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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " Most say you have a Wonderfull body If you enjoy being sub just relax and experiment find what things you really enjoy | |||
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"I think you mean fat lol but ta xx" Your defiantly not fat not all guys think that a slim thin body is sexy to them. A lovely nice pair of big hanging tits and a nice round arse really gets me going. Don’t underestimate how sexy you are to lots of people | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed " Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. | |||
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"It's really hard to explain. Obviously it depends on the sexual chemistry and play mates. I'm not always submissive but some times a word action or thought just triggers some thing in my brain" This happens to me too. Sometimes it's just the way someone says something. | |||
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"As a male sub, I could find a couple of reasons why I like to be submissive. I am indecisive. I overthink every situation and in the end I am too afraid to make a decision at all. It helps if my partner makes all decisions for me. When I am with a dominant person outside who decides where to go, what to do and where to eat, it takes a huge load of my mind and I feel totally relieved when I am with such a person. On the sexual side, I went to a school with mostly female teachers who were very strict. I fantasised some of the teachers when I hit puberty. Given the strict nature of their behaviour, it probably became a sexual stimuli for me right from my childhood. Getting punished for making mistakes, compliments when I did the right thing only reinforced it. When I look back, I can well remember one of my frequent masturbation fantasy was to be stripped naked and paraded around the female staff room for each teacher to play with my cock. So yes. I have been submissive right from my childhood. But was I genetically programmed to like strict women or did any specific incident in my childhood made me that way? I will never know." Interesting. I think for most people our sexual identity comes from those puberty years, what happens around you there can have a profound effect. But pinning it down to one thing or another is quite tricky. I certainly feel more comfortable in the submissive role, but I often think that's because I'm lazy (it's a lot more effort to be dominant!). So I probably do a 70/30 split, but do enjoy being dominant (to a degree). I have tried to identify my sexual origins, and can certainly trace a liking of the "stern" woman, but can't see where it started. | |||
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"Submissive play has taught me a lot about personal boundaries and consequences- or my lack of them. It also revealed how in the wrong hands of so called Dom’s they can take the piss/ abuse that trust I hand over badly. I took a long hard look at that and concluded that to be truly sexually satisfied it was no longer enough for me to be submissive for the sake of it but I had to be clearer in my head about what I really wanted too/ where my self esteem sat in this and whether I was feeding and nurturing all the parts of me that needed attending to- or whether the price of my submissiveness was more akin to self harm. I hope that makes even a bit of sense " Yep it makes a lot of sense  | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. " Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. | |||
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"Submission for me is a rare but wonderful chance to escape from the stresses, strains and responsibility of the real world, for a short while at least. It is such an amazing feeling to have the weight lifted (if only temporarily) from my shoulders. To exist for a period of time within the parallel universe of BDSM where my only stress is a stress position perhaps in predicament bondage. My only worry; Their pleasure. Am I pleasing Them enough? Am I still capable of more? I crave the chance to give up control. It keeps me on an even keel. I love thrill. I love risk. I adore the `knot in my stomach feeling` that apprehension and anticipation create. I enjoy the warm feeling I get inside by pleasing someone and their praise feels good too. Suprisingly I actually enjoy being caged when not in use! I love wearing bruises and marks with pride but only where they can't be seen, but 'we' both know that they're there. I like to an extent, pain (but I'm not a mosochist), uncertainty, doubt, threat…. They wouldn't really do that to me…. would they…..? I enjoy very much the messages, the texts, the chats, then the anticipation and apprehension of the first meet. First meets are amazing! I like rules and I like them to be reinforced. I don't on the whole like choice. I love to be challenged though. It'd be nice to actually find something I don't want to do…. (Ha Ha…. be very careful what you wish for……). I have to remember to breathe…… Sometimes it takes my breath completely away, this roller coaster ride that I've found myself on. But finally, I've got hold of the brake and it's time to slow down a little. I've had an amazing start, and have played with some very special people. They have each taught me something unique about my kink and more importantly about myself. It's been an amazing twelve years of kink. Couldn't have been better other than it would have been rather nice to share it with just one person: Maybe…… It will be very interesting to see what new experiences are out there. Onwards and upwards." I can relate so much to this post. The warm feeling of pleasing a dominant. It doesn’t even have to be sexual. I remember having tasks set and completing them and phoning my Domme with excitement to tell her I’d completed them. It’s like a teacher giving a gold star or praise in class. I don’t even like or seek praise..just that glint you see or change of tone in their voice when You know You have made them happy..I’ve tried switching but felt completely alien to me… | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " There are so many reasons for submissive leanings - just as there are different people. It is a complex question how much it could be related to cultural expectations for women, for example. Hard to say but as a swtich I definitely felt the desire to be submissive more keenly until I did something about it and joined the kink community. In the first few months I found it irritating people asking me if I am dominant because for some reason that was the presumption they made. It is amazing however how that changed once I discovered my penchant for service and it was a slippery slope from there especially as I had a chance to connect and have mutual support to and from other dominant women - I discovered that the biggest hurdle has been lack of skills and competence to dominate others which is completely learned. Of course, some people have very clear inclinations to one or the other and know from young age what they are interested in - and some discover much later in life. So on one hand, maybe submission felt more "natural" because as a woman I am both expected and permitted to be submissive culturally, not so much being dominant. I still feel the same desire to be submissive, perhaps even stronger when I have a real chance to expolore it - one of the reasons I had been comfortable to dominate others was due to lesser safety concerns. When I submit, it is not about being relaxed from daily pressure etc, it is more to do with being helpless and giving up control so power exchange is probably the biggest attraction for me. As to past experiences etc, I don't know. I have experienced domestic violence in my young years and my own conclusion is that I would have been exploring submmission much earlier if not for that. Or at least that is what I think. Myriads of reasons really for people, what I would say is probably to make judgements based on how it makes you feel in terms adding something positive to your life. There is only one way to find and it is by trying but of course it is worth seeking insight from others and community learning to help yourself in your self-discovery. The advice that I followed and that served me well when I started was by Jay Wiseman: time is your friend, don't rush into anything and don't allow yourself to be rushed. Second one is avoid being involved in an exclusive kinky relationship for the first 6 months or a year when you start and explore community events, go to munches etc. This served me extremely well. One more thing I learned for myself and this was a decision I made not to play with anyone who does not show me the basics of genuine respect and genuine friendly, non-judgemental attitude. This has worked very well together with learning how to vet people and also my already existing experience with manipulators which is very helpful to spot them a mile away and also general luck in being able to avoid predators. Do I feel frustrated a lot of the time? I sure do and no two ways about it - but the experiences I've had had predominantly been lovely and incredibly fulfilling. Just my rambling two cents. | |||
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"I am having difficulty getting a handle on OP's enquiry. I distinguisn being a submissive which is a role in a power exchange relationship and being submissive (easily led) which is a personality trait or characteristic. Unfortunately BDSM and it's terms have become porn categories, so in my understanding being easily led in regard to sex or the bedroom is not being a submissive despite what you see in porn, although it may be submissive behaviour. I would suggest just having sex is not being a submissive, it requires an agreed and negotiated power exchange for it to be a submissive relationship. This requires self reflection,an understanding of self and a consideration of the concept of submission. The converse applies to being a dominant and being dominant." Submission can be anything people want it to be. It is not ' one size fits all'. No one has the right to tell anyone else that their brand of submission isn't valid. | |||
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"I am having difficulty getting a handle on OP's enquiry. I distinguisn being a submissive which is a role in a power exchange relationship and being submissive (easily led) which is a personality trait or characteristic. Unfortunately BDSM and it's terms have become porn categories, so in my understanding being easily led in regard to sex or the bedroom is not being a submissive despite what you see in porn, although it may be submissive behaviour. I would suggest just having sex is not being a submissive, it requires an agreed and negotiated power exchange for it to be a submissive relationship. This requires self reflection,an understanding of self and a consideration of the concept of submission. The converse applies to being a dominant and being dominant. Submission can be anything people want it to be. It is not ' one size fits all'. No one has the right to tell anyone else that their brand of submission isn't valid." I find it amusing about the Fab forum that in the 7 years I have been on it there is always someone who sets themselves up as the arbiter of all things BDSM. Therefore I find your response,(a) incorrect because I did not know her style of her submission and was asking. Therefore I was not saying her submission was invalid and (b) amusing as you are now the self appointed arbiter to whose view we must kneel. | |||
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"I am having difficulty getting a handle on OP's enquiry. I distinguisn being a submissive which is a role in a power exchange relationship and being submissive (easily led) which is a personality trait or characteristic. Unfortunately BDSM and it's terms have become porn categories, so in my understanding being easily led in regard to sex or the bedroom is not being a submissive despite what you see in porn, although it may be submissive behaviour. I would suggest just having sex is not being a submissive, it requires an agreed and negotiated power exchange for it to be a submissive relationship. This requires self reflection,an understanding of self and a consideration of the concept of submission. The converse applies to being a dominant and being dominant." I would question how you actually could "get a handle" on a question by someone who has just started discovering themselves. A lot of the times it is hard to even know what to ask for example. Despite various definitions and discussions about what is submissive, what is dominant, what is top, what is bottom etc etc in reality the question is not about what is the Van Twue Vey (red flag incidentally, when anyone approaches a new submissive and tries to tell them but there is only way to experience BDSM) but what x, y, z means to you and what it means to me specifically. Just like many other things, polyamory is a good example. First question to establish is what does it mean to me, how do I want to feel and vice versa. Of course, safety discussions and risk assessment, all of that goes without saying. Does the mainstream imaging and culture get BDSM wrong? Do they, and how! Fifty Shades of Lies and Abuse comes to mind for one. Porn is a terrible indicator for anything, it can't even get vanilla sex right, let alone anything else! Kink can be non-sexual and can be exclusively sexual, it is absolutely dependent how the person feels about it. | |||
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"It's really hard to explain. Obviously it depends on the sexual chemistry and play mates. I'm not always submissive but some times a word action or thought just triggers some thing in my brain" I'm like that with my partner and Sir. We can be in bed as equals, then one little thing can happen and my whole body and mind change. I find myself asking for Sir or addressing him as Sir. It's that moment, that we switch to Sir and princess and play goes much deeper and I give up all control. | |||
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"I am having difficulty getting a handle on OP's enquiry. I distinguisn being a submissive which is a role in a power exchange relationship and being submissive (easily led) which is a personality trait or characteristic. Unfortunately BDSM and it's terms have become porn categories, so in my understanding being easily led in regard to sex or the bedroom is not being a submissive despite what you see in porn, although it may be submissive behaviour. I would suggest just having sex is not being a submissive, it requires an agreed and negotiated power exchange for it to be a submissive relationship. This requires self reflection,an understanding of self and a consideration of the concept of submission. The converse applies to being a dominant and being dominant. Submission can be anything people want it to be. It is not ' one size fits all'. No one has the right to tell anyone else that their brand of submission isn't valid. I find it amusing about the Fab forum that in the 7 years I have been on it there is always someone who sets themselves up as the arbiter of all things BDSM. Therefore I find your response,(a) incorrect because I did not know her style of her submission and was asking. Therefore I was not saying her submission was invalid and (b) amusing as you are now the self appointed arbiter to whose view we must kneel. " I'm not the self appointed anything. I just gave my honest opinion and it wasn't an attack on you. I apologise if it came across that way. | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?  "It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy | |||
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"I am having difficulty getting a handle on OP's enquiry. I distinguisn being a submissive which is a role in a power exchange relationship and being submissive (easily led) which is a personality trait or characteristic. Unfortunately BDSM and it's terms have become porn categories, so in my understanding being easily led in regard to sex or the bedroom is not being a submissive despite what you see in porn, although it may be submissive behaviour. I would suggest just having sex is not being a submissive, it requires an agreed and negotiated power exchange for it to be a submissive relationship. This requires self reflection,an understanding of self and a consideration of the concept of submission. The converse applies to being a dominant and being dominant. Submission can be anything people want it to be. It is not ' one size fits all'. No one has the right to tell anyone else that their brand of submission isn't valid. I find it amusing about the Fab forum that in the 7 years I have been on it there is always someone who sets themselves up as the arbiter of all things BDSM. Therefore I find your response,(a) incorrect because I did not know her style of her submission and was asking. Therefore I was not saying her submission was invalid and (b) amusing as you are now the self appointed arbiter to whose view we must kneel. I'm not the self appointed anything. I just gave my honest opinion and it wasn't an attack on you. I apologise if it came across that way." No need to apologise as we are both entitled to our own views, and there is nothing wrong with vigorous but polite debate. But thank you anyway. | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy "Could be tho !??? Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree ! I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ? | |||
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" Snip Porn is a terrible indicator for anything, it can't even get vanilla sex right, let alone anything else! Snip " Very true, I was reading an article about how damaged young people's sex lives are, due to early (and continual) exposure to porn. | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ? "Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy. | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy. "Your totally right but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ? That’s all I’m saying | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying "Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards. | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards. "Now You got it ! Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job ! | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
"You still going on like a budgie  | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " If he was controlling etc I'd think twice about it | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
You still going on like a budgie "I initially read that as he likes wearing budgie smugglers  | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
You still going on like a budgie
I initially read that as he likes wearing budgie smugglers "I wouldn’t put it past him | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
You still going on like a budgie " how much did you loose in your game of crazy golf ??? !!! Yeah mate like a greyhound here barking away and making no sense !
Someone had to fly the flag since you swanned off mid madness | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
You still going on like a budgie
how much did you loose in your game of crazy golf ??? !!! Yeah mate like a greyhound here barking away and making no sense !
Someone had to fly the flag since you swanned off mid madness "You have done a Sterling job, I played 10 holes then called it a day | |||
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"Lazy maybe ?
It's not about being lazy, a Dom can instruct his sub to ride him until he says stop. Or try having enforced orgasms so you can't walk cause your legs have turned to jelly. Just some examples of definitely not being lazy
Could be tho !???
Just giving my straight out opinion don’t hate cause you don’t agree !
I could be wrong just saying it’s a possibility no ?
Sorry, where did I hate anything? I just gave 2 examples where a submissive isn't lazy.
Your totally right
but sometimes girls can use submissive as an excuse to do fuck all ?
That’s all I’m saying
Maybe I don't know. That's all I know I myself and my partner being a sweaty mess afterwards.
Now You got it !
Once your sweaty you know your doing a good job !
You still going on like a budgie
how much did you loose in your game of crazy golf ??? !!! Yeah mate like a greyhound here barking away and making no sense !
Someone had to fly the flag since you swanned off mid madness a productive day so !
I’m fucking Jealous ! Anyway ur Back here to cause some mischief I hope
You have done a Sterling job, I played 10 holes then called it a day "Productive day so ! I’m fucking Jealous ! Anyway ur Back here to cause some mischief I hope ? | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma." I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " Out of the two of us I (male) tend to be the more submissive of the two. When we play with just the 2 of us we can easily switch depending on our moods. She enjoys being a sub to my Master alter ego and I was regularly pegged by her dominant side. However, I do feel that the most notable traits become clearer when we've had people join us. When we've had single males over she was fairly sub to both of us but I also found I took a back seat a lot of the time. Aside from letting things go with the flow, the sheer fact that i would indulge in 3somes where the only 2 people fucking were the other guy and my wife, with me getting involved mostly orally on both, meant that i was forming a staunchly sub attitude. When we've had couples over I've surprisingly demonstrated a more dominant stance, but largely because the other male was either too nervous or wasn't up to par. This is obviously not with every case, but certainly a good few. I don't know if that's any sort of insight OP, but I find it quite interesting to see how I change when in the bedroom. | |||
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"I’m submissive, and part of it is that, if he’s in control, that then allows me to fulfil dirty filthy fantasises that I might not let myself enjoy otherwise. When I’m wrapped up in his arms, unable to move, and I just listen to his voice and give in to the sensation, it’s almost like a meditation, nothing else exists in that moment, it’s bliss. " Excellent use of language, lucky man | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " Hopefully because you enjoy it and not because you’re being coerced. I’m quite submissive but if some guy wanted to write slut on my forehead he’d better be prepared for me to break his arm after he did it. I don’t like the derogatory submissive stuff where they refer to you as a little slut or other shitty name. But I love pampering like chucking the guy in the bath and washing his hair and washing his willy and balls. I also love sleep stuff where the guys sleeping peacefully and I roll him into the recovery position so I can stick my tongue up his arse or roll him on to his back so I can sit on his face, suffocate him with my cunt and look down to watch him struggling to breath. I’m very caring and loving, it’s just my nature. | |||
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"I’m submissive, and part of it is that, if he’s in control, that then allows me to fulfil dirty filthy fantasises that I might not let myself enjoy otherwise. When I’m wrapped up in his arms, unable to move, and I just listen to his voice and give in to the sensation, it’s almost like a meditation, nothing else exists in that moment, it’s bliss. Excellent use of language, lucky man " I’m lucky | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested Hopefully because you enjoy it and not because you’re being coerced. I’m quite submissive but if some guy wanted to write slut on my forehead he’d better be prepared for me to break his arm after he did it. I don’t like the derogatory submissive stuff where they refer to you as a little slut or other shitty name. But I love pampering like chucking the guy in the bath and washing his hair and washing his willy and balls. I also love sleep stuff where the guys sleeping peacefully and I roll him into the recovery position so I can stick my tongue up his arse or roll him on to his back so I can sit on his face, suffocate him with my cunt and look down to watch him struggling to breath. I’m very caring and loving, it’s just my nature. " Modern day mother Theresa | |||
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"I’m submissive, and part of it is that, if he’s in control, that then allows me to fulfil dirty filthy fantasises that I might not let myself enjoy otherwise. When I’m wrapped up in his arms, unable to move, and I just listen to his voice and give in to the sensation, it’s almost like a meditation, nothing else exists in that moment, it’s bliss. " I love the after care moments when he wraps his arms around me and makes me feel safe, soothing me with his voice, telling me what a good girl I am | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested Hopefully because you enjoy it and not because you’re being coerced. I’m quite submissive but if some guy wanted to write slut on my forehead he’d better be prepared for me to break his arm after he did it. I don’t like the derogatory submissive stuff where they refer to you as a little slut or other shitty name. But I love pampering like chucking the guy in the bath and washing his hair and washing his willy and balls. I also love sleep stuff where the guys sleeping peacefully and I roll him into the recovery position so I can stick my tongue up his arse or roll him on to his back so I can sit on his face, suffocate him with my cunt and look down to watch him struggling to breath. I’m very caring and loving, it’s just my nature. " You need to use the word guy in the past tense or I’m gonna loose my shit on a public thread on a swingers site I shit you not  Na I’m
Kidding !
Maybe | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested Hopefully because you enjoy it and not because you’re being coerced. I’m quite submissive but if some guy wanted to write slut on my forehead he’d better be prepared for me to break his arm after he did it. I don’t like the derogatory submissive stuff where they refer to you as a little slut or other shitty name. But I love pampering like chucking the guy in the bath and washing his hair and washing his willy and balls. I also love sleep stuff where the guys sleeping peacefully and I roll him into the recovery position so I can stick my tongue up his arse or roll him on to his back so I can sit on his face, suffocate him with my cunt and look down to watch him struggling to breath. I’m very caring and loving, it’s just my nature. You need to use the word guy in the past tense or I’m gonna loose my shit on a public thread on a swingers site I shit you not Na I’m
Kidding !
Maybe "Nah I’d kick off as well! Noted!  | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. " Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? " D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? " It’s pretty well known to be honest. I don’t think I’ll be corrupting and damaging people across the world, in sharing what is a fairly widely held opinion. I hear your scepticism, but I know a fair few people who have used it to aid their healing in various areas. | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. I'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested " I’m a submissive male. I enjoy being at the mercy of a dominant woman. This has only really appeared over the last year or so. I’m yet to be at the mercy of a professional female dom though. | |||
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"I'm very interested in talking to other people on here that are submissive. QI'm a mature lady certainly no model but after 34 years of a poor marriage I got involved with fab. I am a late starter but often wonder why I allow my self to be dominated by people of both sexes. Iv no agenda here just interested I’m a submissive male. I enjoy being at the mercy of a dominant woman. This has only really appeared over the last year or so. I’m yet to be at the mercy of a professional female dom though." You’ll professorial female Dom will she good but it will be quite expense, they have a Wonderfull range of equipment and toys, and know the best ways to use them. You will discover so many new ways of being submissive to them. If you want to chat more let me know | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? " As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. " Re-enacting trauma under controlled conditions, with control and support, and dictating the ending of the scene can help heal trauma. If you fancy treading about it, I would suggest reading Van der Volk, “The body keeps the score” It’s an excellent read, and based heavily on scientific research. | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. " Trauma at a cellular level what does that actually mean? Seeing as the body renews itself in 7 to 10 years how does the body keep the trauma at a cellular level? | |||
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"What’s wrong with a real Body?" We are all real, unless your from toy town | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. " Cellular, can’t see that. However, there are (in my eyes) two main streams in therapy, cognitive and non cognitive methods. From my experience, a poor behavioural experience can be cognitively multiplied into something that wasn’t what truly happened, CBT it works in certain types of cases, look at the work of Satir. CBT can often make this worse, impacting heavily on the experience. Now non cognitive therapy takes people past the cognitive construct, look at the work of Milton Erickson, and exposes “real” subconscious experience. Subspace, shuts down cognitive thought, therefore exploring and exposing subconscious events. Hence, words, events can take you back there, it’s a behavioural stimulus, the more you connect to you subconscious, the more you will be open to this. Freud would say, it’s sexually moving beyond the guilt of superego (cognitive) into the i.d. (Subconscious) and exposing reality. Hence the release. | |||
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"Thank you sirs xx" There's definitely nothing wrong with being submissive x i personally love subs and I've got a lot of respect for them x i think it's great to see a honest woman like yourself on here who has suddenly found herself and enjoying life again x good luck and all the best xx | |||
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"I'm in a job where I have to be firm and in control so being a sub is a great release for me plus it has (alongside therapy) helped me heal from a traumatic sexual assault when I was a teenager. People often don't realise that a sub actually holds a lot of the power. You need to make sure any dom has experience and is a decent person. I had to use my safe word yesterday and immediately my dom stopped, removed the 'props', untied me and held me telling me I was safe" Perfect response from him. So glad you have that. | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. Re-enacting trauma under controlled conditions, with control and support, and dictating the ending of the scene can help heal trauma. If you fancy treading about it, I would suggest reading Van der Volk, “The body keeps the score” It’s an excellent read, and based heavily on scientific research." Unless it is done by a trauma therapist, I cannot imagine how it could ever heal rather than be a dangerous risk. Trauma and our response to it affects our brain and body by fracturing our memories and by our bodies remembering it deeply. There are many more people who have much better understanding of this and much better qualified. All I am pointing out, based on attending over a year of mental health workshops by someone whose insight and expertise I highly respect is that re-enacting trauma is very dangerous. It might be fine for a while until it is not fine and a person gets seriously hurt. | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. Trauma at a cellular level what does that actually mean? Seeing as the body renews itself in 7 to 10 years how does the body keep the trauma at a cellular level? " Maybe I used a wrong expression, I meant that body remembers. | |||
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"Yes I know that some things in my past and not good things have also contributed Same OP used kink to move past it. Kink can be used to help with past trauma in some people. Though it may come across as strange it isn't that uncommon. Please, please don't use kink to "help" with past trauma - it is very dangerous for once wellbeing and can lead to re-traumatising. Best actual help would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in trauma. I would have to disagree very strongly. If you are very are full on who you choose, a good Dom can certainly help with trauma. There are several of us who have down this very successfully. Personally, having had insight from a brilliant mental health professional, I remain extremely sceptical about using BDSM to heal trauma but of course it is your choice. The only thing I would say that maybe it should not be advised publicly to others because it is so dangerous and can cause such serious harm? D/s is about trust, honesty and safety - just as you would find with a mental health practitioner. D/s can help some people move past trauma that talking therapies can’t - in a similar way to aversion therapy. It was not suggested that everyone goes out and tries it, but it was given as an example of what can happen as a consequence. At least that is how I read it, as a consequence of D/s rather than an aim of D/s. It goes without saying that any mental health therapies are done with professional help, however if an unintended positive comes out of it, then surely that is a good thing? As an unintended positive outcome regarding certain mental health issues absolutely, just not clinical trauma as trauma happens on a cellular level and re-enacting it re-traumatises the body again. But in so many other ways healthy D/s dynamics and self-discovery can contribute to both increased wellbeing and even deep self-fulfillment - I completely agree with that. Cellular, can’t see that. However, there are (in my eyes) two main streams in therapy, cognitive and non cognitive methods. From my experience, a poor behavioural experience can be cognitively multiplied into something that wasn’t what truly happened, CBT it works in certain types of cases, look at the work of Satir. CBT can often make this worse, impacting heavily on the experience. Now non cognitive therapy takes people past the cognitive construct, look at the work of Milton Erickson, and exposes “real” subconscious experience. Subspace, shuts down cognitive thought, therefore exploring and exposing subconscious events. Hence, words, events can take you back there, it’s a behavioural stimulus, the more you connect to you subconscious, the more you will be open to this. Freud would say, it’s sexually moving beyond the guilt of superego (cognitive) into the i.d. (Subconscious) and exposing reality. Hence the release. " I maintain that trying to "heal" or "re-enact" trauma using BDSM is very dangerous. | |||
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And what an interesting and thought provoking read it has been, so thanks to all that contributed so far.
Personally my submissive side is a very innate thing that has been there as long as I can remember, I just didn't recognise it for what it was until I was in my thirties because I didn't have the knowledge to understand it and know what it was, whether it is a natural thing, or something shaped by early experiences I don't know, but I can certainly identify specific senses and feelings, that I now know were submissive in nature, going way back.
I think some of it comes down to never having been particularly self-confident, so ceding control to others who are has given me a freedom of sorts from what is lacking in myself.
That said I am no pushover either and will stand my ground and be quite assertive when it's called for.
I think there's also an element of wanting to please that comes into play, I'll invariably put others before myself for example.
Whatever it is, I embrace it and am completely comfortable with it - yet at the same time I guard my submission and won't just give it to anybody calling themselves dominant - in fact in the twenty odd years I've recognised my submissive side, I have only come across a handful of people that truly make me *feel* submissive and have very limited actual experience of adopting that role - not because I couldn't find it, but because I have chosen not to give it unless I am absolutely sure of myself about wanting to. | |||
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"How've I only just seen this thread? I'm normally drawn to them like a moth to a flame
And what an interesting and thought provoking read it has been, so thanks to all that contributed so far.
Personally my submissive side is a very innate thing that has been there as long as I can remember, I just didn't recognise it for what it was until I was in my thirties because I didn't have the knowledge to understand it and know what it was, whether it is a natural thing, or something shaped by early experiences I don't know, but I can certainly identify specific senses and feelings, that I now know were submissive in nature, going way back.
I think some of it comes down to never having been particularly self-confident, so ceding control to others who are has given me a freedom of sorts from what is lacking in myself.
That said I am no pushover either and will stand my ground and be quite assertive when it's called for.
I think there's also an element of wanting to please that comes into play, I'll invariably put others before myself for example.
Whatever it is, I embrace it and am completely comfortable with it - yet at the same time I guard my submission and won't just give it to anybody calling themselves dominant - in fact in the twenty odd years I've recognised my submissive side, I have only come across a handful of people that truly make me *feel* submissive and have very limited actual experience of adopting that role - not because I couldn't find it, but because I have chosen not to give it unless I am absolutely sure of myself about wanting to."Very well written and described Gemini. Shame you're not wanting to meet at the moment. I think you and my Sir would get on really well. Especially if English Rose leaves the room and princess joins in. | |||
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