FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

D/S relationship

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lots of men claim to be Dom but I doubt they genuinely are. Whilst my character type is leaning towards dominant, I lack the skill set to learn the art of an actual Dom and I am keen to learn. I have a new sub and I want to train her well. Can anyone recommend any literature?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cesar milans books

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discuss what you both want.

It's not just about what you want.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Quite right.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There's no substitute for talking but "Screw the Rises Send Me The Thorns" is worth a read.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you Nicecouple. Will check this out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you Nicecouple. Will check this out"

That should be roses not rises

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Work with her, talk to hear about both of your needs, and learn together. Don’t see her as just a fuck toy like most supposedly Dom guys too. You want your sub to crave your touch, your attention.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

As has been mentioned screw the roses... But also from a technical point of view I always advocate as much book learning as possible...

The topping book

The bottoming book

SM101

Bondage for sex

The erotic art of Japanese bondage

Also some of the kink university videos or two knotty boys videos are fantastic if you're more of a visual learner.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I apologise for the long post. Just some thoughts on my part feel free to disagree.

I am genuinely of the view that the classification of "genuine Dom" is a pointless and futile activity. One of many reasons is that the title of "dominant" is either self applied or applied by a submissive, in each case it is applied subjectively and not objectively.

I would also suggest that use of the title "dominant" alone is pointless given that in regard to men firstly it is now either seen as a porn category and a number of people act as seen in porn, or secondly it is used to describe the stereotypical uber confident and or uber dynamic and or extremely successful individual, these cases in my view are merely types of dominant.

I read an article a while ago on FL that identified at least 9 types of submissives. Similarly I think there are a number of types of dominant.

Therefore contrary to what many suggest, I think no matter whether a person describes themselves as a dominant or as a submissive the key action is to do the self analysis. What kind of D type or S type are you? What type of D type or S type do you want to be? What turns you on? What for you are the hot spots of D/S? What drives you to crave this kind of relationship?

When people have answered those and similar questions they will know what they want from the other party. If both parties have done the same work they will then know how how their relationship will proceed and what kind of training the submissive will need, if any. To me it is not about being. dominant or a submissive but two people being authentic with each other. So to use an example if a D type is a sex dominant and their submissive is into being dominated sexually the pair can fill their boots. But if the D type is imposing sexual domination for their own desires then that is not the aim of modern D/S. Modern D/S respects the submissives needs and desires. The Dom does not ignore what the sub feels, wants and wants to do. The Dom does not replace the subs wants with requirements the Dom thinks will be good for the sub where those requirements in reality are solely for the Dom's benefit. As an example having the sub sleep with the Dom's friends as a test of submission (which I have heard happen many times, and the subs are made a to feel a failure if they refuse).

Therefore know yourself, know your sub, and if you try to be empathic and respectful you both will be able to decide on suitable training.

Good Luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole


"I apologise for the long post. Just some thoughts on my part feel free to disagree.

I am genuinely of the view that the classification of "genuine Dom" is a pointless and futile activity. One of many reasons is that the title of "dominant" is either self applied or applied by a submissive, in each case it is applied subjectively and not objectively.

I would also suggest that use of the title "dominant" alone is pointless given that in regard to men firstly it is now either seen as a porn category and a number of people act as seen in porn, or secondly it is used to describe the stereotypical uber confident and or uber dynamic and or extremely successful individual, these cases in my view are merely types of dominant.

I read an article a while ago on FL that identified at least 9 types of submissives. Similarly I think there are a number of types of dominant.

Therefore contrary to what many suggest, I think no matter whether a person describes themselves as a dominant or as a submissive the key action is to do the self analysis. What kind of D type or S type are you? What type of D type or S type do you want to be? What turns you on? What for you are the hot spots of D/S? What drives you to crave this kind of relationship?

When people have answered those and similar questions they will know what they want from the other party. If both parties have done the same work they will then know how how their relationship will proceed and what kind of training the submissive will need, if any. To me it is not about being. dominant or a submissive but two people being authentic with each other. So to use an example if a D type is a sex dominant and their submissive is into being dominated sexually the pair can fill their boots. But if the D type is imposing sexual domination for their own desires then that is not the aim of modern D/S. Modern D/S respects the submissives needs and desires. The Dom does not ignore what the sub feels, wants and wants to do. The Dom does not replace the subs wants with requirements the Dom thinks will be good for the sub where those requirements in reality are solely for the Dom's benefit. As an example having the sub sleep with the Dom's friends as a test of submission (which I have heard happen many times, and the subs are made a to feel a failure if they refuse).

Therefore know yourself, know your sub, and if you try to be empathic and respectful you both will be able to decide on suitable training.

Good Luck"

Love this writting! I find being in the community, that a Dom ! Alpha or top, will never refer to themself with this title. If they have to tell you, they are an 'xyz' they are not. A Dom / Alpha shows you they are by their actions. Not telling you they are.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Nine types of sub my a****lol why do people insist on labeling to the nth degree.

Being submissive isn't about labels it's about feelings, you can't box them as they vary from day to day.

It's about the power dynamic at that moment in time .

Please please stop trying to put feelings in boxes as it doesn't work

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"Nine types of sub my a****lol why do people insist on labeling to the nth degree.

Being submissive isn't about labels it's about feelings, you can't box them as they vary from day to day.

It's about the power dynamic at that moment in time .

Please please stop trying to put feelings in boxes as it doesn't work "

You are entitled to your view and others are entitled to theirs.

Labels do not necessarily dictate the person, but they can be useful as a guide and useful for education. So a submissive can say they are DDlg submissive or service submissive. This can help them in looking for a dom or readimg up in trying to understand themselves.

If a a Dom is not into DDlg there is no point them looking to start a relationship with that kind of submissive.

Possibly you vary from day to day, but a number of people have a play or relationship style. Labels can be a good first step in seeing if there is compatibility between people trying to start a connection.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Nine types of sub my a****lol why do people insist on labeling to the nth degree.

Being submissive isn't about labels it's about feelings, you can't box them as they vary from day to day.

It's about the power dynamic at that moment in time .

Please please stop trying to put feelings in boxes as it doesn't work "

While you're right, it is about feelings and connection between people, as humans labels and definitions are something that we find helpful, for many people such 'putting into boxes' helps create boundaries and structures, they help us find others with similar mindsets and tastes...

We insist on labeling because we desire that structure... If you don't, kudos to you, but you're the exception rather than the rule.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top