FabSwingers.com forum: Coming Out to Your Parents

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quick question how would you come out as a swinger if you had to. Fed up being treated like a child by my mother sorry here for the rant.

I know I am a single parent and my girls are my responsibility but if I want to go out of town ie chams then I have to rely on mum to have them. Go a couple of times a year.

But every time i ask to go away or say could you have the girls as I am going to see friends in Birmingham technically not a lie we always seem to get into a big argument and they wondering why I have to go out of town.

Basically have just had a massive argument over new years eve x Have said they are ok with me going out New Years Eve just not out of town. How do I get around this.

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By *ondering_yorkshiremanMan
over a year ago

Somewhere near NE Derbyshire/S Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire border

If me and OH are both out (we dont play together) we have one of our friends daughters who our kids know over to look after them. Know it not addressing the issue but is a alternative solution.

As for telling your parents, id just be honest

Mick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't you ask a friend to have them over night as a alternative.saves the awkward questions from the mother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we get the questions too from my mum.

Shes very good.

The only thing is we always seam to be going to parties when ever she babysits

Friends of ours told their baby sitter they were doing a pup quiz and turned back up at 3 in the morning

Another time they said they were shopping on a Sunday.... they got home after 8!

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

Personally I would not tell your mum unless you know what her feelings are on the subject of swinging.

If she does not agree with it all you could loose the babysitter altogether and she might even shut you out,(only you know more or less how your mum will react.

Is there no way to get a different baby sitter??

We sort of have the same problem but seeing as we live on a little rock every one knows you have to get off of it once in a while, so our little girls dad never asks as we always come away on the bike, he is a biker too so it all adds up.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

maybe your mum is just worried that if something happens, you are close ( god forbid )

maybe a reassurance thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe she is worried about her daughter going somewhere alone, you will be the same when your girls grow up. thats what mums do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, maybe she is worried but...arguing about it isn't going to help any one.

I'd find a friend to stay over and look after them. I often do the same for my friends.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

we do get on most of the time the only time we argue is when i leave Peterborough x I have stopped asking to save the arguing but hate lying to her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a single parent also, I arrange for my daughter to sleep over at a friends if I'm out, and have her friend over the following week so their parents can go out. I find this works well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have a funny 10 year old sleepovers ok in theory she will go with her bag packed happy as larry and always get a phone call for her to come home because she wont settle she has always been like this. Only one she will stay with is my mum.

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By * starr -Woman
over a year ago

Burton on Trent.

might be awkward at new years time of year, maybe have a friend over just after xmas so their parents can go out then they do same for you at new year??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how about a club more local then, maybe libs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do go to tease and my eldest does babysit but would only leave them for a few hours and not leave them all night long. Think I may just have to be creative x Im just in a moaning mood pmt is calling x

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By * starr -Woman
over a year ago

Burton on Trent.

maybe have a laugh with ya mum about swinging, see how she reacts, and if all good, say you wouldnt mind trying it, or even say you do it.

fortunately, i dont have the problem, but i can understand fully if i did have kids to sort out.

any chance of their dad/s having them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course you've got a bit of a problem if she wants to come to the New Years do too

...but hey, life's a gamble.

You could always tell her it's a kind of speed dating

Good luck whatever...

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not in touch with their dads its just frustrating I think with my mum its more me having a sex life and trying to get a life of my own that she has a problem with. As soon as I start to have a new relationship she stops babysitting so catch 22 and never get a chance to let a relationship blossom x

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By * starr -Woman
over a year ago

Burton on Trent.

my stepmum looks down on me for having a varied sex life, shall we say

maybe its her generation being sticklers.does my head in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well just tell her your a big girl now but if she is the only one to babysit then it looks like you dont have much option, you will just have to go local for the time being. good luck anyway and they wont be babies forever love.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think maybe your parents sound like they don't mind babysitting while you go out but just don't want your children all night.

I would say telling them where you are really going won't change that.

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By *orflondonerMan
over a year ago

Wood Green

Depend on your parents.I could have never admitted being a swinger to either of my late parents.yet, i know people who have.Also several people who's kids know as well.I think alot depends on your family,and also what generation you/they are from

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Not in touch with their dads its just frustrating I think with my mum its more me having a sex life and trying to get a life of my own that she has a problem with. As soon as I start to have a new relationship she stops babysitting so catch 22 and never get a chance to let a relationship blossom x"

I don't know you or your mother but from this last post it does that she suspects sex with a new man is the reason for trips to Birmingham. You haven't told her who he is and it's been going on for a while. She may also resent being seen as your overnight babysitter.

Or, she's swinging too and you keep cramping her style.

It's not easy. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say something along the lines of it being a friends birthday celebration in (out of town place) and they aren't going to move it all just because your mum said you can't go out of town.

If you only go a couple times of year then using the birthday celebration excuse a couple times won't be too bad. Then you just have to think of other fake celebrations that you could be invited to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adding to that if she asks where it is just pick a normal night club in wherever you're going and she won't suspect anything than a night out on the piss unless she hires a private investigator to follow you or something.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Can you not organize a sleep over circle or a voucher circle with friends.

The voucher circle works if one of your friends has the girls over night they then get a note from you so that you will have there child children one night of there choice, the more people involved the more nights out. Im sure there are lots that would love to have someone they trust have there children overnight once in a while

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you not organize a sleep over circle or a voucher circle with friends.

I have plenty of sleep overs here but Bridie wont sleep any where else.

Think I will just go out and not tell my mum where I am going x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do any of your friends have older kids that could babysit for you, they could stay at yours, bung them few quid and load sweets/crisps etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quick question how would you come out as a swinger if you had to. Fed up being treated like a child by my mother sorry here for the rant.

I know I am a single parent and my girls are my responsibility but if I want to go out of town ie chams then I have to rely on mum to have them. Go a couple of times a year.

Basically have just had a massive argument over new years eve x Have said they are ok with me going out New Years Eve just not out of town. How do I get around this."

do you really think 'coming out' will help you?

I know for a fact if my mum knew i did this theres no way she'd babysit for me as she wouldnt have my kids knowing what i was doing

be careful that twice a year could get a lot less if she knew and disapproved of what you was doing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Quick question how would you come out as a swinger if you had to. Fed up being treated like a child by my mother sorry here for the rant.

I know I am a single parent and my girls are my responsibility but if I want to go out of town ie chams then I have to rely on mum to have them. Go a couple of times a year.

Basically have just had a massive argument over new years eve x Have said they are ok with me going out New Years Eve just not out of town. How do I get around this.

do you really think 'coming out' will help you?

I know for a fact if my mum knew i did this theres no way she'd babysit for me as she wouldnt have my kids knowing what i was doing

be careful that twice a year could get a lot less if she knew and disapproved of what you was doing"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i told my mum pretty much straight away when i joined this site.. she's cool with it, she understand as a single woman ive needs.

my mums ace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always had a very open and supportive relationship with my mother but I would never burden her with the knowledge of the things I do within my long term relationship let alone that we sometimes have casual sex with strangers...as long as I am happy she doesn't need to know any gory details or even a hint of things that would play on her mind about my safety or welfare...I think some things are just best kept to yourself personally

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

It's New Year - why should your mother look after YOUR children?!! Suppose she has plans for HER New Year.

I can't see how telling her that you have recreational sex with strangers will strengthen your arguement, and personally, I'm always amazed that people feel the need to blab their personal business to loved ones.

I don't mean to be harsh, but as a mother of three adult girls who seem to have developed a sense of entitlement involving MY time - I have little sympathy for your plight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's New Year - why should your mother look after YOUR children?!! Suppose she has plans for HER New Year.

I don't mean to be harsh, but as a mother of three adult girls who seem to have developed a sense of entitlement involving MY time - I have little sympathy for your plight."

New years eve we tend to take it in turns every other year They always go away for Dads bday beginning of Jan that is not a problem and yes they have there life x

What I was saying they would happily have the girls over night if I was to say go to the pub for the night but just not to go out of town.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's New Year - why should your mother look after YOUR children?!! Suppose she has plans for HER New Year.

I don't mean to be harsh, but as a mother of three adult girls who seem to have developed a sense of entitlement involving MY time - I have little sympathy for your plight."

i have to agree

The only time my mum ever had my children when after my marrage broke down, my ex had the kids one night a week so had noone to have them the other nights and due to the hours i worked there was no child minding services open at that time, so it was a case of my mum helping me out or me giving up my job

Tho shes always helped me out in certain situations that she felt acceptable to have my kids for, ie so i could carry on working, she never had my kids so i could go out, her attitude was you had them you look after them, but to be fair i dont remember her every going out and leaving us with other people when we was kids

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Why does she need to know that you're going out of town?

We all have mobiles now and all she needs to know is that you will be staying over with a friend (female, if you want to say it's me do) as both of us will be drinking and a taxi to both sides of town is a silly expense.

Job done.

Oh, and the party is with my friends and at their house and you are my plus one so you don't really know them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally if you were my daughter I would respect you for your honesty and the fact that you have sexual (and social) needs that you choose to fulfill in a safe controlled environment rather than going out 'on the pull' and bringing a different man into your home & bed every weekend and possibly putting your children at risk x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally if you were my daughter I would respect you for your honesty and the fact that you have sexual (and social) needs that you choose to fulfill in a safe controlled environment rather than going out 'on the pull' and bringing a different man into your home & bed every weekend and possibly putting your children at risk x"

if it was my child i would feel the same, but maybe we feel like that as we do it ourselves so we know its not drity and seedy

but my mums pushing 70, shes never had sex with anyone other than my dad and even then is was more of a duty than pleasure so i doubt she would feel the same about looking after my kids while i did this as i would looking after my grankids while my kids did it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id not tell mum as your lovelife is personell. If you do and she flips out you will never have a babysitter then even if your not out swinging? Oh i dunno, it may ruin things for you. My son is 15 now ive been single 11 yr. i dont like clubs but what i did do was hold partys in my home

just a selected few who i knew would get on and who id play with and it worked so well for me. Why not try yourself? Just keep noise down hehe xx

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont have to tell my mother what im up to because of kids and babysitting but i do for other reasons. I tell her everything, shes knows im on an internet site, she knows i go to parties and stays over, i even mention my close swinging friends to her. The only word she doesnt know is the word swinger.

Couldnt you say look mum im on this site bla bla, a group meet up in birmingham as its central and id like to go every once in a while, you dont have to mention the word swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Opps forgot to mention a friend had my son when this happened then id babysit hers when she went out x

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I have to say I'm feeling you on this one!! I'm a single parent with very little scope for babysitters but the idea of telling my parents would be a nightmare and would end with me having no sitter at all!! I'd say wait for things to calm down and just try reasoning with them - good luck Hun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone looked down their noses at me because i had my kids very young, i was only 16 when i got pregnant and tho it was hard it does mean that now my kids are grown up and dont need a sitter anymore and im still young enough to go out and enjoy myself

swings and roundabouts

i have lots of friends my age who have young kids and cant go out because they dont have a sitter and to be honest im glad im not still in that situation

Ive done my time of staying in week after week bring up kids now its my time

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Everyone looked down their noses at me because i had my kids very young, i was only 16 when i got pregnant and tho it was hard it does mean that now my kids are grown up and dont need a sitter anymore and im still young enough to go out and enjoy myself

swings and roundabouts

i have lots of friends my age who have young kids and cant go out because they dont have a sitter and to be honest im glad im not still in that situation

Ive done my time of staying in week after week bring up kids now its my time

I wasnt young when i had callum but i only went out once in a blue moon when he was little. Think i can count on both hands the amount of times me and my ex husband went out together. I guess if i wanted to get babysitters i could but i dont regret it as now hes grown up and flown the nest and my time is my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had too thay was doing this years ago ... key partys and things i would sit on the step untill thay made me go to bed only clicked when i got older what thay was up too . lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm surprised by the 'don't tell your parents, they may not babysit anymore' comments.

Don't grandparents have the grandchildren overnight just because they want too anymore?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does she need to know yr out of town? I say im goin out clubbin til 6am, or staying ova at a mates house just to get sum air cos it .gets boring and lonely bein a single mum. She not suspicious of these excuses. Do not tell her im sure it will go badly just lie lie lie! Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i do think there is a big difference between going out and staying local and going away out of town..

Should anything happen (and touch wood nothing ever does) at least the person who i left to care for my child wont expect me back in under 20 minutes. I do not drink when i do have nights off (dont need a drink to have a good time) so that i can always return should something go wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys have got past the first hurdle went and spoke to my dad lol just said would you have the girls going to a friends halloween party x And he said yes x will let the air settle and try for new years nearer the time x Like I say I dont take advantage of them but sometimes I need a break and just think another few years and I wont have this problem x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure saying your a swinger would help.

Maybe it's the communication or the fact that she feels like a free baby sitting service?

I can't have casual sex because my mum won't look after my kids does sound like it belongs on the Jeremey Kyle show lol I'm exaggerating there not having a dig.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm surprised by the 'don't tell your parents, they may not babysit anymore' comments.

Don't grandparents have the grandchildren overnight just because they want too anymore?

"
ok it may have come across wrong but if she tells her mum she is a swinger and her mum disaproves then her mum may not babysit as she may think everytine she does, her daughter is getting upto things she isnt keen on. Some people, believe it or not, frown apon swinging. Her mum might not like it. So may not help out? I say we should all demand admin babysit our kids when where out having fun???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh i sorted this problem as a single mum..if you want something enough you find a way..

I used a childcare site to find some local studenty types who wanted to earn £5 per hr babysitting.I meet them first and get references where possible.My daughter age 9 will always let me know if they are any good!The kids actually love having someone teenagey and trendy to spend time with for a bit.

i have a list of about 4 i use regularly so i can always get out! My mum and dad were always going out to dinner parties(well thats what they told me

) and stuff when i was little.We had numerous babysitters over the years and always loved it.Why should we have no bloody life just because we have children...happier mum= happier children imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It must be stressful being a full time lone parent so understandable you need some "me" time away from that environment to unwind and let loose lol

unfortunately though going by what you've written your only option for over night child care are your parents - they dislike assuming that responsibility and reluctantly have done so in the past (on the basis of what you've written) and now that option is completely off the table after an argument last xmas..

they're not obligated to mind your kids, it's at their discretion perhaps try mending some fences with them and impressing upon them how much your kids enjoy spending time with them.

or wait until the eldest is legally old enough to mind your youngest over night maybe asking your parents to supplement that with frequent trips to your house / phone calls to ensure everything's alright.

The only other thing comes to mind if that doesn't work .. their father assuming some responsibility (if he's not dead or a pervert) looking after them and giving you a break..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personally i have no sympathy with single parents, if you cant look after your own kids without the help of others then you shouldnt have them. and the woman who said if a parent is happy then the kids are happy is very mistaken! dont be surprised when your kids grow up and bugger off leaving you to get old in a home and never visit you or help you when you need them, they will expect someone else to do that as you thik someone will look after your children for you! put your selfish wants to one side and put your kids first, atleast untill they are 18!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"personally i have no sympathy with single parents, if you cant look after your own kids without the help of others then you shouldnt have them. and the woman who said if a parent is happy then the kids are happy is very mistaken! dont be surprised when your kids grow up and bugger off leaving you to get old in a home and never visit you or help you when you need them, they will expect someone else to do that as you thik someone will look after your children for you! put your selfish wants to one side and put your kids first, atleast untill they are 18!"

Not much makes me see red, but this has. For most, being a single parent wasn't something they planned when they became a parent. As for being able to look after kids on your own with no help whatsoever, is, quite frankly, impossible. What about the parent having to work, or if the parent is ill, they would need help then. I see nothing wrong with a single parent wanting a social life occasionally, its not as if the OP was wanting to be out all night every night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when you get pregnant you know whats coming, if your not up to it dont have them. where theres a will theres a way.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"when you get pregnant you know whats coming, if your not up to it dont have them. where theres a will theres a way."

I'm not sure if you are very brave or very stupid but im going with the latter!! I'm a single parent not by choice but because my wanker of an ex decided that he no longer wanted the responsibility of being a parent so walked!! So before slagging single parents off for not being able to cope stop and engage brain!! Just because I'm a single parent doesn't entitle me to a life of celibacy and although my daughter is my priority and without doubt always comes first the occasional bit of me time us needed as well!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when you get pregnant you know whats coming, if your not up to it dont have them. where theres a will theres a way.

I can't say what my opinion is of him.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"when you get pregnant you know whats coming, if your not up to it dont have them. where theres a will theres a way.

I can't say what my opinion is of him.

Me neither to be honest I was very restrained in my reply

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm surprised by the 'don't tell your parents, they may not babysit anymore' comments.

Don't grandparents have the grandchildren overnight just because they want too anymore?

Yes, they do. But grandparents have lives too and may wish to party themselves on New Years Eve.

Or are we supposed to sit around 24/7 365 days a year for adult children?

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"I'm surprised by the 'don't tell your parents, they may not babysit anymore' comments.

Don't grandparents have the grandchildren overnight just because they want too anymore?

Yes, they do. But grandparents have lives too and may wish to party themselves on New Years Eve.

Or are we supposed to sit around 24/7 365 days a year for adult children?

I think you missed the point OP says she only asks a couple of times a year not every day!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't rely on friends or family for my pet care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personaly i wouldnt tell her incase she sees it a different way like your giving up ur child to go shagging also in her time of growing up she might not even of herd of swinging im not saying shes old or anything.. but instead try doing alot more for ur mum i.e take for meals buying gifts you know as a thank youu for the help she gives you then she might not be so reluctent to look after your child

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't rely on friends or family for my pet care.

Ha but I have my mums dog Jack every time they go away on holiday usually for two or three weeks at a time. Never ask for anything at Christmas the only thing I do ask is for my mum to have the girls new years eve if they are not away on holiday that is why we usually alternate for new year have always done this since i decided to take my life back.

They had agreed to have them over night not a problem but she moved the boundery's and set the conditions of not going away for new year but staying local that what peed me off x

They know I have friends in Birmingham dont need to go in to details with that but just dont want me going away although when I do get away I am still back by lunchtime the next day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And for the guy ranting over single parents. I obviously am one have always worked and supported never claimed benefits have done it solo for 15 years nothing no csa no nothing and trying to have a life away from them does not mean I am a bad parent or that I neglect them it just makes me human x

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"And for the guy ranting over single parents. I obviously am one have always worked and supported never claimed benefits have done it solo for 15 years nothing no csa no nothing and trying to have a life away from them does not mean I am a bad parent or that I neglect them it just makes me human x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm surprised by the 'don't tell your parents, they may not babysit anymore' comments.

Don't grandparents have the grandchildren overnight just because they want too anymore?

Yes, they do. But grandparents have lives too and may wish to party themselves on New Years Eve.

Or are we supposed to sit around 24/7 365 days a year for adult children?

I think you missed the point OP says she only asks a couple of times a year not every day!!"

No, you missed the point.

Firstly my comment was aimed at the poster who questioned why grandparents wouldn't want to babysit. Add to that new years eve is party time, why assume grandparents don't want to bust some moves too instead of playing Kerplunk with the rugrats?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"personaly i wouldnt tell her incase she sees it a different way like your giving up ur child to go shagging also in her time of growing up she might not even of herd of swinging im not saying shes old or anything.. but instead try doing alot more for ur mum i.e take for meals buying gifts you know as a thank youu for the help she gives you then she might not be so reluctent to look after your child

I didn't see it as her mum being reluctant. Maybe she has plans for new year!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didn't see it as her mum being reluctant. Maybe she has plans for new year!"

If they have plans then not a problem but like I say had already agreed then moved the goal post normally they stay in new years and order a chinese or indian banquet thats their thing if they are not going out x and I would say out of the whole year my mum has my youngest over night maybe 4 times a year its not a lot and my eldest well she is at the age where she would rather stay at a friends.

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By *uyuksno1Man
over a year ago

poole

we told our mum that we had joined a social club and some times they had functions on in different areas and if we had been drinking we would stay over she was alright with that and stopped asking the questions hated lying to her but it was so much better than the alternative she had seen an article in a magazine about swinging and said they should all be put up against a wall and shot s we knew lying was better but as you are on your own going out of the area is probably worrying them as they are probably worried if anything happens you may be to far away for help xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find hired help seldom impose restrictions or ask questions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

exactly..loads of responsible teenagers out there who want to earn a bit of dosh to go out with!

I was one once.

I also have a cleaner.

I adore my kids and they come first.But i am no martyr.

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