FabSwingers.com forum: Aftercare

By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

Who here knows what aftercare is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In dom/sub play?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who here knows what aftercare is?"

Yup and we practice it ! It’s so important

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep. It's essential.

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"In dom/sub play? "

No, not just in dom and sub play. In all sex, it’s a single most important thing because it happens right after the nut, and you want to taper off slowly not fall off the edge of a cliff.

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"Who here knows what aftercare is?

Yup and we practice it ! It’s so important

I need aftercare, I just had an amazing experience that’s been ruined by a cum ‘n go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess I do this or I'd have been told by now

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"I guess I do this or I'd have been told by now

You’d think so, some people don’t think it’s an issue I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yep. It's essential."

Couldn’t of put it better, very affirming

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

Yep. Always a thing but especially after an intense session.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're not a 'cum n go' couple.

I always check everyone's ok. After the fun we chat, have a drink and spend time relaxing together.

Ensuring everyone feels comfortable and isn't about to hit a post coital slump is important.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

It's essential for me

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Spoooooooooning

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By *yclindaveMan
over a year ago

Leicester

This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing? "

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

Yes, for me it’s really important after sex to relax, cuddle and maintain that intimacy as our bodies calm down. I’m not a fan of ‘cum and go’ - I’ve had a meet like that and it wasn’t great.

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By *yclindaveMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh"

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go!

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go! "

It wasn’t vigourous but it was pretty erotic. I did some things I wouldn’t normally do because I felt comfortable and now I feel ashamed because I feel used

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

Yup it's quit importent form a psychological point of view

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've always done it. I love to cuddle afterwards and spoon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not enough people understand the importance of aftercare

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By *yclindaveMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go!

It wasn’t vigourous but it was pretty erotic. I did some things I wouldn’t normally do because I felt comfortable and now I feel ashamed because I feel used"

Don't feel ashamed, it is not a reflection of you it is their own shortcomings and their own problems that have made them act that way. In absolutely no way shape or form is it you.

Take care of yourself, reach out if you want a chat.

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go!

It wasn’t vigourous but it was pretty erotic. I did some things I wouldn’t normally do because I felt comfortable and now I feel ashamed because I feel used

Don't feel ashamed, it is not a reflection of you it is their own shortcomings and their own problems that have made them act that way. In absolutely no way shape or form is it you.

Take care of yourself, reach out if you want a chat. "

Honestly dude, I just want to cum and then get cuddles/ shower off together. I need the aftercare aspect more than the act itself. I’ve got like two years without any action I can then to literally just carry on shooting in to the sink if this is going to be the only way I can avoid the psychological stress

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By *yclindaveMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Pinged you a message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who here knows what aftercare is?

Yup and we practice it ! It’s so important

I need aftercare, I just had an amazing experience that’s been ruined by a cum ‘n go."

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

"Spoooooooooning"

After sex spoons are essential! If not, Snacks in bed and a giggle.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Aftercare is essential when intense play has brought an overload of adrenaline and endorphins.

At the end of a scene the adrenaline and endorphins drop and oxytocin kicks in.

Oxytocin needs support and a form of being held and security..

Regular meets there is a method of creating a “safe space” of comfort.

The drop isn’t unnatural, just needs recognition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely need after care...no fuck & go here...kisses & snuggles..

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

Aftercare is essential,in any shape or form fo both men and ladies. Regardless of type of session, whether it's a bdms scene or a heavy sex scene

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By *uitedSuitorMan
over a year ago

Halifax / Leeds

The feeling of her body pressed against mine after we both finish is the best. Every nerve is tingling and we're both super sensitive to touch.

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By *lla4everTV/TS
over a year ago

Overseas

Need that definitely

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go!

It wasn’t vigourous but it was pretty erotic. I did some things I wouldn’t normally do because I felt comfortable and now I feel ashamed because I feel used

Don't feel ashamed, it is not a reflection of you it is their own shortcomings and their own problems that have made them act that way. In absolutely no way shape or form is it you.

Take care of yourself, reach out if you want a chat.

Sorry you feel this way about the experience you had. You’re not alone with those feelings I think I’ve done things I wasn’t truly comfortable with at the time. But it’s another learning experience that hopefully won’t happen again.

Sending love

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

Yep, very much an important part of any play.

In my opinion it's something that should be talked about before hand so that everyone know what the other person needs, as one person might not want/like cuddles, while the other person does, and so a discussion can make sure a compromise is reached that all are happy with.

Personally I'm all about close physical contact (doesn't have to be cuddles, hand holding/hand on leg, ass, stomach, or any skin to skin contact)

MJ x

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By *igwilly2kMan
over a year ago

The Land of Kink!

Very important nwhen playbhas finished, ensure your both happy and safe

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"In dom/sub play?

No, not just in dom and sub play. In all sex, it’s a single most important thing because it happens right after the nut, and you want to taper off slowly not fall off the edge of a cliff. "

Exactly. Most intense types of sex should include appropriate aftercare , why people think it’s specific to BDSM shows a real lack of emotional intelligence

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By *wistedbambi69Woman
over a year ago

Somerset

Yes, but as a lot of people don't know about it, or don't know how to do it properly, I only participate in activities I know it won't be needed.

I had this conversation with a fwb recently, I told him I knew exactly when I'd drop after an intense couple of hours of breath play and face slapping.

The day arrives and we'd arranged to meet in the evening....he cancelled then went silent for 4 days.

I've been in the bdsm scene for a few years now, so could handle it myself, but after telling him what I'd need and him completely ignoring it, in fact making it worse, I'll never do anything with him again

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

"Yes, but as a lot of people don't know about it, or don't know how to do it properly, I only participate in activities I know it won't be needed.

I had this conversation with a fwb recently, I told him I knew exactly when I'd drop after an intense couple of hours of breath play and face slapping.

The day arrives and we'd arranged to meet in the evening....he cancelled then went silent for 4 days.

You did right by sounds of it to stop a sessions. If he can't give you the needs you want before during and after

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By *wistedbambi69Woman
over a year ago

Somerset

"Yes, but as a lot of people don't know about it, or don't know how to do it properly, I only participate in activities I know it won't be needed.

I had this conversation with a fwb recently, I told him I knew exactly when I'd drop after an intense couple of hours of breath play and face slapping.

The day arrives and we'd arranged to meet in the evening....he cancelled then went silent for 4 days.

You did right by sounds of it to stop a sessions. If he can't give you the needs you want before during and after "

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I explained it all to him, but he obviously didn't listen. Then he has the nerve to message a week later saying he wants to do more!...I don't think so

lmao

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

"Yes, but as a lot of people don't know about it, or don't know how to do it properly, I only participate in activities I know it won't be needed.

I had this conversation with a fwb recently, I told him I knew exactly when I'd drop after an intense couple of hours of breath play and face slapping.

The day arrives and we'd arranged to meet in the evening....he cancelled then went silent for 4 days.

You did right by sounds of it to stop a sessions. If he can't give you the needs you want before during and after

lmao "

The cheek of him

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"In dom/sub play?

No, not just in dom and sub play. In all sex, it’s a single most important thing because it happens right after the nut, and you want to taper off slowly not fall off the edge of a cliff.

Exactly. Most intense types of sex should include appropriate aftercare , why people think it’s specific to BDSM shows a real lack of emotional intelligence "

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

"Spoooooooooning

After sex spoons are essential! If not, Snacks in bed and a giggle. "

exactly this

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

I love to see that there are people who understand this! Any handsome man want to show me what good aftercare looks like?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love to see that there are people who understand this! Any handsome man want to show me what good aftercare looks like?

It's not so much about what it looks like but more about how it feels, usually warm & a great feeling inside, no i'm not referring to fluids!!!

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By *ustauseer OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgmoor

"I love to see that there are people who understand this! Any handsome man want to show me what good aftercare looks like?

It's not so much about what it looks like but more about how it feels, usually warm & a great feeling inside, no i'm not referring to fluids!!!

I’m aware, I’ve just not had it yet. Lots of cum ‘n go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love to see that there are people who understand this! Any handsome man want to show me what good aftercare looks like?

It's not so much about what it looks like but more about how it feels, usually warm & a great feeling inside, no i'm not referring to fluids!!!

I’m aware, I’ve just not had it yet. Lots of cum ‘n go "

Sorry to hear that, too many like that unfortunately. The old Wham Bam & not a thank you or such in sight!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as i wrote futher up i like a cuddle and a natter after nothing over the top clingy tho but there are plenty who do like the meet fuck anf totally out the door type meets too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In dom/sub play?

No, not just in dom and sub play. In all sex, it’s a single most important thing because it happens right after the nut, and you want to taper off slowly not fall off the edge of a cliff.

Exactly. Most intense types of sex should include appropriate aftercare , why people think it’s specific to BDSM shows a real lack of emotional intelligence "

And commenting on someone's post without being in possession of the full facts and simply jumping to conclusions also shows a lack of intelligence

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"In dom/sub play?

No, not just in dom and sub play. In all sex, it’s a single most important thing because it happens right after the nut, and you want to taper off slowly not fall off the edge of a cliff.

Exactly. Most intense types of sex should include appropriate aftercare , why people think it’s specific to BDSM shows a real lack of emotional intelligence

And commenting on someone's post without being in possession of the full facts and simply jumping to conclusions also shows a lack of intelligence

It wasn’t in response to you. I think part of the problem is the bdsm “scene” tries to take common sense and give it special names and make it exclusive. It’s just sex and you should look after the people you do it with

I read an interesting article a while back on a popular bdsm site about aftercare, specifically how to ask your partner if they would like a drink of water , I think it recommended using the phrase “would you like a drink of water” And then went on explain that other drinks can be offered such as orange juice. Anyone finding this type of advice helpful really shouldn’t be practising BDSM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always

Goes hand in hand

Sugar and spice

Makes all things nice

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By *ustyprincess888Woman
over a year ago

benfleet

[Removed by poster at 19/07/22 14:32:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a partner; in any form, doesn't give aftercare, then that would concern me. You both need it and you can both give it. Especially in BDSM where aftercare should be discussed before you go down that route together.

I'll happily hold the person I've played with while they come down from the high of what happened. Feeling their body relax and their breathing and heartbeat returning to normal while they're cuddled into you is such a wonderful thing. It's a two way thing for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s very important

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

In BDSM if you need aftercare (and that goes both ways because there is dom drop) then you should express the fact and set out your requirements at the negotiation stage and pre-play. As someone earlier in the thread did. Most experienced Doms will ask the question, but it is on both to raise the point. But remembering some people on both sides of D/S are not emotionally built for the stereotype of aftercare and may not want to give it or receive it. This should be established in a blame free environment. Therefore it is important to some and not to others.

In sex,I would suggest it is is new concept (outside of established couples, and just enjoying the moment). Again, if it is needed it should be raised as a requirement for play.

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By *heaspieswingerMan
over a year ago

Peak District

Mr here. Yep, we do. Although Mrs never needs it, I sometimes do suffer with Dom drop

It’s good to have someone who k owns what to do when that happens

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By *cruffymooWoman
over a year ago

Skelmersdale

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

Agreed completely and if it has been vigorous it's nice to lay there talking in the glow while heart rates return to normal and so on. Nope never just go!

It wasn’t vigourous but it was pretty erotic. I did some things I wouldn’t normally do because I felt comfortable and now I feel ashamed because I feel used"

Msg you hun. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh"

If they changed it to "let me take care of you and shower you", I'm theirs.

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By *ighlander40Man
over a year ago

oxford

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

If they changed it to "let me take care of you and shower you", I'm theirs."

I’m turning on the water for you and running your favourite bubble bath right now !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This the period post coitus? Stroke, hug, talk type of thing?

Yep

thirty seconds then, I’m going to shower doesn’t really cut it tbh

If they changed it to "let me take care of you and shower you", I'm theirs.

I’m turning on the water for you and running your favourite bubble bath right now ! "

Thank you. Something fruity or light floral scented?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always have a cuddle, a spoon, a wee bit of kissing, talking and laughing and snacks, snacks are always important.

I couldn't do a cum and go meet, it would feel all wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say at least 90% on here don’t. It’s nice to cuddle afterwards but to be honest with some it is not. I have had a few meets who are genuinely caring and check everything is ok etc. I have had a few who cum n go and to be honest it’s not been a bad thing when they do

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By *ighlander40Man
over a year ago

oxford

It’s lavender oils with a hint of eucalyptus Madame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s lavender oils with a hint of eucalyptus Madame "

Could you please change that? I can't have anything lavender scented. Sorry darling xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

A lot of people get it in terms of immediately afterwards, physical, verbal etc but the drop is often in the days after - so remember to acknowledge it by attention, text and voice notes etc

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Mr here. Yep, we do. Although Mrs never needs it, I sometimes do suffer with Dom drop

It’s good to have someone who k owns what to do when that happens

Totally get that. You’re lucky , I learned to deal with it myself , very few subs are aware of it. I have activities for the low and often look forward to doing them ! People often assume you’re distant or ghosting them too

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

An extract from an "All about endorphins in kink – Interview with Hermes Solenzol" which may be helpful or of interest.

"You also wrote about how understanding the neurochemistry of subspace allows to better understand the sub-drop phenomenon, where some people experience delayed distress after an otherwise pleasant kinky experience. Can you tell me more about it—and maybe how to prevent or treat it as well?

Based on what I have heard, and a bit on personal experience, I think that there are two types of sub-drop.

The first happens immediately after a scene. It seems to be a natural consequence of the high achieved during that scene – what goes up has to come down. After a period of stress, such as the pain and anxiety during a scene, the body activates the parasympathetic system. This is a branch of the autonomous nervous system that brings the body back to balance. The heartrate slows down. The blood withdraws from the periphery and goes into the internal organs, which makes us feel cold, particularly in the hands and feet. We may feel thirsty or hungry. Emotionally, there may be a need for connection, physical contact and emotional support. However, some introverts who do not have a strong connection with the top may prefer not to be touched and be left alone with their thoughts.

Therefore, to deal with this first type of sub-drop, the top needs to provide aftercare. For most people, this includes getting wrapped up in a blanket, being held and being told encouraging things. Maybe some small talk. Water and a little food can help. Processing the scene should be saved for later, unless the bottom feels the need to discuss it immediately. Other people may not want to be touched or talked to, but observed at a distance.

The second type of sub-drop happens one or two days after the scene. Hence, it is much more difficult to deal with. It’s a feeling of low energy and unexplained sadness, sometimes bordering on depression. I think that it may be some kind of withdrawal from the endorphins and other neurotransmitters released in the brain during a scene. There is not much that one can do about it. Being able to recognize it and label it helps, because we know that it would be gone in a day or two. We should avoid stress and focus on activities that replenish our energy. This changes from person to person – for me, it’s reading. For others, it could be a walk in nature, watching movies, yoga or meditation. "

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