FabSwingers.com forum: Messages

By *r nobody OP Man
over a year ago

salford

What I really hate you send someone a message when you fit the profile they say they are looking for but they do not asnswer. If anyne messages me I always think it polite to reply .It costs nothing There I 've had my moan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

gotta say i agree mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes it annoys the hell out of me,i know women get lots of messages from guys but they should also realise how many messages we have to send out! a polite no thanks is all we need(or a yes please!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

congratulations you fit the profilemabob, have wonderful meerkat toy as prize, maybe Sergei...

No such thing as personal choice involved then?

Some don't answer to avoid the 'where did I go wrong' or 'how can I do it right next time' messages that usually end up in a load of abuse because the other person has spoken truthfully, and to be quite honest there aren't enough hours in the day to deal with all those sorts of messages, or the hassles that go with them.

If someone wants to, they will

Better luck with the next one, that's what I say, don't dwell on the fails

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with wolf I just tend to delete to try and avoid hassle, I no not every guys like that but unfortunately more than a few are. And at the end of the day if u get the polite thanks but no thanks or the delete treatment the answer is still the same - no

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By *tomComMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough

I think that a deleted message should be seen as a thanks but no thanks.

But I also agree that if you match what a person is looking for then it is only polite for them to reply

Woman get 100s of message yes, but how many of them match what they are looking for ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happens to about 95% of the msgs i send! But since there isn't a lot i can do about it, i just get on with looking for my next victi...erm, potential friend!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also completely agree with Wolf.

We try to answer all messages, but just don't!

For many reasons, my OH reads them as well as me, I don't always see them, so invariably playing catch up.

After a certain amount of messages, older ones drop of the end, until you delete some, so some get missed.

Why waste our time and other peoples if you are not interested, we do though try to say no thanks but as Wolf said that normally ends with ..

But if I shave my beard, do this etc message back..

Or why not? Or will you change your mind?

But I am not really outside your age range...I look younger.

Then before we know it we are talking to people who we have no interest in playing with, and not answering people we would like to!

Some messages are rude/vile...always get deleted, why should I answer a message like that?

Or we do the polite no thanks, to be messaged again say 2 weeks later, and they pretend they have only just found our profile and would be interested!

At the end of the day, this is our a/c and we will run it how we see fit!

And as been said many times, you don't answer every piece of junk mail you receive with a no thanks, or cold callers, well yes I'll listen to you for an hour and than say no!

It annoys me greatly that some people get so annoyed when messages are not answered, it is a clear subliminal message imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing is when women do the whole 'delete all unread' in a bid to clear the inbox they are then going to get messages from the same people again...and again....and again.

A better way to manage your inbox if you receive 100s is to still go through each message one by one. If the person sending it is someone you don't think you'll ever meet. Delete message and block user. That way if this user is a '10 messages a day to 1 person' kinda guy. You've eliminated an inbox clogger.

This may take a long time to clear your inbox at first(but who said you had to do it all in one day?). Exactly.

It's a lot better way than just constantly hitting 'delete all' and wondering why the same guys message again. Just by 'deleting all' the guys in question will believe they just got lost in the shuffle...and try again...and again. If some of these are definite no's then just delete and block.

Then there's certain filters which can narrow it down even more. Definitely more effective than moaning about it while hitting 'delete all' like it's a magic button.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not moaning about clearing our inbox

We do use message filters, and blocking

And never do a delete all...we normally wait until we are together, to look through messages properly and decide.

I am moaning about people moaning about no replies lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I think that's because they don't realise the sheer volume. I've had a few women show me what their inbox is like so I have a pretty good idea of how many messages they receive each day.

I used to work in an office though so i'm pretty organised about managing e-mail etc lol. I don't have that problem so much with my own inbox. I should probably hire myself out as an admin/inbox management for lazy people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I think that's because they don't realise the sheer volume. I've had a few women show me what their inbox is like so I have a pretty good idea of how many messages they receive each day.

Well we are definitely not lazy

But a PA sounds a good idea haha

We transfer all messages off here, to a note taking system we use/share online, so we can easily refer to people who are talking to us

Be them good or bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You sound like you've got an organised system in place. Well played. May many more follow your shining example!

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

"What I really hate you send someone a message when you fit the profile they say they are looking for but they do not asnswer. If anyne messages me I always think it polite to reply .It costs nothing There I 've had my moan"

and you get loads of mail a day, every day, from new admirers?

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

"I think that a deleted message should be seen as a thanks but no thanks.

But I also agree that if you match what a person is looking for then it is only polite for them to reply

Woman get 100s of message yes, but how many of them match what they are looking for ?"

sadly the preference choices offered on site do not extend to looks - in terms of what one person considers attractive as opposed to another...

So whilst you may think "tick, Tick, TICK... WOW Jackpot" your looks may leave you well short of ticking the all important box!

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By *andCCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

"What I really hate you send someone a message when you fit the profile they say they are looking for but they do not asnswer..."

You can hate away to your hearts content, but you cannot force people to reply to a speculative message - even if you believe that you're an ideal match for the recipients profile. Also the FAQ's do state quite clearly that;

"It is NOT rude not to reply."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's one of the features I like about this site that it tells you that you have emailed someone in the past, enabling you to not hassle them with a second unwanted message. Other sites don't do this and you have to try and keep a list of all profiles you have contacted. Difficult especially as people change their user names.

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By *asybbwCouple
over a year ago

bangor

hate lol

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By *uggers nemesisCouple
over a year ago

london

"yes it annoys the hell out of me,i know women get lots of messages from guys but they should also realise how many messages we have to send out! a polite no thanks is all we need(or a yes please!!)"
whats the point in a polite no thanks? do people have to respond just because you contacted them? of course not,if they dont respond you know its a no,move on,keep looking,im sickof reading about guys who think they have a right to a response,no we dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the point is that while YOU believe you fit their profile...THEY clearly don't...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile, though is quite general. It fits a loooot of men. I'm not going to fancy most of them, (and some of them won't fancy me either).

As for a man telling women and couples how we should manage our inboxes and suggesting were lazy if we don't stay on top of it, priceless!!

A week or so ago I completely cleared out my inbox. It took me 15 hours over 3 days. I have over 50 unread messages and a stack of read but not replied to again, and that's without the friends I want to keep in touch with. Who has that much free time to spend on here every week? Maybe in time the messages would drop off, but it's not sustainable even short-term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"congratulations you fit the profilemabob, have wonderful meerkat toy as prize, maybe Sergei...

No such thing as personal choice involved then?

If someone wants to, they will

Better luck with the next one, that's what I say, don't dwell on the fails

Wolf

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

My profile, though is quite general. It fits a loooot of men. I'm not going to fancy most of them, (and some of them won't fancy me either).

As for a man telling women and couples how we should manage our inboxes and suggesting were lazy if we don't stay on top of it, priceless!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yes it annoys the hell out of me,i know women get lots of messages from guys but they should also realise how many messages we have to send out! a polite no thanks is all we need(or a yes please!!)whats the point in a polite no thanks? do people have to respond just because you contacted them? of course not,if they dont respond you know its a no,move on,keep looking,im sickof reading about guys who think they have a right to a response,no we dont"

Does a polit no thanks really make anyone's life that much better? Would a detailed description of why they don't want to meet make you feel better or worse? Does a 'delete' or no reply not insinuate that they feel you're not for them?

In an ideal world where we lived in a utopia with no work, family obligations and time constraints - and all the time in the world to spend on fab - yep, all messages would have a response!

But in a world where some can spend more time on site than others, some have demanding jobs, kids take up your valuable 'fun time', half your daily inbox and texts contain 'you are owed a ppi refund' messages, Jeremy Kyle still finds muppets for his show and people are waiting weeks for their meerkats to arrive in the post - sadly some people have other priorities!

Deal with it, don't dwell on the negative and move on!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst I find is that women or couples will complain about guys not writing enough in messages and not wanting a one line message, however on their profile there is only one line of text and one/no pictures.

c'mon give us something to work with!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But do you fit the profile? or do you maybe think ok I'm a couple of inches shorter than she's looking for but it will be ok, or maybe you conveniently missed the "won't meet attached folk"...I could go on and on and on lol... as one of those orrible single female persons

I can guarantee that the senders of 99% of all the messages I receive need to take a trip to SpecSavers as they says they have read my profile and matches my preferences! but in reality they have a bad case of selective reading and only match some bits and hope I won't notice the rest!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I decided to take on board your comments today, and duly answered EVERY message, with a no thanks please don't contact us again, and if you do have a read of our profile first before sending vile crap.

Thanks

Funnily most of these messages have been deleted and not responded to

Oh well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The worst I find is that women or couples will complain about guys not writing enough in messages and not wanting a one line message, however on their profile there is only one line of text and one/no pictures.

c'mon give us something to work with!"

I've seen very few female and couples profiles with no photos and a single line of text. Male profiles however...

I'll write the rest of this later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you are foregetting though is that many couples and single ladies on here have a superiority complex.

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By *he Original TTMan
over a year ago

Brackley, Northants

"'ve seen very few female and couples profiles with no photos and a single line of text. Male profiles however...

I'll write the rest of this later."

....and this is longer than about 90% of the single male profiles on here, and with just as many photos!

Come on guys - stop whinging, write a profile, get some FACE pics up, and get on with it!! It ain't rocket science.

(probably just as well!)

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By *he Original TTMan
over a year ago

Brackley, Northants

"What you are foregetting though is that many couples and single ladies on here have a superiority complex."

Bollocks! Most men are just dumb when it comes to talking to women and couples. They are in the minority here and have the pick of the bunch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

haha, what a load of utter shit. Some guys have the pick of the bottom of the barrel, yes

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By *uggers nemesisCouple
over a year ago

london

"I am not moaning about clearing our inbox

We do use message filters, and blocking

And never do a delete all...we normally wait until we are together, to look through messages properly and decide.

I am moaning about people moaning about no replies lol

"
quality julie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bollocks! Most men are just dumb when it comes to talking to women and couples. They are in the minority here and have the pick of the bunch.

I think most in fairness do worry about what to say for fear of being deleted or blocked over saying the wrong thing, and not demonstrating the correct mindreading skills first off...

Of those some will probably never learn that vital skill of making the message fit the recipient - a sort of tone-deafness for messages

Wolf

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By *uggers nemesisCouple
over a year ago

london

"What you are foregetting though is that many couples and single ladies on here have a superiority complex."
superiority complex?come on single guys surely you can really work out the answer?most single women on here are only looking for couples,why is that? single men are looking for anything,correct?its quite simple as a single guy you have nothing to 'swap' which is why you struggle so much,simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its rude to just delete a message, its more polite to say "sorry not for me"

It takes seconds to type and hit send.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think its rude to just delete a message, its more polite to say "sorry not for me"

It takes seconds to type and hit send.

And the next hour replying to their message but why not!!

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

"I think its rude to just delete a message, its more polite to say "sorry not for me"

It takes seconds to type and hit send.

how is no reply any different to a no thanks reply?

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley

Sometimes we reply, sometimes we don't...to be fair, the times we do reply, we usually just get a 'Thanks for replying, all the best' message back, not a request for a thesis on why they failed on this occasion !

I (Mr JFL) do all the initial reading of messages anyway, Mrs JFL only gets involved if there may be the chance of a meet, then she has the final call (she's a trusting soul !)

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By *andCCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

Top line on our profile: "No single males under 40 please." I received a message late last night asking; "why no under 40's males

Why the hell should I waste my time justifying my choices to anyone? I appreciate that it pays to be flexible, and a more tentative message might warranted a reply instead of a delete. If he'd started with; "I know I don't quite fit your profile requirements, but would you consider..." instead of a confrontational whinge then he might have got somewhere ...might have, but probably not

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