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Fake doms

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very much so, finding experience dom guys who really understand the kink if hard but be patient and youll find them lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Not really. Everyone has a different idea of what it means. If their idea is different to ours we're just incompatible

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

They might consider you a fake sub for not doing it how they like it

Isn’t it all down to preferences

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry


"Not really. Everyone has a different idea of what it means. If their idea is different to ours we're just incompatible"

That is very true and a fair point.

Are you active on the Fet Scene? I'd say that side of the house maybe a little better for finding what you. Simply because it maybe a place to get good recommendations and check out credentials from others. Or fet events offer a safe place to try before you buy (so to speak), explore and get inspiration. Although that side of the house is not free of people who unwarrantedly talk big. Unfortunately the search for someone that is good, matches your particular instests and expectations is not easy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Not really. Everyone has a different idea of what it means. If their idea is different to ours we're just incompatible

That is very true and a fair point.

Are you active on the Fet Scene? I'd say that side of the house maybe a little better for finding what you. Simply because it maybe a place to get good recommendations and check out credentials from others. Or fet events offer a safe place to try before you buy (so to speak), explore and get inspiration. Although that side of the house is not free of people who unwarrantedly talk big. Unfortunately the search for someone that is good, matches your particular instests and expectations is not easy. "

No we're not active on the fet scene. we're quite happy as we are

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not really. Everyone has a different idea of what it means. If their idea is different to ours we're just incompatible

That is very true and a fair point.

Are you active on the Fet Scene? I'd say that side of the house maybe a little better for finding what you. Simply because it maybe a place to get good recommendations and check out credentials from others. Or fet events offer a safe place to try before you buy (so to speak), explore and get inspiration. Although that side of the house is not free of people who unwarrantedly talk big. Unfortunately the search for someone that is good, matches your particular instests and expectations is not easy. "

Thank you for the advice. I'll definitely look into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on your expectations of “Dom”:..

Subs are equally as powerful just in a different way

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They might consider you a fake sub for not doing it how they like it

Isn’t it all down to preferences"

I'm not saying I'm the best and my way is the only way. It just frustrates me as I think it could be so much better. Of course people want different things, I just find it frustrating that it is always the same kind of doms I seem to find on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?"

Sounds like you may want a soft Dom.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

NiceCouple beat me to the comment.

Nowhere is better to find a kink partner, there will be the same percentage of unacceptable candidates in more dedicated spaces. I have been to munches where there was a lot of predatory behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?"

Yes, me! And I disagree with the concept that thinking it's all about the man is just a preference. No, it's selfish and misogynist. Disguised as "I'm a Dom and you need to do what I say". Submission can't be taken or demanded. It's a discussion, a negotiation, a contract if you like.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"NiceCouple beat me to the comment.

Nowhere is better to find a kink partner, there will be the same percentage of unacceptable candidates in more dedicated spaces. I have been to munches where there was a lot of predatory behaviour.

"

Hence we're not on the fet scene

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By *olly_AmberTV/TS
over a year ago

Live Sussex, Work London

This guys! It’s not just a you do what I say. A Dom experience is so much more and needs to be entered into correctly. Most guys who call themselves Dom’s on here are really not


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?

Yes, me! And I disagree with the concept that thinking it's all about the man is just a preference. No, it's selfish and misogynist. Disguised as "I'm a Dom and you need to do what I say". Submission can't be taken or demanded. It's a discussion, a negotiation, a contract if you like. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?

Yes, me! And I disagree with the concept that thinking it's all about the man is just a preference. No, it's selfish and misogynist. Disguised as "I'm a Dom and you need to do what I say". Submission can't be taken or demanded. It's a discussion, a negotiation, a contract if you like. "

Yes! Exactly that! If I'm going to let you push my boundaries, you're going to have to make the effort to know how to get to that point, not just demand I do it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mr always describes Doms as ethical or non ethical, which is really a better description than fake.

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By *landfordfabbersCouple
over a year ago

Blandford ish

Ds is a complex thing, like all fetishes, too many guys don’t understand the power exchange and how it works, I see many posts on here that

I consider red flags for crap doms!

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By *ausageNmashCouple
over a year ago

Andover

Dom and misogynist are often confused by men on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some will say they are dom or anything just to get a leg over ... im not looking for a dom in a kink way im just looking for a guy whos sexually assertive easy you would think but trust me its not .. you explain everything so to make sure your on the same page and of course everything is yes yes thars me only to meet and find its not and when i say not i mean not even close to the point you think ok on the right path maybe just grow into it...

people will lie twist and decive just to have sex but they lose out in the long run because the meet either gets stopped or they neverget the chance of a re-meet .... if you think finding a dom is hard then try finding that 3rd guy for cuckolding lol nearly impossible and that part of the scene is full of wannabes - liers - and oh ive seen that is a porn movie i can do that not types...

wish people would just be open and honest id rather meet someone who wants to try rather than some bullshitter who just wants to empty his balls

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry


"NiceCouple beat me to the comment.

Nowhere is better to find a kink partner, there will be the same percentage of unacceptable candidates in more dedicated spaces. I have been to munches where there was a lot of predatory behaviour.

Hence we're not on the fet scene "

Well we're not either. Mainly because in our experience we find the whole scene a bit pretentious, douchey and serious (in terms of attitudes rather than safety if that makes sense). Granted that is our personal opinion of the scene in general, no offence to anyone on the scene. We like our kink but the scene is not for us. However I stand by it maybe a good place for OP to cast her net. We have seen a bit and know some on the scene. There are many on the seen who are good and may offer what OP is looking for and others who can share experience, advice and maybe recommendations. But like I said many unwarrantedly talk a big game. So you still need to be conscientious when looking, that goes for everywhere. But I'd say it's definitely a place to widen the net and hopefully increase chances of success. After all there are many on the fet scene who aren't on the swingers scene.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"They might consider you a fake sub for not doing it how they like it

Isn’t it all down to preferences

I'm not saying I'm the best and my way is the only way. It just frustrates me as I think it could be so much better. Of course people want different things, I just find it frustrating that it is always the same kind of doms I seem to find on here."

"Always the same kind of doms .." Well lady, you pick them so perhaps you need to look at your selection criteria?

If I have learnt anything from my time in Fab, now and in the past, it is no two people are alike, no two women want the same play and the only way to get anything like you want is to tell them. So I suggest during the chat stage you tell them what you want.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Probably the key attribute for anyone who classes themselves as ‘dominant’ that ensures they provide satisfaction to those who submit to them is a high level of emotional intelligence.

If you consider that to be the case, then it’s easy to see why so many ‘dominants’ here fail to satisfy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Too many men think it's about barking orders and pushing boundaries. It's annoying.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

What I set out below is my view but there are alternative views available.

You get the same comments made by OP on the other site that can't be mentioned.

I have always felt the comments complaining about Doms and subs fall into the same category as the comments "People don't understand cuckolding" or " There are no real bulls",or "There are no real swingers".

Finding compatible partners is always difficult, but in the kink/fetish world provided in the relationship there is genuine consent that can be freely withdrawn, it does not make the Dom a bad Dom because in the sub's view the Dom is selfish. It just makes the Dom not the one for that sub. Going out and about you see plenty of relationships where one party is selfish but somehow it works.

The longer I am in the scene and talk to people, I am not sure how helpful it is saying that certain people don't understand D/S.

I think it is better to appreciate that finding compatible people in this scene is difficult. I know many subs that took a long time to find a compatible partner, and others that still have not.

However, now lockdown is easing, it is better to enjoy all the other aspects of the scene. I can't say you would find a Dom, but you will make friends and have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"NiceCouple beat me to the comment.

Nowhere is better to find a kink partner, there will be the same percentage of unacceptable candidates in more dedicated spaces. I have been to munches where there was a lot of predatory behaviour.

Hence we're not on the fet scene

Well we're not either. Mainly because in our experience we find the whole scene a bit pretentious, douchey and serious (in terms of attitudes rather than safety if that makes sense). Granted that is our personal opinion of the scene in general, no offence to anyone on the scene. We like our kink but the scene is not for us. However I stand by it maybe a good place for OP to cast her net. We have seen a bit and know some on the scene. There are many on the seen who are good and may offer what OP is looking for and others who can share experience, advice and maybe recommendations. But like I said many unwarrantedly talk a big game. So you still need to be conscientious when looking, that goes for everywhere. But I'd say it's definitely a place to widen the net and hopefully increase chances of success. After all there are many on the fet scene who aren't on the swingers scene."

I've come from the Fet scene. I have some lovely friends from there but I'd have to agree it can be quite protocol-heavy and theoretical at times. And non-monogamy is not standard by any means!

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

What are you looking for a border line abusive relationship or someone to come around once a month slap your handcuffs and f*** you in the ass...

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Yes. Too many men think it's about barking orders and pushing boundaries. It's annoying."

Well, may I make a suggestion to all forumites.

Rather than criticise men or women on here for their incompetence put down what you like to have in Dom play. Then we can all get to understand it better and hopefully improve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is key. I usually chat online for a couple of weeks with an interested sub and make sure that we use aftercare time to discuss what we both like and would like to do and what we are not so keen on. I must say though, every sub I have been with was different from very strict about what she would or would not do to those who say "do what you want with me".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I set out below is my view but there are alternative views available.

You get the same comments made by OP on the other site that can't be mentioned.

I have always felt the comments complaining about Doms and subs fall into the same category as the comments "People don't understand cuckolding" or " There are no real bulls",or "There are no real swingers".

Finding compatible partners is always difficult, but in the kink/fetish world provided in the relationship there is genuine consent that can be freely withdrawn, it does not make the Dom a bad Dom because in the sub's view the Dom is selfish. It just makes the Dom not the one for that sub. Going out and about you see plenty of relationships where one party is selfish but somehow it works.

The longer I am in the scene and talk to people, I am not sure how helpful it is saying that certain people don't understand D/S.

I think it is better to appreciate that finding compatible people in this scene is difficult. I know many subs that took a long time to find a compatible partner, and others that still have not.

However, now lockdown is easing, it is better to enjoy all the other aspects of the scene. I can't say you would find a Dom, but you will make friends and have fun.

"

I hear what you’re saying, but like anything in life, there are people who just don’t understand it. This doesn’t mean they can’t gain an understanding though.

There are also some people who purely use the title to abuse, and in my book, that makes them not suitable for anyone.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"NiceCouple beat me to the comment.

Nowhere is better to find a kink partner, there will be the same percentage of unacceptable candidates in more dedicated spaces. I have been to munches where there was a lot of predatory behaviour.

Hence we're not on the fet scene "

It is rare thankfully. Or at least in my experience.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What I set out below is my view but there are alternative views available.

You get the same comments made by OP on the other site that can't be mentioned.

I have always felt the comments complaining about Doms and subs fall into the same category as the comments "People don't understand cuckolding" or " There are no real bulls",or "There are no real swingers".

Finding compatible partners is always difficult, but in the kink/fetish world provided in the relationship there is genuine consent that can be freely withdrawn, it does not make the Dom a bad Dom because in the sub's view the Dom is selfish. It just makes the Dom not the one for that sub. Going out and about you see plenty of relationships where one party is selfish but somehow it works.

The longer I am in the scene and talk to people, I am not sure how helpful it is saying that certain people don't understand D/S.

I think it is better to appreciate that finding compatible people in this scene is difficult. I know many subs that took a long time to find a compatible partner, and others that still have not.

However, now lockdown is easing, it is better to enjoy all the other aspects of the scene. I can't say you would find a Dom, but you will make friends and have fun.

I hear what you’re saying, but like anything in life, there are people who just don’t understand it. This doesn’t mean they can’t gain an understanding though.

There are also some people who purely use the title to abuse, and in my book, that makes them not suitable for anyone. "

Exactly that!

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?

Yes, me! And I disagree with the concept that thinking it's all about the man is just a preference. No, it's selfish and misogynist. Disguised as "I'm a Dom and you need to do what I say". Submission can't be taken or demanded. It's a discussion, a negotiation, a contract if you like.

Yes! Exactly that! If I'm going to let you push my boundaries, you're going to have to make the effort to know how to get to that point, not just demand I do it!"

Submission is given, not taken.

I've discovered a new (well an American) term for what I am. Alpha sub...

Aside - I'm not a big fan of the use of alpha/beta etc because it's based on one study which was found to be dubious in it's findings but 'alpha' men have grabbed onto that (mostly for mysogynistic reasons).

But the description was perfect. It was comparing an alpha sub, to a brat.

A brat plays up and acts out because she wants attention.

An alpha sub because she's testing a dominants abilities, their understanding, their boundaries, because she knows she could do better, be better in the face of weakness.

As a switch I'd never thought of it like that. I don't like playing with inexperienced players because I can't settle, I can't enjoy it, I'm analysing what's going on, how it could be better etc...

That makes it bloody hard work to find play partners / relationships on here or in the fet scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?

Yes, me! And I disagree with the concept that thinking it's all about the man is just a preference. No, it's selfish and misogynist. Disguised as "I'm a Dom and you need to do what I say". Submission can't be taken or demanded. It's a discussion, a negotiation, a contract if you like.

Yes! Exactly that! If I'm going to let you push my boundaries, you're going to have to make the effort to know how to get to that point, not just demand I do it!

Submission is given, not taken.

I've discovered a new (well an American) term for what I am. Alpha sub...

Aside - I'm not a big fan of the use of alpha/beta etc because it's based on one study which was found to be dubious in it's findings but 'alpha' men have grabbed onto that (mostly for mysogynistic reasons).

But the description was perfect. It was comparing an alpha sub, to a brat.

A brat plays up and acts out because she wants attention.

An alpha sub because she's testing a dominants abilities, their understanding, their boundaries, because she knows she could do better, be better in the face of weakness.

As a switch I'd never thought of it like that. I don't like playing with inexperienced players because I can't settle, I can't enjoy it, I'm analysing what's going on, how it could be better etc...

That makes it bloody hard work to find play partners / relationships on here or in the fet scene. "

I’m not keen on the term alpha, because it seems to place one sub above another.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"What I set out below is my view but there are alternative views available.

You get the same comments made by OP on the other site that can't be mentioned.

I have always felt the comments complaining about Doms and subs fall into the same category as the comments "People don't understand cuckolding" or " There are no real bulls",or "There are no real swingers".

Finding compatible partners is always difficult, but in the kink/fetish world provided in the relationship there is genuine consent that can be freely withdrawn, it does not make the Dom a bad Dom because in the sub's view the Dom is selfish. It just makes the Dom not the one for that sub. Going out and about you see plenty of relationships where one party is selfish but somehow it works.

The longer I am in the scene and talk to people, I am not sure how helpful it is saying that certain people don't understand D/S.

I think it is better to appreciate that finding compatible people in this scene is difficult. I know many subs that took a long time to find a compatible partner, and others that still have not.

However, now lockdown is easing, it is better to enjoy all the other aspects of the scene. I can't say you would find a Dom, but you will make friends and have fun.

I hear what you’re saying, but like anything in life, there are people who just don’t understand it. This doesn’t mean they can’t gain an understanding though.

There are also some people who purely use the title to abuse, and in my book, that makes them not suitable for anyone. "

My last comment on this topic as I have a rule I only give three responses at the most.

For me the only true signifier of abuse in a kink sense is a lack of consent. Everyone's view of abuse is different. I came off the Afrocentric forums because they believe that raceplay (and I am no fan of raceplay) even between consenting adults is abuse. The feminists and lot of the public see (D/S as abuse.

I don't see D/S as being tied to sex, there are many that do.

Some people like severe treatment others see it as abuse and people who like that treatment can no longer put their picture on display, even on fetish sites.

Therefore the abuse argument has to be used very carefully because to some third party another person's kinky pleasure is abusive.

Provided the Dom says upfront what their idea of dominance is the sub can say no. If the Dom lies that is not genuine consent.

You probably know about Gorean relationships, and Master and Sl@ve relationships would you consider they are abuse? I am not looking for an answer I am suggesting lines of thought.

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

We've known and still know a few Dom's and although not our thing it does and has made for some very interesting conversations regarding being a Dom and even now most say that most of the self proclaimed Doms aren't at all and some have some serious and not so serious issues with either females and even males or are working out issues about a Ex ?? what we can make out mostly they are confused about what makes a good Dom and all down mutual consent/respect and only being told what or how to do straight away isn't being a Dom as it's about 100% trust and getting to know the sub and what they want as much as what the Dom wants ?? but we are guessing it carries little sub genres but if anyone proclaiming to be a Dom doesn't respect your wishes or even ignores them they aren't truly a Dom ..

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By *arry monk40Man
over a year ago

Telford

Think there are more fake subs than doms

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By *arry monk40Man
over a year ago

Telford


" We've known and still know a few Dom's and although not our thing it does and has made for some very interesting conversations regarding being a Dom and even now most say that most of the self proclaimed Doms aren't at all and some have some serious and not so serious issues with either females and even males or are working out issues about a Ex ?? what we can make out mostly they are confused about what makes a good Dom and all down mutual consent/respect and only being told what or how to do straight away isn't being a Dom as it's about 100% trust and getting to know the sub and what they want as much as what the Dom wants ?? but we are guessing it carries little sub genres but if anyone proclaiming to be a Dom doesn't respect your wishes or even ignores them they aren't truly a Dom .."

Definatly this I just asked a sub to discus their needs and they have disappeared when you do it right the fakes fade away because it's not as simple as it seems

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I’m not keen on the term alpha, because it seems to place one sub above another. "

I'd never seen it used in this way. I've only previously seen it used in an actual hierarchical structure (ie a poly house where there was an alpha sub, who was higher in status than other subs)

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By *uddy laneMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I keep getting disappointed that men have misconceptions or misunderstand how to be a dom. Most seem to think that it's about them, what they want etc. Obviously some of it is but it is so much more than what they think and the rewards are so not appealing you wouldn't want to please them in the first place. Anyone else finds that?"

I'm a adequately versed dom but I am out of your age range. Experience counts do you increase your age limit every year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not keen on the term alpha, because it seems to place one sub above another.

I'd never seen it used in this way. I've only previously seen it used in an actual hierarchical structure (ie a poly house where there was an alpha sub, who was higher in status than other subs)"

But surely this is the definition of what I said?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What are you looking for a border line abusive relationship or someone to come around once a month slap your handcuffs and f*** you in the ass...

"

If that's what you think domination and submission is, you don't have to bring your prejudices to the thread?

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I'm a adequately versed dom but I am out of your age range. Experience counts do you increase your age limit every year."

Age does not equate to experience, someone might have found kink 2 years ago but be 15 years older than me...

They are older but far less experienced. So if you're outside someone's age range it's likely that they have other reasons for selecting that.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I’m not keen on the term alpha, because it seems to place one sub above another.

I'd never seen it used in this way. I've only previously seen it used in an actual hierarchical structure (ie a poly house where there was an alpha sub, who was higher in status than other subs)

But surely this is the definition of what I said?"

But if someone negotiates and choses that structure it's their definition, their kink.

If that was what they had consented to, why would I pass judgement on it?

I personally wouldn't use the term in that way (although I have been in loose hierarchical structures before, we haven't used those terms) and you could always decline to be involved with a scenario.

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By *uddy laneMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I'm a adequately versed dom but I am out of your age range. Experience counts do you increase your age limit every year.

Age does not equate to experience, someone might have found kink 2 years ago but be 15 years older than me...

They are older but far less experienced. So if you're outside someone's age range it's likely that they have other reasons for selecting that. "

I was talking to the sub do you mind.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

What if it's the subs who have the wrong idea, and think they run the show?

If you're the one calling the shots you're not the sub, you're someone looking for a partner to satisfy your needs.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

There are men and women *other genders apply* who think being dominant is inflicting as much pain and humiliation they can on the sub. They are sadists to me, not dominants.

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By *ecretescapeCouple
over a year ago

Aldgate


"Probably the key attribute for anyone who classes themselves as ‘dominant’ that ensures they provide satisfaction to those who submit to them is a high level of emotional intelligence.

If you consider that to be the case, then it’s easy to see why so many ‘dominants’ here fail to satisfy."

Agree. Emotional intelligence is the key. And it's very tricky to find on fab

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I was talking to the sub do you mind."

I do mind as it happens, which is why I replied on the open forum.

I just happened to point out the glaring flaw in your argument.

And it's been a while since I read the rules but wasn't there something in there about not using the forum to get around message blocks? Or is that just statuses?

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By *uddy laneMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I was talking to the sub do you mind.

I do mind as it happens, which is why I replied on the open forum.

I just happened to point out the glaring flaw in your argument.

And it's been a while since I read the rules but wasn't there something in there about not using the forum to get around message blocks? Or is that just statuses?

"

have you ever thought of yourself has dom?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect there are a few that are not Doms, some who could be, but are inexperienced as to what this means, and some who have a link but don't know what to call it.

Eg, I tend to take a softer approach to control. Not really physical per se, but in charge. Does that make me a Dom or not ? I don't know. But I wouldn't be right for a masochistic sub who wants marks.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I was talking to the sub do you mind.

I do mind as it happens, which is why I replied on the open forum.

I just happened to point out the glaring flaw in your argument.

And it's been a while since I read the rules but wasn't there something in there about not using the forum to get around message blocks? Or is that just statuses?

have you ever thought of yourself has dom?"

I am dominant. I'm also submissive. I have the best of it all given I'm a switch.

Being dominant/sadistic or submissive/masochist for me is about the dynamic and connection I have with someone.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I suspect there are a few that are not Doms, some who could be, but are inexperienced as to what this means, and some who have a link but don't know what to call it.

Eg, I tend to take a softer approach to control. Not really physical per se, but in charge. Does that make me a Dom or not ? I don't know. But I wouldn't be right for a masochistic sub who wants marks. "

Domination is as much about the mind as anything else.

I specifically say on my profile I'm looking for a top rather than a dominant, because I'm looking for the physical elements of SM play over Ds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suspect there are a few that are not Doms, some who could be, but are inexperienced as to what this means, and some who have a link but don't know what to call it.

Eg, I tend to take a softer approach to control. Not really physical per se, but in charge. Does that make me a Dom or not ? I don't know. But I wouldn't be right for a masochistic sub who wants marks. "

But a submissive may enjoy marks with one partner without needing it every time - it's the connection between two people that's important. It all flows from that. I can do without lots of kinky activities - I can't do without that connection .

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 13/08/21 13:53:11]

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"I suspect there are a few that are not Doms, some who could be, but are inexperienced as to what this means, and some who have a link but don't know what to call it.

Eg, I tend to take a softer approach to control. Not really physical per se, but in charge. Does that make me a Dom or not ? I don't know. But I wouldn't be right for a masochistic sub who wants marks.

Domination is as much about the mind as anything else.

I specifically say on my profile I'm looking for a top rather than a dominant, because I'm looking for the physical elements of SM play over Ds"
Which although I describe myself as a dominant in D/S, I am only topping for the foreseeable future.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I change my age range as the years go by but I don't really like older men if I'm honest.

As I've said before, of course every one has different needs and as long as you find your match... I just don't like when a man sees that I want a dom and he then assumes I will do anything he wants. It's not that to me. I have quite a strong personality and to get what you want, you're going to have to get inside my head lol

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

There are plenty of guys who want me to dominate them recently. As I’ve been in the fetish scene I have played as a Dom TV previously with some humiliation play and soft pain (spanking and lightly whipping).

I would love a guy, woman or couple to dominate me, especially with humiliation play and a bit of bondage and spanking but on this site it’s difficult to find.

I don’t see myself as either a sub or dom, just someone who enjoys a bit of role play, being the dom at times or sub play, secretary or maid.

I think that could be the difference between someone who’s actively into the scene to those who like to play at it a bit.

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