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Betrayal or just Fab life?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've been meeting a couple for three years now. They were the newbies but we've developed a great repertoire and the wife, who was very shy to start, is now very sexually self-confident. I have not met anyone else and assumed they hadn't either, so I was surprised when they popped up on a random search I do out of curiosity from time to time. I looked at their new profile which made it clear they are looking for guys and have verifications from meeting guys four times this year.

Initially I was really upset, not that they met guys but they hadn't told me, not least because of the increased risk of STIs (we are always bareback); also because i would have been happy with an mmmf. But latterly I've come to think that, rather than face them with it, I should just keep quiet and see what happens. After all, we are still meeting every couple of weeks and the sex is great; I'm unlikely at my age to find that anywhere else now.

What do fellow-Fabbers think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely the only reason you should feel annoyed is if they have been having unprotected sex with others without telling you? Unless it directly affects you, it's nothing to do with you what they do with others.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"Surely the only reason you should feel annoyed is if they have been having unprotected sex with others without telling you? Unless it directly affects you, it's nothing to do with you what they do with others."

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington


"Surely the only reason you should feel annoyed is if they have been having unprotected sex with others without telling you? Unless it directly affects you, it's nothing to do with you what they do with others."

Basically this. Unless you had an exclusive arrangement, always assume people are meeting other people. It comes with the territory

It's why we only practice safe sex . We have to look after ourselves, not worry about who others are meeting.

I will say though, seems a little odd they never mentioned it. Should have done with the bare back thing though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Surely the only reason you should feel annoyed is if they have been having unprotected sex with others without telling you? Unless it directly affects you, it's nothing to do with you what they do with others."

Totally agree with this, if they’ve been having unprotected with others then they should of let you know just so you can then make that decision on weather you wish to carry on bareback (and so you can also get tested)

But other then that, there’s no reason for you to know what else they get up to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if there's an agreement to be exclusive, I don't trust anyone so never bareback. It's such a shame as I love it but we have to put our safety first

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

I understand your concern, but you can't ever automatically expect exclusivity of anyone in this swinging lifestyle.

Now that you know about what they are doing without you, it's up to you to decide to stop meeting them, or accept the added risk by continuing.

Maybe pop to the clinic and get checked out if you think you've been exposed to something to put your mind at rest?

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I am not sure why you feel betrayed. It doesn’t sound like you had an agreement to be exclusive and if people are on here then I think the best assumption would be that they will have multiple partners.

I wouldn’t have bareback with anyone on here.

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By *emptress and GentCouple
over a year ago

South Coast / London

Assumption is the mother of all...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Assumption is the mother of all..."

10 letter words?

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By *emptress and GentCouple
over a year ago

South Coast / London


"Assumption is the mother of all...

10 letter words?

"

Bingo!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't call it a betrayal but under the circumstances you describe I would feel a bit miffed. It sounds as if you both had different ideas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you still going bareback ?

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns


"Surely the only reason you should feel annoyed is if they have been having unprotected sex with others without telling you? Unless it directly affects you, it's nothing to do with you what they do with others."

Even then, it’s not clear whether they have stated that they weren’t meeting others, or whether he just assumed they weren’t.

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough


"I've been meeting a couple for three years now. They were the newbies but we've developed a great repertoire and the wife, who was very shy to start, is now very sexually self-confident. I have not met anyone else and assumed they hadn't either, so I was surprised when they popped up on a random search I do out of curiosity from time to time. I looked at their new profile which made it clear they are looking for guys and have verifications from meeting guys four times this year.

Initially I was really upset, not that they met guys but they hadn't told me, not least because of the increased risk of STIs (we are always bareback); also because i would have been happy with an mmmf. But latterly I've come to think that, rather than face them with it, I should just keep quiet and see what happens. After all, we are still meeting every couple of weeks and the sex is great; I'm unlikely at my age to find that anywhere else now.

What do fellow-Fabbers think?

"

It’s swinging!!! It’s not an exclusive relationship

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By *razytimesinloveCouple
over a year ago

SW Scotland

If you’ve had an agreement to not meet others then I’d say you could be miffed about that.

Would be very mad about the whole bareback with others and not letting you know about it.

Maybe an idea to have a talk with them and discuss ground rules.

It’s your health at the end of the day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been meeting a couple for three years now. They were the newbies but we've developed a great repertoire and the wife, who was very shy to start, is now very sexually self-confident. I have not met anyone else and assumed they hadn't either, so I was surprised when they popped up on a random search I do out of curiosity from time to time. I looked at their new profile which made it clear they are looking for guys and have verifications from meeting guys four times this year.

Initially I was really upset, not that they met guys but they hadn't told me, not least because of the increased risk of STIs (we are always bareback); also because i would have been happy with an mmmf. But latterly I've come to think that, rather than face them with it, I should just keep quiet and see what happens. After all, we are still meeting every couple of weeks and the sex is great; I'm unlikely at my age to find that anywhere else now.

What do fellow-Fabbers think?

It’s swinging!!! It’s not an exclusive relationship "

spot on .... the only thing wrong was your assumtion that they were all yours or the fact thatyou expected to be included in other meets they were to have .... if that was us you'ed be blocked just for posting this post and assuming you were exclusive

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

You stated in previous threads that you were looking for new friends.

How can you be annoyed with them for not being exclusive when you weren't intending to?

I agree that as you are bareback, it would have been polite to have been informed though.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

The basis of any good relationship is communication, regardless of how fleeting or tenuous. I can't think of any good reason for them not to tell you they were seeking (and having) other guys from an additional account. It smacks of deceit to me.

K

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By *ounty durham bbw coupleCouple
over a year ago

darlington

They probably should of been honest with you as you play bare confronting them is likely to end the friendship so I guess it's a judgement call for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's more like you have developed feeling and wanted more out off the relationship. Than you stating that it's the unprotected sex. In my view there can only be in swinging exclusivity to my husband.other than that I am free to play with who I or we want.

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

You admit that you assumed they weren't playing with anyone else in which case I'm afraid you weren't being betrayed. If they had repeatedly told you that you were the only one for them then yes, they would have been lying to you and you'd have had a point. Even the bit about BB, maybe you should have asked and they'd have told you so you could have made your own decision.

I'd never assume I was in an exclusive arrangement unless it had been specifically discussed in which case I would expect both sides to keep to the agreement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks, everybody, for your interesting and helpful opinions.

I didn't perhaps make it clear that neither of us are really 'lifestyle' swingers. The couple came here because the husband could only keep his erection by watching someone else have sex with his wife, and I came back because my wife wasn't interested in sex and didn't object to my involvement as she saw it as less threatening than seeing single women.

It is also true that at the start we all said we would be exclusive. My own recent re-activation of my profile was more out of curiosity and I would tell them if I planned to meet another couple for the reassns others have mentioned.

Finally, yes, I was surprised at my emotional response to this discovery and that I had invested so much in this relationship. That's why I've decided to not say anything. This is still their main one too and I don't want to disturb it.

Thanks again and my very best wishes for all your Fab experiences.

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