FabSwingers.com forum: Performance anxiety...

By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

Doesn't often affect me, but from time to time it takes hold and can then take a little while to get past it, but it can be a downward spiral. The more you think about the fact it's happening, the more it happens.

Just wondering if anyone has found any techniques to overcome it?

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

"Doesn't often affect me, but from time to time it takes hold and can then take a little while to get past it, but it can be a downward spiral. The more you think about the fact it's happening, the more it happens.

Just wondering if anyone has found any techniques to overcome it?"

For me it helps to just stop, breath and just chill for a while so I relax and then ease back into it as such

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By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

Kissing for me, somehow breaks the ice.

Other times, just pop a blue one until you get used to them for repeat meets.

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By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Kissing for me, somehow breaks the ice.

Other times, just pop a blue one until you get used to them for repeat meets. "

I haven't tried the blue ones, but Cialis doesn't help that much. It does work and lasts for about 3days, but it's no use for helping to get an erection when anxious. Maybe the blue ones work in a different way.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

"Kissing for me, somehow breaks the ice.

Other times, just pop a blue one until you get used to them for repeat meets. "

Kissing is a good one for me aswell as I find it a real turn on anyway, as for the little blue pill i take those anyway due to having an anxiety disorder the issue is the meds for that cause ED so have the pill to counter that in the first place lol

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Just wondering if anyone has found any techniques to overcome it?"

I've actually never had it.

I've had a bit of 'Oh my, you are absolutely gorgeous ..right chap, don't you dare let me down here', thoughts.

The reality has not yet materialised. Still, there are certain things that when thought of without fail give me the horn, so I would hold those thoughts in reserve.

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Some ideas though:

Kissing

Body contact

Tune into their breathing

Think of what really turns you on and then mentally frame the meeting in those terms.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

"Kissing for me, somehow breaks the ice.

Other times, just pop a blue one until you get used to them for repeat meets.

Nope they are the same except you get crappy side effects I have just changed prescription to cialis and dont get the awful acid I did with viagra or the blue vision neither will work if you are not aroused though, what dose cialis are you on as they may be able to increase it

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

"Some ideas though:

Kissing

Body contact

Tune into their breathing

Think of what really turns you on and then mentally frame the meeting in those terms."
good suggestions here

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By *enm83Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Been meditating to help with my general anxiety so I imagine breath control, taking your time and being in the moment would help with sex.

And lots of foreplay helps with relaxation, sex shouldn't be all about the penetration.

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By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

Yeah this is all good advice, the best way to describe it when it's happening it's like you're a third person, not in the moment. After the meet, there are parts of it where there's absolutely no recollection of what happened.

It's not often, which is almost worse because it's unpredictable. Most of the time everything is fine, but there's always that thought of "what if".

I know it's fairly common, which is why I thought there might be some good advice here.

Cialis is 20mg tabs

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

"Yeah this is all good advice, the best way to describe it when it's happening it's like you're a third person, not in the moment. After the meet, there are parts of it where there's absolutely no recollection of what happened.

It's not often, which is almost worse because it's unpredictable. Most of the time everything is fine, but there's always that thought of "what if".

I know it's fairly common, which is why I thought there might be some good advice here.

Cialis is 20mg tabs

That sounds a lot like dissociation; I have a lot of experience with that (obviously not the ED issue) but with dissociation it’s like you’re in a dream state/3rd person watching yourself. I’ve found the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness trick helps x

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Relaxation and distraction are key. Creating the (non!) elephant in the room will make it worse. Change tack, remember it is not just about stiff bits, and skillful use of your hands tongue etc will keep things moving.

Women get performance anxiety too, just a bit less obvious

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

Big match nerves. I have had it on a few occasions. The trouble is you never know when it’s going to strike.

It’s so tough being a man.

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By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

" That sounds a lot like dissociation; I have a lot of experience with that (obviously not the ED issue) but with dissociation it’s like you’re in a dream state/3rd person watching yourself. I’ve found the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness trick helps x"

Thanks, what's the mindfulness trick? I've not heard of that. X

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By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Relaxation and distraction are key. Creating the (non!) elephant in the room will make it worse. Change tack, remember it is not just about stiff bits, and skillful use of your hands tongue etc will keep things moving.

Women get performance anxiety too, just a bit less obvious

Haha thankfully I'm ok with my back up skills and would never leave a meet if anxiety kicked in. I've heard stories of where a guy can't perform so just gets dressed and leaves!!

I always want the other person/people to be satisfied (which is part of the worry I think!)

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By *he Cram-BetweensCouple
over a year ago

A Club or Your Bedroom!

Bookmarking.... I'll be back for a read later

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Foreplay and more foreplay. It gets the Male ready and it gets the Lady ready

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

Thanks, what's the mindfulness trick? I've not heard of that. X"

It’s to do with senses so like 5 things you see, 4 things you can hear, 3 you can feel, 2 things you can smell and 1 you can taste x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP

There are sometime other underlying stresses that are distracting your emotions at that time and lets be honest, it has been a stressful 2 years for most of us, so your not alone

If your partner is caring she will wait for you to recover

Chill and relax

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

OP: I found the easiest solution was just to arrange plenty of stand-by cocks

(Bry)

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I was nervous meeting someone beginning of December. I did a lot of research online about coping and what was I particularly worried about.

Everyone's base issues will be different so it's not a one size fits all.

I attacked the issue thusly.

1. Lots of pre bedroom foreplay. Flirting and subtle touching in public.

2. Lots of bedroom foreplay. Kissing and being there for her.

3. When it came to penatrative sex we had been hours in the making and my mojo was just spot on.

Breaking the cycle is your first step. It was so far from my mind it didn't happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good sucking normally seems to help them out lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to me before and it's the worst experience ever. I'm now constantly nervous because when it happened it was like my cock just didnt bother to turn up, the lights were omn but there was nobody at home. Its embarrassing and a horrible experience for all involved. Luckily it happened when I was with a stripper that I bizarrely ended up with one night and was paying for the privilege, so I just dusted myself down and rimmed her for ages and used lots of toys. She was happy, but it's left me on edge forevermore! I do think it was absolutely my mind that let me down there, knowing she wasn't there for me on my merits.

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By *r_lascivious OP Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

"It's happened to me before and it's the worst experience ever. I'm now constantly nervous because when it happened it was like my cock just didnt bother to turn up, the lights were omn but there was nobody at home. Its embarrassing and a horrible experience for all involved. Luckily it happened when I was with a stripper that I bizarrely ended up with one night and was paying for the privilege, so I just dusted myself down and rimmed her for ages and used lots of toys. She was happy, but it's left me on edge forevermore! I do think it was absolutely my mind that let me down there, knowing she wasn't there for me on my merits."

The stripper situation is definitely a mind thing I would say. Knowing she's only there because she's being paid etc. ... However, if you're naturally someone who likes control and somewhat a selfish lover, then it may swing the other way and that becomes the turn on! ...."I'm paying you, do as I say" etc.

Not really my thing though.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

the first time it happened to me I was mortified, it really is a massive knock to your confidence when the fucker just doesn't want to play ball, and I do agree there is definitely a psychological aspect to it, for me I have ED issues due to meds aswell which at times doesn't help the mental aspect either although I have a pill to deal with that now lol, I think the problem is for years penetration has been seen as such an important part of sex due to porn ect, it puts a lot of pressure on men to perform, have massive cocks and go like a steam train for hours on end, I have been really lucky with recent partners and playmates in that they have been understanding when it has happened and being such a horny bugger most of the time I have been able to get back into that headspace reasonably easily and if all else fails I have talented fingers and a tongue and a fair knowledge of anatomy so can compensate that way

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