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Boundaries & Consideration for others

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By *ub_n_wife OP   Couple
over a year ago

Spilsby

We’d love more than anything to build friendship with a couple or couples. But, it’s proving difficult for varying reasons.

Sit back for a few examples and hopefully a good chat.

A group chat with a couple became more like an extension of a marriage. The sex aspect never switched off, some comments were a little cringy but passable for a while but it soon became too much.

Both parties of another couple approached hub separately and asked him privately to meet them on his own. He’s obviously made me aware but also felt awkward about the situation.

When asked why they’d asked him, they wanted to satisfy the fantasy and experience of a single male.

However, we don’t meet alone, which they knew, it was never a conversation we were all involved in and he’s not single!?

- they also had a little disagreement between themselves with regards to a boundary they had in place that had become laxed.

So my questions and ponderings are these;

If you have boundaries for your own relationship to navigate swinging, why would you not extend that consideration to other parties involved?

- Would you bipass someone elses boundaries to explore your own fantasy curiosities?

- Would you feel a loss of trust in a couple if they did this?

-Should they have been more considerate and not asked at all?

Do couples exist that like to switch off swinging? That you can have a good chat, connection and friendship with that is just that, an ordinary friendship. Then, come a get together evening, food, fun, it’s just a comfortable transition into play?

We all have different levels of comfort around swinging. Some partnerships thrive on involving single men only, others love to swing and meet separately.

I’m such a laid back person but there are just certain things that I wouldn’t do to make others potentially feel uncomfortable. You won’t find me sexting your husband for example.

So, Am I being over sensitive? Are my personal, relationship, swinging boundaries too rigid? Is it me?

I’d be interested in thoughts and opinions.

Wife xx

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By *r_lasciviousMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

I think those things are definitely out of order (especially private messaging).

Having had group chats before, there is only a small amount of it of sex chat. It's mainly just getting to know each other and having a laugh. The flirting and sex chat is good sometimes, but not all the time.

It's important everyone has boundaries and that they're communicated properly, but many don't.

As soon as the trust is broken, I would be moving on! X

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Boundries are there for a reason. We all have them to set our limits. If soneone breaks them then they cannot be trusted. You will always get the odd person who will push to pass your set limits or to test their own. If discussed before hand and all in agreement then fine but passing the boundries in a meet would end the meet instantly.

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By *wifterMan
over a year ago

lancaster

I have found after chatting to people on here and at clubs that everyone has different boundaries. You need to chat to a lot of people before finding someone who is compatible with you. I am really open minded and easy going but it is still difficult to go along with other people's 'rules'. Eg kissing but no penetration, penetration but no kissing, no oral, oral only, no married, married only, smooth/hairy. Half way through playing with one couple at a club the husband asked if I was married. I said yes and he said 'oh we dont play with married men' and that was it even though we had all been having fun

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By *xfordjohnMan
over a year ago

Oxford


"I have found after chatting to people on here and at clubs that everyone has different boundaries. You need to chat to a lot of people before finding someone who is compatible with you. I am really open minded and easy going but it is still difficult to go along with other people's 'rules'. Eg kissing but no penetration, penetration but no kissing, no oral, oral only, no married, married only, smooth/hairy. Half way through playing with one couple at a club the husband asked if I was married. I said yes and he said 'oh we dont play with married men' and that was it even though we had all been having fun

"

Exactly so. One just has to compromise now and again or you'll just remain very frustrated.

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

I get fed up enough with people on here asking if we will do things that our profile clearly says we do not. I would be absolutely furious if either of us were approached separately. That said, there is only one couple that we have given details to and they would never do this. I think you are right to be angry OP! T xx

P.s. great pics!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I have found after chatting to people on here and at clubs that everyone has different boundaries. You need to chat to a lot of people before finding someone who is compatible with you. I am really open minded and easy going but it is still difficult to go along with other people's 'rules'. Eg kissing but no penetration, penetration but no kissing, no oral, oral only, no married, married only, smooth/hairy. Half way through playing with one couple at a club the husband asked if I was married. I said yes and he said 'oh we dont play with married men' and that was it even though we had all been having fun

Exactly so. One just has to compromise now and again or you'll just remain very frustrated."

I couldn't agree less.

Why should anyone have to compromise on their own boundaries?

I've had couples contact me telling me in their opening message to shave off my beard, send a facepic and phonenumber or play bi or I would never get on their to do list or get anywhere on fab.

Why should I do any of that?

I've had the female half of couples contact me and carry on a pleasant non sexual conversation for up to a week only for the male half to then get involved with a list of demands.

Once again why should I compromise?

I have boundaries and many messages I receive are from people who haven't read my profile but many are also from those who have and then made a conscious decision to test my resolve.

Those conversations always end at that point because my boundaries are equally as important and valid as theirs.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

I have a system that works for me. Im choosy , for a start, so i filter out the people i dont fancy, or give off red flags. Before we meet , i agree on boundaries. When we meet, i have the "boundaries and consent" discussion. I find women, in particular welcome this and it helps for a more relaxed meet . If after a few happy meets, we both want to move the boundaries, I'm open to chat about it . I find its the best way for a no tears, no drama, honest friendship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have boundaries we stick to, and we'd respect anyone else's as well. We do like to be very open with this.

I'd be very put out if private messages were being sent etc

Don't ever compromise.

Mrs x

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By *ub_n_wife OP   Couple
over a year ago

Spilsby

The private messaging definitely set me questioning. Should I shrug it off, am I being overly sensitive.

Is it acceptable for the male partner to ask my partner in that it’s kind of accepted as a ‘man thing’ (please don’t bash me here lol.) and so you let it slide. But for the female partner, is she crossing the ‘woman code’ as she asked him directly herself too?

Though in reality, that boundary is there and known by both.

But then, what happens further down the line. If no wrong was considered by them this time could that lead to potentially bigger problems later on?

Also, with the group chat/sex chat front. I love a bit of flirty banter and not particularly shy around sex talk but you’re right, not all the time.


"I think those things are definitely out of order (especially private messaging).

Having had group chats before, there is only a small amount of it of sex chat. It's mainly just getting to know each other and having a laugh. The flirting and sex chat is good sometimes, but not all the time.

It's important everyone has boundaries and that they're communicated properly, but many don't.

As soon as the trust is broken, I would be moving on! X "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If people do things you don't like either ask them to stop and continue with the interaction or tell them they've crossed a boundary and break contact. Don't question your own boundaries unless you actually want to and certainly not because someone else has pushed them also realise that it doesn't matter how unreasonable someone else thinks your boundaries are they have no right to cross them

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville


"I think those things are definitely out of order (especially private messaging).

Having had group chats before, there is only a small amount of it of sex chat. It's mainly just getting to know each other and having a laugh. The flirting and sex chat is good sometimes, but not all the time.

It's important everyone has boundaries and that they're communicated properly, but many don't.

As soon as the trust is broken, I would be moving on! X "

This! Oh and I'd block that other couple, lines crossed, you don't owe them anything, find people who respect your boundaries as you respect theirs.

Plenty more swingers in the playground x

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Couples will swing in whatever way suits their relationship. That’s what makes it so hard to find suitable couples to play with. Not only do you need the attraction but you all have to get on and want to play in the same way. People’s boundaries do move and that is fine but if you’ve made it clear what yours are then they should be respected. What works for one couple won’t necessarily work for another but you shouldn’t change what you’re comfortable with for anyone else.

The kind of couples you speak of, who are interested in building a friendship as well do exist but just aren’t that easy to find or they live a million miles away

Kx

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple
over a year ago

here & there

“Do couples exist that like to switch off swinging? That you can have a good chat, connection and friendship with that is just that, an ordinary friendship. Then, come a get together evening, food, fun, it’s just a comfortable transition into play?”

We are exactly like this…. Sometimes it’s great to go out & socialise with likeminded friends without the expectations of anything else occurring but if things went that way then it’s just an extra experience to end the night.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

As a couple we don't engage in sex chat at all...we think it's more about getting to know each others boundaries and if we think we can all be compatible, best finding that out before even arranging social meets or play meets. People who try to engage in sex talk with us quickly loose our interest, we keep that for ourselves..might sound boring to other people but that's not what we are on the site for..we want to meet people, and not here to be peoples verbal wank material. So yes I think it is very rude of some to assume that this is OK especially with a couple, it's just not respectful at all.

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By *ub_n_wife OP   Couple
over a year ago

Spilsby

I am bewildered that there are couples/people that would ask anyone to make changes to their appearance let alone their sexual preference.

I don’t know if that would be driven by an ego thing or an actual missing human function. I’m having to sit and process that for a moment lol.


"I have found after chatting to people on here and at clubs that everyone has different boundaries. You need to chat to a lot of people before finding someone who is compatible with you. I am really open minded and easy going but it is still difficult to go along with other people's 'rules'. Eg kissing but no penetration, penetration but no kissing, no oral, oral only, no married, married only, smooth/hairy. Half way through playing with one couple at a club the husband asked if I was married. I said yes and he said 'oh we dont play with married men' and that was it even though we had all been having fun

Exactly so. One just has to compromise now and again or you'll just remain very frustrated.

I couldn't agree less.

Why should anyone have to compromise on their own boundaries?

I've had couples contact me telling me in their opening message to shave off my beard, send a facepic and phonenumber or play bi or I would never get on their to do list or get anywhere on fab.

Why should I do any of that?

I've had the female half of couples contact me and carry on a pleasant non sexual conversation for up to a week only for the male half to then get involved with a list of demands.

Once again why should I compromise?

I have boundaries and many messages I receive are from people who haven't read my profile but many are also from those who have and then made a conscious decision to test my resolve.

Those conversations always end at that point because my boundaries are equally as important and valid as theirs. "

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I am bewildered that there are couples/people that would ask anyone to make changes to their appearance let alone their sexual preference.

I don’t know if that would be driven by an ego thing or an actual missing human function. I’m having to sit and process that for a moment lol. "

I don't send messages and haven't done for 2 years so all these conversations are initiated by others and those were all introductory messages from couples I had never spoken to before.

None of them were new to the site. They were well established profiles with 80-100 verifications.

When I asked some of them if this approach ever worked they said every time so apparently there are lots of people out there who are willing to compromise or don't have boundaries.

Every single one of them told me the same thing when I refused their instructions. They all said it was my loss.

How they had reached that conclusion is beyond me

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By *rumcouple2013Couple
over a year ago

Tamworth

It was totally wrong of the couple to do what they did. Both overstepping their bounderies and for disrespecting you and your husband by over stepping your boundaries.

Yes there are couples out there that can switch off from the swinging side. We are one of them. We often meet couples we have built up a friendship with, just for a relaxing social evening, without the mention of sex eyc. The hard bit is finding them. But don’t give up.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I'm half a couple and yes we have boundaries and appreciate others will have too.

We always let couples know when we're chatting and would expect them to respect these and we would theirs.

Some couples do try and push them, Jack was chatting to a couple recently when I was aspleep, they wanted him to go get me up cos they were horny!! Blocked obviously.

I'm also straight and we've had couples say they are fine with this, then bring up the woman playing with me, again blocked.

I'd rather we had less meets, but fully enjoyed the ones we do have, with no compromises for anyone.

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By *andS33Couple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

This is us too, like to make friends with like minded couples that you can have a laugh with. Doesn't have to involve swinging constantly, just occasionally is fun. Definitely don't do the sexting thing either. Thought that we were shit swingers but obviously plenty of people like us too

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By *aughtyloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

Interesting topic for sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often speak to people who put on their profile the age of the people they would like to meet.

On many occasions we have been outside their required age boundary.

When we point this out they say it is just a guide or that they will make an exception for us.

That is their first visible boundary yet they are willing to break it as soon as it is pointed out! That being the case would they respect our boundaries?

Peoples boundaries (in many cases) are just flags in the wind and if the wind changes the way the flag blows changes.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"We often speak to people who put on their profile the age of the people they would like to meet.

On many occasions we have been outside their required age boundary.

When we point this out they say it is just a guide or that they will make an exception for us.

That is their first visible boundary yet they are willing to break it as soon as it is pointed out! That being the case would they respect our boundaries?

Peoples boundaries (in many cases) are just flags in the wind and if the wind changes the way the flag blows changes."

My age filters are set in stone because I've no interest in anyone within 10 years of my eldest child.

Couples have been able to bypass those filters in the past when the woman was in her mid 20s and the man in his 40s or 50s.

They seemed to think that fulfilled my requirements.

There are many people who are very vocal in the forums about what they won't do but their verifications tell a different tale.

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