FabSwingers.com forum: Sexist comments?

By *oliath OP Man
over a year ago

Ulverston

Just looking for other peoples opinions on this...

Today I was accused of being ‘sexist’ and ‘gross’ because I referred to female friends (from Fab and ‘normal’ life) as ‘girls’.

The woman I was chatting to over the last few weeks called me disgusting and said that it’s not only disrespectful to women in general but very wrong to use the word ‘girl’ in a sexual manner. Obviously she has since blocked me.

I didn’t think it was wrong and was definitely not meant to be disrespectful or rude. Maybe I’m wrong? Think I’ll just use the word ‘women’ from now on...

Any thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women is probably fairly safe when you don't know your audience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally wouldn't take offence but some people take words literally or just overreact in general. Don't worry about it, you didn't do anything wrong.

Forget it, move on

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I refer to my female friends as “the girls” but I’d prefer it if men talked about “women” especially ones they don’t know.

V x

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

People get offended by all sorts of things nowadays. Given that you were having a nice chat I'd have thought all that was required was to ask you not to refer to 'girls' but maybe that's too simply.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Look up the Oxford English dictionary definition of the word"girl"

Think this will answer your question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think there's some truth in that. Obviously not every woman will have a problem with it or choose to call you out on it, but calling grown women "girls" can come across as infantilising and patronising.

I don't think that on its own inherently makes you a bad person or a rampant sexist or anything, but something to bear in mind is that while it's a really minor thing for you, it's something that happens constantly for a lot of us and is part of a much larger cultural issue of women not being listened to, and not being respected.

So don't take it personally, but as you said switching to saying "women" is a good idea.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I do think context is everything in this case.

An advertising agency can use a slogan like " here comes the girls"

And it not be seen as sexist or creepy.

as said by someone else,a simple " please don't use that word " can easily correct an error.

Well at least you won't make the same mistake again OP.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Doesn't bother me. X

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

Stop being such a "small-boy-shirt" about this and move on...

(a joke, no offence meant)

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I find it patronising when someone I don't know calls me girl, I mean I'm 44...

There's probably a select few that would be allowed, as they are old friends.

Women is definitely much better, because that's what we are

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think it’s fine , same if someone calls me boy. Gay friends call each other girl all the time

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

I haven't been a girl for over 20 years so really don't like being called one to be honest

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I strongly dislike it and it'd be a factor in deciding not to meet someone after all.

I probably wouldn't say anything, though, because I'm tired of being told I'm not entitled to my opinion. I'd just start looking for other things I might want to be wary of.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Oh Bugger, we don't know whether to change our status now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her to calm down and get back to them dishes they won't wash them selves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her to calm down and get back to them dishes they won't wash them selves. "

I hope you are well known on here for tongue in cheek comments. Even so, man the backlash.

Girls night out or boys night out ok if said by the relevant gender. If someone calls me boy it is patronising, if i wasn't caucasian it could be seen as racist. Flip it around - do you see now?

Woman, lady, man, gentleman but always check their declared gender.

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By *oliath OP Man
over a year ago

Ulverston

I agree. I’d only refer to ‘girls’ if I knew them well and they are ok with the phrase.

This was the case because I was talking about women I know well.

It’s all about perspective.

I totally understand how it could be patronising to a woman I don’t know.

Anyway, all your comments are interesting!

- Not even one insult yet!! (Focus on the word ‘yet’ ha ha)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Womxn are the future

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By *ucelleCouple
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford

When I managed male service engineers I would greet them with ‘morning girls’ They didn’t complain!

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By *rMrs84Couple
over a year ago

Doncaster

Girls to me depends on what you’re using to label the male part of the conversation.

Men and girls. Wrong.

Guys and girls. Maybe

Boys and girls. Acceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s all contextual isn’t it. If someone I didn’t know called something social a ‘boys night out’ I wouldn’t correct it. I’ve not been called boy at all for many years, I suppose I would correct it if someone used it and I felt sensitive to it. I never say girls / girl about women really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry op plenty of other girls on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How would you feel if I called you a boy? See you can go out for a drink with the boys and that's a fine use of the word for people who are clearly men just as if I was going out drinking with the girls then that's acceptable use of the word girls but if I was to say to you (or men in general) something like such a nice boy or what a good looking boy you are I could almost guarantee a fair portion of men would find it borderline offencive because there men not boys and it sounds somewhat condesending, the same is true of women

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By *ingdong11Man
over a year ago

emsworth

"Tell her to calm down and get back to them dishes they won't wash them selves.

I hope you are well known on here for tongue in cheek comments. Even so, man the backlash.

Girls night out or boys night out ok if said by the relevant gender. If someone calls me boy it is patronising, if i wasn't caucasian it could be seen as racist. Flip it around - do you see now?

Woman, lady, man, gentleman but always check their declared gender."

It depends on context “ woman “ can be patronising if said in the wrong context .

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax

"Just looking for other peoples opinions on this...

Today I was accused of being ‘sexist’ and ‘gross’ because I referred to female friends (from Fab and ‘normal’ life) as ‘girls’.

I didn’t think it was wrong and was definitely not meant to be disrespectful or rude. Maybe I’m wrong? Think I’ll just use the word ‘women’ from now on...

Any thoughts?"

As a lot of others have said context is everything and not all would take offence but maybe use ladies or woman going forward.

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By *ingdong11Man
over a year ago

emsworth

"How would you feel if I called you a boy? See you can go out for a drink with the boys and that's a fine use of the word for people who are clearly men just as if I was going out drinking with the girls then that's acceptable use of the word girls but if I was to say to you (or men in general) something like such a nice boy or what a good looking boy you are I could almost guarantee a fair portion of men would find it borderline offencive because there men not boys and it sounds somewhat condesending, the same is true of women"

I would be chuffed to bits if someone called me a “good looking boy “ ........especially as I’m so ugly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don’t talk to women . They scare me. But I generally would use •women•. Men refer to their mates as the boys. Often women say their girls. It’s a minefield depending on who you are actually talking to

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By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

"I refer to my female friends as “the girls” but I’d prefer it if men talked about “women” especially ones they don’t know.

V x

Yes ^°^°° this ^°°°^°^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just looking for other peoples opinions on this...

Today I was accused of being ‘sexist’ and ‘gross’ because I referred to female friends (from Fab and ‘normal’ life) as ‘girls’.

I didn’t think it was wrong and was definitely not meant to be disrespectful or rude. Maybe I’m wrong? Think I’ll just use the word ‘women’ from now on...

Any thoughts?"
Snow flakes, they’ll moan about anything now ffs and without doubt I’ll be accused of being racist for commenting, without doubt I’ll I’ve offended some group with that statement, wether it be about white cum or dark sky’s , the world is fucking mental, choose your words wisely

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I prefer girls to ladies. Tbh you probably weren't a good match so next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's an extreme reaction but probably means you aren't suited. I couldn't meet with anyone who was so easily offended as I come out with all sorts of shit!

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By *eacsMan
over a year ago

nottingham

Mate,

Forget it...I had the same after I referred to women as "Ladies!!!!," by my date! This was after opening a door for her and buying her a drink! Both of which she also had problems with!!!!! Go figure!

There will always be some who are offended!!

Maybe I'm in the dark ages but I learned not to date a social worker again!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh shit, you’ve done It now referring to dark ages

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By *eacsMan
over a year ago

nottingham

My bad!

let me apologise to all offended!!!!!!

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Seems some these days get offended easy ...sad but true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a thread the other day about not liking the word female.

People have different views on everything. Very insightful

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By *J coupleCouple
over a year ago

stone

Snowflakes!

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By *lipperywhenwet07Couple
over a year ago

llanelli

"Doesn't bother me. X"

Good girl...

Only joking but you’d not say good woman or good lady as the alliteration with girl works

People do get het up

OP you had a near miss- imagine how bad it could have got

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Doesn't bother me. X

Good girl...

Only joking but you’d not say good woman or good lady as the alliteration with girl works

People do get het up

OP you had a near miss- imagine how bad it could have got "

Words only offend me if the intent to offend was there.

(Though for future reference to all - I have an irrational hatred to being called Babe) x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends in what context, and would call me 'his girl' which is really sweet but I wouldn't like it from another person

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Aside from Covid it is now every mortal's duty to be offended by something simple on behalf of others.

Didn't you get that memo boy?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Words only offend me if the intent to offend was there. "

This

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

All depends on how it's said ..

A bit like calling someone love/pet etc you just know when it's endearing and when it's not..Some just want to pick a fight...

Funny thing is I am not attracted to men, over 30 who call themselves lad etc .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So that’s the real reason The spice girls split up.

Their band name became sexist.

A tragedy for British pop culture.

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