FabSwingers.com forum: Can a swinger cheat?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If one of a swinging couple sneaks out at night to only have a drink with someone from this website while the other is sleeping ..... when an agreement had been made to only play together..... Cheating right?

Reply in forum please

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there was an agreement in place and it wasn't agreed then of course it's wrong.

Cheating may be a bit strong but everyone will have their own definition of that word

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oItForYorkshireCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Yes. The sneaking/lying is Cheating on an arrangement they have made.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

If you’re both swingers then there’s no need to sneak out for a meet whilst the other is sleeping.

They should be able to go with your full blessing. So yes, it’s cheating in my eyes.

But as we’re on lockdown still, I’m presuming this is hypothetical?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Yes, the person is sneaking out to meet someone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

[Removed by poster at 10/05/21 17:27:54]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

The sneaking part is a total lack or respect

Even if no sex has taken place yet , the intention is there ...why would anyone jeopardise a relationship for the sake of a drink ???

It is my opinion that there are serious issues that need to be addressed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imply_fabWoman
over a year ago

Dorchester

For a drink, personally I wouldn't class that as cheating. Sneaking out though, thats a different story!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If one of a swinging couple sneaks out at night to only have a drink with someone from this website while the other is sleeping ..... when an agreement had been made to only play together..... Cheating right?

Reply in forum please

Without a shadow of doubt...yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ondcpl4meetCouple
over a year ago

North of the river

"The sneaking part is a total lack or respect

Even if no sex has taken place yet , the intention is there ...why would anyone jeopardise a relationship for the sake of a drink ???

It is my opinion that there are serious issues that need to be addressed

Well said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ixen-XWoman
over a year ago

Unicornville Utopia And Lovin It X

Definitely yes if not discussed or agreed beforehand...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

It’s not the drink part that would bother me it’s the sneaking around .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes if you've agreed differently beforehand then absolutely cheating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'd see meeting someone off here without prior discussion as off limits unless it was someone you already consider a mate and there wasn't going to be and never had been anything other than friendship.

Sneaking about it... Low blow and not on.

Swinging is can be a tightrope to walk and lines need to be adhered to or someone will tumble, sometimes it can be rectified with a discussion and reiteration of expectations, boundaries and rules but other times that one "little" thing is enough to cast seeds of doubt and set the brain into overdrive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it’s cheating. It’s certainly not swinging. It’s trying to get laid without your partners knowledge

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

Meeting behind a partners back whether just a drink or otherwise is cheating yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wrong on so many levels and goes against the whole spirit and point of swinging to us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

[Removed by poster at 10/05/21 17:52:34]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oItForYorkshireCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire

All this said I don’t think ‘cheating’ is the right word here. I think ‘disrespecting’ Is probably more along the lines.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ostonJoeMan
over a year ago

Boston

To cheat is to act dishonestly or unfairly to gain an advantage over another. All swingers will have rules of engagement that are agreed to between them. They widely vary, but if one party breaks those rules they have cheated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *veragecouple321Couple
over a year ago

Leamington Spa

Personally the meeting for a drink doesn't bother me but the sneaking about is out of order and that would be my biggest problem, if it was innocent why not mention it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Reply in forum please

Don’t know if going for a drink with someone is classes as cheating, but total disrespect for the agreement and limits is vile in itself.

Sex is sex, lying, cheating or sneaking around is vile. Weather it’s a drink, a text or sex!

If you feel the need to hide it then why would you do it. Gross. xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

Reply in forum please

Wouldn't call a drink cheating. But many questions...

1. Did they deliberately wait for the partner to fall asleep to sneak out?

2. Did they meet someone both halfs already know or someone new?

3. Were they planning this behind unsuspecting partners back?

4. Did the half that went out for a drink tell where they were right away or did they keep it quiet and got busted?

Answers to all of those questions can either make it innocent or turn it into potential cheat.

That said, from personal experience way too many fabbers confuse a simple social drink with play. Those two things should not be confused with each other as it does bring many misunderstandings to all parties.

Missus

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ausageNmashCouple
over a year ago

Andover

Yes absolutely in our book

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arte_Blanche_NECouple
over a year ago

Northern

Reply in forum please

Yep, agreeing something together then going against that and being dishonest is cheating x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The sneaking part is a total lack or respect

Even if no sex has taken place yet , the intention is there ...why would anyone jeopardise a relationship for the sake of a drink ???

It is my opinion that there are serious issues that need to be addressed

I’ve kind of come to that conclusion.... never been in a swinging relationship before so it’s weird...and too much hassle as the trust has gone xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Yes it is definitely cheating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For a drink, personally I wouldn't class that as cheating. Sneaking out though, thats a different story!"

Whilst I’m asleep.... the more I think about it it’s wrong!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Reply in forum please

Obviously it's cheating as it's breaking the agreement which the two as a couple have or had

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd see meeting someone off here without prior discussion as off limits unless it was someone you already consider a mate and there wasn't going to be and never had been anything other than friendship.

Sneaking about it... Low blow and not on.

So well put thank u x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *earded BeastMan
over a year ago

durham

I would say it's a grave breach of trust, and in a swinging couple that could be very bad. if that slides what else could slide as a result

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

"For a drink, personally I wouldn't class that as cheating. Sneaking out though, thats a different story!

Whilst I’m asleep.... the more I think about it it’s wrong!"

Just because you invite other people into your sex life doesn’t mean it’s a free for all to do what you want.

If it’s clearly against what was agreed then what’s the point of having the conversation in the first place.

Exact reason I’ll only ever club with someone, fab and single meets will be an absolute no go

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Reply in forum please

"
anything sneaky or behind their partners back is cheating.. swinger or not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt class it as cheating as such, i guess it depends on the dynamic, like was it a date ect

But doesnt mean its not an extremely extremely shitty thing to do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

For us, that would be yes. All play has to be consented to even if it is arranged for only DR to play with a lady.

Even if a regular lady that he is meeting, sneaking out or behind the back is not acceptable.

The only exception would be to fulfil a particular scenario/fantasy that has been agreed before hand but maybe without any times, dates or partners set. This would still need to be something that is agreed in principle. And even then, ONLY with complete honesty of what's happened.

If there's no trust its dangerous to swing. Cheating is dishonest, swinging within the rules you and your partner agreed to is not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

Trust & communication are absolutely key in a swinging relationship. Sneaking out is absolutely not OK.

Once trust is broken it is very hard to rebuild.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

Yes, if not physically cheating it’s certainly breaking emotional trust between the couple.

If you have agreed to only meet people off this website as a couple then that’s an agreement that’s clearly been broken

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your opinions on this one, got a bit lost in the grey areas but after hearing your wise words.... there was no grey area as we had discussed no meeting unless we are together, HIS idea so....oh well I’m sure I’ll have more fun as a unicorn!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's not cheating if they only had to drink. Cheating is actually shagging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Yes it is a form of cheating. We consider anything done without the others knowledge is classed as cheating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I think it's totally disrespectful and I wouldn't be happy if my other half did it. Not when we are on here as a couple.

If he wanted you to meet as a couple only, sounds like he wants his cake and eat it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

"Thank you for your opinions on this one, got a bit lost in the grey areas but after hearing your wise words.... there was no grey area as we had discussed no meeting unless we are together, HIS idea so....oh well I’m sure I’ll have more fun as a unicorn!"

Sorry to hear that. Hope all will be OK, as a unicorn or as a couple. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rednwilma1Couple
over a year ago

york

Chuck out his bags, shred his clothes and change the locks !!!!!... yeah, that ought to do it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"it's not cheating if they only had to drink. Cheating is actually shagging. "
actually I'd argue that cheating does not need to be a physical act

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *veragecouple321Couple
over a year ago

Leamington Spa

"it's not cheating if they only had to drink. Cheating is actually shagging. "

I wouldn't class it as cheating, but I would have a problem with the sneaking part, it breaks trust and you do need that when swinging, seriously would you be happy if you woke up your partner had sneaked out??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

"it's not cheating if they only had to drink. Cheating is actually shagging. actually I'd argue that cheating does not need to be a physical act"

Agreed. It just needs to be something outside the pre-agreed boundaries. Sneaking anywhere is a big way to lose trust and ruin what you had.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one of the main reasons i blocked couples was because of male halfs asking to meet with out the other half knowing so yes swingers can and do cheat

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Honesty is paramount, without it swinging can't work.

That's my thought anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

Depends completely on the individual boundaries, if it was just a drink and they have agreed to only play together then you should be fine? But if it's a drink and it's agreed that dates need to be together.. then yes?

As a rule if you have to lie about it, or you want to immediately lie about it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I wouldn't class it as cheating but definitely it is wrong if it's not what has been agreed on and would be a trust issue.

If they feel the need not to tell the partner then it would make me think there are intentions to do something other than just a drink or they know that the partner wouldn't be happy about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *1bttmMan
over a year ago

Shoreditch east London

Sneaking out would concern me as it implies there's something to hide. Yr doing it behind someone's back and not being open and honest and more importantly breaking someone's trust.

However under the terms of yr swinging agreement did u both agree u would share what u'd been upto as individuals, was it u would only do it together, or a totally open agreement giving each other a free reign to do anything at anytime?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank u xxx anyone know if I can change my profile to a singles one?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sneaking out would concern me as it implies there's something to hide. Yr doing it behind someone's back and not being open and honest and more importantly breaking someone's trust.

Strictly together as ‘he’ would get jealous and I am loyal.... Great ass by the way...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sneaking out without the other one knowing.

Cheating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Anything where you’ve not mentioned to your partner about meeting another person in regards to swinging, is a lack of respect to your partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sneaking out without the other one knowing.

Cheating."

agree with this..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really sorry to hear this. If you need a female friend to have a drink with and want to talk to someone, I'm close by (and I don't mean that in a sleazy/presumptive way at all) xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Thank u xxx anyone know if I can change my profile to a singles one?"

If you contact admin I think they can do it for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Thank u xxx anyone know if I can change my profile to a singles one?

If you contact admin I think they can do it for you."

And good luck with your single profile. Hope you're ok.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

"Thank u xxx anyone know if I can change my profile to a singles one?

If you contact admin I think they can do it for you.

And good luck with your single profile. Hope you're ok."

We're looking forward to the single profile if we're honest.

Keep smiling!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aked2sumCouple
over a year ago

Coast

Reply in forum please

100% cheating if your lucky enough to be in a swinging relationship you should know what each other think is right from wrong and respect each other’s boundaries

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank u xxx anyone know if I can change my profile to a singles one?"

Just delete it and create a new one. You have no veris to lose.

Hope you are ok. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago

Near Bath / Bristol

Reply in forum please

The fact that someone has to sneak out suggests it all really. Whilst it may only have been a drink, there would have been no reason to not be open about it if they felt it okay. And this is before exploring intent or anything like that.

Having read through a bit it seems you're going solo! All the best - you've got a community around you that's got your back. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Meeting behind a partners back whether just a drink or otherwise is cheating yes"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

Twice now I’ve met couples and the lady has approached me privately afterwards..

One found me on Facebook, the other made a single profile on here ..

And just for information I refused to meet either on there own..

Very true story

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

If it’s him meeting a woman for a drink it’s cheating because he’s hoping for more , if it’s her meeting a man (or a woman) is not cheating because it’s just a drink

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the dynamic and the agreements. Dadt may demand a little sneaking

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

"it's not cheating if they only had to drink. Cheating is actually shagging. "

Most stupid comment so far

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

"Depends on the dynamic and the agreements. Dadt may demand a little sneaking"

You obviously didn’t read the thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply in forum please

Yes it’s cheating ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Yes anything that is done behind someone else's back of that nature is cheating even if it's a simple as messaging somebody without that being agreed as ok.

At least that is my opinion on it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on the dynamic and the agreements. Dadt may demand a little sneaking

You obviously didn’t read the thread "

I did, I just have a different perspective. If it's a generally open relationship. Ie nsa and fwb is OK just be discreet but don't swing apart. Then is meeting for drinks with someone cheating on the relationship? Meeting a couple for play surely is. Not ideal in todays post poly society where everyone's floodlit...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

"Depends on the dynamic and the agreements. Dadt may demand a little sneaking

You obviously didn’t read the thread

I think cheating isn’t the actual act, it’s doing something ie chatting to or meeting someone without the other person’s involvement in any way ..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

100% cheating.

If it's not within the agreed parameters of the relationship and violates trust.

My husband and I have rules in place and neither of us break them. It's about respect and sneaking anywhere is definitely not respectful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread