FabSwingers.com forum: Unreasonable demand of FWB

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally if its a exclusive FWB situation then i’d be asking for once a week or once a fortnight.

If you're seeing other people then once/twice a month is fine. I suppose there are other factors like distance and work/family that affect availability but seeing an exclusive FWB so irregularly would defeat the object for me…..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Firstly let me say that I'm not completely comfortable with the term FWB and exclusive in the same sentence but that's just me.

I think any relationship is about compromise and if one is making a "demand" that the other finds unreasonable then a compromise needs to be reached. The frequency of meets is indivual to each relationship I'd imagine

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

London

I try to arrange meeting a fwb or fb as often as time allows us both. Every weekend that’s available seems to work as both have other commitments...friends, family, work or even others they or I might arrange to see.

I think as long as you are both open and straight with each other, it’s a nice arrangement to have.

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

To be honest, without even having a perv at your profile. just looking at your profile photo on the thread I can understand your FWB wanting you more than once every three weeks, I'd want you three times a night.

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By *his_Kitty_ScratchesWoman
over a year ago

WSM

Once a week minimum if it’s exclusive, I’m not going to sit at home waiting on them and I’m clear about that too. I have a high sex drive so looking for regular and often as possible.

Maybe I’m unreasonable but I don’t hide what I want and no one has to message if they aren’t interested is my way of thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally any FWB/FB I usually trust and see them weekly or fortnightly obviously dependant on everyone’s plans and commitments.

None of mine have ever found that unreasonable.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

If one person only wants to meet occasionally, and the other more regularly, no one is really being 'unreasonable', it's just a mismatch.

Better to find people on your wavelength than to try and change anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can only comment on our experience. Once exclusive the "friend with benefits" would be saw as often as time, family,work and other important stuff allows. Could be once a week. Could be four times a week. All we can say is you set your rules. If that's not enough for the other party then they no longer become exclusive and lose the privileges of being exclusive.

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By *he Cram-BetweensCouple
over a year ago

A Club or Your Bedroom!

Bookmarking this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would agree with most once a week

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Firstly let me say that I'm not completely comfortable with the term FWB and exclusive in the same sentence but that's just me. "

And me. I think if it is exclusive then that is a partner not a friend situation.

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By *wistedTooCouple
over a year ago

Frimley

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

Sack of exclusive agreements. If the benefits aren’t as often as you want, there’s no reason to be exclusive. Plus, what happens when it has become basically a relationship? It’s not worth the hassle. Done it before and it is pointless. We’re here to experience new people, surely?

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

OP it’s whatever you both are happy with tbh. You run into a problem if there is a disparity between you and your FWB obviously. Something like this needs to be discussed up front I believe. Is this your issue with your Fwb?

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By *actileGent69Man
over a year ago

East Cheshire

Once a week on average with my female fwb, has stretched to three times a week too lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honey we spoke a long time ago and I'm sure you don't remember.

I know you got a good brain on you so whatever decision you make us correct.

How I played things was I met her when she asked, I always gave her space, hardly texted so not to be too demanding.

Of course she was lovely and I wanted to see her as often as possible but I know women live space and time to themselves.

All I'll add is whatever you put in place is mutual but with that understanding of respect and space.

Good luck honey

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?

If it suits both parties, what's the problem - we're all here to experience different things, surely?

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

That wouldn't be enough for me if it was exclusive.

I guess it depends on schedules and commitments, but I would probably find someone else for in-between times.

I also wouldn't be keen on meeting "demands" from someone.

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By *uzboxCouple
over a year ago

Northwich

I did sort of think that swinging is about satisfying those sexual needs that can't be satisfied in an exclusive relationship. As friends you could accept that one or the other has different needs and support them and then come together when you stars align

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By *ornyandachingCouple
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

May I ask, how does exclusive and FWB appear in the same sentence?

Other than that I am surprised you aren’t asking for more frequent, but it’s FWB so yes I think your gap is fine

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Firstly let me say that I'm not completely comfortable with the term FWB and exclusive in the same sentence but that's just me."

Not just you, FWB means casual with no demands. Exclusive means a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly let me say that I'm not completely comfortable with the term FWB and exclusive in the same sentence but that's just me.

Not just you, FWB means casual with no demands. Exclusive means a relationship."

I see your point of view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Expectations beyond anything agreed is unreasonable in my opinion.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If a man wants an exclusive sexual relationship with me he needs to be prepared to have a social life with me, and give me sex when I want it.

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By *inkyeroticaCouple
over a year ago

Ampthill

It's not demands, it's what is mutually agreeable to both parties. Only the two of you know what will and won't work for each of you.

However, FB/FWB, however you play it, "exclusive" isn't really a part of either label.To me, exclusive says relationship, all be it one that could be a swinging relationship.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If a man wants an exclusive sexual relationship with me he needs to be prepared to have a social life with me, and give me sex when I want it.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

No “demand” is acceptable. Any relationship requires communication, collaboration and a way to make things work for both (or more).

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No demands, it's a mutual agreement and certainly not exclusive in my opinion.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"If a man wants an exclusive sexual relationship with me he needs to be prepared to have a social life with me, and give me sex when I want it.

Which is why I don't do exclusivity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was as and when with my FWB. Sometimes could be a few times a week and sometimes might be a few weeks gap.

I guess it was just more like scratching an itch for us. Kind of like we were each other’s back up plan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It was as and when with my FWB. Sometimes could be a few times a week and sometimes might be a few weeks gap.

I guess it was just more like scratching an itch for us. Kind of like we were each other’s back up plan. "

That's interesting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I started seeing my fwb once a week at the start of it but now we usually always see each other over the weekend and then if either are horny during the week we’ll see each other, so I guess it’s all about just whenever you want it really

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Be nice to actually have a fwb

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

As often as both of you wanted it and cn arrange surely? I've had a fwb where we sat each other most nights sometimes then went weeks without seeing each other because life and work and other stuff got in the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exclusive fwb and sex once every 2-3 weeks?

Imagine only being allowed to have sex 18-26 times a year

That sounds more like a dying marriage to me

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

As and when it suits both parties! I've had to finish these fwb relationships as they start getting needy and to full on! Which is not what it's about for me and I make this clear from start ! X

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"That wouldn't be enough for me if it was exclusive.

I guess it depends on schedules and commitments, but I would probably find someone else for in-between times.

I also wouldn't be keen on meeting "demands" from someone."

“In between times”

If that was a guy that said that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As and when it suits both parties! I've had to finish these fwb relationships as they start getting needy and to full on! Which is not what it's about for me and I make this clear from start ! X"

This.

It sometimes feels like an inevitability. Sadly I’ve lost friendships because fwb didn’t work.

Though maybe I was too dumb to see the signs that they thought a fwb was a path to a relationship.

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By *ave1963MexboroughMan
over a year ago

Mexborough

"Firstly let me say that I'm not completely comfortable with the term FWB and exclusive in the same sentence but that's just me.

And me. I think if it is exclusive then that is a partner not a friend situation."

Everyone will have their own view on what defines FWB as opposed to a partner. In my view the lines can be very blurred. For example, labelling someone a partner implies exclusivity, but as we all know there are plenty of couples who also play alone (I myself play with a married lady whose husband also plays alone with others).

So it's perfectly reasonable to expect that some people will be playing with another person exclusively but will regard them as a FWB.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"As and when it suits both parties! I've had to finish these fwb relationships as they start getting needy and to full on! Which is not what it's about for me and I make this clear from start ! X

This.

It sometimes feels like an inevitability. Sadly I’ve lost friendships because fwb didn’t work.

Though maybe I was too dumb to see the signs that they thought a fwb was a path to a relationship. "

Yes think some think that! One actually said when I asked him why when i made it clear what i was about he said he thought I would change my mind! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?

Work gets in the way for sure.

Thankfully I got 10 days leave coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lisa stays over night with her FWB once a week if possible and her FB comes over every week for a few hours if possible.

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

Honestly?

I'm a bit baffled by the entire post. Are you FWB or in an exclusive relationship.

Personality I would consider sex once ever 2/3 weeks insufficient in any relationship, but we're all different.

If that's what you want, stick to it but I don't think you can also expect him to be exclusive. Most will want sex more frequently.

Do whatever is right for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If one side is making demands, it's not working.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the more im reading replies from the women the more confused im getting.

which is right now i just dont know.

im finding it an education but also a minefield. help me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the more im reading replies from the women the more confused im getting.

which is right now i just dont know.

im finding it an education but also a minefield. help me"

I don’t think there is a set right or wrong bud.

It’s Just what’s right or wrong for you and your FWB/FB.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"That wouldn't be enough for me if it was exclusive.

I guess it depends on schedules and commitments, but I would probably find someone else for in-between times.

I also wouldn't be keen on meeting "demands" from someone.

“In between times”

If that was a guy that said that

They'd be perfectly entitled to

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Be nice to actually have a fwb "

Drop me a message please.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’m a little confused too.

With my last FWBs we met every four weeks or so. We were not exclusive. She was busy and I was busy too. We were also unavailable a good number of weekends in between.

When we meet, it was for a whole weekend together.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I think it has to be what suits you both .If one is making demands on the other than you need to rethink it all. In order for a fwb situ to work you both need to be on the same page and be able to talk to each other if something is not working for one of you.

Good luck in whatever you decide .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Once a week minimum if it’s exclusive, I’m not going to sit at home waiting on them and I’m clear about that too. I have a high sex drive so looking for regular and often as possible.

Maybe I’m unreasonable but I don’t hide what I want and no one has to message if they aren’t interested is my way of thinking "
well said,totally agree there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on availability and sex drives I guess, along with how much time you want to spend not being sexual but as friends.

In one setting I asked for twice a week because he wanted exclusivity and wanted me to not even touch myself! He didn't go for that. And I didn't stop seeing others as a result. So that never went anywhere.

I'm now part of a couple but we saw each other whenever we could before we became more than FWB's. There was no set frequency we just went with the flow of things.

So it really depends on those involved.

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

There are so many variables. It is impossible to be prescriptive. Distance can be a big factor too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?"

If it is exclusive I would want 2 - 3 times per week lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To explain the FWB exclusivity, my definition was we don’t like ‘protection’ so ‘tested’ and made an agreement to let each other know if we had been with someone else. Neither has for six months, as far as I know.

It was more frequent to begin with but I think his mates found out, he’s a lot younger, and although most were jealous, the ones that saw me, I think one teased him who hadn’t met met so I don’t go to his anymore and can’t always accommodate hence the unregularity recently and, yes, my search for a new FWB.

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By *ftereightMan
over a year ago

SouthEast

I think if you are a single person an exclusive fwb deal is quite different from someone in a relationship who has a fwb in terms of whats a balanced amount to meet up. For singles id say maybe 3 to 4 times a month on average, however if its a fwb and you were in a relationship with someone else i would say no more than twice a month. Ultimately its what feels right for the individual and for some a couple times a week or more will feel right..but then that becomes more than fwb.

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By *arkhelgaCouple
over a year ago

leeds

We would love a FWB,just saying Xxx

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

I’m pretty sure that (if I was your FWB) I’d be travelling to Horsham pretty often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need a fwb

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

It has to meet your needs, however frequent that is. If it doesn't, exclusivity should be reconsidered. You're only exclusive for practical reasons, not emotional ones.

That's how FWB is different from a monogamous, romantic relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That’s very true.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"What is reasonable ‘demand’ for a FWB arrangement when in an exclusive agreement?

My thoughts of once every two to three weeks sounds like what you’d find in a long term vanilla relationship.

Is my thinking unreasonable?

Honestly?

I'm a bit baffled by the entire post. Are you FWB or in an exclusive relationship.

Personality I would consider sex once ever 2/3 weeks insufficient in any relationship, but we're all different.

If that's what you want, stick to it but I don't think you can also expect him to be exclusive. Most will want sex more frequently.

Do whatever is right for you. "

The two aren’t mutually exclusive though. I see no reason why, if it works, one shouldn’t just have one FWB and discuss how that relationship works for them. An FWB relationship for me, may not be the same for you. This is why it’s a difficult relationship to maintain. It can mean very different things. Communication, as always, is key. It’s also why questions about FWB relationships are hard to answer.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Impossible.

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"It has to meet your needs, however frequent that is. If it doesn't, exclusivity should be reconsidered. You're only exclusive for practical reasons, not emotional ones.

That's how FWB is different from a monogamous, romantic relationship. "

Great response

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