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So few black couples and ladies on fab

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

As a couple who enjoy meeting black and Asian couples, we are often disappointed in it being so rare to see them active on here or regularly in clubs, albeit there are many black and Asian men in both venues, so if anyone has any ideas why we would be delighted to hear!

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

We guess we may have answered our own query due to the lack of interest and responses to this post lol

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

On my one and only visit to Cupids, I did see an Asian couple in? The lady was very hot But they wandered around, and left after only 5 minutes. The place was dead to be honest, it being a Thursday afternoon

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

Not sure what you mean by woke nonsense

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By *edantic SheilaWoman
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"
What's everywhere?

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By *r_TrojanMan
over a year ago

In The North


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

Ermm.. what's so woke about the question the couple asked?

To the OP, it's one of those things that cannot be easily explained. You will find the same in clubs. You will not find that many black or Asian couples attending club events, mainly singles. Having been to few club events, I have seen a few black women attending.

So might be worth keeping an eye out for those.

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.


"

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list"

I was actually thinking similar to this before you posted it. I'm sorry this thought never occured to me before but you are right.

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

Our post/question was in no way meant to be derogatory or to offend anybody to anyone in these communities or indeed to anyone else, Our apologies if anyone interpreted it as such.our question was in general, given that these groups are a significant part of our population, that is not reflected on fab, are they on other sites?or maybe not into swinging?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's easy to figure that out. First, black or any non-white race is a minority in this country. That itself reduces the chances to a great extent.

Then there are cultural factors. Swinging has been around for longer in Western countries. But it's totally unheard of in many other countries. For first generation and even second generation immigrants, it takes a lot of courage to get into this.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

How on earth is this "woke"?

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London


"Our post/question was in no way meant to be derogatory or to offend anybody to anyone in these communities or indeed to anyone else, Our apologies if anyone interpreted it as such.our question was in general, given that these groups are a significant part of our population, that is not reflected on fab, are they on other sites?or maybe not into swinging?"

I'm not offended at all. You asked, I responded.

Another reason why you might not see people from other cultures or races could be the level of distrust. Some clubs can be quite cliquey and they can give you short shrift until they know you. Or they stare at you like you're an exhibition piece.

Personally, I don't care. They either get to know me or don't. I don't have time for them.However, I've seen people of colour not wait around for the frost to thaw...

(Le Shrug...)

Who can blame them?

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

Yes we think the point about culture is very valid and understandable, also isn't it disappointing that in 2021 some people may still have negative and stereotypical views on people of different cultures, colours, and backgrounds,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup. I've thought this myself.

Don't know if it's a culture thing, or just percentage of the population but I'd like to see more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with you on that m8. I wish there was a lot more black couples and ladies on here too. Where have they all gone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I done a search for black women near me a while ago and there was only a handful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We black women are a minority in general and an even bigger minority on a swingers site, so it will always be the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

It’s now considered woke to have a preference?

This buzzword is really making it way through the country recently isn’t it.

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek


"We black women are a minority in general and an even bigger minority on a swingers site, so it will always be the same!

"

We know that ..

I think this thread is asking why are there so few in the swinging scene..

Especially Asian ladies .. very few single Asian ladies ..

Clubs are full of Asian guys though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We black women are a minority in general and an even bigger minority on a swingers site, so it will always be the same!

We know that ..

I think this thread is asking why are there so few in the swinging scene..

Especially Asian ladies .. very few single Asian ladies ..

Clubs are full of Asian guys though "

It literally answers the question…

Women are a minority in the swinging scene in general, there’s more men…

The same will correlate in clubs, and those of colour will be even less because we are minorities anyway.

It’s quite logical really, it could be applied to a lot of things. I’m sure there’s lots of black men in clubs too, because again, there are more men into swinging than women. This site is proof of that alone. Someone else has a great answer as-well I’m regards to culture.

I’m not sure what the OP or you will achieve by asking the question it’s not like any of us who are minorities can give you any other answer apart from the above. You can’t coax or entice people who don’t want to be involved, to be involved.

Just enjoy it for what it is.

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By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

If you’re concerned start a public campaign, more minorities in my orgies

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By *ackndiane OP   Couple
over a year ago

New bridge

Some really good and interesting observations in everyone's feedback.the reason we posed this question is because we have a lady friend of Nigerian heritage who is interested in attending a club with us, though is concerned about people's reactions to her and whether she would be made welcome in a club, this would be her first time attending a club so understandably is nervous about it.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

Possible contender for the dumbest fab comment of 2021?

(I mean yes this is a place where we can all share an opinion. That is OP's opinion and the above is mine )

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

As to the other answers on here some thought provoking stuff. It's really quite a multifaceted range of issues. Something not being in those shoes I'm really not qualified to comment on, so mainly just taking in what folk have to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a couple who enjoy meeting black and Asian couples, we are often disappointed in it being so rare to see them active on here or regularly in clubs, albeit there are many black and Asian men in both venues, so if anyone has any ideas why we would be delighted to hear!"

You’re looking for a small portion of the community man. Most black girls I know would never be on here, because they can get whatever they want in their local communities. As for Asian girls? It depends. You’ll usually find a lot of them in person at local universities or in more posh areas of your city. Maybe a few lifestyle clubs.

You’re looking for a small portion of the country that usually doesn’t venture far away from home.

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

I hate to generalise, but having connected with some absolutely lovely black girls on straight dating sites, most I have corresponded with have had extremely high morals, and even make statements on their profiles like, "Looking for a GOD fearing Christian man" etc etc, or belong to religious movements such as Seventh Day Adventist, and are therefore far less likely to be on swingers sites. Perhaps the same applies to other Asian and Middle Eastern cultures.

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By *ubcup2Couple
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 16/10/21 00:14:35]

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By *ubcup2Couple
over a year ago

London

Is it wrong for someone to have a fetish over colour, race or religion?

I don't think it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some really good and interesting observations in everyone's feedback.the reason we posed this question is because we have a lady friend of Nigerian heritage who is interested in attending a club with us, though is concerned about people's reactions to her and whether she would be made welcome in a club, this would be her first time attending a club so understandably is nervous about it. "

I would think she'd be more than welcome and would get a lot of attention. Especially if I was there

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

There are some black and asian friends on Fab. Rather than us "cue balls" commenting I wonder if they can suggest a reason why the black and asian communities don't engage in swinging so readily?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are some black and asian friends on Fab. Rather than us "cue balls" commenting I wonder if they can suggest a reason why the black and asian communities don't engage in swinging so readily? "

They probably do, but again…

The population of ethnic minorities in the U.K. is like 3.5% for black people for example based on 2011 census.

Then factor in those who are black and actually into swinging it’s a very small number compared to the U.K. being 80% white…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list"

This goes both ways though. As a woman from Hackney I get lots of messages from guys on here looking for "PAWGs" and "snowbunnies". I guess everything is a fetish to someone.

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By *ustfortheforumsWoman
over a year ago

no

Was going to quote a reply to someone to add on but I’m just going to make my own reply.

Basically some black people are very vanilla when it comes to something out of the norm. Like yes I like kinky sex and stuff but I find some people end up fetishising us, like when I have messaged people in the past or on dating sites the first message I get is I’ve never had sex with a black person or woman. And trust me it makes me one feel uncomfortable and two makes me think oh your a Virgin. I get that their are no black people. But nine times out of ten it’s because most black people prefer the vanilla way of life.

Like I have two family members one who was kinky in their hey day and another one who is literally only into missionary.. so it really does depend. Sorry for rambling just needed to get some things off my chest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Was going to quote a reply to someone to add on but I’m just going to make my own reply.

Basically some black people are very vanilla when it comes to something out of the norm. Like yes I like kinky sex and stuff but I find some people end up fetishising us, like when I have messaged people in the past or on dating sites the first message I get is I’ve never had sex with a black person or woman. And trust me it makes me one feel uncomfortable and two makes me think oh your a Virgin. I get that their are no black people. But nine times out of ten it’s because most black people prefer the vanilla way of life.

Like I have two family members one who was kinky in their hey day and another one who is literally only into missionary.. so it really does depend. Sorry for rambling just needed to get some things off my chest. "

This!

I hate those “I’ve never been with a black girl” messages, I get them all the time too and I have asked before “Are we a different species or something” seems to throw them off.

A woman is a woman regardless of her race, we are all different in our own way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list"

Have to say in my experience the vast majority of profiles that contain racial preferences are female not male

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a couple who enjoy meeting black and Asian couples, we are often disappointed in it being so rare to see them active on here or regularly in clubs, albeit there are many black and Asian men in both venues, so if anyone has any ideas why we would be delighted to hear!"

This will always be there, we (fabbers/swingers) not even 1% whole population (based on assumption) and there so many preference/kink/fetish/like/dislikes it is becomes tedious to find person with common likes/preferences, and not mention proportion imbalance of single guys, single womens and couples. Second is culture things, they do like to meet othera irrespective of race, colours, but sex i think the reservation is spoiler. Conclusion ooen for interpretation, and elucidate me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes we think the point about culture is very valid and understandable, also isn't it disappointing that in 2021 some people may still have negative and stereotypical views on people of different cultures, colours, and backgrounds, "

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman
over a year ago

Colchester


"

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list"

This.

I often get, ‘Are you Asian? That’s hot!’, as if an entire race is a porn category that they want to try out. ‘I’ve never done one of those before’, is an all too common thought process for men of the Fab ilk, sadly. Like women are fricking Pokemon cards, or something. It’s demeaning and dehumanising.

Of course I realise the OP didn’t say anything remotely offensive, and the question is a fair one. I’m not saying that this is exclusively the reason, but it’s something that I, as a POC, find bloody irritating, so it’s my personal reason for leaving Fab every now and again!

Incidentally, I’m not Asian. Long story….

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By *lli_RiversTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

I really hope this is satire!

If not, then you really have no clue what you're talking about

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Yes we think the point about culture is very valid and understandable, also isn't it disappointing that in 2021 some people may still have negative and stereotypical views on people of different cultures, colours, and backgrounds, "

I think she meant culturally in that black people are "conservative" sexually. My friends would be aghast to know I attend sex clubs and watch Ben have sex with other women. If they knew where my mouth has been they wouldn't let me drink from their glass!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If they knew where my mouth has been they wouldn't let me drink from their glass! "

Hahahahaha. This is so true!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Yup. I've thought this myself.

Don't know if it's a culture thing, or just percentage of the population but I'd like to see more"

UK is 84% white. Swinging is a minority past time, therein lies the problem.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense

It’s now considered woke to have a preference?

This buzzword is really making it way through the country recently isn’t it."

...and as with previous trite sound bites incorrectly used. It's silly to state it's woke seeking a preference.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Some really good and interesting observations in everyone's feedback.the reason we posed this question is because we have a lady friend of Nigerian heritage who is interested in attending a club with us, though is concerned about people's reactions to her and whether she would be made welcome in a club, this would be her first time attending a club so understandably is nervous about it. "

Black people are not a monolith, however some feel very nervous and uncomfortable in settings where they are the minority.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I hate to generalise, but having connected with some absolutely lovely black girls on straight dating sites, most I have corresponded with have had extremely high morals, and even make statements on their profiles like, "Looking for a GOD fearing Christian man" etc etc, or belong to religious movements such as Seventh Day Adventist, and are therefore far less likely to be on swingers sites. Perhaps the same applies to other Asian and Middle Eastern cultures."

I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist. I'm in my 60s, divorced and shacked up with a white man I met on Fab eight years ago.

My daughters are married and I do feel uncomfortable "living in sin" but I won't remarry whilst my ex-husband is alive and neither will he...daft or what?!!

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By *estinyIsAllCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire


"Omg it's everywhere now. Stop this woke nonsense"

Found him.

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By *aykhanMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"I hate to generalise, but having connected with some absolutely lovely black girls on straight dating sites, most I have corresponded with have had extremely high morals, and even make statements on their profiles like, "Looking for a GOD fearing Christian man" etc etc, or belong to religious movements such as Seventh Day Adventist, and are therefore far less likely to be on swingers sites. Perhaps the same applies to other Asian and Middle Eastern cultures.

I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist. I'm in my 60s, divorced and shacked up with a white man I met on Fab eight years ago.

My daughters are married and I do feel uncomfortable "living in sin" but I won't remarry whilst my ex-husband is alive and neither will he...daft or what?!! "

Live your life sweetheart xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think that preference for a particular skin colour is any more derogatory than preference for someone being fit or a dad bod, for example. It's just a preference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Especially Asian ladies .. very few single Asian ladies ..

Clubs are full of Asian guys though "

Double standards and cultural pressures. In certain cultures, access to sex is limited and granted upon entering into a marriage. The results is a lot of frustrated men trying to get lucky with women they do not have to marry. Preferably from outside of their cultural/ethnic group. Women in those cultures do not enjoy such freedom and can sometimes be severely punished for daring to freely enjoy their sexuality.

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery


"

The answer is in the forums.

Threads like 'What's on your bucket list?' have answers like 'I wanna sleep with a black/East Asian/South Asian woman'. If you were any of these women, would you want to be considered in this throwaway manner? It's derogatory. Yes, we have the old 'preference' argument, that is true, but some of the comments posted on these threads go way, way, way past this. I find it disheartening to say the least.

I do go to clubs with another person and/or in a group. I never go by myself. I don't make a habit of playing at clubs with others unless I know them and I am sure of not treated as a thing with a bit of melanin dark enough to tick off their bucket list. Women of colour are human beings and not sexualised trinkets to be ticked off a bucket list"

I get

Messages like this all the time. “I’ve never been with a mixed race woman before it’s definitely on my list” ummm not with me you won’t…….. It frustrates me immensely

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