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Overcoming low self esteem

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby

Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive? "

I like to waken up each day with the idea that not everyone's cunts op

I like to waken up with the idea that we are all capable of being cunts

I like to waken up with the idea that there millions and millions of women on this planet and at least 1 of them things I'm attractive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive?

I like to waken up each day with the idea that not everyone's cunts op

I like to waken up with the idea that we are all capable of being cunts

I like to waken up with the idea that there millions and millions of women on this planet and at least 1 of them things I'm attractive

"

Thinks *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another suggestion and these are just that

Suggestions

Don't give a flying fuck what anyone anywhere thinks of you, as long as you know in your heart of the type of person you are then i find its all good

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby

I can certainly see that viewpoint helping.

I guess it's just hard to not feel like the troll under the bridge with so many attractive, confident people all around

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By *ooBoo95Man
over a year ago

Leyland

Ngl I can relate to this, I tend to get overlooked a lot which again knocks you some more, but I keep trying. The other ppsts on here have been rather nice and helpful too, thank you for making this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another suggestion and these are just that

Suggestions

Don't give a flying fuck what anyone anywhere thinks of you, as long as you know in your heart of the type of person you are then i find its all good "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can certainly see that viewpoint helping.

I guess it's just hard to not feel like the troll under the bridge with so many attractive, confident people all around "

You know that most people are pretending right? We all act confident, but inside most of us are questioning ourselves.

Only one person can work on self esteem and that’s you.

Have you considered counselling? It’s obviously affecting you a fair amount, and there’s no shame in getting help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive? "

I probably sound like a broken record, but go workout or make yourself money when you get rejected.

Use it for motivation to improve upon yourself, not everyone in life will find you attractive.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive? "

Hey OP. Confidence and self esteem builds, you can’t just switch it on. When you’re overthinking and hesitating it’s best not to click send. Go be the kind of person women will want to reply to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can certainly see that viewpoint helping.

I guess it's just hard to not feel like the troll under the bridge with so many attractive, confident people all around "

Don't be so easily fooled

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

Yeah plenty of times I've though oh no point messaging they won't be interested in someone like me so maybe just wink instead as can't see if that's been looked at

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby


" You know that most people are pretending right? We all act confident, but inside most of us are questioning ourselves.

Only one person can work on self esteem and that’s you.

Have you considered counselling? It’s obviously affecting you a fair amount, and there’s no shame in getting help. "

I recently started it actually and it is slowly helping, it got me to go to a club preview which I wouldn't have done previously.

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby


"Yeah plenty of times I've though oh no point messaging they won't be interested in someone like me so maybe just wink instead as can't see if that's been looked at"

That's a good suggestion thanks. Not been on the site long and did wonder what the difference was between a wink and a message bar the ability to write something

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Be true to yourself, know thy self. Forums if you don't fit a certain mould then you will not be popular. Your strength and self worth lies in how you view yourself and not how others view you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Be true to yourself, know thy self. Forums if you don't fit a certain mould then you will not be popular. Your strength and self worth lies in how you view yourself and not how others view you.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can certainly see that viewpoint helping.

I guess it's just hard to not feel like the troll under the bridge with so many attractive, confident people all around

You know that most people are pretending right? We all act confident, but inside most of us are questioning ourselves.

Only one person can work on self esteem and that’s you.

Have you considered counselling? It’s obviously affecting you a fair amount, and there’s no shame in getting help. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah plenty of times I've though oh no point messaging they won't be interested in someone like me so maybe just wink instead as can't see if that's been looked at"
I'm with you on that. Why should anyone look at me is the way I think all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" You know that most people are pretending right? We all act confident, but inside most of us are questioning ourselves.

Only one person can work on self esteem and that’s you.

Have you considered counselling? It’s obviously affecting you a fair amount, and there’s no shame in getting help.

I recently started it actually and it is slowly helping, it got me to go to a club preview which I wouldn't have done previously.

"

That’s great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another suggestion and these are just that

Suggestions

Don't give a flying fuck what anyone anywhere thinks of you, as long as you know in your heart of the type of person you are then i find its all good

"

This^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah plenty of times I've though oh no point messaging they won't be interested in someone like me so maybe just wink instead as can't see if that's been looked atI'm with you on that. Why should anyone look at me is the way I think all the time "

Never too late to give people a reason to look at ya. The first person to please is the man in the glass. If he’s happy, it will radiate out into your experiences .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah plenty of times I've though oh no point messaging they won't be interested in someone like me so maybe just wink instead as can't see if that's been looked atI'm with you on that. Why should anyone look at me is the way I think all the time

Never too late to give people a reason to look at ya. The first person to please is the man in the glass. If he’s happy, it will radiate out into your experiences ."

I don't really think it falls at happiness's door, I think it's more about telling yourself you are worth much more than your own thoughts.

Happiness can be taken away in the blink of an eye, ya thoughts ain't going nowhere

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By *ubyRonCouple
over a year ago

Lancashire

Ah man I've lived my life with the lowest of low self esteem.

Ronnie

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By *unxxxMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Totally understand its hard one xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another suggestion and these are just that

Suggestions

Don't give a flying fuck what anyone anywhere thinks of you, as long as you know in your heart of the type of person you are then i find its all good "

THIS! And fake it til you make it. Tell yourself you got nothing to lose in sending that first message, no harm, no foul. Worst case is silence, that's on them not you. How will those that do find you attractive find you if you never try to message them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another suggestion and these are just that

Suggestions

Don't give a flying fuck what anyone anywhere thinks of you, as long as you know in your heart of the type of person you are then i find its all good

THIS! And fake it til you make it. Tell yourself you got nothing to lose in sending that first message, no harm, no foul. Worst case is silence, that's on them not you. How will those that do find you attractive find you if you never try to message them? "

Exactly this aswell op

Don't look at a knock back as a knock back, see it as a doorway to someone you probably wouldn't have met had it not been for that knockback

And do you know what else and imnot arsed if this offends anyone as its fab forums and I'm sure it will

Do look at a knock back as there loss

It's all about you baby

Until its about someone else

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby


" THIS! And fake it til you make it. Tell yourself you got nothing to lose in sending that first message, no harm, no foul. Worst case is silence, that's on them not you. How will those that do find you attractive find you if you never try to message them? "

Good point. I guess I could try the mindset of "she's probably nervous to message first" as a way of overcoming the self doubt and see what happens if anything

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By *ofdiamonds OP   Man
over a year ago

Coningsby


" Exactly this aswell op

Don't look at a knock back as a knock back, see it as a doorway to someone you probably wouldn't have met had it not been for that knockback

And do you know what else and imnot arsed if this offends anyone as its fab forums and I'm sure it will

Do look at a knock back as there loss

It's all about you baby

Until its about someone else "

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By *unxxxMan
over a year ago

Leicester

It's a mind set go slow and you will find time and the right person will turn up don't rush or analyse yourself

It will happen if you chase to hard it won't happen

Sending love

X

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

If you walk down the same path you always end up in the same place.

Bite the bullet, go to a club, feel the fun and expand your world.

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By *adInLiverpoolMan
over a year ago

LIVERPOOL


"Evening all.

Am I alone in hovering over the message button and automatically assuming you'll be overlooked? Not believing people when a compliment or bit of a flirt is offered as you feel you're average in the looks department?

I know that I'm polite, funny and easy going when I shake those nerves off but any suggestions for how to actually have a bit of faith that other people will actually find you attractive? "

Sadly rejection is the name of the game for us lads, I think the more hardened you become to it the more it becomes about not being bitter, if you can laugh at it and keep going it’s easier. But it can be hard, just keep your chin up.

Also, I think the whole “meeting people online” can be a buffer, I’ve had more luck offline than I ever had on here.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I don't even get as far as "hovering over the message button". On here, statistically speaking, if you're messaging a woman, your message is vanishingly unlikely to even get seen. That's before you even take into account your attractiveness, or lack of it.

Writing a decent message is an awful lot of energy to fire away into the silent void, so mostly I don't even bother. Save it up until you can go to a club in person and cut out all the background noise.

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