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New relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Been single for enough time to think about relationships now.

Want to hear people's opinions. Do you think you should talk about your kinks straight away or wait?

I ask because imo you could date someone for a while and then realise that they're not for you literally because of the sex because although it might be great to start but eventually you'll crave whatever your kink maybe. For example meeting someone who's amazing but then after sleeping together a few times you realise they don't like giving oral perhaps. Is that something you would sacrifice or like me do you believe that even though sec might be great that thing(s) that you desire is gonna be an issue at some point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you think you both have something that's going places. Then you both should be open about what you want out of the relationship. It's the only way forward not second guessing that leads to problems.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

But when do you mention it?

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I've just got into a new relationship and I was nervous as I've been swinging for 3yrs so have certain kinks and have done certain things. He knew my kinks prior to the relationship because I struck up a friendship with a colleague (who also turned out to be a swinger) and one summer's evening 5 of us were in his garden drinking and chatting about sex and swinging then his nephew came home and joined in the chat - instant chemistry! A couple of weeks later he invited me upstairs when I was over there, we had mind blowing sex then chatted for a couple of hours about our sexual history and we're now a couple. I'm very sub and he's very dom, sexually we are very compatible. It's worth talking about it first to check you are compatible- sex isn't everything but it is a big part of a relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've always said that if I was thinking about entering into a relationship with someone (god forbid) I'd be clear from the start about a lot of things. I think I'd probably get the first date out of the way though. I'd have a conversation about the things that are important to me and encourage the other person to do the same.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I mention my kinks and likes on my first fab socials.

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By *tagmeupMan
over a year ago

wirral

This is where i am falling down. Have no issues having dates on vanilla sites but then after a couple of dates it doesn’t usually go down well when i mention swinging then its back to square one. Would be nice to meet someone on here but the competition is immense as people are (mainly) only after one thing. I would love both, a relationship and to swing with the girl.

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

Surely as with any new relationship, you both open up.more talk more and do more , it's not all about one date and its make or break unless sof course its definitely break and run

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve just posted on another thread about vanilla sex which I couldn’t do. I was on Tinder a few years ago and one of their newsletters suggested that far from being questions that you don’t have until your comfortable, anything like sex should be discussed pretty early otherwise, as has been said here, you could end up 6 months down the line and frustrated with an otherwise lovely relationship. My last serious relationship lasted 3 years, we spoke about our history on the second time she stayed over and found that we had some common ground. Not had a relationship since, but if I’m lucky enough to find one in the future and my sex drive is the sam, it’s a conversation that I’d have early on again.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I told Niki pretty early on that I used to live with my wife and our girlfriend, she didn't do a runner, so I knew she was exceptionally open minded. It took about eight years before she was open to anything non-monogamous, so don't write anyone off just because they won't immediately jump into the swinging world.

Having said that, I would say certain kinks do need a high level of compatibility.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

The old chicken and egg thing. It's a fine ballance, especially when you meet someone from a vanilla source (I did a bit of online dating a few years back).

When your sexual appetite is a little more intense/different from most you don't want to waste everyone's time getting too deep in to find out it's not a match sexually. But on the other hand to don't want to be too forward about it because most women are (and very understandably so) conscious of guy who are solely driven by sex and fuck boys. So you don't want to come across falsely as this and scare them off. In my experience the best thing is get to know them a bit. Build a bit of rapport, trust and encourage an environment of openness. Take the lead in this be open, honest and see if they reciprocate. After all the ability to be open and honest both way is key to any relationship vanilla or not. If this goes well then is the time to simply explain in all honesty that you like where its going but feel you want to talk briefly about sexual compatability so the elephant is out the room and no ones time is wasted. Explain that doesn't mean your pushing to have sex or do these kinks, just checking if you having them would be OK to that person. If not it's important to be yourself. Don't force something that isn't and continue the search. However you never know they may be curious, open to the possibility or infact share the same or similar desires.

In my experience of the above when the trust and timing is right no woman has ever been nasty, rude or judgmental. Most adults are open minded and ok as long as they know your intentions about dating are totally honest and good. To be fair generally there's been curiosity even if no intrest and most women (especially post long term relationship) are actually very open minded when they are with someone with honest and good intent. But be warmed most women with an ounce of dating savy can spot a fuck boy a mile away.

As for where to find women open to more interesting sexual desire. One, why not put yourself up for dating on Fab (we met on Fab)? Here you know that others have simular intrests and are open minded. Likewise they know this about you so that elephant in the room is gone. Thus you can put the sexy stuff on the back burner and concentrate on simply dating knowing when the time is right to take things further that you'll be on the same song sheet. Or if you have particular kinks advertised and seek dating on a fet site. Also I used to like using the dating website OK Cupid. You have to do a questionnaire when setting up. Included are questions about sexual desire, kinks and attitudes towards monogamy. You can use other people's results to filter the people who have simular attitudes towards sex and monogamy/non-monogamy with. Thus the people you contact you know are already in the right ball park sexually (Likewise they will know this of you). So you can concentrate on dating and getting to know each other with the knowledge that down the line when it gets there you have some sexual compatability. There may also be other websites that match party by sexual attitudes and compatability.

Anyways good luck and I hope you find what you seek.

Mr

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

We were just going to write pretty much what Misfits Behaving Badly wrote!

If the chat naturally moves towards sex, ask them about any fantasies they have. Then respond with your swinging experience. If they're not on board with it and you can't live a vanilla life, shake hands and be on your way.

Do this before you actually have sex so they don't feel led on or put at risk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wish I had the opportunity, but I guess it's best to get that sort of thing into the open early on?

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Fifth date with my current partner when I told her about my crossdressing. In previous relationships it could be 10 - 15th date, it always depends on the person.

With my current partner on the second date we talked about sex and not long after that date, she went away got a bit d*unk and sent me explicit messages. So realised she was very open minded.

Spoiler alert we are still together

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