FabSwingers.com forum: Why don’t I get any replies?

By *ack n Foxy OP Couple
over a year ago

Notts/Derby border

So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

To be honest, in our view the answer is really simple. Many guys seem to think they can make a 1 line profile with no pics or a single poorly taken dick pic, fire out a load of one line messages like “how are you?”…. “Hots pics”….. “free now?” Etc etc and that they’re going to be inundated with replies…. Guys… bad news I’m afraid… you’re not!

First piece of advice would be READ THE PROFILE….. many long term members have spent time and effort to explain exactly what they’re looking for, who with, and sometimes even where and when. They’ve also often made it clear at the start of their profile things like “one liners get no reply”….. “no pics no reply” etc etc. We have, IN CAPITALS, and yet well over 75% of the many messages we get are one line messages, with no pics, a one line profile, and from people who clearly haven’t read any of our profile

FFS guys this isn’t Adult Work…. if that is going to be your approach you may as well leave the site now and save us all the bother of deleting your pathetic attempts at contact. You’ll get nowhere, blame the site rather than looking to yourself, and leave anyway

Read peoples profiles before messaging them and if you don’t fit the bill then move on. Don’t be offended… don’t think “oh I’m only one gender removed from what they’re looking for” or “I know they said 8” plus a dim 5” but I’ll try my luck anyway”…. You just piss people off. There’s someone for everyone this site if you make a bit of an effort. Don’t reach for the untouchable and you’ll suffer far less reflection, disappointment and disillusionment

Take a little time to compose a reasonable profile for yourself with a few pictures. Doesn’t have to be face pics… we all understand the need for discretion but you can easily blur faces, or tattoos or whatever….

Compose a message which is personal to the member you’re messaging. Takes a little more time, but also try to be realistic…. You’re not buying a can of in the corner shop here…. Your ultimate goal is to get a complete stranger to have sex with you… if you can only manage one line to open communications then it doesn’t really bode well for what you’re expecting to happen does it? If that’s all you can manage then try a hooker… they rarely say no to even the most ignorant of our species and there are many reasonably priced escorts out there.

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…

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By *enonlyMan
over a year ago

Stoke On Trent

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

Wow thats amazing its nice that you've taken the time to write this hopefully something will sink in

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…

Wow thats amazing its nice that you've taken the time to write this hopefully something will sink in "

Sadly the men who need to read it won't have the patience to do so

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By *ch WellMan
over a year ago

Scotland

It can be frustrating as a single male on here, i get that, I should know as I am one but I have also been part of a couple on here and yea I'd agree that many single men are there own worst enemy. It got to the stage that my female partner and I just gave up, we were totally put off by the amount of men who just did not read our very clear and simple wishes. For example, if a couple state they wish to take things easy, get a feel for the place and see if the very nervous lady does want to slowly dip her toe in the swinging world so to speak then bombarding with fuck now messages isn't really the way to ease her in. Even those who seemed to understand and got the nerves quickly let their true colours show.

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By *ack n Foxy OP Couple
over a year ago

Notts/Derby border

“Sadly the men who need to read it won't have the patience to do so “

So true…. Upon reflection it was a complete waste of time lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

95% of our messages consist of..

How are you?

Are you having fun?

Is that Mr or Mrs?

or a dick pic

The other 5% get a decent reply

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"“Sadly the men who need to read it won't have the patience to do so “

So true…. Upon reflection it was a complete waste of time lol"

Not a tall, it makes very interesting reading

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By *anilla-sinCouple
over a year ago

lancs

"“Sadly the men who need to read it won't have the patience to do so “

So true…. Upon reflection it was a complete waste of time lol"

probably, but it was a good read, and 100% spot on

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By *itan1000Man
over a year ago

hastings

Its simple as a couple we were inundated with messages from couples single women and obviously loads of guys the ones we met all wanted to be friends in and out of the scene as a single guy the same friends dont want to know I don't really blame them they are hounded with hundreds of messages from mainly guys. In my experience there is a massive difference in having a fab friend and a true friend

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Great write up! Loved the bit about 'long term profiles', as we are. We've had so many re writes over the years. We've treid to trim it down to make it plain and simple. But still get the offers we're clearly not looking for.

Just yesterday, we added about face pics. Guesstimate we had 10 messages yesterday without pics.

Alass it's something that will never be cured on Fabs.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

Read the profile you say. If they can’t be bothered to read a short profile. What makes you think that they will read your post all the way down to the advice about reading a profile??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read the profile you say. If they can’t be bothered to read a short profile. What makes you think that they will read your post all the way down to the advice about reading a profile??"

I read it

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

Lots don’t. Look at our profile. We recently got a message telling us what great pictures we have.

Our profile has not been changed in over a year

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Or instead of giving out and "teaching" others how to approach fab people could use their filters and go search themselves and send a first message. Then there is no annoyance about what others are sending them and they are just messaging those they have an interest in. Seems a much better solution but then it requires more effort.

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

100% spot on ...If people did actually read instead of saying they do or have what a wonderful world we might have ?? and 95% of our messages end up being deleted and blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots don’t. Look at our profile. We recently got a message telling us what great pictures we have.

Our profile has not been changed in over a year "

well i'm with you on that one then!

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"Or instead of giving out and "teaching" others how to approach fab people could use their filters and go search themselves and send a first message. Then there is no annoyance about what others are sending them and they are just messaging those they have an interest in. Seems a much better solution but then it requires more effort."

What a great response, of course that’s all they would need the do. But of course your right it would take some effort on there part!!! Sadly I think their sense of entitlement will mean they won’t. However I do feel certain people just enjoy slating guys full stop tbh

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By *ack n Foxy OP Couple
over a year ago

Notts/Derby border

We do exactly that and have met some great people as a result… but it doesn’t stop the ridiculous inbounds from people who clearly can’t reciprocate clogging up our inbox…

The post was intended merely as friendly advice for people who wish to understand things from a couples perspective and take it on board…. Those who don’t are welcome to scroll on by…. There’s no obligation….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately a lot of people just can't hold a conversation anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, I kinda skipped to the end of the original post, so what did I miss?

Jokes aside, I agree with what you’re saying. People (well guys) gotta put the effort in more. I always try to make any messages to a person both personal and relevant. Hopefully to build a connection.

It doesn’t work a lot of the time because of… well reasons unknown, but I stand by my principals on this, and will continue as I have done before.

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

We do exactly that and have met some great people as a result… but it doesn’t stop the ridiculous inbounds from people who clearly can’t reciprocate clogging up our inbox…

This lady was giving you some friendly advice

. If you didn’t like it you can always scroll on by ! There’s no obligation

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By *ausageNmashCouple
over a year ago

Andover

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

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By *asiKhanMan
over a year ago

luton

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

Thank you I think I really needed to read this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

99% spot on the only bit id change is the bit where you say there is someeone for everyone ... sadly this will never be the case ... why?? ...well put simply there are far to many men as to women and couples so just with that in mind many many will simply never get a chance ..

bearing in mind half the women and couples on fab use it for different reasons other than meeting via here.... it fact i bet the number is higher than that

just look at the home page see how many ''new'' men join every day so guys need to be honest unless they put the effort in they will get no where for every 100 messages i get ill be lucky to answer 1 and we consider ourselves swingers who meet regular (non covid times) and by regular we mean 2 or 3 times aweek but we can do that because over the years we've met guys who become friends and reliable meets ... might i add too most of the guys we meet /met have come from club meets .... clubs are the sure fire way to get you feet on the ladder

so guys the more that join the harder it gets for you and the more choice foe women and couples ..its that simple

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By *uzboxCouple
over a year ago

Northwich

To be fair, the guys who post threads on the forum usually start by saying that even though they read the profile and taylor a message, they still don't get a reply.

I don't think your rant will ever be seen by those it is aimed at.

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

The forums are used by a very, very small percentage of Fab members, and I get the impression those worst messaging offenders don't look at the forums

It's not just single guys. We get the occasional message from couples and they are just as bad, if not worse. Think they think that reading profiles doesn't apply to them as they have some kind of automatic pass.

(Bry)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The forums are used by a very, very small percentage of Fab members, and I get the impression those worst messaging offenders don't look at the forums

(Bry)"

totally agree with this 99% of fab dont come anywhere near the forums hence its a bad place to get your views out ...

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By *tarburst babydollMan
over a year ago

Dingwall

Sadly I think most of the guys that should be reading this probably don't come onto the forum. The ones I mean are the ones who scroll a few profiles see a pic they like then fire of a one liner. Maybe your post should be part of the terms and conditions of joining

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By *iceGuyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

OP , thanks for the heads up towards single guys and i must say that I totally understand where you coming from. Ive been on this website for about 7 years and i have been as a couple on here as well for 3 years hence as many of you i had a few experiences and i have learnt a few things along the way so in my opinion everyone who post a message on this thread they are totally right from their own point of view and its only fair for everyone! In a few words you get good ones and bad ones same as in our daily private life . You find yourself going to asda and you can find a grumpy staff behind the counter or you can find a friendly one welcoming you with a smile on his/her face and this is just a small example but im sure you get the picture!

There are so many categories of people that you can’t just cope with everyone ! there are some nice single guys like the ones that you have previously met and theres also the ones who doesn’t even bother to read your profile or just write a poor message but lets not forget that there are couples and sf who doesn’t even bother to say “no thank you” after putting the effort to read their profile, write a nice message, telling them about yourself, pic a phrase from their profile and make a joke or complimenting that so they know that you have read their profile and make sure you fit the bill before messaging them! With all this being said , in my opinion best thing to do is to move on and not judging anyone and if you had enough just hide your profile and you choose with who to speak to.

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…

Wow thats amazing its nice that you've taken the time to write this hopefully something will sink in "

Why this continues to get talked about is bonkers. It goes like this

1. single guys want help with profile, please help me!!!

2. advice given,advice not taken

3. topic goes quiet for a week

4. eager beaver couple or single female take it up on themselves to carefully script a well thought out, informative, slightly condescending, copy and paste of shit already said by others, guide to help single guys have more success and not be the monumental failure rate junkies they are.

5. Pat on the back from fellow members, and a hope they finally listen and change their approach.

6. Back and forth blah

7. 1-6 gets Repeated

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By *andS1Couple
over a year ago

Poole

Even if we are not interested in meeting but it's a decent message we always reply just because they are so rare.

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By *iceGuyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Even if we are not interested in meeting but it's a decent message we always reply just because they are so rare."

And this is why some of us really appreciate the ones like you even if its a small number of us(single males)

A big “Thank you” to everyone like you

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn

"Even if we are not interested in meeting but it's a decent message we always reply just because they are so rare.

And this is why some of us really appreciate the ones like you even if its a small number of us(single males)

A big “Thank you” to everyone like you

Forgot to add in point 5 that there is always one lone single guy that seizes chance to score points by praising a comment on behalf of the 'good, few, but appreciative single guys'

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Strangely although I don't get messages from other men I've still had lots from women and especially couples who may also need to take heed of your rant.

Flipping your "from a couples perspective" comment on its head for a moment I wonder how many couples read a profile and assume that because it's just a male profile anything that's said in it is just lip service?

I've had to write my profile the way it is specifically for couples who approach with a "do you not know who we are?" attitude.

An inability to read but more importantly respect what is written in profiles is not unique to single men.

I don't send messages and haven't done in 2 years so all conversations are initiated by others.

Some of those have single guys blocked to simplify their experience and have taken the time and effort to get in touch but many haven't read a single word and just looked at the pics.

More than half the messages I receive from couples are just a list of instructions to follow such as sending facepics and phone numbers regardless of the fact we've never spoken before and I've no idea who they are.

I've been told I have to do certain things such as shave my beard off or play bi and they might consider putting me on their to do list.

Respect works both ways.

Speak to me as an equal rather than a number and I might respond. Otherwise move along and find your doormat elsewhere.

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By *iceGuyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Even if we are not interested in meeting but it's a decent message we always reply just because they are so rare.

And this is why some of us really appreciate the ones like you even if its a small number of us(single males)

A big “Thank you” to everyone like you

Forgot to add in point 5 that there is always one lone single guy that seizes chance to score points by praising a comment on behalf of the 'good, few, but appreciative single guys'"

Point 8

always someone like you to make unnecessary comments

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn

"Even if we are not interested in meeting but it's a decent message we always reply just because they are so rare.

And this is why some of us really appreciate the ones like you even if its a small number of us(single males)

A big “Thank you” to everyone like you

Forgot to add in point 5 that there is always one lone single guy that seizes chance to score points by praising a comment on behalf of the 'good, few, but appreciative single guys'

Point 8

always someone like you to make unnecessary comments "

Yes, i usually do. Puts me on a par if not worse than single "straight" males for perpetuating something that always leads to nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a million and one opinions, all the experts who know the best & what works!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I finish all my long winded bullshit messages with the last line reading

“Recipient acknowledges that failing to reply means they have no decency manners and a staggering sense of millennials woke self entitledness and agree to pay me £50 compensation”

I then beat off to daily mail articles on Megan markle and pictures of owls.

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

[Removed by poster at 07/01/22 17:53:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I finish all my long winded bullshit messages with the last line reading

“Recipient acknowledges that failing to reply means they have no decency manners and a staggering sense of millennials woke self entitledness and agree to pay me £50 compensation”

I then beat off to daily mail articles on Megan markle and pictures of owls."

Sorry I meant towels

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

Shhhh!!! Don't tell all the single guys how to be successful, I do OK but if all guys were good at sending messages then I'd struggle

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn

Your still onto a winner mate. Your safe because that scenario is based on men following advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny. But nothing will ever change.

It's also funny that we are the rude ones when we tell them to fcuk off and read the profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Funny. But nothing will ever change.

It's also funny that we are the rude ones when we tell them to fcuk off and read the profile. "

Well that is kinda rude I suppose.

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

"So many times on the forums we see the eternal question posted, usually by single guys… “why don’t I get any replies to my messages?” or similar..

In short, make an effort, and you’ll get better results.

Rant over…"

That was actually a very coherent rant

And I know it will strike a cord with many women and couples whose inboxes are inundated with inane messages composed with no thought.

There is also a consequence too for those of us who do always read a profile and send a personal message each and every time.

I would never be as presumptuous as to assume I’m going to meet at the drop of a hat with everyone I message, but it is frustrating when you send a nice friendly personal message and it remains unread, in all likelihood because the recipient’s inbox is full to bursting.

But, hey ho, I have some lovely sexy friends here and I shall continue to message those particular Fabbers who catch my eye in the hope of a new adventure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't bother sending messages anymore it's great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *hancer666Man
over a year ago

Redbourn

You mean, everyone act like an adult, be responsible for just their actions, use the filters to their advantage, and not throw tantrums if someone somehow, was able to penetrate their filter defence and send an unwanted message, and even though they spelt it out in capitals not to....a cock photo. Its genius, i love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couples do this too, but then again, maybe its the male half of the couple communicating?

We don't expect an eloquent communique but at last put some imagination into your messages. Two or three sentences isn't in a message isn't hard.

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