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Men's mind Vs Women's Mind

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Looking to learn from others here as we can't be the only ones having this discussion...

We've been on the scene for several years and due to work commitments we don't play as often as we'd like, but we started out with Mrs L wanting to watch me with another woman.

This escalated to me playing alone with someone trusted that we've both met etc. and taking photos, video etc.

It was awkward for me at first, because Mrs wanted me to meet women SHE considered offered more than she could. So bigger boobs, big ass, or someone she considered to be more attractive etc. The turn on for her was seeing me turned on and she often wanted me to talk to her about what I wanted to do with others. As I said, difficult at first as it's not a normal thing to discuss with your partner!

Anyway, met some great people along the way and we've now started to explore other couples, MMF etc.

Now it's the reverse, I find myself being turned on by her telling me what she wants to do with someone or telling me she finds someone attractive etc... this conversation doesn't happen either!

As a man with a very high sex drive, I look at most attractive women and my thoughts are of a sexual nature. I never look at an attractive woman and think "she looks kind and like she's a good mum to her children"... it's more like "I wonder what she looks like when she orgasms"... "I'd love to slide into her from behind" etc.

Mrs L then said she very rarely looks at an attractive guy and thinks "I'd love to fuck him", or "I wonder if he's good with his cock". She says that for her, if they're a nice person, reasonably attractive and we're in a sexual situation, she would be turned on to be fucked by him. She just doesn't look at men and think sexual things... "He's attractive" is about as close as it gets apparently.

I find this bizarre and makes my life difficult on fab trying to chat to new people knowing that she's never likely to say "yeah, the thought of being fucked by him is a turn on"!

So, is Mrs L an anomaly, or is this a "woman" thing I'll never understand?!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Everyone is different but I don't look at men and think I want to fuck them either. I look at them and think they're attractive but I don't imagine them doing sexual stuff

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The thought of being in an erotic situation with an attractive man is a turn on but full on porn type fantasy only starts once the situation is right. Many women aren't visual

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

The bottom line is men are usually more visual than women.

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By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Does your wife look at other women and have the same thoughts as you do about them?

I can associate with a lot you said, and can say that I don’t look at men in a sexual way, but with women I do! As a dyslexic, im all about visuals. I’m more than happy for Mr to play alone with ladies, and have said before if he can get what I can’t give him such as boobs or a more curvy body for example, then he is free to do so! Even better if I can watch haha! But for us communication is a big thing, we have rules in place, and often discuss them to make sure we haven’t changed our minds etc!

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Funny you should say that because she's mentioned that she sees other women more sexually than she sees men!

As an extreme example, her celebrity crush is Tom Hardy and she said "but I don't imagine having sex with him. In fact if I saw a photo of him completely naked, it would likely put me off"

Yet a photo in his pants, or jeans and no top would likely do more for her!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Looking to learn from others here as we can't be the only ones having this discussion...

We've been on the scene for several years and due to work commitments we don't play as often as we'd like, but we started out with Mrs L wanting to watch me with another woman.

This escalated to me playing alone with someone trusted that we've both met etc. and taking photos, video etc.

It was awkward for me at first, because Mrs wanted me to meet women SHE considered offered more than she could. So bigger boobs, big ass, or someone she considered to be more attractive etc. The turn on for her was seeing me turned on and she often wanted me to talk to her about what I wanted to do with others. As I said, difficult at first as it's not a normal thing to discuss with your partner!

Anyway, met some great people along the way and we've now started to explore other couples, MMF etc.

Now it's the reverse, I find myself being turned on by her telling me what she wants to do with someone or telling me she finds someone attractive etc... this conversation doesn't happen either!

As a man with a very high sex drive, I look at most attractive women and my thoughts are of a sexual nature. I never look at an attractive woman and think "she looks kind and like she's a good mum to her children"... it's more like "I wonder what she looks like when she orgasms"... "I'd love to slide into her from behind" etc.

Mrs L then said she very rarely looks at an attractive guy and thinks "I'd love to fuck him", or "I wonder if he's good with his cock". She says that for her, if they're a nice person, reasonably attractive and we're in a sexual situation, she would be turned on to be fucked by him. She just doesn't look at men and think sexual things... "He's attractive" is about as close as it gets apparently.

I find this bizarre and makes my life difficult on fab trying to chat to new people knowing that she's never likely to say "yeah, the thought of being fucked by him is a turn on"!

So, is Mrs L an anomaly, or is this a "woman" thing I'll never understand?!"

I find it bizarre that you see attractive women as objects to fuck and not as human beings.

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


" I find it bizarre that you see attractive women as objects to fuck and not as human beings. "

That's not the case, I possibly didn't word that very well.

It's really difficult to explain.

So if I'm out for example and a woman passes by who has dressed to impress, if I'm just passing by with no reason to stop and chat, then it would be a sexual attraction. My mind would go there on the absence of anything else.

If she stopped and chatted, then obviously there's a lot more to work with!

It appears that when women see an attractive guy, their mind doesn't go there. They may think "he's attractive" but that's it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Looking to learn from others here as we can't be the only ones having this discussion...

We've been on the scene for several years and due to work commitments we don't play as often as we'd like, but we started out with Mrs L wanting to watch me with another woman.

This escalated to me playing alone with someone trusted that we've both met etc. and taking photos, video etc.

It was awkward for me at first, because Mrs wanted me to meet women SHE considered offered more than she could. So bigger boobs, big ass, or someone she considered to be more attractive etc. The turn on for her was seeing me turned on and she often wanted me to talk to her about what I wanted to do with others. As I said, difficult at first as it's not a normal thing to discuss with your partner!

Anyway, met some great people along the way and we've now started to explore other couples, MMF etc.

Now it's the reverse, I find myself being turned on by her telling me what she wants to do with someone or telling me she finds someone attractive etc... this conversation doesn't happen either!

As a man with a very high sex drive, I look at most attractive women and my thoughts are of a sexual nature. I never look at an attractive woman and think "she looks kind and like she's a good mum to her children"... it's more like "I wonder what she looks like when she orgasms"... "I'd love to slide into her from behind" etc.

Mrs L then said she very rarely looks at an attractive guy and thinks "I'd love to fuck him", or "I wonder if he's good with his cock". She says that for her, if they're a nice person, reasonably attractive and we're in a sexual situation, she would be turned on to be fucked by him. She just doesn't look at men and think sexual things... "He's attractive" is about as close as it gets apparently.

I find this bizarre and makes my life difficult on fab trying to chat to new people knowing that she's never likely to say "yeah, the thought of being fucked by him is a turn on"!

So, is Mrs L an anomaly, or is this a "woman" thing I'll never understand?!

I find it bizarre that you see attractive women as objects to fuck and not as human beings. "

Where on earth did you get object from? What is this object thing? Most men don't see a woman an object, like they don't see women like a fleshlight, a fleshlight is an object. Men, of all species btw, are visual and have primal instincts, it's a chemical reaction that we have zero control over, they can only control how they act when the thought has already happened, the thought goes through their heads and then they look away and get themselves under control. This objectification thing just makes it seem like all men look at all women as nothing but a fuck piece, which is obviously not true, but, if there is attraction, then yes, for the most part the reaction happens and then we react to the reaction.

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By *pice-meWoman
over a year ago

Home

I find that most men have the talent for playing out visual sex with a woman and imagining what may happen. For myself I enjoy time in people’s company and find either looks or character hopefully both attractive and a complete turn on. Then I may think ‘oh yes, they would be nice to spend more time with and see what happens. However, when it comes to thinking of an attractive woman especially a bi-woman it provokes more thought and intense sexual feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I find it bizarre that you see attractive women as objects to fuck and not as human beings.

That's not the case, I possibly didn't word that very well.

It's really difficult to explain.

So if I'm out for example and a woman passes by who has dressed to impress, if I'm just passing by with no reason to stop and chat, then it would be a sexual attraction. My mind would go there on the absence of anything else.

If she stopped and chatted, then obviously there's a lot more to work with!

It appears that when women see an attractive guy, their mind doesn't go there. They may think "he's attractive" but that's it."

Ah right ok that makes sense, thanks.

Demisexual is perhaps the 'label' for the women in your last sentence.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

I’d say a woman’s mind is a deep thinker in depth… where as a mans mind only thinks in the box as opposed to thinking out side the box

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By *spotpleasurerMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor.

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By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester


"Funny you should say that because she's mentioned that she sees other women more sexually than she sees men!

As an extreme example, her celebrity crush is Tom Hardy and she said "but I don't imagine having sex with him. In fact if I saw a photo of him completely naked, it would likely put me off"

Yet a photo in his pants, or jeans and no top would likely do more for her!"

Oh ok, so maybe you’re all the man she needs, you’re enough for her so to speak! Perhaps women are what she’d like to explore more sexually alone or with you?

Haha I get the Tom Hardy example, although he’s so not for me , I would have no problem seeing Amy Lee naked, but Beckham can keep his pants on!

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor. "

I imagine, like most things, it's a spectrum. Some people are further one way than others.

Whilst women do have one night stands, I think it's more common for men to be able to have them and just detach. It's just sex, nothing more.

I'm not implying that all women want a relationship, I just think the connection is deeper for women with a lot more factors taken into account.

I think most men are quite simple. "She's extremely attractive visually, therefore it's less important that she's a horrible person, I'll still happily have sex"

I think women can be attracted to a man and the moment she realises he's not a nice person, the attraction has gone.

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By *ore4fundevonCouple
over a year ago

West Devon

We can relate to a lot of what you've said there OP. Maybe not in exactly the same sense but we're in the ball park.

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman
over a year ago

London


"Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor.

I imagine, like most things, it's a spectrum. Some people are further one way than others.

Whilst women do have one night stands, I think it's more common for men to be able to have them and just detach. It's just sex, nothing more.

I'm not implying that all women want a relationship, I just think the connection is deeper for women with a lot more factors taken into account.

I think most men are quite simple. "She's extremely attractive visually, therefore it's less important that she's a horrible person, I'll still happily have sex"

I think women can be attracted to a man and the moment she realises he's not a nice person, the attraction has gone."

There is some in what you wrote there but also remember that safety is an important aspect for many women. Personally, I find it hard to imagine that I would just fantasising about having sex with a man who looks handsome but I have no idea if he will be OK and safe - it just runs too deep.

I know I do sometimes look at men and occasionally women with lusty thoughts but of course I make sure not to show that. Also, attraction is not only based on looks and whether the person is OK but also on how they smell - a photo or looking at someone from afar is not going to give me this vital information, is it?

Also, the tone of voice can sometimes make or break attraction - another example.

Not everyone's attraction is visual, for some of us it involves other senses and other aspects.

It is good to ask questions and understand the perspectives of others, it makes you think about things you haven't considered before.

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor.

I imagine, like most things, it's a spectrum. Some people are further one way than others.

Whilst women do have one night stands, I think it's more common for men to be able to have them and just detach. It's just sex, nothing more.

I'm not implying that all women want a relationship, I just think the connection is deeper for women with a lot more factors taken into account.

I think most men are quite simple. "She's extremely attractive visually, therefore it's less important that she's a horrible person, I'll still happily have sex"

I think women can be attracted to a man and the moment she realises he's not a nice person, the attraction has gone.

There is some in what you wrote there but also remember that safety is an important aspect for many women. Personally, I find it hard to imagine that I would just fantasising about having sex with a man who looks handsome but I have no idea if he will be OK and safe - it just runs too deep.

I know I do sometimes look at men and occasionally women with lusty thoughts but of course I make sure not to show that. Also, attraction is not only based on looks and whether the person is OK but also on how they smell - a photo or looking at someone from afar is not going to give me this vital information, is it?

Also, the tone of voice can sometimes make or break attraction - another example.

Not everyone's attraction is visual, for some of us it involves other senses and other aspects.

It is good to ask questions and understand the perspectives of others, it makes you think about things you haven't considered before.

"

This makes sense!... In actual fact I've laughed before when she's said "Brad Pitt doesn't do it for me, he looks like he'd have bad breath" haha

As a guy, if I see a woman from afar and she's attractive, everything else is assumed to be positive until proven otherwise!.. . I assume she's nice, I assume she smells nice, I assume she's confident, I assume she has a nice personality... Otherwise the fantasy is ruined!

I guess for women, these things are all question marks until proven otherwise!

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor. "

Yeah, this "men are like this, women are like that" stuff is very tiresome.

OP says he has a very high sex drive. Doesn't that quite simply explain the difference between you and your wife?

I don't see why gender has to come into it. I don't think about fucking every woman I meet.

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"

Yeah, this "men are like this, women are like that" stuff is very tiresome.

OP says he has a very high sex drive. Doesn't that quite simply explain the difference between you and your wife?

I don't see why gender has to come into it. I don't think about fucking every woman I meet. "

No it doesn't because she also has a high sex drive.

And neither do I think about fucking every woman I meet, nor was that the premise for the original post.

I'm simply wondering what other people's views on it are, particularly how other women see it, which I think is the purpose of a forum!

It's not exactly the kind of question i can pose at the next team meeting is it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know why you find it bizarre really

And I don't think she sounds very different to how a lot of women think...well maybe aside from the pleasure you say she derives from seeing you with another woman.

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman
over a year ago

London


"Honestly, I don't think you can generalise. I'm a guy, and I will notice an attractive female (or male) if I see one. But that's as far as it goes and I don't visualise them in a sexual context.

On the other hand, at a club, I play with the people I have a connection with, and the physical attraction is actually a less important factor.

I imagine, like most things, it's a spectrum. Some people are further one way than others.

Whilst women do have one night stands, I think it's more common for men to be able to have them and just detach. It's just sex, nothing more.

I'm not implying that all women want a relationship, I just think the connection is deeper for women with a lot more factors taken into account.

I think most men are quite simple. "She's extremely attractive visually, therefore it's less important that she's a horrible person, I'll still happily have sex"

I think women can be attracted to a man and the moment she realises he's not a nice person, the attraction has gone.

There is some in what you wrote there but also remember that safety is an important aspect for many women. Personally, I find it hard to imagine that I would just fantasising about having sex with a man who looks handsome but I have no idea if he will be OK and safe - it just runs too deep.

I know I do sometimes look at men and occasionally women with lusty thoughts but of course I make sure not to show that. Also, attraction is not only based on looks and whether the person is OK but also on how they smell - a photo or looking at someone from afar is not going to give me this vital information, is it?

Also, the tone of voice can sometimes make or break attraction - another example.

Not everyone's attraction is visual, for some of us it involves other senses and other aspects.

It is good to ask questions and understand the perspectives of others, it makes you think about things you haven't considered before.

This makes sense!... In actual fact I've laughed before when she's said "Brad Pitt doesn't do it for me, he looks like he'd have bad breath" haha

As a guy, if I see a woman from afar and she's attractive, everything else is assumed to be positive until proven otherwise!.. . I assume she's nice, I assume she smells nice, I assume she's confident, I assume she has a nice personality... Otherwise the fantasy is ruined!

I guess for women, these things are all question marks until proven otherwise! "

Incidentally, if you are interested to find out all about the science about desire and orgasms, I could not give a better recommendation than to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, it is an absolute revelation.

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"I don't know why you find it bizarre really

And I don't think she sounds very different to how a lot of women think...well maybe aside from the pleasure you say she derives from seeing you with another woman. "

I don't find it bizarre, I guess I just can't comprehend it, just as she can't comprehend my view.

We do discuss this quite often and although we both agree we can't comprehend how differently we think, we accept that we do.

We have quite a few friends and work colleagues who clearly don't understand the same probably applies in their relationships and they won't acknowledge it, which I think is a cause of many of the issues they have.

As I said above, this isn't the kind of subject you can just bring up at work, so it's good to post here and read others views.

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By *ascivious-Couple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"

Incidentally, if you are interested to find out all about the science about desire and orgasms, I could not give a better recommendation than to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, it is an absolute revelation. "

I will look this up! Thank you

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