FabSwingers.com forum: Advice please fabbers

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quite a long complex story so please bear with me, me and my ex split 12mths ago and during that time we have tried to rekindle our relationship but due to personal issues with kids from both sides it always breaks down, easy option would be to walkaway but as much as we've both tried we end up together and when we have no issues we are amazing together to such an extent were envied by friends for the strength of our relationship, now our lifestyle was my partner a bi female and a cuckqueen and never interested in full swap with other cples or single guys, now the background is out the way to present day we have kind of agreed on a fwb relationship and keep our seperate.lives just that seperate but due to my work pattern I'm normally only available weekends and perhaps an hr of an evening my ex wants more than that and would like to see other guys and takes the view that it's not about the sex but more the fun and banter (our sex life is amazing) now I'm probably being selfish , hypocritical but the thought of her having sex with other men mortified me and the few dates she has had I've been a nervous wreck wondering what she's upto yes if I feel like that we shouldn't be swinging but.like I said that was never part of our dynamic, we're at a crossroads at the moment because she is enjoying the attention and to her it is an escapism from everyday routine but for me it is a case of I'm happy with the fwb scenario but I would want it to be exclusive so question is friends where do i/we go from here split for good , suck it up and see I really don't know sorry for such a long scenario lol

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By *revaunanceCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

I read all your post up until you mentioned FWB. Given that you had a relationship with kids involved , it seems unlikely that a FWB agreement will sustain itself.

Be honest with yourself an her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I read all your post up until you mentioned FWB. Given that you had a relationship with kids involved , it seems unlikely that a FWB agreement will sustain itself.

Be honest with yourself an her."

They aren't kids we've had together they are from previous relationships seven in total youngest being 17 so not young kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you told her you'd like it to be exclusive fwb?

If she doesn't want that- which she might not - then it's like it, lump it or end it.

If one person's needs doesn't match the others then someone's going to get hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a new fabber. Not very experienced in swap dynamics.

However you say your work pattern means that you do not have much time.

Since you seem to want to make things work with her, have you thought of changing your work patterns? If possible. Its maybe a different way of looking at things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you told her you'd like it to be exclusive fwb?

If she doesn't want that- which she might not - then it's like it, lump it or end it.

If one person's needs doesn't match the others then someone's going to get hurt."

Yes told her I want it to be exclusive, if she wants to have several Fwb's then I would have to walk away, she had a coffee last night with someone she's met before we spoke after but still no resolution

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Its going to end in tears. As a single female she will get more interest than you, even as a FWB cuckquen couple.

You say when its working you have a strong relationship, but the fact it breaks down means that is not true.

I would walk away now and try and just be friends, and even that may be unlikely

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

Punctuation is your friend OP

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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Swinging should ALWAYS be something you agree on together and both get something out of every meet. As a Hot Wife Couple my husband isn't always physically involved in the sex but definitely gains pressure from every single meet. I as a hotwife ensure he does otherwise I wouldn't do it. Swinging like anything else in a relationship can be done selfishly or with your partner in mind and it sounds as though your partner is pursuing the selfish route. This sadly usually only ends in resentment and tears. The answer is communicating and really listening to each other. I do hope you can work it out between you.

Mrs N x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

OP are you saying you only want to have sex with your ex in future ?

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By *ed_AliceWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

Genuine questions to ask yourself? Why do you want to be exclusive? Why do you keep trying to rekindle the relationship?

Is it just the great sex that you don't want to give up?

Are you afraid if she dates other men & has great sex with them & they can also meet her other needs that you'll be blown out?

Is it just easier to stay with her in whatever capacity you can get, than to be single?

A bit of deep thought about what it is that scares you/worries you might help you resolve things in your mind.

However, if she wants more out of a relationship than you can give or accept then it might be best for both of you to walk away.

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By *ugsly95Man
over a year ago

Ashbourne

How can I attract more women I get viewed lots by guys, but women

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Genuine questions to ask yourself? Why do you want to be exclusive? Why do you keep trying to rekindle the relationship?

Is it just the great sex that you don't want to give up?

Are you afraid if she dates other men & has great sex with them & they can also meet her other needs that you'll be blown out?

Is it just easier to stay with her in whatever capacity you can get, than to be single?

A bit of deep thought about what it is that scares you/worries you might help you resolve things in your mind.

However, if she wants more out of a relationship than you can give or accept then it might be best for both of you to walk away.

Its because of the feelings we have for each other and what we've been through together we know we can't be together in a traditional relationship and yes you are probably right i'm scared someone could give her what I cant at the moment. We are soul mates and we've both tried the going our seperate ways but we always end up back together in one way or another.I'm not scared of being single I did it for years

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

She has been honest and open with you about wanting to meet other people so why would she now decide to be exclusive with you ? Is she happy for you to meet other women ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why stress. Having a FWB with a ex seems like trouble waiting.. go and fuck other women too you'll see you've been stressing over nothing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"She has been honest and open with you about wanting to meet other people so why would she now decide to be exclusive with you ? Is she happy for you to meet other women ?"

Yes she is and I'm happy for her to.meet others but I will step back as I dont want to know or hear details of her meets and I know its easy to say "then dont ask" but we've always been completely honest with each other and it woukd come out

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

You already don't feel like you can give her what she wants time wise so feel like shit for that (subconsciously making you feel "not good enough") and her getting it from others will subconsciously feed the insecurities and feelings of not good enough. It'll probably crush you and in months or years time you'll find yourself the shell of who you were, stripped of any confidence wondering what was wrong with you.. why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't my love enough?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When two people want very different things and no compromise can be reached its going to be extremely difficult to maintain a relationship.

You say it's so strong that friends envy you. Can you focus on that strength, does she see it that way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its going to end in tears. As a single female she will get more interest than you, even as a FWB cuckquen couple.

You say when its working you have a strong relationship, but the fact it breaks down means that is not true.

I would walk away now and try and just be friends, and even that may be unlikely

. Maybe you are not a match sexually if you want to swing (hence your single profile) but don’t want your partner to as well.

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By *ugsly95Man
over a year ago

Ashbourne

How does one get to chat to more women I seen to finding that difficult atm

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By *asual_WandererWoman
over a year ago

A spot you want me

I agree with everyone on the importance of mutually aligning on your set up. And if you are making heavy concessions for "the sake" of keeping something with her over time the weight will break you.

However, if you need some reassurance on risk of her seeing others, my relationship is very much consent with discretion. We don't share details of our plays, but enjoy the benefits of freedom to venture, escapism and indeed gratitude of trust given to explore our sexual interests outside of our marriage. Although we don't share meets, we do talk regularly about our feelings and any rising insecurities. We show each other regularly we put each other first.

As time has progresses we've begun to laugh at that fear of running away with someone, as when you have it this good with a life partner, all the depth and bond, alongside the trust and freedom what on earth is going to make the grass greener. Good luck, and as others have said pause, seek the answers on yourself... they'll be there

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