FabSwingers.com forum: Men glorious men

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Men glorious men

Now this is not an attack on men its purely our process on how we find our meets ….we love guys we only meet guys (unless in a club)

I feel for you… me and hubs were talking and he was saying how he would hate to be a single guy on here and how its becoming almost impossible for you on fab…

So you join fab and just by doing that alone you’ve made it harder for all men as the number of men has increased yet again we don’t know what the real number is but it must be around 75 men to every couple / female so that is thee main hurdle so step one is too stand out from all the competition so lets say you get lucky you get notice then whats next….

Ok ok excitement you’ve been notice step two so as said your message has been notice and plucked out of the masse’s so we go straight to the profile before engaging ermmm ok so 90% of you have very very little or no profile … oh no that’s it for most of you end of the road as no or very little profile wont get you a reply … but every now and then someone will get it right and the excitement builds as you get a reply…..

The reply …..so we message back with the hello we are such n such and you have interested us for then 90% of you to respond with a porn script of what your going to do to me …some will respond with I can meet you now after thinking a reply is a yes this even before any pics are exchanged so sadly again most of you will get no more replys from us as we are no longer interested ….now if we are lucky some one will get thru…..

Pics ….some chat seems ok now time for a few pics they message us so they send first …pics come thru …. Now bearing in mind we don’t mind the odd cock pic ….8 or 9 cock pics ?? why cock over toilet …naked pics in a pig tip of a room … face pics with sunglasses or other things blocking most of the face…..pics of you fucking others ….pics of you being way older of what you say you are or holiday pics from the 70s …all we want is a clear face pic and a normal body shot with cock or not so yet again so many of you will fail this bit but someone will make it every now and then so next …

So you’ve made it to being invited to meet well done you’ve stood out and everything right so lets meet ….at least 50% of you will bottle it and end up sending a message that you cant make it so on we go we meet we notice you not shaven (we meet clean shave only) so bye bye (this is common by the way) you stink of bo or you bathed in aftershave again bye bye … your not what you described your self to be ie we only look for assertive men yet seems they are all shy again bye bye but a few will make it we get naked some will be getting dressed 5 mins later because they think they have done the ‘’job’’ but some will go on and we have a cracking night of fun and end of the fun we normally have a cuppa and little chat before saying night …

So next day we notice the guy we met last night has sent loads of messages saying he wants to meet again and soon not one message but 4 or 5 then it’s the porn script now they feel they know you I even had guys calling me a slut after one night of fun ?? Like where did that come from ….the other one is oh my mate wants to fuck you ??? really you meet once and now you want to pass me around lol …and then there the clingy and damm right weird…

So guys as we said we do feel sorry for you as most of you wont get a chance due to the sheer numbers of just men that’s out of your hands …but and a big but the rest of it is down to you .. how you understand this site and the many many ways people use it …how you make your profile stand out …how you read someone else profile …how you reply ….how you sent the right pics …how you turn up and presentation …how you behave …and how you behave after ….

We only meet guys so we love guys but you have to do your bit to get notice …what we have written above is not an attack on men it’s the process we go thru every single time to get a meet and we’ve notice the amount of forum post lately asking what women and couples want so heres a look at our process in how we select a playmate so you can see how hard it is for us too we don’t have the pick of the bunch we have the task of finding a needle in the hay stack everytime we want to find a meet ……

Sad bit is there are some really really great looking men out there who just wont put the work in and think its easy for us as all we have to do is say yes …..

We meet often not always via fab but will meet at least once aweek so we are real players on this scene all be it in a cuckolding way…

Oh and before the flurry of the bad ruin it for the good no they don’t they ruin it for themselves too many using that as an excuse

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By *hemainintainMan
over a year ago

govan

Very true. I've had couple profiles and experienced this. With my couple on now I seek out guys last minute but it's a challenge lol.

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By *un biguyMan
over a year ago

belfast

Epic description

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Epic description "

no other way to say it really

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By *orth_hantscplCouple
over a year ago

camberley

We couldn’t have put this better ourselves. It really does take the fun out of what should essentially be a bit of fun.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Very well written ..without being big headed , I love fab and do pretty well for a middle aged duffer ...

I'm just normal (ish) and from what you've said that's quite rare...

Going to socials is a great way to filter out the nutters...

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Very well written

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Absolutely brilliant write up, you put some time into that.

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By *ore4fundevonCouple
over a year ago

West Devon

We'll written and oh so true!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Absolutely brilliant write up, you put some time into that."

not really as its how we do things all the time so was easy to write down ... hopefully some guys will now understand that we don't have it easy more choice dont make it easy it makes it harder ...

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By *ondoncouple14Couple
over a year ago

romford

Well said. Not easy being a couple who want to meet single men.

Whilst we have read this post, we have had 2 messages. Exactly as you describe them. Plus a cock photo. Sorry but "meet now?" isin't the biggest turn on ever.

Trouble is if we said yes go on then, the excuses come out.

Our biggest hate is men trying to meet without their wife/partner knowing. We want no hassle fun, we don't want to get involved in your loveless marriage or be the couple that spilt you up.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Some of us are OK - I suppose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It must be difficult if you are insecure. If so, why come on here. Don’t even expect a chat anymore but such is life. I pop on maybe once a week

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Thanks. It can be tough both ways. X

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

They being the male half or a cuckquean couple.

In ten years, I've never had any luck on fab via my solo account. I've had solo meets but they all came either directly from our couples accounts, the socials weve hosted together or other means.

As an actual swinger couple, we rarely get to indulge our main (but not only) kink through fab, but fortunetly we do just fine with couples and group meets.

Between the sheer single guy numbers, time wasters, poor behaviour of other guys etc etc etc I feel equally sorry for single ladies and couples just as I feel sorry for the legit solo guys on here. I'm honestly in a position to see it from both sides of the fence. I have a wife who genuinly gets off massively on sending me out alone then reclaiming me but we rarely get to indulge her kink. I get our thing isnt common but for a swinging site, it's not feeling that way so much lately.

Having been on fab for close to a decade on and off, it's only gotten worse these last couple of years as well. Never used to get hit with "I / we wont meet married men" but that's the current situation. Get through everything to get noticed and your message read juat to get that response....or worse. And that's a strange thing to be accused of on a swinging site.

So, taking a big picture look at it, single guy accounts ruined it for other single guy accounts and it isnt going to get better.

We can refer them all to clubs or socials for a better chance but that isnt going to work either as clubs and socials will only limit single guy numbers anyway.

So it's just going to keep on as it is on fab I suspect. The ratiois of single guys will grow and itll only continue to get worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They being the male half or a cuckquean couple.

In ten years, I've never had any luck on fab via my solo account. I've had solo meets but they all came either directly from our couples accounts, the socials weve hosted together or other means.

As an actual swinger couple, we rarely get to indulge our main (but not only) kink through fab, but fortunetly we do just fine with couples and group meets.

So, taking a big picture look at it, single guy accounts ruined it for other single guy accounts and it isnt going to get better.

We can refer them all to clubs or socials for a better chance but that isnt going to work either as clubs and socials will only limit single guy numbers anyway.

So it's just going to keep on as it is on fab I suspect. The ratiois of single guys will grow and itll only continue to get worse.

Very well explained

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

"They being the male half or a cuckquean couple.

In ten years, I've never had any luck on fab via my solo account. I've had solo meets but they all came either directly from our couples accounts, the socials weve hosted together or other means.

As an actual swinger couple, we rarely get to indulge our main (but not only) kink through fab, but fortunetly we do just fine with couples and group meets.

So, taking a big picture look at it, single guy accounts ruined it for other single guy accounts and it isnt going to get better.

We can refer them all to clubs or socials for a better chance but that isnt going to work either as clubs and socials will only limit single guy numbers anyway.

So it's just going to keep on as it is on fab I suspect. The ratiois of single guys will grow and itll only continue to get worse.

I do think organised socials are a massive part of addressing these challenges.

In my experience (I have a couples profile and used to organise a big social in Birmingham, I did it because I met so many people at my first social and realised it was so much better than messaging on fab)

the guys that turn up to socials are normal, presentable, sociable and generally popular. You have instantly filtered out all the nuters, (and only about half the guys that apply to be on the guest list turn up..tho couples and single ladies are pretty unreliable as well)

There are great socials in london ,Manchester and numerous places including in plymouth on 16 oct.

Can I ask , does the verification system not help? I know there are some well verified fake profiles...but in general are all these unreliable scruffy smelly etc guys well verified ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

extremely well explained & thought out..

ok, I've only been here a month but I guess I'd better work on my Profile a bit.

(Any Ladies want to take a look and give me some hints?)

I know about the Odd ones wrecking it for the genuine Blokes (Yes, a Genuine Single Male here but work Shifts so limited on time) and I'm guessing it's just as hard for the Ladies at times.

Now to Find a Social and get my Face known

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've mentioned this before and while I sympathise with your plight, the easy option is block men from contacting you and do the first contact yourself, won't eradicate some of what you describe but it will stop the initial random ones you speak of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, now can you send that in a message to every single male profile please ;-p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree, now can you send that in a message to every single male profile please ;-p "

not mine though.. I already read it ! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've mentioned this before and while I sympathise with your plight, the easy option is block men from contacting you and do the first contact yourself, won't eradicate some of what you describe but it will stop the initial random ones you speak of. "

Pretty sound idea to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is so well explained its why I Mr do all the fabmin now because K simply hasn't the patience for it. She just wants to know the date and time we have something booked in now.

To combat the above problem we have only been meeting in clubs and then arranging further meets outside the club with guys who we played with / got on well with in the club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a new guy to the site and the scene I will definitely take that write up on board so thank you for taking the time putting this thread together I’m sure I won’t be only person it helps. X

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By *ARKblondeCouple
over a year ago

london

"I agree, now can you send that in a message to every single male profile please ;-p "

You could send it, but most of them wouldn't bother reading it

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"This being the male half or a cuckquean couple.

In ten years, I've never had any luck on fab via my solo account. I've had solo meets but they all came either directly from our couples accounts, the socials we've hosted together or other means.

As an actual swinger couple, we rarely get to indulge our main (but not only) kink through fab, but fortunately we do just fine with couples and group meets.

Between the sheer single guy numbers, time wasters, poor behaviour of other guys etc etc etc I feel equally sorry for single ladies and couples just as I feel sorry for the legit solo guys on here. I'm honestly in a position to see it from both sides of the fence. I have a wife who genuinely gets off massively on sending me out alone then reclaiming me but we rarely get to indulge her kink. I get our thing isn't common but for a swinging site, it's not feeling that way so much lately.

Having been on fab for close to a decade on and off, it's only gotten worse these last couple of years as well. I never used to get hit with "I / we wont meet married men" but that's the current situation. Get through everything to get noticed and your message read just to get that response....or worse, be accused of being a liar or cheat. And that's a strange thing to be accused of on a swinging site.

So, taking a big picture look at it, single guy accounts ruined it for other single guy accounts and it isn't going to get better.

We can refer them all to clubs or socials for a better chance but that isn't going to work either as clubs and socials will only limit single guy numbers anyway.

So it's just going to keep on as it is on fab I suspect. The ratio is of single guys will grow and it'll only continue to get worse.

I do think organised socials are a massive part of addressing these challenges.

There are great socials in london ,Manchester and numerous places including in plymouth on 16 oct.

Can I ask , does the verification system not help? I know there are some well verified fake profiles...but in general are all these unreliable scruffy smelly etc guys well verified ? "

I don't think socials are the solution.

Here's the thing. For most socials (and you can freely go check the lists in the relevant forum section), you'll find that the numbers are always limited for single guys. Now I know it's not the same the same for everyone hosting one, but you've only got limited numbers for a venue. You have to balance the numbers.

So in our case, for the large social we held in August, we kept it to about 15 guys. Similar numbers to the single ladies attending and not out numbering couples.

So there's the first issue with socials in our experience. A guest list with limited numbers.

We made it quite clear to get on the guest list, you absolutely must be at least photo verified (we where prepared to give newbies a chance). Most of the guys who got their name on the list, had at least one veri or more anyway.

On the night of the social, maybe one guy at best showed and I'm not even sure if that's correct. A couple dropped out early and at least let us know (so reserve names got bumped up) but the vast majority couldn't be arsed to show up.

So there's your second problem. Time wasters taking up the slots from legit people.

So no, Veris don't seem to make a shred of difference anymore. Again, personally speaking I can point ladies + couples to all the Veri's an my single and couples account (if I'm playing solo) and it doesn't change anything in my experience. They still have their doubts no matter how many people say we are legit.

But for socials..yeah, not an issue...but we are either hosting or attending as a couple anyway.

And just to put the cherry on top, I attended a gangbang not so long back. I wasn't even supposed to be attending but both my wife and I got an invite but it's not her thing, so the hosts offered to put me on the reserve list. Bar one other guy, who was in and out, quite literally in 10 mins or so, I was the only guy to show up. 7 no shows and only one bothered to tell the couple that that they where not attending (hence my last moment invite). In fact one guy literally lied through his teeth and said he was 5 mins away as they where waiting to start...never to be heard or seen again. Ultimately it wasn't me that was upset by this since I had the lady to myself for hours but I know the couple where disappointed as they'd taken the time to arrange it and it was high on their bucket list.

Sadly this is where we are at with Fab. The amount of lets downs just keep increasing for people across the site and the fakes and wanna be's make it harder for legitimate guys.

So again, I can appreciate the amount of hoops legitimate single guys have to jump through on here now.

I don't know what the solution is but sending the single guys off to socials and clubs is not really any better than them trying to meet on here because it's become a numbers game for them out there as well imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree, now can you send that in a message to every single male profile please ;-p "

They can’t manage to read. “Dick pic = block” so they won’t read all that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what the solution is but sending the single guys off to socials and clubs is not really any better than them trying to meet on here because it's become a numbers game for them out there as well imo. "

Well, I'll be holding out for a Social/Event invite, if I'm not Working and don't have my Lad and nothing more serious is going on, I'll be there!

I'm not a Timewaster (despite the nerves of being a relative newbie on the Scene and possibly still classed as a nutter lol) and I hate letting People down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A very well written explanation indeed. No excuses for us guys. In short, it reads don’t be a knob! That’s got to be easy to understand. (Quickly goes and checks account profile and pics)

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

I agree with everything that’s been said above. Most guys that contact me have not read a word of my profile (and yes I am confident it’s most). When I do see a guy that interests me it’s an instant turn off if their profile doesn’t say hardly anything or says they will fill it in later. If you’ve been here more than a week or so you have had time to fill it in what is it about yourself you don’t know? My absolute biggest annoyance in the past 15 years on fab are the time wasters. To go to a meet I book a ferry and a hotel (because I can’t accommodate and can’t drive home if I’ve had a drink or book a last minute ferry) unless I’m staying the night with the guy and for a first meet staying the night is never guaranteed or even wanted so always have to book somewhere. So to then have no shows or guys who message 24 hours before or just disappear and fail to respond is a costly exercise. I really don’t understand why a guy will message someone for ages, arrange to meet and then drop out last minute, I’ve literally had guys message when I’m on the ferry over or just fail to show with no message. When my fb and I arranged to meet guys and booked a place for a mmmf we literally had all no shows despite taking to them at length including on the phone beforehand, he has also gone as a single male to a gangbang and been the only single guy that turned up for the couple. That’s why I too have moved to only meeting single guys I’ve already met via parties and clubs now as at least they are genuine and less risk of no shows. I’ve been fortunate that I have in the past met some amazing people who are genuine swingers and fantastic to be with but it certainly now feels much more like finding a needle in a haystack than picking from a list of available guys despite what guys think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The op has hit the nail right on the head with what they put and couldn't agree more.

I don't think either of us would want to go back to being a single on here today, him for the shear numbers, lower regard and impossibility of it all and her for it been unmanageable and the lack of respect

We like the concept of meeting single guys but in reality we just find the fab experience of them way to demoralising so have to keep the "looking for" box unticked and we are certain that it's the same thing for many others.

We keep thinking mmm we might be up for meeting a guy but after a few hours of having our profile open to verified single male we just think OMG how does anyone put up with the types of messages?

It gets to the point where its totally killed it and quickly go off the idea.

I don't know if it's us but it seems like in the single males community there seems to be a large percentage of married/attached playing away and for us it is a 2nd layer of unpleasantness to wade through

We really wish it could be a better experience but just don't know how to manage it (yes we've set all the filters)

As another fab couple we know put it "finding a genuine respectful male on fab is like finding a needle in a stack of needles in a haystack that is covered in manure" and we would tend to agree I guess it is a problem we don't how to deal with so we just don't deal with it anymore.

Although a good way for getting yourself out there for a single male would be a social or club the pure reality is that the ratio is so wildly out of proportion now there isn't the spaces open to the mass majority to even take 5-10%? Well that's the case in our area of the UK so don't know what to suggest but we would certainly be more receptive if it was a better environment and it was much more manageable.

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I remember mailing you a polite message only to get blocked my you lol

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By *r FedupMan
over a year ago

Brighouse

To someone relatively new (just today allowed to post here) I found this very informative and enlightening

It seems quite a brutal environment but it makes a lot more sense now.

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By *l MateMan
over a year ago

Sheffield Centre

I think it's hard work on both sides. I think some people expect to be bombarded with sex from day one.

I've been here a few months and on some profiles it isn't clear what people want. You can fit what you think is their type and you get deleted and blocked.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

"The op has hit the nail right on the head with what they put and couldn't agree more.

We keep thinking mmm we might be up for meeting a guy but after a few hours of having our profile open to verified single male we just think OMG how does anyone put up with the types of messages?

It gets to the point where its totally killed it and quickly go off the idea.

We really wish it could be a better experience but just don't know how to manage it (yes we've set all the filters)

The reality of socials in my experience , once you factor in last minute cancellations and no shows you end up at about 1to1 on single guys and single girls at a social...once you've had a few and it's got a good reputation.

Oxford, bank, Heathrow and Birmingham socials all had great ratios I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a great write up of the problems that many couples and single ladies seem to mention a lot. The problem I would see though is that the forum 'crowd' is a small percentage of the overall Fab community so it's unlikely to get to many of the offenders I expect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's a great write up of the problems that many couples and single ladies seem to mention a lot. The problem I would see though is that the forum 'crowd' is a small percentage of the overall Fab community so it's unlikely to get to many of the offenders I expect."

and this i totally get... it wont reach far n wide because the forums are such a small part ..but i only wrote it in repones to the growing amount of moany messages ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I remember mailing you a polite message only to get blocked my you lol"

as our profile clearly states we are massive blockers so if you read our profile before you send your message then you would have understood why you stood the chance of being blocked ...

blocking has hands down become the nest way for us as a couple (and singles profile) to move forward it stops alot of inwanted attention from those that simple do not interest us as well as the abusive crowd...i can block up to 20 profiles a day sometimes and it works in fact if it was not for the block button we would have left fab along time ago..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oxford, bank, Heathrow and Birmingham socials all had great ratios I think "

As you where replying to our post we thought we would clarify we're talking about the numbers of single men who "want" to go and the spaces available to them within the scene.

We have organised socials and our own parties before that over the last few years. As an organiser you can have 6,7,8x the amount of single men who want to attend compared to amount of couples yet the single ladies who want to attend generally are only 1/10th or less.

If you are trying to ensure a good social then it needs to be balanced as you put but you can't run that at a 1F-10MF-60 to 80M ratio? Organising a social for 30+ is seriously a lot of hassle and work as it is and why we only ran single men as a +1s. Also the majority of couples who want to go ask or state they're only interested if single men aren't invited? Tricky really but you just can't keep everyone happy.