FabSwingers.com forum: How to get people to believe you?

By *agnar1980 OP Man
over a year ago

Poole

Ever had a chat with someone & you think it’s going really well & then you find out that they don’t actually believe a word you are or have been saying.

They judge you on how others have treated them.

How/what do you say to change that?

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By *heDevilsinthedetailMan
over a year ago

liverpool

If they don’t believe you just forget about it and move on. Don’t waste time trying to convince someone if you’re genuine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

You can only be yourself, be open and honet and if that isn't good enough it's not going to change their mind if you start pestering, it would be a sign of desperation, move on, the site has a few other people on it.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

I don't think there's anything you can say really to convince someone your telling the truth. A lot of people carry a lot from past experiences that stay with them for a long time and colour their perception of others. X

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By *agnar1980 OP Man
over a year ago

Poole

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?"

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If I think or know people don't believe me I just stop talking to them. I haven't got time to waste convincing people I'm telling the truth

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

There is nothing you can/do say to change how they see/think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway. "

Maybe they just prefer to be able to make straightforward arrangements

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who can be arsed with that? Move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway. "

It sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing by being open and honest with them rather than making arrangements you can’t keep whereas the people who’ve let them down in the past did make arrangements they couldn’t keep or never intended to keep. I don’t see why they’re judging you the same as people who did the exact opposite to what you’re doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway. "

No one can judge you. You know yourself in your own heart mind and soul and it’s their issue to deal with. Not yours.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I was watching Dr Phil on YouTube (I know I should be ashamed but I'm not) there was a man who believed his wife was a prostitute who communicated with her pimp via walkie talkie. His evidence was that cars were driving past the house and she was sneaking out in the early hours apparently (she wasn't). Nobody could convince him otherwise. I hope the woman stopped trying.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway. "

Fuck 'em. Ignore and move on. I'm sure everyone here has been blocked or berated once or twice for not suiting someone else's plans

LvM

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

I use the Paul McKenna approach

Look into the eyes

not around the eyes but into the eyes

1 2 3 now your under

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"How do you know they are judging you on how others have treated them?

They have been let down by meets in the past & I have baggage & can’t meet at a drop of a hat & being judged for it. That’s I feel anyway. "

Are they judging you or simply protecting their interests based on what they've experienced so far?

If the way you do things doesn't match up then so be it, maybe catch ya in a club or at a party sometime, wish each other well and ta-ra.

Unfortunately people can behave like dicks, which leads others to put their own set of guidelines in place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was watching Dr Phil on YouTube (I know I should be ashamed but I'm not) there was a man who believed his wife was a prostitute who communicated with her pimp via walkie talkie. His evidence was that cars were driving past the house and she was sneaking out in the early hours apparently (she wasn't). Nobody could convince him otherwise. I hope the woman stopped trying."

Haha, that’s ridiculous, he’s obviously a bit mental. The daft thing is it would be really easy for him to prove either way if she was doing it or not, set up a hidden camera, hire a private investigator to watch outside his house, stay awake all night but pretend to be asleep.....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

He had set up hidden cameras all over the house, they showed nothing. He was obviously suffering with mental ill health but couldn't see it, he genuinely believed he had grounds for his suspicions. This meant that he was resistant to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well the obvious thing to do when your husband is suffering from mental health problems is to go on tv together to show millions of people how he’s suffering. I’m sure that really helped him....

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Ever had a chat with someone & you think it’s going really well & then you find out that they don’t actually believe a word you are or have been saying.

They judge you on how others have treated them.

How/what do you say to change that? "

It's not up to you to change that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all judge others on how we’ve been treated in the past though, don’t we? I’m sure it’s some kind of natural survival instinct to stop you from being hurt in the same way over and over again. If someone has been repeatedly let down by single males on here then they’d be foolish to trust every single male they talk to and there will come a time, after so many single males have let them down, that they don’t trust any that they talk to. I’m sure that they wouldn’t be talking to you though if they had no intentions of ever trusting you, it might just take longer and require a bit of hard work and commitment to show them that you can be trusted.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It has been said many times here before that all anyone can do is be themselves.

If you have to remind others that you are nice or genuine then you must be projecting a different image.

Actions always speak louder than words but if you are being entirely truthful and they still don't believe you then just walk away.

It's possible they have been hurt by previous experiences but it's equally possible that they aren't being honest and are using that as an excuse.

Either way it's never going to end well so walking away now is the best option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to convince anyone of who you are, if you know your genuine thats all that matters. Most people are sceptical on here but if they don't give you a chance at face value, move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well that takes time OP. You have to be patient and over a period of time they will eventually learn to trust you. Can't rush a person who has potential issues stemming from their past. Be a good friend and get to truly know them and understand them and eventually they might open up to you a bit more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't try to convince them, move on there's plenty of others who will take you as you are. Time waits for no one don't waste yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really wouldn't bother on here. Next!!

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

If I had been chatting to anyone and then they tell me they don't believe me or what I'm saying etc then I'd just move on. There's no point in continuing to chat I'm not going to waste time being emotionally black mailed by someone who is obviously going to continue to act like that

Yes everyone has baggage and bad experiences in life but if someone is projecting what happened to them in the past on me and trying to make me feel guilty about something I haven't even done they can jog on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we all judge others on how we’ve been treated in the past though, don’t we? I’m sure it’s some kind of natural survival instinct to stop you from being hurt in the same way over and over again. If someone has been repeatedly let down by single males on here then they’d be foolish to trust every single male they talk to and there will come a time, after so many single males have let them down, that they don’t trust any that they talk to. I’m sure that they wouldn’t be talking to you though if they had no intentions of ever trusting you, it might just take longer and require a bit of hard work and commitment to show them that you can be trusted. "

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By *ucelleCouple
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford

I have had people asking whose pictures I have on my site. It’s me. I just move on.

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