FabSwingers.com forum: A question for the ladies

By *urvy-blue83 OP Woman
over a year ago

Lichfield

Girls is it just me that seems to get nutters, bullshitters and weirdos from this site - unfortunately been talking to a couple of guys the last few weeks and they have either constantly let me down, turned aggressive or harassed me to the point I’m worried to meet people now.

The last one even resulted in a barrage of funny phone calls shouting abuse down the phone at me and knocking the last bit of self confidence out of me……..I’m just glad I didn’t give him my home address tbh.

I’ve been in the life for the last 10 plus years as a single fem and loved it with some really fantastic experiences but I’ve never encountered this behaviour before.

Now I just feel like I’m ashamed of my body and it’s too dangerous to meet men on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Girls is it just me that seems to get nutters, bullshitters and weirdos from this site - unfortunately been talking to a couple of guys the last few weeks and they have either constantly let me down, turned aggressive or harassed me to the point I’m worried to meet people now.

I’ve been in the life for the last 10 plus years as a single fem and loved it with some really fantastic experiences but I’ve never encountered this behaviour before.

Now I just feel like I’m ashamed of my body and it’s too dangerous to meet men on here. "

In the past few months, I have noticed an increase in the number of guys who become aggressive or abusive when you decline, the number of “woe is me guys” who have self pitying personas and their messages reflect this and general negativity.

I’m not sure if it’s through frustration at the sheer competition on here for single guys but it’s getting a bit out of hand.

I rarely reply nowadays and would be very unlikely to meet from here again.

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re not all crazy and Hiding in the bins

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By *lim Jim 69Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Sad that some men are like that, baffles me why..sorry to hear your experience ??

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By *bsolutebeginnersCouple
over a year ago

Planet Ork

There seems to be a lot of impatient people on here now who lash out verbally if they don’t get the answer they were looking for. The whole site seems to have been diluted with chancers and fantasists which makes finding the genuine people harder work than it should be. Too much like hard work for us at the moment anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This place has always been like this, a cesspit with an occasional diamond or two.

The whole Tinder thing where you can literally try and pick from a catalogue is slowly distilling into society (and mostly men), whereby they think if you're on here then you are attainable, and take it incredibly personally when the truth is not in line with their expectations.

I have a number of longstanding (female) friends on here who have all experienced aggressive or harassing behaviour from people

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Your not alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s scary the entitlement that some of the guys on here. They believe since I’m a woman on this site I should be sleeping with every bloke that asks. A lot of them don’t handle rejection well, I’ve blocked some that turn weird or were rude and then they send abusive messages to me off another profile.

I’ve been on and off here for years but now as a single woman I keep my profile hidden a lot of the time just to reduce the number of obnoxious messages.

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By *urvy-blue83 OP Woman
over a year ago

Lichfield

"It’s scary the entitlement that some of the guys on here. They believe since I’m a woman on this site I should be sleeping with every bloke that asks. A lot of them don’t handle rejection well, I’ve blocked some that turn weird or were rude and then they send abusive messages to me off another profile.

I’ve been on and off here for years but now as a single woman I keep my profile hidden a lot of the time just to reduce the number of obnoxious messages. "

This!!!! The guys all assume that because I’m here I will sleep with anything - some of them are absolutely ott with their messages and continue to harass me for weeks so now I block too

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By *ARKblondeCouple
over a year ago

london

Sorry to hear that OP, maybe switching on the 'verified only' message filter would help a little bit, although that could do with being split up to photo verified and verified in person...but please don't let a few (/1000's of) wallys spoil your fun xxx

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

In what way have they constantly let you down?

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

This is why I only won't do quick meets. If a guy is not happy to chat on here for a while till I have sussed him out I won't meet him. (after a few days, and some searching questions, the nutters normally give themselves away)

They only get my number once we are actually arranging to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been in the life for the last 10 plus years as a single fem and loved it with some really fantastic experiences but I’ve never encountered this behaviour before.

Now I just feel like I’m ashamed of my body and it’s too dangerous to meet men on here. "

Don't let them get you down, your unique and gorgeous.

We prefer social meets first, s out the d*unks and idiots.

Then followed up to a club visit.

Chin up and get back out there, you will smash it.

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By *urvy-blue83 OP Woman
over a year ago

Lichfield

"In what way have they constantly let you down?"

Initially the guys will use the following tactics

Feed me a story of them being single and then find out they are married but there wives don’t love them blah blah

Make out they are genuine and looking for the same and then either keep cancelling socials or not turn up etc

And then u have the whole if I say no or they are not my type or I change my mind because I’m not going to meet u at a strange location or you have mentioned that if I refuse to do certain acts you will force yourself on me blah blah they turn aggressive and start belittling me and just vile behaviour

To then getting funny phone calls throughout the day and night shouting vile comments down the phone to the point the police are involved

I class all that of being let down by basic civil behaviour within this lifestyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree and i think it is now becoming a problem in society in general,you only have to look at some of the stuff on facebook and twitter to see how things are deteriorating.

There are definitely a lot of angry people on society these days and seems to have got worse since the initial covid lockdowns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been in the life for the last 10 plus years as a single fem and loved it with some really fantastic experiences but I’ve never encountered this behaviour before.

Now I just feel like I’m ashamed of my body and it’s too dangerous to meet men on here. "

I feel for you OP my guess is your a normal caring trusting respectful adult woman and thought you was dealing with guys who were normal caring respectful adult men .

Sadly these men were not and it now seems that such men don't exist on sites like this and somehow its your thought that you have been treated this way .

Remember this it's not ypur thought and there is nothing wrong with you , you just got unlucky and responded to guys who have no respect for anyone who is not giving them something they want . they will behave exactly the same with every woman who dares to turn them down in the future remenber that fact .

There's been some good advice in here from a couple of the women in future op if you give your number out and change your mind during the seducing state of the chatting. just send a short message saying sorry I've changed my mind and then instantly block that number , that will stop any abusive phone calls or messages from any little boys that can't handle rejection . It seems harsh but it's not you owe it to yourself to protect your wellbeing from the nasty types that sadly exist everywhere in the world especially in the anonymous online world .

Take care chin up listen to the good advice from the women in post and put it into practise in future to protect yourself as much as you can from this sort of thing happening again .

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

For a bit of balance OP it’s not just men. I had a scary experience with a woman off here last year. Won’t go into details but , threats, stalking and false accusations. I’m sorry to here of your bad experience but be careful broadcasting on here as it tends to tar all men with the same brush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For a bit of balance OP it’s not just men. I had a scary experience with a woman off here last year. Won’t go into details but , threats, stalking and false accusations. I’m sorry to here of your bad experience but be careful broadcasting on here as it tends to tar all men with the same brush "

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thanks. Broadcast it as often as it happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly this site in utterly flooded with misoginstic incels currently. Which is driving the 100/1 male to female fab ratio in many areas of the UK.

It makes searching for the genuine single male swingers who embrace and are a credit to the swinging scene hard at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's disgusting that some men on here are abusive and disrespectful to.you ladies.

unfortunately as in most things in life, there's always going to be a a arseholes that think they can say and do as they please. in my experience, these are keyboard wankers,.and probably never do anything about it anyway. So OP stay strong and forget about those losers . your a beautiful lady as you all are .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

Yep

All the genuine single male swingers that we know actively call out the bad behaviour that most often is done by single males on this site. Many of whom don't have the decency, personality, charm, respect and confidence required to be able to pull in real life. So they come here thinking it's a quick fix to sex when actually social skills are just as important to success in swinging.

I always question single males who feel the need to defend or balance the bad behaviour of other males. If your a decent, genuine respectful single male then none of the complaints are about you in the slightest.

I was chatting to a very good friend who is a single male and credit to the swinging scene and they are equally disgusted at some of the behaviour that single women and couples have had to deal with recently. To quote him single women are few in number on the scene and we should be doing everything to make sure they feel safe in all aspects of swinging and call out / challenge any bad behaviour.

But if you feel the need to defend single males on every thread that their bad behaviour is called out then you keep doing you.

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

No that isn’t what I said. However please tell me what positive thing is being gained by this post ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simple, use the block button, that is what it is for. But some of us out there are gentlemen, out of the bedroom at least.

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

Very much this, OP! I only give my number to people I have met/arranged to meet, but also I am very familiar with how to block unwanted calls or messages on my phone, in case things get out of hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are no excuses for some of the abhorrent behaviour some have encountered on here but I do think the model for the site’s operations doesn’t help. The male to female ratio is hideously skewed, meaning it will bring out the worst in those already aggressively minded and pathetic tendencies in those feeling sorry for themselves. It wouldn’t be a bad idea for FAB to kick out constant abusers or limit the number of new males on to the site. Having said all that, all men on here need to exercise patience and lower any expectations to avoid disappointment- Bob

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I'm keep tight filters and only get the occasional message. I get the odd strange or abusive message but they are rare and I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about them,I just block them .

I don't give out my phone number either on here for exactly the reasons you mentioned if that makes someone not want to meet me that is their issue not mine they can move on.

I chat for a while before I do any meet and if someone won't chat for a while or there is any red flags showing I stop chatting .

I also am happy enough sending a first message to someone if their profile appeals to me when I am doing new meets and I find that's an easier approach and less hassle,rather than getting a load of messages off people I have no interest in interacting with .That's why I tightened my filters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t give out your phone number or any other contact details, only communicate on here if you want to have a bit of a chat use the chat rooms on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

No that isn’t what I said. However please tell me what positive thing is being gained by this post ?

Support, understanding and advice from other ladies who experience the same behaviour on here on a daily basis.

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

No that isn’t what I said. However please tell me what positive thing is being gained by this post ?

Support, understanding and advice from other ladies who experience the same behaviour on here on a daily basis. "

That’s a fair comment tbh

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By *icole 123Woman
over a year ago

Baildon,West Yorkshire

I’ve been talking to a guy for the past week,he was messaging me constantly,morning noon and night!…we arranged to meet today,at 11am,and he messaged me to say he was on his way….and he’s just removed himself from the site…What a crank!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So so true!

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also think that alot of people now arrange to meet at clubs, purely for the safety aspects. Its certainly my preference if possible x

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By *haneportsMan
over a year ago

portsmouth

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

Well said!

J, I’m out of your age & height range (another post) but the lady above covers the basics.

Not all guys are nasty idiots but there’s good & bad in all walks of life.

You are clearly a caring lady but giving your No out too early is not good. Kik or other non NoS helps. Stay positive & be way more careful in future. Big hug to you. You seem genuinely lovely & I wish you well in your fun.

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By *urvy-blue83 OP Woman
over a year ago

Lichfield

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

Well said!

J, I’m out of your age & height range (another post) but the lady above covers the basics.

Not all guys are nasty idiots but there’s good & bad in all walks of life.

Thank you for the support but I just wanted to clarify, the guy I was talking to, I had been speaking to for 5 weeks and thought it okay to exchange numbers and it just went bad from there etc

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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago

village life, closest main town inverness

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

Well said!

J, I’m out of your age & height range (another post) but the lady above covers the basics.

Not all guys are nasty idiots but there’s good & bad in all walks of life.

Thank you for the support but I just wanted to clarify, the guy I was talking to, I had been speaking to for 5 weeks and thought it okay to exchange numbers and it just went bad from there etc"

Some things take time to show so maybe intuition served you well and you did the right thing biding your time

Here's hoping better things are coming for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

No that isn’t what I said. However please tell me what positive thing is being gained by this post ?

Support, understanding and advice from other ladies who experience the same behaviour on here on a daily basis. "

Absolutely this!

The alternative been suggest which is effectively to put up or shut up / suffer in silence for fear of upsetting other men is quite simply abhorrent.

It would also lead to even more new single women members leaving the site after the inevitable torrent of abuse and vulgar messages that can be received on anew profile (especially to a new profile who hasn't learnt about effectively applying filters yet).

I'm pretty sure that's the last thing any genuine respectful single male wants!

It's absolutely key that women can feel confident to post about these issues and seek support from other members of the community.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

Yep

But if you feel the need to defend single males on every thread that their bad behaviour is called out then you keep doing you.

KJ"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should keep quiet about abuse and put up with it.

No that isn’t what I said. However please tell me what positive thing is being gained by this post ?

Support, understanding and advice from other ladies who experience the same behaviour on here on a daily basis.

Absolutely this!

The alternative been suggest which is effectively to put up or shut up / suffer in silence for fear of upsetting other men is quite simply abhorrent.

I'm pretty sure that's the last thing any genuine respectful single male wants!

It's absolutely key that women can feel confident to post about these issues and seek support from other members of the community.

KJ"

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

Everyone I've engaged with on here has been lovely tbh

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"1. Don’t give out your phone number, or if you must then use a phone specifically for here.

2. These people are strangers on the internet, why do you care what they think?

3. Raise your standards. Any hint of something you don’t like then block and move on.

This.

We all get them.

I now only chat on here until I've had a social with someone.

Set your boundaries and stick to them.

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Are you serious? Why should we keep quiet and it? You are part of the problem if that's how you think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honey so sorry to hear this, unfortunately, the ratio of male profiles on here is large. Some guys seem to think you owe them fun. Which no one does.We have both been in the scene for a decade plus, and only truly meet a handful of self entitled men.

Some guys needs to learn how to behave, and a meet is just that. If anything does happen, then that is a bonus.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"This is why I only won't do quick meets. If a guy is not happy to chat on here for a while till I have sussed him out I won't meet him. (after a few days, and some searching questions, the nutters normally give themselves away)

They only get my number once we are actually arranging to meet."

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really sorry to hear that this has happened to you OP. I only arrange through here and social at a local pub where the staff know me and the reason I’m there so any trouble and hubby would know pretty quickly. Hope things get better x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

been on fab from the very begining jumping ship from a bigger site at the time always had a couples profile and a singles profile its always been good to us/me..

however 2022 has been so far a very different expierence indeed my mail box is 95% junk online wankers dirty talk mostly ,trolls with out of the blue sick stuff and then the abuse its gone throuh the roof had no letdown as we seen to figure them out quickly and block and thats all we can do is keep blocking i must be blocking 20/30 peoplea week at the mo...

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

So I am actually complete opposite. Due to work I have been dead quiet with people for last couple of weeks

People must think I am not interested but as I know due to family items over next few weeks I am not making plans to meet others.

I may message people at random times but I don’t expect an answer then. Sometimes is when I think of something, sometimes it’s because I can’t sleep.

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I'm not interested in meeting single men but still get the occasional graphic or stupid message.

If I was actively looking to meet men, I would probably block everyone and look for myself. I would imagine that this would reduce the amount of problems... sadly there's always going to be horrible people. Just report, block and move on.

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By *cottieboy123Man
over a year ago

Perth

They only get my number once we are actually arranging to meet.

This.

This as well.

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Fab can get you down at times, it’s sometimes easier said than done to just say ignore it or block them.

I’m only interested in clubs these days. Private meets just aren’t worth the stress or time. I’d rather go to a club and make a night of it and never have my time wasted and be in a fun, safe environment. X

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By *ee-dthewayMan
over a year ago

Garforth , Leeds

Really sorry to hear about your awful experience. Please don’t think all single guys are like that , chin up and enjoy fab.

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