FabSwingers.com forum: Lost confidence

By *eachesAndCream99 OP Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

Having been in and out of lockdown and restrictions etc for the last 14 months, do any of you now lack confidence to get out there and be the best version of you? I know I have always had a little shyness about me initially but always been confident around men and women when out and about. However, with restrictions lifted and socials able to take place, I now find myself worrying that I won’t appeal to others and feel I’ve lost a bit of confidence, are there any others feeling like this?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *neeyedpirateMan
over a year ago

ask!

Yep know the feeling. But having just looked at your profile I wish I looked as good as you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urflrCouple
over a year ago

wirral

Yep, all of the above and more. Virtually all I’ve done for last 16mths is go to work, Asda and doorstep my mum. Bit apprehensive about things ahead, but excited too x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

100% feeling the same ,not the most confident to start and put on a few Lockdown llbs which doesn't help ,previous meets I will be OK with but really nervous of new meets in case I disappoint in person not getting any younger either..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nked_kittenWoman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

100%.

And not just here but in every aspect of my life.

I don’t even know how to act now things are changing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *neeyedpirateMan
over a year ago

ask!

Happy to chat with anyone if you want to talk it out x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax

Sure once you've had a couple of meets you'll be over it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never been confident about anything, especially when chatting to guys.

Had some really crappy messages recently that didn’t help either

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally get what you're saying OP.

My relationship ended during the 1st lockdown, both made an attempt to rekindle it but its not worked.

I work long hours at home and seem to have lost the art of general conversation.

I don't feel attractive/sexy/ desirable and haven't for a while. Working really hard daily to start loving myself and becoming a better person.

Hopefully once I start having socials this will change.

Fingers crossed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Yes very much so. We had our first social with a couple this week and it felt good to be meeting again but I felt like I'd forgotten how to be on a meet. It took me a while to get some confidence when we started this and I feel a bit like we are new to this all again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep in totally with you. Finding it hard to engage in conversation on here lately, think it's the nerves of it coming down to a meet. I'm guessing as things are slowly getting back to normal then so will we

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eachesAndCream99 OP Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

Thanks for all the responses, sorry to hear that many of you are also feeling the same, at least I know that I’m not on my own. Hopefully, as we all start to socialise more, the confidence will grow in us all…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire

Yes feel exactly the same, and gained afew pounds which doesn't help but also lost the need for sex etc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ussycat69Woman
over a year ago

caerphilly

I completely get it and feel the same. We just haven’t been used to socialising. That and a few lockdown lbs but hopefully with nice lingerie and a relaxed atmosphere, you soon get back into the ‘swing’ of things. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amantha TSWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

Had a huge loss of mojo recently. Not just here but in other parts of my life. Take some time out of you want, don't force it if it doesn't feel right. Be open and honest, and it will come back to you.

In my case it was through a friend who I had arranged a very kinky day with. Just lost it completely. Talked about it and just spent the day relaxing and chilling together, by the end of the day normal service had more than resumed!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth

Yes, I definitely feel like I've lost a bit of confidence in myself and I honestly don't know if I remember how to socialise like I used to. Even meeting up with some of my closest friends for coffee or a drink can feel a little bit nerve wracking at the moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do feel kind of lost, out of touch a bit compared to before, confidence. Still alive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Yeh, I'm nogomojo just don't feel up to meeting or clubbing or pubbing, being out generally. Prefer to watch the world go by.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ounty durham bbw coupleCouple
over a year ago

darlington

Definitely feeling the nerves a little we have organised a social this weekend seems a logical first step back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having been in and out of lockdown and restrictions etc for the last 14 months, do any of you now lack confidence to get out there and be the best version of you? I know I have always had a little shyness about me initially but always been confident around men and women when out and about. However, with restrictions lifted and socials able to take place, I now find myself worrying that I won’t appeal to others and feel I’ve lost a bit of confidence, are there any others feeling like this?

"
yes I know exactly what you mean

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddle ManMan
over a year ago

Walsall

Not so much confidence but the thought of being in a packed bar or club, going to a consert again or a football match, all these thing that we've not been able to do for well over a year. The mingling with masses of strangers seems odd now and I've definitely been giving it way more thought than is needed.

So yes, I do feel the first time will seem wierd and alien again until we are all used to it and with little concern again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've gained some weight and lost a lot of confidence xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

Thank you for starting this thread OP. I think there are more of us out there than you might imagine.

Lockdown has been in some ways a form of institutionalisation. so I think the more one stuck to it the more of an adjustment its going to be to get back to normal socialising and naughtiness (whatever form that now takes). I've been thinking about it this morning so I was glad to stumble upon this thread so thanks again for starting it OP.

My feeling are very similar to those already mentioned and I too have gained a few lbs lol.

Going forward I think I will break back into things either with socials or a genuine no pressure meet with a lady or couple that is similarly reflective about starting out again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
yes I'm feeling crap about myself( more so than normal) and wondering if I'm even going to be meeting again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

I was always careful and a little shy to begin with before. More so now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village

Not sure how much confidence we had before all this fuckery, and it's certainly been rocked, but at some point we'll bite the bullet and get something done.

Sounds awful, sorry, but seeing some of you amazing sounding people feeling this way makes us feel a little less weird about it.

We'll all be fine, we'll all be fine, we'll.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"Not sure how much confidence we had before all this fuckery, and it's certainly been rocked, but at some point we'll bite the bullet and get something done.

Sounds awful, sorry, but seeing some of you amazing sounding people feeling this way makes us feel a little less weird about it.

We'll all be fine, we'll all be fine, we'll....."

Yes I was happy to share and great to see others doing so as well. Let's be honest it's a very different world 14 months later from the mini lockdown we thought we were all going to have last March. I know I lost my brother to Covid and I am far more careful and aware than I ever was.

No need to offer condolences or feel weird about me mentioning it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's very common and a very normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. Try not stress over it too much and cultivate your confidence to grow again... It will

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

The damage that the lengthy disruption has inflicted on our normal routines is more severe than might at first appear to be the case; many elderly people have been traumatised by their effective domestic imprisonment, and young people have been damaged too. Depression and anxiety are pervasive.

My own self esteem and sense of wellbeing has been adversely impacted, even though I managed to get out almost every day for my walks.

I know it will take at least another 6-12 months to get myself back on an even keel, and lose the weight I have gained.

I intend to be kind to myself and gradually restore my self-confidence with positive self-talk, and a little pampering.

I am thankful that I am still alive; for months I had difficulty breathing and was extremely fatigued; on occasions I had to force one foot in front of the other.

I never bothered to contact my GP, because I somehow knew that I would eventually pull through.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village

"Not sure how much confidence we had before all this fuckery, and it's certainly been rocked, but at some point we'll bite the bullet and get something done.

Sounds awful, sorry, but seeing some of you amazing sounding people feeling this way makes us feel a little less weird about it.

We'll all be fine, we'll all be fine, we'll.....

No need to offer condolences or feel weird about me mentioning it. "

It's all a very effed up situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irldnCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

Yes!

Gotta say swinging is fairly low on our list of priorities right now. We miss it and have made a few very hot virtual friends this past year that we hope to meet but right now the focus has to be us and family.

Not been out for dinner as a couple on our own (without kid) for nine months!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I think it will need help and patience from friends, at the moment I feel that I'll be the last person anyone might find sexually desirable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eachesAndCream99 OP Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

I am finding it quite cathartic simply discussing how I feel openly without regret or fear of judgement. Being a veteran myself, for years the mantra was ‘suck it up buttercup’ ‘it’s life in a blue suit’ mental health was something overcast with ‘going wibble’ and something to be ashamed of. The Pandemic changed the daily routine and personality characteristics of so many and like so many here, I lost family members during the last year and couldn’t say proper goodbyes to them and saw people around me really suffering and on the brink, some of which I was fortunate to be able to offer assistance in various ways. However, it’s clear that life as we know it will be somewhat different and only with time will people possibly be able to live a fuller life. I am hoping to regain my confidence and find the old me as I have spent the past 41 years learning to accept, embrace and enjoy being me. Love to you all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We haven't lost confidence with talking to people as that comes naturally with us. However our recent loaded pictures are how we would like to be again as we have both put on over a stone and half during this last year. For females especially it knocks their confidence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Still not ready for a comeback to the social scene. Maybe next year.

Back to hibernating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this is the case for many of us in all situations.

I arranged a social last week just to see if I could do it. I honestly felt like I had forgotten how to have a conversation with anyone other than my family.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with above. We are all in the same boat. Relax and enjou

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel exactly the same I've put about a stone on aswell which doesn't help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel exactly the same I've put about a stone on aswell which doesn't help "

I’m sure you look a delight

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've lost my mojo a bit after my break up during lockdown. I think lockdown has meant getting used to the lack of interraction and it's hard forcing oneself to get back out there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I've lost my mojo a bit after my break up during lockdown. I think lockdown has meant getting used to the lack of interraction and it's hard forcing oneself to get back out there."

I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot of people who would encourage you. I’m one to start. Wow

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I've lost my mojo a bit after my break up during lockdown. I think lockdown has meant getting used to the lack of interraction and it's hard forcing oneself to get back out there.

I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot of people who would encourage you. I’m one to start. Wow"

Thank you! That's made my morning!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey, I’m glad to help. But simply the truth

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Luckily I met two ex swinger friends on the weekend

These are people I have played with and been next to in a play situation years ago

That gave me a little confidence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/05/21 15:56:13]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes! 100%

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *C7995XCouple
over a year ago

London

You both should be full of confidence ur both stunning

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've considered going vanilla, my confidence took a hard hit and worked continuously through lock down..saw a friend die ..makes you consider your own mortality ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post OP

Let’s remember: we are all still ugly fuckers, and lockdown has been unkind to so many, but we are all still great people with the same great personalities, positive outlook and charming nature. We will be fine! We should definitely all embrace each other’s Lockdown wobbles too

Show each other some love

Will x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Swinging is quite low down on our getting things back to normal list.

I've worked constantly and Paul WFH but that's coming to an end and it's off abroad for him.

It's a bit daunting but exciting too, but if we don't push ourselves a bit we could easily stay and fester.

Going to venture out for a few drinks this weekend.

Went into Chester on Friday had a few drinks, lunch, wander down by the river and felt somewhat normal.

Sure we will all be back to normal in no time, one foot in front of the other.

Booked holiday in September, something to look forward to.

Stay safe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Definitely, especially leading up to a meet the other day, even having chatted regularly for ages. It's worth remembering everyone feels it to some extent, whether they show it, or whether you pick up on it or not. It may just be a bigger leap into it when a meet eventually happens again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tterlysluterlyCouple
over a year ago

northampton

As so many said before, I am also suffering with loss of my confidence/mojo.

As well as the lockdown, I'm now 2 years older and can almost feel my allure slipping away, I think without being forced to stop play I would have just continued on my wicked way but now, it could be time to hang up the heels?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After 10 years alone, a pandemic hasn't even registered on the confidence-affecting radar.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I am just hoping that friends will take me in hand so to speak, and help build my confidence and libido back up. At the moment my sex drive feels like it's driven away without me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *appypaul69Man
over a year ago

vale

All us lockdown fatties should meet up and show out bellys off. I'm sure we'll. All forget our insecurities x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy far far away

I think a lot of people are experiencing apprehension and anxiety, I expect that it will soon pass with increased social interaction.

I'm worried I won't appeal to anyone because of the COVID weight increase

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve lost a huge amount of confidence since gaining weight over lockdown. I’m worried that I won’t appeal to men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes I'm feeling crap about myself( more so than normal) and wondering if I'm even going to be meeting again "

everything takes time.

it can take a friendly hand to help, its all about timing and the right choices.

i think , like any they are overly worrying about things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

100% the same feeling, been pretty much indoors most of lock down due to caring for a shielding family member and suffered for it mentally

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

[Removed by poster at 29/05/21 17:13:40]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand the worry.

But feel a gentle step into a club or party will start the juices going and I am hoping after a Few minutes of being with similarly minded people. It will be game on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve lost a huge amount of confidence since gaining weight over lockdown. I’m worried that I won’t appeal to men "

Appeal is rarely anything to do with your body.

At least not “lasting appeal” and the stuff from which great chemistry is borne

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can understand the worry.

But feel a gentle step into a club or party will start the juices going and I am hoping after a Few minutes of being with similarly minded people. It will be game on. "

What an inspiration

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve lost a huge amount of confidence since gaining weight over lockdown. I’m worried that I won’t appeal to men

Appeal is rarely anything to do with your body.

At least not “lasting appeal” and the stuff from which great chemistry is borne

That’s true, it still doesn’t stop me worrying though lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know you women worry more about weight, size etc than us men do. we just brush it off.

but i would say to you women most of the time its personality that is more important. having a laugh etc, not being too serious and having fun.

the right dancing partner will do this with you so it shouldnt matter.

most of us, including me dont like what we see in the mirror sometimes but it is who we are.

move forward to happy times. start chatting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having been in and out of lockdown and restrictions etc for the last 14 months, do any of you now lack confidence to get out there and be the best version of you? I know I have always had a little shyness about me initially but always been confident around men and women when out and about. However, with restrictions lifted and socials able to take place, I now find myself worrying that I won’t appeal to others and feel lost a bit of confidence, are there any others feeling like this?

"
I fear a lot has changed for many people over the past year.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atinocoupleCouple
over a year ago

SF, NY, London (in that order)

Yep we feel the same. When shaking hands and hugs feel a bit wierd, we know swinging again will take some building up to again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely, it's becoming a reality of meeting again now so its only natural to have these feelings. I wouldn't say I've lost mine but it's definitely been dented and it's a scary thought being with someone again after all this time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you guys are feeling it, then we definitely do! You’re stunning. I think a lot will feel disbanded, and isolated. It’s to be expected. The main thing is to talk to others. We can all help to a degree. The feeling won’t go away any time soon. Let’s try and keep our positive heads in.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire

Yes definitely, put on weight etc and cant get the va va voom back

Fox xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *of9Couple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Totally feeling this too, OP.

Spike had had a couple of socials since everything has eased up, but he’s found it quite a challenge to get his head around being able to make plans and leave the house. Once he was out he had a great time, but getting into the right mindset was quite tough for him.

I’ve pretty much not left the house apart from work since the very first lockdown began. I haven’t been able to handle shops of any kind or anything like that, so I really do feel like I’m starting from the very beginning, and I’m very anxious about getting back to functioning socially again. It’s almost like I need to get my emotional fitness back for socialising, so I think I’m going to have to treat it like physical fitness and build up slowly. Doesn’t help that during lockdown my health has had a hiccup, and I’ve been diagnosed with a long term chronic condition, so I’ve no idea how that will impact me going forward.

I think it’s like driving on the wrong side of the road - you adjust to doing it reasonably easy because you have to concentrate on it so hard to get it right, but then going back to normal on the usual side of the road is actually more of a difficulty somehow. Lockdown feels like it was the wrong side of the road, and the adjustment back to normality is weirder than the adjustment to the weirdness in the first place.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100%. I just cant seem to connect with new people, on fab or in normal every day life. Im still having a good laugh on the phone and texts with work mates but anything else i am struggling with. No doubt a lot of people feel similar too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread