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 , so obviously we knew about each others lifestyles, and decided together we would continue.
i don't discuss my private life with anyone really, let alone with people who aren't part of the swinging world. As others have said, the misinformation and false impressions means i just can't be arsed! i get enough of that from kink-shamers, i don't need it from anyone else.
if i ever had to enter the world of 'dating' again, it would definitely be something i discussed if things got a bit more serious, because i wouldn't change who i am or the lifestyle i lead. Nor would i expect someone to change who they are for me.
Thankfully, i don't plan on having to do that again, so im off the hook  Px | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? " Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. | |||
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"committed relationship here , so obviously we knew about each others lifestyles, and decided together we would continue.
i don't discuss my private life with anyone really, let alone with people who aren't part of the swinging world. As others have said, the misinformation and false impressions means i just can't be arsed! i get enough of that from kink-shamers, i don't need it from anyone else.
if i ever had to enter the world of 'dating' again, it would definitely be something i discussed if things got a bit more serious, because i wouldn't change who i am or the lifestyle i lead. Nor would i expect someone to change who they are for me.
Thankfully, i don't plan on having to do that again, so im off the hook Px "Did you two meet through fab or another method then discussed your swinging lifestyle? I think it’s great to keep your private life out of your sex life, for some reason not being monogamous seems to devalue relationships to vanilla people. I also think my concern with meeting someone through here and falling in love, having a real relationship with life goals while exploring swinging would be my insecurity that she could do the same again very easily with someone else. Sex, orgasms, dopamine - I guess in monogamy there’s not as much of a risk of that? Is there a term for a man who wants the lifestyle for now, enjoys meeting couples as there’s far less risk of attachment but maybe wants a fulfilling yet monogamous relationship eventually? (Other than selfish!) | |||
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"I like fab so much I've come off all other sites. I find the quality and intelligence to be higher here." Blimey the others must be bad lol | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. " Single swingers seriously monogamous? Interesting | |||
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 I'm not especially kinky so there's not much to disclose there .
Alas if their sex drive was low , it probably wouldn't last longer then the dating stage, I would struggle to "commit" to someone who had little or low interest in intimacy. It would affect my perception of the possible long term .
This said I'm not a nymphomaniac either  | |||
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"I like fab so much I've come off all other sites. I find the quality and intelligence to be higher here. Blimey the others must be bad lol " | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? " Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. | |||
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"It's not the first thing I mention when on a date ...on the few occasions when I eventually have discussed it , aside from the initial curiosity I feel it hasn't gone down well . Would I make that mistake again ... probably not . I don't see swinging as a lifestyle , more as fun, entertainment , an added element to my social life...I started swinging as a couple and felt the same then, occasional fun but not a way of life . Should I fall madly in love with a swinger ... that would be great, but I would give it up for a meaningful relation if the guy was vanilla . As for the moral dilemma, I personally don't need to know the ins and out of a partner's love / sex life prior to us meeting and would find it odd if he insisted on knowing mine . I wouldn't lie but I wouldn't volunteer details anymore either . " Exactly this .... | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. " Vanilla people can be sexually liberated too0 | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. " I have met a lot of single (swinging) males who by their own admission wouldn't share their other half in they had one .... | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. " You can reply individually or not, it's your choice  . You can also use the term vanilla, loads of people do I'm just a fussy old bag.
I think it's a case of you do you, if this is a temporary thing for you then great it as such.
Your last paragraph perplexed me. Are you really being someone you're not or do you have a vision of a long term relationship stifling the real you? | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. I have met a lot of single (swinging) males who by their own admission wouldn't share their other half in they had one ...." Not being a swinger isn't a crime. | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. I have met a lot of single (swinging) males who by their own admission wouldn't share their other half in they had one .... Not being a swinger isn't a crime. "Oh I'm not saying it is , the OP has mentioned that it is something he enjoys as a single guy but probably not if he entered a long term relationship . I'm merely pointing out that he's not alone and I found that's often the case | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. I have met a lot of single (swinging) males who by their own admission wouldn't share their other half in they had one .... Not being a swinger isn't a crime.
Oh I'm not saying it is , the OP has mentioned that it is something he enjoys as a single guy but probably not if he entered a long term relationship .
I'm merely pointing out that he's not alone and I found that's often the case
"Ah fair point.  | |||
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"Thank you for the replies, really interesting to see female perspectives. I expected more men replying. I see your point about new partners not needing to know about your past, you’re right. But do you think I would owe a new ‘vanilla’ the courtesy of knowing I have slept with more than an average number of people and my sex drive is a little different to most? Would/could I be manipulating her by with holding information that could affect her decisions? With regards to starting a committed monogamous relationship with a vanilla person, would you be concerned they couldn’t match your sex drive or desires? Vanilla (I really don't like that word) have high sex drives too, they also indulge in all sorts of different kinks. The only difference between swingers and other people is that they like multiple partners and to be fair a lot of single swingers are serially monogamous anyway. I prefer as I said, to know about a person from the off. What's the point of presenting a version of yourself that you think they want to see? Sorry, I didn’t know if I should reply individually or not but you raise some really valid points. For me, fab/swinging has been a way for me to explore my sexual desires without putting ‘vanilla’ (sorry! Shall we call them non sexually liberated people NSLP? ) into uncomfortable situations. In my experience, girls on tinder don’t want to go to a nudist beach and sunbathe on a Tuesday but that’s what myself and a fab friend got up to yesterday. Similarly, I find people on dating sites and real life aren’t anywhere near as sexually open or confident. Essentially what I’m saying is that swinging/fab allows me to be someone I’m not, for now. Maybe I’ve always seen this lifestyle as a temporary thing I will have to drop for a long term relationship. I also see your point with serial monogamy, I much prefer to meet people long term and maintain some great friendships. I have met a lot of single (swinging) males who by their own admission wouldn't share their other half in they had one .... Not being a swinger isn't a crime.
Oh I'm not saying it is , the OP has mentioned that it is something he enjoys as a single guy but probably not if he entered a long term relationship .
I'm merely pointing out that he's not alone and I found that's often the case
"I think lots of men suffer from Madonna vs white syndrome tbh. Really surprised me as I didn’t think it was a thing anymore but upon joining here it is alive and well. | |||
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"*whore not white (autocorrect is an innocent lol)" Which refers us to the point I made earlier . When discussed with a vanilla date , once their initial curiosity about it has been satisfied .. it often goes down like a lead balloon | |||
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"*whore not white (autocorrect is an innocent lol) Which refers us to the point I made earlier . When discussed with a vanilla date , once their initial curiosity about it has been satisfied .. it often goes down like a lead balloon "Yes .... I agree. | |||
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" I think lots of men suffer from Madonna vs white syndrome tbh. Really surprised me as I didn’t think it was a thing anymore but upon joining here it is alive and well. " I think you have literally defined my issue. I don’t know why I feel this way but I’m going to find out. Thank you. | |||
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" I think lots of men suffer from Madonna vs white syndrome tbh. Really surprised me as I didn’t think it was a thing anymore but upon joining here it is alive and well. I think you have literally defined my issue. I don’t know why I feel this way but I’m going to find out. Thank you. " I've noticed quite a few men in here several years into a marriage or long term relationship who are afraid to approach their partner about their desires. I sometimes wonder if they thought in a similar way to you. I'm not sure what the answer is though and you can't help feeling the way you do we're constantly told that women are either "girlfriend material" or sluts. | |||
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"Fab for me was just a stop gap between singledom and a relationship. A way to satisfy my needs until I found someone for something long term... I've always had more look on here than the usual dating sites. But I would absolutely give it all up for a monogamous relationship. " 
Crazy as it sounds it's usually less bullsh..t here | |||
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