others lives, mine's complicated enough thanks.

I do find it ironic that the frequent married man bashing does tend to make the open ones decide to lie on Fab instead though.

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By *ethany10Couple
over a year ago

falkirk

We all judge where we like it or not. Human nature.

Steve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't judge, however, I have my reasons why I do not meet gents that are in significant relationships.

However, it narks me when peeps try to justify why they cheat by claiming they are the victims la di da.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

However, it narks me when peeps try to justify why they cheat by claiming they are the victims la di da.

thats one of those other things that set the alarms at "bullshit mountain" ringing loudly......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are two parts to this issue (speaking as a guy who plays without his wife's knowledge).

I see a lot of profiles where the lady or couple have said: we/I do not meet married men (or words to that affect). When I see that I think 'fair enough' and don't contact them. If I contact someone who replies 'sorry we/I don't meet married men' I think 'fair enough'. Everybody has preferences. Some people won't meet smokers, some people won't meet single guys, and so on.

Then there is the other side. Occasionally I get people who 'tell me off' for cheating on my wife. This doesn't bother me as I have a thick skin and take little (if any) notice of other people's approval or disapproval but I do find it amusing that people on a swingers site feel the need to take the moral high ground. While I personally don't have any problem with couples deciding to have sex with more than just their spouses but there are plenty of people in society who would disapprove of all swinging activity.

I was especially entertained a couple of years ago when I was on a site called 'Married but Looking' when one lady who sent me a long diatribe detailing exactly why she disapproved of me was one of a fairly large number of women who were single and only looking for single men... On a site specifically for married people and the people who want to have sex with them.

At the end of the day I don't feel the need to 'judge' any one else and don't particularly see any need for other people to 'judge' me but if they decide to then I couldn't really care less.

I notice one poster said that they don't meet married guys because a married guy is likely to be clock watching, more likely to cancel at last minute etc. I can see how in theory that might be true but I know from personal experience that single women can be just like that too, plus I often see on couples' profiles saying stuff like 'can only meet Saturday nights' or 'only doing last minute meets at moment' also seen plenty of couples complaining about being let down by other couples.

Generalisation in any area of life is rarely accurate. Each person should ideally be judged on their own merit... But having said that I can see the logic behind some people choosing not to meet married guys.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I do find it amusing that people on a swingers site feel the need to take the moral high ground. While I personally don't have any problem with couples deciding to have sex with more than just their spouses but there are plenty of people in society who would disapprove of all swinging activity.

I'm not keen on anyone taking the moral high ground but for me swinging isn't immoral. Lying is immoral it hurts people, having sex with someone else in the full knowledge of your partner isn't.

There are plenty of people in society who would dissaprove of all swinging activity I agree but I don't see how this makes the case for married men playing without their wives knowledge any stronger.

It's human nature to judge, it's instinctive and what keeps us safe we needed to make snap judgements about the axe wielding raider and it's developed to include making judgements to reinforce our own superiority I try not to do it but in reality we all do to a greater or lesser extent

We have a no married men rule but both agree that other people must live their lives as they see fit and it's none of our business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a married man before my time on fab, didn't know he was married for a while, stopped it after I found out. Most amazing person ever, she is a lucky woman if he is like that with her too lol.

I wouldn't meet a married man again but that's just me. It takes all types

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not keen on anyone taking the moral high ground but for me swinging isn't immoral. Lying is immoral it hurts people, having sex with someone else in the full knowledge of your partner isn't.

There are plenty of people in society who would dissaprove of all swinging activity I agree but I don't see how this makes the case for married men playing without their wives knowledge any stronger.

We have a no married men rule but both agree that other people must live their lives as they see fit and it's none of our business."

I wasn't suggesting that because some people disapprove of swinging it makes a married guy cheating 'ok'. I don't seek to convince anyone that anything is 'ok' or not 'ok'. I have decided that what I do is 'ok' with me and my opinion is the only one I consider relevant.

From your post it sounds like you don't particularly approve of married men cheating but believe that what other people do is their business which isn't the sort of attitude I was on about. It's people who PREACH the immorality of cheating while practicing an activity that is widely _iewed as immoral. Immorality is a very subjective concept. Many religions (at least claim to) believe you shouldn't have premarital sex or sex with anyone other than your husband or wife. By their standards a man cheating is no worse than two couples 'swapping'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It clearly states on my profile that i'm married, so those wishing to play know exactly that. I'm on here to have fun, not to judge or be judged, but sadly there will always be others that take the moral high ground!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have never had a problem meeting married guys. It's our choice and know its not to everyones liking.

We take the attitude that it's their choice to cheat and only they know the reason they are cheating.

We have chatted to "single" guys who after chatting for awhile obviously aren't single. I'd rather a guy was honest about his status rather than lie about it. That's just how we feel and know plenty who don't see things our way snd that's fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My take is that I am a risk as a swinger and I am not prepared to put an innocent party at risk. I want to only feel responsible for myself. If that makes sense?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I'm not keen on anyone taking the moral high ground but for me swinging isn't immoral. Lying is immoral it hurts people, having sex with someone else in the full knowledge of your partner isn't.

There are plenty of people in society who would dissaprove of all swinging activity I agree but I don't see how this makes the case for married men playing without their wives knowledge any stronger.

We have a no married men rule but both agree that other people must live their lives as they see fit and it's none of our business.

see.... that i see that as deflecting the point...

its kind of like a case of "I'm know what I am doing is wrong, but since people believe swinging is wrong, its all fine and okay, those swingers are disgusting.... no case to answer m'lud!!!"

but one of the fundermental things with swinging is that it is consenual... in the case that everyone is doing it with full knowledge...

you make call it preaching to justify your position to yourself, and thats fine, as long as I get to call it whatever I like using the ethical and moral rules I live by.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see.... that i see that as deflecting the point...

its kind of like a case of "I'm know what I am doing is wrong, but since people believe swinging is wrong, its all fine and okay, those swingers are disgusting.... no case to answer m'lud!!!"

but one of the fundermental things with swinging is that it is consenual... in the case that everyone is doing it with full knowledge...

you make call it preaching to justify your position to yourself, and thats fine, as long as I get to call it whatever I like using the ethical and moral rules I live by....."

I haven't said 'I know what I do is wrong' I feel no guilt because I have evaluated my situation, decided I am comfortable with having sec without my wife's knowledge. Yet I don't expect other people to think my actions are 'ok' in their eyes. You and anybody else can think whatever about me and I am indifferent to that. If you choose to share your opinions of me with me then I will find it funny if you are yourself indulging in behaviour that many consider immoral. I'll not bother telling you that I find it funny as I wouldn't expect you to care about my opinion of you any more than I care about your opinion of me.

You say that one of the fundamentals of swinging is that it fully consensual with full disclosure etc. it stated in my profile that I am married and I always mention it in conversations too so there can be no doubt that any person swinging with me will know that I'm married therefore on my part there is full disclosure. My wife is not part of the situation therefore telling her isn't part of the required full disclosure. Do you feel the need to tell your parents, employer, friends that you swing?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not keen on anyone taking the moral high ground but for me swinging isn't immoral. Lying is immoral it hurts people, having sex with someone else in the full knowledge of your partner isn't.

There are plenty of people in society who would dissaprove of all swinging activity I agree but I don't see how this makes the case for married men playing without their wives knowledge any stronger.

We have a no married men rule but both agree that other people must live their lives as they see fit and it's none of our business.

I firmly believe that ones morality is a matter between themselves whatever higher power they believe in or their own conscience. Life isn't a series of straightforward choices between black and white options it's a minefield of obstacles and difficult alternatives, I don't care where others morality lies or what they think of mine as long as I can look myself in the eye in the mirror and say thatI remained true to MY morality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From a personal persepective we also take the moral stance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my theory is...same as last time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that is the case for a lot of supposed single guys they come onto a site like this looking to have sex with others with no strings attached, but there are strings attached even if its only in the background such as your wife.

Take this scenario you arrange to meet a "single fem" have a bit of fun and go your own ways not a problem .. that is until her husband finds your number and txts/pics ref the meet etc tracks you down to your house and knocks on the door your wife opens it he tells and shows the her evidence he is raging mad at his wife and you she is packing your bags and going to make your balls into earrings before both couples split up costly divorces homes wrecked children if any not knowing why mum and dad have split and the rest of the family knowing all the details of what went on.

I'm married but with my husbands full knowledge partly for my own safety and partly for the fun side of it and wouldnt knowingly meet a married guy did it once and ended up with a very pissed off wife on the phone which wasnt very nice.

So i'll keep to my no married guys rule and i'll know im not getting named in the middle of a divorce procedure thankyou

Why would you want to tell your parents employer friends you swing by the way ? I dont want to meet any of that group of people for fun but should they in any way find out what i do in my time then i wouldnt tell a lie and would hope they respect me the exact same way as they did before they found out.

Swinging for me is about having fun and not waiting for a knock at the door with some woman stood there with 2 suitcases saying if i enjoyed her husband that much then im welcome to him xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we often wonder what the true % of men on here is..ie married or in long term relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our point of _iew is that if a guy's saying he's married, at least he's being honest. We tend to say thanks, but no thanks to married guys - none of our business what their relationship may or may not be, but we'd rather not be part of any 'cheating'. Just a personal thing to us and not judging.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If it is just what 'others' may think is immoral... why would you find it funny?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The original post was simply to get a clearer understanding of other people's _iews, and not as a complaint. Personally, I understand all of the reasons that people would not want to meet attached men or women. As I don't live or die by what happens on fab, I'm fairly relaxed about whether I get a meet or not. I know that there are 1000s of single males on here, but are they really any more reliable than attached? Judging by the number of comments concerning timewasters, I very much doubt it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The original post was simply to get a clearer understanding of other people's _iews, and not as a complaint. Personally, I understand all of the reasons that people would not want to meet attached men or women. As I don't live or die by what happens on fab, I'm fairly relaxed about whether I get a meet or not. I know that there are 1000s of single males on here, but are they really any more reliable than attached? Judging by the number of comments concerning timewasters, I very much doubt it.

a point is, that uve missed..is that attached are not as commonly reliable.They cant often spend the nite, attend social type things and have obvious problems when they can meet.

Oh and lastly...many arent single anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/11/12 16:40:21]

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

I had an interesting chat with a guy at a party: he came up to me and asked "So, when are you going to market out your partner TattooedHB?"

Yes, my instinctive, devil-on-the-shoulder reaction was to throw a drink over all 6 ft 2 inches of him. Or worse.

He then proceeded to "defend" his argument by boasting how he would "Not bring his wife to a place like this".

And he had the gaul to request to play with TattooedHB, while suggesting no one plays with his partner? (Who he was cheating on as she is a non-swinger!)

Lets just say it took the party host and myself to calm TattooedHB down. Some people don't help themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it is just what 'others' may think is immoral... why would you find it funny?"

If someone chooses to tell me their opinion of me if is usually in a way that suggests what I am doing is 'wrong in their eyes and the implication (often specifically stated) is that I should be ashamed of myself. Yet their basis for this seems to be that because cheating is generally perceived to be 'wrong' then I shouldn't be doing it. So they are invoking wider social attitudes to try and make me feel that I am in the wrong. Yet they themselves are engaged in an activity that the wider social attitudes would also consider 'wrong' so it strikes me as ironic and therefore amusing.

If the people in question formed an opinion of me and what I am doing and kept it to themselves then it wouldn't strike me as funny, or upset me or provoke any reaction in me. Partly because obviously I wouldn't know of this but supposing I did somehow find out that someone had formed an unfavourable opinion of my cheating on my wife but had not said anything to me about it then I would think 'fair enough' with out the amusement I would feel if they had 'told me off'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it is just what 'others' may think is immoral... why would you find it funny?

sorry I'm not trying to belittle in any way...in fact Ive met ppl who play without consent..Ive no problems with it.I wouldnt do it to my partner EVER...

but essentially the only person that matters opinion wise, is the person being cheated on..try justifying why u do it to her/him...I can see the phrase "EPIC FAIL!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I love it when people try to use that argument because it is almost saying that all sins and lies are the same when they are not......

One is kind of a biggie....

I have been cheated on and it crushed me, and I wouldn't wish the pain, hurt and anger I went thru on anyone else.... So I chose not to be part of other people's deception

All of this "live and let live" stuff.... Easier to do when they are some sort of an anonymous figure... But would you say that to them at the other end of a phone, or face to face? I doubt it....

People think they are bulletproof! Oh I won't get caught because..... But I am different because.......

Bet you will and bet your not

cheating and shagging aroundis 1 thing but leave my biccies alone ok

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If it is just what 'others' may think is immoral... why would you find it funny?

I disagree.

They are not invoking wider social attitudes ... they are expressing their own. They have proved they can make decisions for themselves without conforming to wider social attitudes... by being here.

If there was a perfectly acceptable and justifiable reason to lie, deceive, cast aside something considered precious by a loved one….. then surely it would be a good enough reason for the partner to accept. When someone’s reason to look for a shag on the side is good enough for their partner to accept and give consent to…. it will be good enough for me.

It may be a generalisation, but I still believe people cheat because of being selfish and a combination of two things:

They think they are different and won’t get caught.

It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

What I find amusing is when a cheat… any cheat, man or woman… uses phrases such as “at least I am being honest about it”… now that IS funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But to me you are technically not cheating as she knows, it is those where the wife/significant other doesn't know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry I'm not trying to belittle in any way...in fact Ive met ppl who play without consent..Ive no problems with it.I wouldnt do it to my partner EVER...

but essentially the only person that matters opinion wise, is the person being cheated on..try justifying why u do it to her/him...I can see the phrase "EPIC FAIL!""

If my wife were to find out I would have no problem standing by my 'reasons' for cheating. I think it is highly likely (but by no means certain) that she wouldn't agree with their validity and would insist upon a divorce however that would not be the end of the world for me. And it would not alter my own belief in their validity. To some extent it might be best if I were to tell my wife what I have got up to over the last couple of years however there are two reasons I am not ready to split up with her yet.

1) due to her habit of going on spending sprees when she is depressed to cheer herself up I am heavily in debt and could not currently afford to live on my own paying all the bills, paying my debts and paying child maintenance on two children.

2) if I split up with my wife I would only get to see my daughter once a week whereas at the moment I see her almost every day for between one and fourteen hours.

With time I hope to reduce my debts. When my daughter is old enough to go to school it might be possible for me to have her living with me at least 50% of the time as I could work while she was at school. But at the moment I feel unable to leave my wife despite virtually no sex life and her having a girlfriend and our often not getting on for weeks on end.

So I would much rather she didn't know what I get up to but of she did I would stand by my opinion of myself and consider her's as irrelevant as anyone else's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry I'm not trying to belittle in any way...in fact Ive met ppl who play without consent..Ive no problems with it.I wouldnt do it to my partner EVER...

but essentially the only person that matters opinion wise, is the person being cheated on..try justifying why u do it to her/him...I can see the phrase "EPIC FAIL!"

2) if I split up with my wife I would only get to see my daughter once a week whereas at the moment I see her almost every day for between one and fourteen hours.

So I would much rather she didn't know what I get up to but of she did I would stand by my opinion of myself and consider her's as irrelevant as anyone else's "

ok well...the only interesting thing about that was....

she has a GF? jump in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok well...the only interesting thing about that was....

she has a GF? jump in!

I don't know many lesbian couples that welcome a guy inviting himself into their relationship... But then I don't know personally many lesbian couples lol. But I do know my wife and her girlfriend would not welcome my intruding into their fun.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

sorry I'm not trying to belittle in any way...in fact Ive met ppl who play without consent..Ive no problems with it.I wouldnt do it to my partner EVER...

but essentially the only person that matters opinion wise, is the person being cheated on..try justifying why u do it to her/him...I can see the phrase "EPIC FAIL!"

2) if I split up with my wife I would only get to see my daughter once a week whereas at the moment I see her almost every day for between one and fourteen hours.

So I would much rather she didn't know what I get up to but of she did I would stand by my opinion of myself and consider her's as irrelevant as anyone else's "

see its back to "justification" again, and thats the bit that gets on a lot of peoples wick.... and if that how you justify it to yourself then good for you, just don't expect everyone to go "there there there and sugarcoat" for you.....

actually the last paragraph is the truest that you said... it says "me... me... me... and screw everyone else!, I'd do it on my terms when I can have my cake and eat it".......

for every choice there is a reaction, see... if a fling happened on a saturday night I could almost understand, be it the flirting, or the alcohol...

thing is though, a swinging website is a lot more cold and calculating than that........

lets just hope the person you profess to love more than any other isn't shattered by the choice you decided not to give them......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe just maybe her girlfriend gives your wife something you may not be able to give her ? Shopping trips spending your cash sex etc ?

And if you already know she is with another woman wouldnt be a lot easier to come out and tell her she may even start swinging with you as a couple ! Just think about it for a moment you have company at the house one night while the wife is out comes home to find you going hell for leather at some sexy woman and joins in win win all round xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This brings the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone to mind. Ultimately I don't believe that swinging has anything to do with love, but more lust. I would also go as far as to suggest that anyone, married or otherwise who enters into a sexual relationship, however shortlived, is doing it for selfish reasons., as it raises so many other questions if one party is doing it out of "love" for their partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dearly love my wife but believe life is for living. Always upfront though when I'm going to meet someone - appreciate my outlook not universally shared but I've rarely been rejected on this basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dearly love my wife but believe life is for living. Always upfront though when I'm going to meet someone - appreciate my outlook not universally shared but I've rarely been rejected on this basis."

and she'd say life is for loving lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"dearly love my wife but believe life is for living. Always upfront though when I'm going to meet someone - appreciate my outlook not universally shared but I've rarely been rejected on this basis."

Always up front with her, your meet.and yourself?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

women cheat just as much a lot of men lose there sex drive the other hafe wants there fun,i got a high sex drive wife is in a lot of pain when having sex she just dont want to none yeah she could give me a wank or blow job but no.

i asked her about me meetting up with anthor woman she just went up the wall, my friend has a high sex drive to her husband don't want to know about sex so she's in the same boat.

she lives to far apart for us to meet up

yeah we have phone sex but weer both up front on dating sitesabout been married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It clearly states on my profile that i'm married, so those wishing to play know exactly that. I'm on here to have fun, not to judge or be judged, but sadly there will always be others that take the moral high ground!!!! "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So assuming that people who choose not to get involved with married men and women are taking the moral high ground isn't judging? Everyone on here has choices exercising them is their right assuming that you know their motives is lazy thinking and judgemental. We don't play with married guys who meet alone for many reasons but one of them is certainly not that we believe ourselves to morally superior.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't speak for the poster you are responding to, but personally I believe simply choosing not to play with married men isn't taking the morale high ground. Like you say everybody makes choices about who they will/will not play with. Some people won't meet smokers, but that doesn't mean they are judging people who smoke.

If however they sent a message to people who state on their profile that they smoke stating their belief that it is wrong to smoke and that the smoker(s) should be ashamed of themselves then that would be taking the morale high ground.

That is how I see the distinction. And on this site and others I have had people (whom I haven't contacted in any way) sending me messages scolding me for cheating. Which always makes me wonder why they think I will value their unsolicited opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had an interesting chat with a guy at a party: he came up to me and asked "So, when are you going to market out your partner TattooedHB?"

Yes, my instinctive, devil-on-the-shoulder reaction was to throw a drink over all 6 ft 2 inches of him. Or worse.

He then proceeded to "defend" his argument by boasting how he would "Not bring his wife to a place like this".

And he had the gaul to request to play with TattooedHB, while suggesting no one plays with his partner? (Who he was cheating on as she is a non-swinger!)

Lets just say it took the party host and myself to calm TattooedHB down. Some people don't help themselves."
spoil sport u should have just let her go for it imho xxxxx

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Most of the married guys cheating on here are actually really single bi fems in hiding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is a way to be happy. Sex should be a means of happiness. The worst thing about sex is that we use it to hurt each other. It ought never to hurt; it should bring happiness, or at least pleasure.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

your wife may not be part of "the situation" to you..... but to a lot of people she will be.... and thats the bit you seem not to get... well, i say not get, more just holding your hands over your ears and going "la la la... i'm not listening"!

it isn't a case of being "truely honest"..... its a case of being "honest enough" to get your leg over.....

telling strangers the "truth" for sex, but not telling the "truth" to the one person you profess to love more than any other.....

if that is the sort of "truth" and "honesty" going round then i'd rather give it a miss......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fabio,

You say I'm not listening yet almost every time I've responded to something you have said in this thread you have ignored my response and then jumped in again when I have responded to someone else. So if anyone 'isn't listening' it's you.

I have said all along that I feel no need to justify myself to anyone yet at one point you say that the main thing that bothers people is the way married men seek to justify themselves. (You also say the main thing that people don't like is the way married men complain about people not wanting to meet them- something else I haven't at any point done). I am happy to have a conversation about the subject but I don't seek to convince anyone that they should think cheating is ok if they don't.

You say that I can think of it any way I want as long as you can think of it any you want which is exactly what I have said all along. Yet you seem to feel the need to keep telling me your opinion while implying that I want to justify myself to you. It may come as a disappointment to you but I really don't care whether you agree with me or not.

My opinion is that if I tell a couple or single from the beginning that I am married and that my wife doesn't know then I am giving them full information and enabling them to make their mind up if they wish to do anything with me. If we then do something as consensual adults then that is fine. I believe that every individual human has to make their own choices in all areas of life. To believe that if someone has sex with someone who is in in a relationship means that they are partly to blame for that person cheating is incorrect IN MY OPINION. You obviously have a different opinion. Based upon your own experience you want to attach some blame to the other person as well as your ex partner. Maybe this is because you feel it lessens the blow to you who if you can believe your partner was 'seduced' by someone one else. Whatever the reason you have one opinion and I have another. All along I have not seeked to change yours merely to explain mine. Yet you keep telling me that my opinion is wrong. You even tell me how swinging works as if you are some expert who knows the official way in which one should swing. Again I hate to disappoint you but you are just one person with an opinion the same as everybody else. No more important no less.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If I ask a married man to my house for sex and I know he is married and cheating....... then yes, I must be partly responsible for him cheating on that occassion, because we jointly instigated it. At the very least it is 'aiding and abetting'. I may not be cheating but I have been the enabler.

Who can I possibly deny all and any blame?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

*How

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sex is a way to be happy. Sex should be a means of happiness. The worst thing about sex is that we use it to hurt each other. It ought never to hurt; it should bring happiness, or at least pleasure."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We personally prefer married men as they are a bit more house trained and tend to be more hygienic, of course meet single men as well, surprising how many single guys we have met have a lighter ring of skin on their wedding ring finger

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By *acandJulesCouple
over a year ago

Stockton on Tees

"We personally prefer married men as they are a bit more house trained and tend to be more hygienic, of course meet single men as well, surprising how many single guys we have met have a lighter ring of skin on their wedding ring finger"

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By *acandJulesCouple
over a year ago

Stockton on Tees

We have no problem playing with married men, but only if they practice safe sex. Do married men and Bi ones at that practice safe sex all the time? you would hope they did for the sake of their wife or is that something else her indoors does not need to know about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that cannot accommodate with nothing saying that they are single males, means that they are married, indeed when I challenged one guy I was arranging to meet, he changed his profile and then stopped chatting, another, aside from coming across as an idiot, his answer to my 'I think you are married' was to ask if I was, gave up after that

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By *uncpl2015Couple
over a year ago

Bridgend Area

"I've met with married guys. My take on it is that they are on here already so I'm hardly leading them astray. Their moral conscience is their business.

That said I find they tend to let you down at the last minute as something can crop up which they can't get out of. So am often reluctant to arrange meets with them."

have to agree... we dont meet married or attached as we dont want to be caught up in the crap that can come from it.. and do not agree with ehat is being done to wife behind her back...

However sometimes i really wish i could forget that part and meet marrieds.. most have the attitude to meets that we prefer.. just out for fun non clingy etc.. but stilldont agree with anyone getting hurt which wife generally would be if she found out.

Dont get me wrong some have a stinking attitude too tho.

We also know that just because us or a few of us refuse to meet them will never send them back to their wife and stop them cheating..

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

while in a non-swinging vanilla relationship with my (then) wife and while she was in the room with me I phoned up her best mate and started chatting her up. I knew the woman fancied me she had made that clear in the past but I'd never done anything about it. Anyway, the chat went on and we were soon talking dirty and trying to work out when and where we might meet for sex.

As you might imagine my wife was soon spitting nails and throwing herself around the place and eventually I made my excuses and ended the phone call.

My wife was just totally lost for words, she didn't know if to scream, cry etc. as I very calmly said...

"What ever is the matter with you? All I was doing was arranging to have sex with your mate! After all... you seemed to think it was ok to fuck my mate... till you got caught out that is"

No doubt a lot of the guys cheating on their wives might 'say' they 'wish' their partner was more promiscuous and sexually open minded but I wonder how they might really feel if they were to find the wife playing the same game?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"while in a non-swinging vanilla relationship with my (then) wife and while she was in the room with me I phoned up her best mate and started chatting her up. I knew the woman fancied me she had made that clear in the past but I'd never done anything about it. Anyway, the chat went on and we were soon talking dirty and trying to work out when and where we might meet for sex.

As you might imagine my wife was soon spitting nails and throwing herself around the place and eventually I made my excuses and ended the phone call.

My wife was just totally lost for words, she didn't know if to scream, cry etc. as I very calmly said...

"What ever is the matter with you? All I was doing was arranging to have sex with your mate! After all... you seemed to think it was ok to fuck my mate... till you got caught out that is"

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By *njustifiablybannedCouple
over a year ago

Here

As you might imagine my wife was soon spitting nails and throwing herself around the place and eventually I made my excuses and ended the phone call.

My wife was just totally lost for words, she didn't know if to scream, cry etc. as I very calmly said...

"What ever is the matter with you? All I was doing was arranging to have sex with your mate! After all... you seemed to think it was ok to fuck my mate... till you got caught out that is"

Whats good for the Goose....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What ever is the matter with you? All I was doing was arranging to have sex with your mate! After all... you seemed to think it was ok to fuck my mate... till you got caught out that is"

Love that post - wish I could do the same - we're not married but have just found out my OH cheated (again) - this time with a MF..... I can't compete against that can I?

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By *andman119Man
over a year ago

southport

I've been happily married for 35 yrs, but the only thing missing for the last 33 of them is sex.

So for me, my seeking sex elsewhere, without emotional attachment keeps my marriage together, but I wouldn't want my wife to find out out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been happily married for 35 yrs, but the only thing missing for the last 33 of them is sex.

So for me, my seeking sex elsewhere, without emotional attachment keeps my marriage together, but I wouldn't want my wife to find out out.

For her sake I hope she never does - finding out quite literally breaks the wronged person - I thought we had everything going for us - great sex life, swinging together, being open & honest about our feelings - bah! It all counts for nothing....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been happily married for 35 yrs, but the only thing missing for the last 33 of them is sex.

So for me, my seeking sex elsewhere, without emotional attachment keeps my marriage together, but I wouldn't want my wife to find out out.

I don't understand why anyone who has a partner who swings with them would want to cheat? Surely the fact that the relationship is open enough to start with would mean that they wouldn't need to? Or am I missing something?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think some guys are incapable of saying no if the opportunity presents - what kills is the thought of it all being behind my back - he was working away staying in hotel - said he was bored etc - another time when his self esteem was low & another time.... You get the picture.... I have no idea how we can fix things, or if its even worth it. Not a great place to be right now - sorry - am letting off steam here - telling friends/family would kill any hope of reconciliation.

Please also don't take this as a rant at marrieds - they make their own choices - just maybe they might think of the potential devastation a quick shag can cause.....

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

"I've been happily married for 35 yrs, but the only thing missing for the last 33 of them is sex.

So for me, my seeking sex elsewhere, without emotional attachment keeps my marriage together, but I wouldn't want my wife to find out out.

You'd think so!

I joined a couple one evening and after 20 mins of chat they made a comment to each other and the next thing I know is that he's announcing that he's off to work and I should stay and have fun with his wife.

So a little surprised I agreed (gift horse) and we had a fab time, this resulted in more invites..

Well the next thing I know is that I start to receive invites just from her, didn't seem anything wrong until I bumped into them in Chams one night where she asked me not to mention the most recent meets?

Yes she was playing behind his back and was looking for a way out! Well it wasn't going to be me..

From that point I had nothing further to do with either of them and yes it was awkward but not my problem...such a shame as we all 3 got on very well..

Seems married ladies cheat too!

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

[Removed by poster at 09/11/12 10:03:22]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of wives on here cheating on their husbands. I know and have met 3 myself, but like a lot of posters in this thread have been saying its sex were on here for so why not take what we can get.

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

So all those single ladies and couples who can't accom are also hiding something?

We all have reasons why we won't or can't for lots of situations not just accom and its very sad that such cynicism exists but it does!

I accept reasons to be cautious and as I pointed out in another reply both sexes are clearly willing to cheat if opportunity presents its self.

All you can do is look after yourself and ask the right questions if you're concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite happy to meet married men, but what I have no interest in is 'explanations'. As far as I'm concerned, married men want sex outside their marriage because some desire/want isn't being fulfulled within it. That's fine and I understand that, further justficatons are not necessary. Just take responsibility for what you're doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So all those single ladies and couples who can't accom are also hiding something?

We all have reasons why we won't or can't for lots of situations not just accom and its very sad that such cynicism exists but it does!

I'm single and can't accommodate, I wonder how many people think I'm married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh lets live the life in the end the day we all gona die so lets hv fun

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By *ondering_yorkshiremanMan
over a year ago

Somewhere near NE Derbyshire/S Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire border

Swinging = honesty simple as,

If ur married say so and we can all make our own decisions.

My profile says single but I explain Im in an open marriage, I play my OH plays. Shes not on here but on another site. We plan our meets so the other is able to deal with family commitments, and neither of us accommodate at home, sometimes there are things we need to deal with but thats life.

If you dont like playing with someone who is the arrangement I am thats fair enough, and I respect that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swinging = honesty simple as,

If ur married say so and we can all make our own decisions.

If you dont like playing with someone who is the arrangement I am thats fair enough, and I respect that.

Spot on.

We're dubious about single guys from a previous experience..But married guys?..Bring em on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why be married if you are going to cheat

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

"why be married if you are going to cheat

Why be married if you're going to swing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who r we judge . Live and let live I say life's too short

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder whether the people who say there is nothing wrong with people who cheat and to live and let live have ever been cheated on? Its truly awful!

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

I don't want to cheat but after suffering in a sexless relationship for over 10 years I need some fun ! What do I do ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't want to cheat but after suffering in a sexless relationship for over 10 years I need some fun ! What do I do ? "

Talk to your other half and if that doesn't work, leave!

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"I don't want to cheat but after suffering in a sexless relationship for over 10 years I need some fun ! What do I do ?

Talk to your other half and if that doesn't work, leave!"

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

I know, easy to say.

I still love her, she's my best friend. Wouldn't want to hurt her. If I had to go without sex to keep her I will. If I can have some fun without her getting hurt then I will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never thought of it in that way . I wld never cheat or want to be cheated on as I'm sure it is terrible. X

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

I'm sure it is, but I can't go on much more without. Been 10 long years, think I've been good ! Had plenty of chances, as a international lorry driver I get around !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure it is, but I can't go on much more without. Been 10 long years, think I've been good ! Had plenty of chances, as a international lorry driver I get around !! "

Find out the reasons why she doesn't want sex. 10 years without wanting or having any sex at all? There has to be a serious problem I think.

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

She dont like sex, was taught it was a dirty thing. It's all a bit deep and dark.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am all into having fun and we all have needs but if it's hurting someone in doing so I wld honestly say I wld have to go with out . After all Wots more important .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know, easy to say.

I still love her, she's my best friend. Wouldn't want to hurt her. If I had to go without sex to keep her I will. If I can have some fun without her getting hurt then I will.

You have contradicted yourself in your post too. If you had to go without sex to keep her, you would but if you could have it without hurting her you would?

Cake eat your have and it - rearrange that phrase!

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

lol, I know what I meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She dont like sex, was taught it was a dirty thing. It's all a bit deep and dark. "

Well there seems to be serious past issues there. Surely this must have been a problem at the beginning of your relationship? Maybe she needs help and counselling, not a husband who is advertising himself on a swinging site?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the social side of swinging, meeting for drinks, food etc, don't want to be wife dodging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think people should judge...you don't know peoples circumstances.

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Don't try and judge me please.

We've been through it all, she just don't like sex. Makes her feel bad and dirty. 18 years I've been with her and for the last 10 years there's been no sex.

I feel I've given it enough time.

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

"I don't think people should judge...you don't know peoples circumstances."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't try and judge me please.

We've been through it all, she just don't like sex. Makes her feel bad and dirty. 18 years I've been with her and for the last 10 years there's been no sex.

I feel I've given it enough time. "

I'm not judging but turn the tables here - if your wife did this behind your back would you describe HER as a 'good person, clean and respectful'???

Mrs GT

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

does it matter if your having fun?

having said that if im in a relationship i never meet and stop using sites like this unless its something we do together.

trust breaks very easily.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are plenty of wives on here cheating on their husbands. I know and have met 3 myself, but like a lot of posters in this thread have been saying its sex were on here for so why not take what we can get."

So are you saying we should shag everyone that sends a message regardless then of mutual attraction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So all those single ladies and couples who can't accom are also hiding something?

We all have reasons why we won't or can't for lots of situations not just accom and its very sad that such cynicism exists but it does!

I accept reasons to be cautious and as I pointed out in another reply both sexes are clearly willing to cheat if opportunity presents its self.

All you can do is look after yourself and ask the right questions if you're concerned."

No I am not, I was commenting on a post and they said 'single guys' which is where I was coming from. I am quite aware that single females and couples cannot or don't accommodate and I am quite happy to accept that.

I've been here 3 years so I cannot help being cynical and I ask, if someone gets cagey like the one guy did, I would rather err on the side of caution.

When I first registered here, I was met a guy who it turns out not only did he have a wife who he lived with but he also had a girlfriend and had met other women and males through this site. I only found out because his girlfriend sent me a message and told me so now whether its wrong to or not, cannot accommodate and no mention of being single, make me as I have said above err on the side of caution.

So yes I ask the question and will continue to do so as I have no desire to end up with a wife hurling abuse down me on the phone or a divorce court

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So all those single ladies and couples who can't accom are also hiding something?

We all have reasons why we won't or can't for lots of situations not just accom and its very sad that such cynicism exists but it does!

I'm single and can't accommodate, I wonder how many people think I'm married.

No I am not, I was commenting on a post and they said 'single guys' which was where I was coming from. I am quite aware that single females and couples cannot or don't accommodate and I am quite happy to accept their reasons but given that I met someone who it turned out was still living with his wife, had a long term girlfriend and met people from this site, including someone I recommended they meet, I prefer to err on the side of caution, so yes I will stick to being cynical, been here too long to think otherwise

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By *uriousBristolCplCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

The Grass IS Greener on the other side. It just rains more

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

I would describe her the same yes, I've waited 10 years before I do anything about it, never strayed. I can say I'm respectful as I do respect her, we all have needs. If it were her I'd hope she found fun but its not its me and although she don't want sex I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever thought about talking openly and honestly about it? I would maybe suggest some form of counselling intervention/couples interventions to try tackling the issue. If you married why not be honest about it especially if you love that person. Be a lot less messy than her finding out and making her plight even worse on top of the baggage she is already carrying.

Whether you like it or not you are in essence cheating but justifying your actions by labelling it swinging and fun. Not fun for the other half if they ever find out and I doubt any flimsy excuse or transference of blame on to the other half would really cut it.

We wouldn't play with someone in a relationship where the other person doesn't know but that's just us and where our morals lay. I guess some are blessed in that they can communicate openly and honestly about all things sexual.

Just quickly why do people jump up and down and moan about being judged? Does make me giggle when people come on a forum, leave a question or opinion then scream their being judged when the replies don't fit their on mind set. It's a forum ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever thought about talking openly and honestly about it? I would maybe suggest some form of counselling intervention/couples interventions to try tackling the issue. If you married why not be honest about it especially if you love that person. Be a lot less messy than her finding out and making her plight even worse on top of the baggage she is already carrying.

I never understand that either; we are not judging just answering the question or commenting on a post, why people cheat is their business not ours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Ok, I feel crap enough that I'm thinking of cheating on her.

We've talked, been to see specialists, done counciling had medical checks the whole lot. The fact is my better halfs sex drive, drove off.

Having sex, making love, with her ain't going to happen. If I tell her I'm going out to get it and she hates me for it then I've lost her. If I get some without telling her I'm cheating, and I feel crap.

I could tell her and she's cool with it. But that is a massive risk, I don't want to break her heart, I still love her.

I've sacrificed not having kids because of this problem, how much longer do have to go on being faithful ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never knowingly meet married or attached men its just my personal preference. Have been cheated on and been the other woman but this doesnt mean i judge anyone. We live with the consequences of our actions some deal with it others dont. What i dont like is the guys who lie.....as someone who has the intelligence and foresight to question any potential meets i find they usually trip themselves up. Why lie there are people who will meet married guys read the profile thats what its for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"why be married if you are going to cheat

Why be married if you're going to swing?"

Swinging isn't cheating so long as you are open and honest with each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can see why it would appeal. no strings, quick in n out, nice and discreet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

most the ingredients for the perfect crime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems a bit one-sided to me. i see plenty of married females playing away with and without permission. yet its only the "single" (married) blokes getting stick for it.

dont moralise or sit in judgement unless you are perfect and without.sin*** each to their own live and let live.

Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think you need to ask yourself some serious questions if you feel the need to go behind the person you loves back to get your kicks!

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

"I personally think you need to ask yourself some serious questions if you feel the need to go behind the person you loves back to get your kicks! "

Like what then ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, I feel crap enough that I'm thinking of cheating on her.

We've talked, been to see specialists, done counciling had medical checks the whole lot. The fact is my better halfs sex drive, drove off.

I could tell her and she's cool with it. But that is a massive risk, I don't want to break her heart, I still love her.

I've sacrificed not having kids because of this problem, how much longer do have to go on being faithful ? "

I would say don't do it, it would destroy her if/when she finds out.

I'm not judging you, but I know 1st hand the pain and heartache cheating causes. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seems a bit one-sided to me. i see plenty of married females playing away with and without permission. yet its only the "single" (married) blokes getting stick for it.

dont moralise or sit in judgement unless you are perfect and without.sin*** each to their own live and let live.

Dave"

A cheating female receives the same _iew from me and the hubby....

.....it's a very dim one

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Ok. So we all agree its not the thing to do as its a massive upset when the truth comes out.

But what do I do ? Wank alone for the rest of my days ?

It's as basic as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like how much milage is left in your relationship if you can't talk to her about this troubling issue!

What's a relationships foundations built on? My understanding is the man foundations are, trust & honesty, not, lies & deceit.

Once trust & honesty has gone then in all truth I'd say the writing is on the wall.

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

As I have said, we've talked about it and been to get help but nothing works. We still love each other, we trust each other too as there's never been a need not to. I could go talk to her again right now but the fact will remain her sex drive has gone. At 46 it shouldn't be that way but it is.

So what I do now what ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grow a pair and talk to her about where you are or go out behind her back. Choice is yours but where your are at right here right now is clearly not making you happy is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok. So we all agree its not the thing to do as its a massive upset when the truth comes out.

But what do I do ? Wank alone for the rest of my days ?

It's as basic as that.

I would say leave her then.

If you love her as much as you say then surely you would not want to see her get hurt?

Because trust me she will get hurt ... Our relationship was nearly destroyed and I would never hurt my partner like that again.

If your own needs come before your marriage then surely you would both be better of being single?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't see the problem. Less likely to have any problems with a married guy . Don't you think ?

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

No I'm not happy, no I don't want to hurt her.

So I'll leave her and we will both be happy ?

Confused dot com ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you for real?

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Why you ask that ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I'm not happy, no I don't want to hurt her.

So I'll leave her and we will both be happy ?

Confused dot com ......"

Yep, you will be able to carry on playing on here.. Guilt free, and she will be able to get on with the rest if her life.

If you really did love her you would not be on here.

I made a mistake and it nearly cost me my relationship, I know that I would never put my partner through that again and when you get caught you will understand what I mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one knows what the future holds. That's half the fun of living. Not one of us can predict how your choices are going to pan out. The grass may look greener over there but it may piss it down everyday on the other hand it may be sunshine everyday. Only you can decide what to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely leaving u wife wld not be the answer. U say ur unhappy now if u leave it's not just going to be u that's feeling unhappy and hurt . We can give r _iew on this but it is your marriage . Have u guys tried Relate its a marriage counicling if ur wife sees truly how u feel maybe she wld be willing to try medication for example to help with sex drive . If uv been married over 10 yrs surely she loves u and wld be willing to try anything .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not here to judge if they can go home after fucking someone who isn't their wife or partner and sleep without any guilt. That is there prerogative

The fact of the matter we dont know proper reasons.

I have a friend who wife is disabled and she is aware he uses a site like this for sex but she isnt with it always and he loves her cares for her, he just likes abit of sex occasionally

yet people never see 2 sides of the story people just judge YET how many people actually do things that someone wouldn't like.

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Well I do love her, that's why it's taken 10 years to reach this stage. I don't think I'm about to jump into bed with someone without a lot of thought.

I hear all your comments and I do appreciate what your all saying.

Just want some sexy fun in my life, and I want it with my partner of 18 years that to much ? But it's not going to happen.

I think I'll just go on window shopping, seems the safer option.

Thanks people x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I do love her, that's why it's taken 10 years to reach this stage. I don't think I'm about to jump into bed with someone without a lot of thought.

I hear all your comments and I do appreciate what your all saying.

Just want some sexy fun in my life, and I want it with my partner of 18 years that to much ? But it's not going to happen.

I think I'll just go on window shopping, seems the safer option.

Thanks people x "

have you spoke to your wife about this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/12 10:04:15]

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By *umplay1969Man
over a year ago

Mayland

Yes we've talked, been to counciling. She's been looked at, I've been looked at. Medical tests done. The whole nine yards.

I'll just stay as I am.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Ok, I feel crap enough that I'm thinking of cheating on her.

We've talked, been to see specialists, done counciling had medical checks the whole lot. The fact is my better halfs sex drive, drove off.

I could tell her and she's cool with it. But that is a massive risk, I don't want to break her heart, I still love her.

I've sacrificed not having kids because of this problem, how much longer do have to go on being faithful ? "

This is one of those situations where life has dealt you both a really crap hand. I don't know what you do, trust will be gone if you do meet people from here but living the rest of you life without the intimacy and closeness of sex seems like a harsh sentence. Life seems entirely unfair sometimes I hope you can find a solution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend who wife is disabled and she is aware he uses a site like this for sex but she isnt with it always and he loves her cares for her, he just likes abit of sex occasionally

You hit the nail on the head there - she is AWARE - which means he had enough respect & love for her to talk about it in an open & honest manner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend who wife is disabled and she is aware he uses a site like this for sex but she isnt with it always and he loves her cares for her, he just likes abit of sex occasionally

You hit the nail on the head there - she is AWARE - which means he had enough respect & love for her to talk about it in an open & honest manner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend who wife is disabled and she is aware he uses a site like this for sex but she isnt with it always and he loves her cares for her, he just likes abit of sex occasionally

You hit the nail on the head there - she is AWARE - which means he had enough respect & love for her to talk about it in an open & honest manner

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Just wanted to get back in before 175.... Lol

I think there is a certain amount of bluster and bravado going on here because the true victim of the people who play away without consent is an anonymous figure who you can put to the back of your mind....

But I bet it's not so easy when that person becomes a voice on the end of a phone.... Or a person face to face! I am betting not many of you would have the grapefruits at that point to say "not my fault not my issue" when you knowingly played with them...... In front of an angry and potentially devastated person

Some people like to think they are bulletproof... The other person will never find out, they can have their cake and eat it. And they will never know the consequences of what they have done until it too late and facing them in the eye..

If the need to get your leg over is worth the risk of hurting the one you profess to love more than any other in ways you can't even imagine .... Then it says not much about your relationship and your feelings for them

I just hope the people rally around the true victims of the situations, and that nothing like the pain that endures happens to you

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