FabSwingers.com forum: Helping her Squirt (instructional)

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There seems to be a bit of mystery and misunderstanding about 'squirting' climaxes for women, so this little piece is here to offer some thoughts and advice. It's aimed primarily at the woman's partner (male or female), but it would benefit both parties to read it and share. When you're both working together towards the same goal, you can achieve some incredible orgasmic experiences.

I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist I know my way around the human anatomy. Having met and given 'happy endings' to quite a few ladies over the past few years, I've learned a lot. This is largely through taking time to explore my massage partners' needs and desires, sharing the process with them, and being observant. I haven't always got it right but like almost everything in life, if you practice, you'll get better. From the reports I've heard, most men (and possibly some women) are in too much of a rush in their lovemaking, and never fully achieve the incredible possibilities the human body has to offer. When you slow things down, communicate and explore, you'll get so much more, and you'll probably have a lot of fun along the way.

Naturally there are going to be exceptions to these steps. Everyone has their kinks so if you're into BDSM, S&M, RACK, or other kinks there'll a fair bit of modifying to do. If that's your thing, you probably know far more about it that I do! For this post, I'm covering your standard vanilla squirting orgasm. Which on re-reading sounds completely ridiculous, but here we go...

STEP ONE: TALK

First things first: every woman is different. Seems pretty fucking obvious and yet easily forgotten in the rush to get naked and start shagging. We all have different 'turn-ons' and fantasies. Parts of our bodies are more sensitive than others. We each have our likes and dislikes. You should talk about these things before you get naked. Ask questions like:

What turns you on the most?

What does foreplay mean for you?

What's your favourite position?

What's your biggest fantasy?

Make mental notes and try to build up a picture of what your partner might enjoy the most. You don't have to rush to fulfil all these needs immediately, and sometimes people fantasise about something and then find the reality isn't quite as fulfilling, but it will help to have some understanding of what she might enjoy before you start. It will also help you get used to the idea of what might be expected of YOU in the bedroom, so there are no awkward surprises half way through your time together. Obviously you should tell her about your desires too, but this post is about her, so that will be my focus.

STEP TWO: SET THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT

Very few women are going to have full, satisfying orgasms if they feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. Make sure you're in a place she feels safe. Is it warm enough? Is the lighting right? Do you need some music? If it's somewhere new like a hotel room, spend some time chatting so that you both get used to the room. Confirm that the door is locked. Check out the bed and get the 'feel' of the place.

Agree how much time you have. There's no point in aiming for the ultimate climax if one or both of you are worried about getting away to pick up the kids! Personally I would allow at least a couple of hours so that you have plenty of time. If there's a deadline, set an alarm on your phone. Then you can both relax knowing that you'll be reminded when time is running out. If you want her to 'squirt' then she should be thinking of nothing else but you touching her body.

STEP THREE: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

We all know that foreplay is important, but what exactly does that mean for her? Kissing and cuddling? Undressing? Oral? Roleplay? Restraint? There are 1001 flavours, so discuss ideas you both have and spend time exploring. And if something turns out to be awkward or unpleasurable, admit it, have a giggle and try something else. People are often petrified or embarasssed about 'failing.' But in fact, discovering that something doesn't work is just as valuable as finding those little things that do. And it's all part of the bonding experience that builds confidence and trust.

Partners: forget about yourself for a while. Give her time and space and reassure her that your pleasure can come later. This is especially true for men who generally only need a fraction of the time to become fully aroused and climax. Just say 'I'd like to spend some time on you. Just relax and let's explore.' Of course, one of her turn-ons might be giving you pleasure, so you need to allow for that. She may enjoy touching you, or even licking or sucking you. That's fine but hold back a little for the time being. Encourage her to just sit or lie back and relax.

STEP FIVE: TOUCH

Touch her whole body. I mean it. Everywhere. Stroke her back, arms and legs. Caress her neck and shoulders. Kiss her feet and calves. Suck her fingers and toes if she'll let you. Alternate between soft brushes of fingers on the skin, with firmer stroking of her muscles. The more you touch, the more her body will relax and become aroused. Keep away from her nipples and vulva until you've spent a little time on the rest. Include kisses and cuddling if that's what she likes. Roleplay if you've agreed to do that. If she wants pain then now is the time to start, although probably light pain at first until she's aroused. Here google can be your friend - there must be illions of articles, blog posts and videos with foreplay ideas and techniques, erogenous zones etc etc. If you want to be a sexual god or goddess, you have to do your research!

STEP SIX: COMMUNICATE

None of the above is fixed or mandatory. Check in with her as you explore her body. Ask her how she feels. Did she enjoy that movement? Does she want a little more? You don't need to ask endless questions, but it's good to check in every few minutes. And ladies: be open and honest. If you really want to squirt you need to let your partner know how you're feeling. Don't he shy!

STEP SEVEN: GENITALS

Now you can begin to touch her nipples and vulva. Once again, every woman is different so you may have to learn as you go along, checking in to see if she's OK and enjoying it. Some women will start moaning almost immediately (ladies: thanks for the feedback, we love you for it!) But some will be quiet, or lie quite still. It doesn't mean they're not enjoying it so don't stop what you're doing, just keep checking in from time to time.

Alway start softly and gently. Brush the nipples first before you rub, tweak or pinch. Be guided by how she reacts. Unless your in a true BDSM situation, leave the hard pinching until later when she's nearing climax. She'll love it but only when the time is right.

Gents (mostly): if you don't know your way around a woman's vulva then for fucks sake google it. It's not rocket science. There are variations, but the basics are pretty similar for every woman:

Gently brush the outer labia.

Lubricate your fingers, then stroke or gently squeeze her labia. There are outer and inner lips you can explore. TAKE YOUR TIME!

Don't forget to stroke her thighs, legs and tummy. Pulling away from her vulva for a few seconds will heighten the arousal.

Cup the whole vulva and gently push or rock your palm.

Slide your finger(s) down towards her anus. You don't need to penetrate her anus (and it's not advisable if that same finger is going to be used in her vagina) but be guided by her reaction. Some people like it, some don't.

If she starts to get wet, or if you're well lubricated, run your finger along her slit, you'll eventually reach her clit and she's almost certainly make you aware of that somehow! Usually a gasp or a moan.

Find the opening to her vagina and circle it, slipping the tip of one or two fingers just inside. Not deep, just enough for her vaginal sphincter to contract.

If she isn't reacting to all of this then ask her if she's enjoying it. Or possibly check for pulse.

And then all of the above again. In any order you like. And again. And probably again. Did I mention TAKE YOUR TIME?

This is a really nice place to climb between her legs and lick her pussy, although (obviously) you may want to do that earlier or later. Or do all of the above list with your tongue instead of your fingers. Or maybe she doesn't want that at all. Complicated ain't it! See why I said discuss it all first before you start?!

Now, with the vulva manipulation, clitoral stimulation, stroking her breasts, arms and tummy, and maybe some passionate kissing and licking she might cum at this point, in which case congrats and top marks. You are already her hero. But that's not what we're here for, so no jumping in for a shag just yet (even if she begs for it!) We're here to make her squirt, and that all happens in the next phase.

STEP EIGHT: PENETRATION

Jesus, there are so many steps! Never mind, let's keep going.

If you've fully connected with your woman and she's aroused, she will want something inside her vagina. The traditional implement would be a cock, but we're fully inclusive these days so fingers, beads, dildo, or if you have the stamina, your tongue will all do. I'll assume fingers since that's my domain.

For most women, if they are going to have a squirting orgasm then you need to learn all about the legend that is the G-spot. Once again, google can be your friend, but it's really, really simple. It's the little spongy bit just inside the front of her vagina. You don't have to go very deep - most likely just half the length of your fingers and certainly not further than a full finger length. If you slide your fingers inside from the front and curl them towards your palm you'll almost certainly stroke her G-spot. She'll probably let you know you've found it!

Just to recap: there is ABSOLUTLEY NO VALUE is going anywhere near her G-spot until she is fully aroused, so if you haven't been through steps 1-7 then go back and start again.

As you move your fingers inside her try curling your finger or fingers. See how she reacts. Or try a little tapping motion, alternating two fingers as if you were tapping them on a table top. Can can alternate these g-spot movements with deeper thrusts, circling her opening, or pulling out altogether and stroking her vulva. Mixing up different strokes is usually a winner, at least to start with.

And don't forget, although you're focussed on her pussy, she'll still enjoy you touching her breasts or gently pinching her nipples, or kissing or... I think you probably get the picture. If you don't know what she likes at this point then you haven't been following instructions, or observing her reactions, or checking in with her. Go back to STEP THREE and start again! If she's breathing heavily, moaning, arching her back, clenching her fists or begging in some way (always nice) then you're almost there. Almost...

STEP NINE: STAMINA

So after all that build up, this is the magical part. If she's at this point then her body is ready to experience a squirting climax. She may have cum already, possibly even several times. But you're not stopping now. Getting her to squirt requires commitment, patience and stamina. If it's her first time, she may be worried about it. It can be quite daunting. She may be holding back, worried about wetting herself. Keep reassuring her. Remind her to relax and just go with the flow (pun fully intended!)

Continue to push inside her, stimulating her g-spot.

Rub her clitoris with your thumb, other hand, tongue or vibrator - there are various possibilities.

Pinch her nipples and pull them firmly if you have a spare hand. Or ask her to do it - why the hell not, she's had all the fun so far, it's about time she did something useful!

You will know she's getting close by her reactions. It may take a little time. You may have to slow down, then speed up a bit. You may even have to stop, work on a her vulva a bit, then slide back inside.

Whatever you do: Do NOT give up! I'm going to say it twice: DO. NOT. GIVE. UP!

STEP TEN: ORGASM

Often the whole movement will become quite forceful and rough. Your wrist will probably hurt (or your arm, or your jaw) but it's not about you so just live with the discomfort. Trust me, it's worth it. Obviously you don't want to hurt her, but if she's not screaming for you to stop then KEEP GOING! Her vagina may get very wet, and hot. But then she will begin to have the most amazing orgasm she's ever experienced. And 9 times out of 10, she will squirt. It may be a small flood inside her, it maybe a waterfall that soaks the bed. Like I keep saying: every woman is different. There is no right or wrong here - just pleasure. Mostly hers.

DO NOT STOP!!!! If you keep going, her orgasm will continue. You can ride the experience together for anywhere from 30 seconds to several minutes. Be guided by how she reacts. Don't stop unless she asks you to. She may squirt several times. As I said right at the beginning, every woman is different so trust yourself and enjoy it. You can be certain she is.

And then you can bring her down gently. Relax away from her g-spot and move gently inside her. Then pull out and stroke or cup her vulva. A few little flicks over her clit will probably elicit some shudders but don't be cruel about it. And for goodness sake, give the lady a kiss and tell her how amazing she is!

STEP ELEVEN: FUCK HER BRAINS OUT

If you've got this far, you have transcended the material world and ascended to the level of sexual god or goddess. She is yours forever, or at least for the next few minutes. You can probably do whatever you like with her and she'll be eternally grateful to please you in any way. Or it may be time to swap places. Whatever you do next, be kind but enjoy it...you've earned it!

Would love to here other comments / ideas / experiences.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I really should proof read my posts properly. A few typos in the above but I'm sure you get the picture.

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By *hongman1Man
over a year ago

Mansfield

No good for me, I have no idea what to do at step 4!

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

I grew up in bishops stortford.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

And even after all that...it might not happen!!

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Get her to drink a couple of litres of water, wait two hours, start tickling.

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By *ushtakerMan
over a year ago

Preston

I fell asleep reading all that

Believe it or not me n my partner fell asleep in a swingers club

Was a good night and 2.30 am lol

Can you send the cut down version?

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

It's funny, when I started swinging this was something that was never discussed, something I never experienced until I met someone who did around 10 years ago, so for me it's a relatively new phenomenon. That's not to say it didn't happen, just didn't happen with those I played with. Just seems to me as if, like many things, there is far too much emphasis on it these days. Porn to blame? If it happens, it happens. Not something I've ever set out to do. Make a woman cum, yes, gush no. I must admit to not reading the op, as it doesn't really interest me for the above points.

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

Am howling.. sorry!! Just hit my g spot works just fine for me!! And if your not doing all the above anyway what is the point!!

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Very good ....massage is something Sue really loves....so many rush ...Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To cover a few comments:

"No good for me, I have no idea what to do at step 4!" - you're a human being, right? Maybe a bot.

"I grew up in bishops stortford." - come home, we miss you.

"And even after all that...it might not happen!!" - you're not wrong.

"Get her to drink a couple of litres of water, wait two hours, start tickling." - cruel, but I like the idea.

"Can you send the cut down version?" - nope.

"I must admit to not reading the op, as it doesn't really interest me for the above points." - it makes me feel so valued so thanks for your comment.

"Just hit my g spot works just fine for me!! And if your not doing all the above anyway what is the point!!" - I guess this is the cut down version.

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Actual step one:

Stop making it all about squirting FFS! It puts too much pressure on the woman and more or less guarantees she won’t. I can only squirt on my own (sometimes) or with one specific partner who I’m 100% comfortable and relaxed with. Other people have tried and it’s been all about them wanting the badge of honour of making me squirt, and nothing to do with me.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

Why do people even care about squirting? Honestly, I've net a disproportionate amount of women that can squirt and let me tell you honestly, if they do it multiple times in a session, it gets pretty gross. Also you shouldn't ever aim to make someone squirt, the majority of women cant do it. I'd much rather focus on a lady enjoying herself and being satisfied than trying to get her to be a human super soaker

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Actual step one:

I wrote this in response to being asked BY WOMEN, which has happened several times. I do wonder if they put pressure on themselves sometimes and agree 100% with your comment.

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By *ushtakerMan
over a year ago

Preston

My misses had never squirted or should I say gushed until we enjoyed our time together

I did goood !!!

Lol

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Step 1. Find out what the woman enjoys

Step 2. Do it and then do it again.

From A woman

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Step 1. Find out what the woman enjoys

Step 2. Do it and then do it again.

From A woman"

And if she says I don't/don't want to squirt then don't batter her bladder/g-spot with anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/04/21 18:01:45]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you."

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Step 1. Find out what the woman enjoys

Step 2. Do it and then do it again.

From A woman"

Agreed. And if she says 'I'd love to experience a liquid orgasm', then read my post.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?"

Really? That's your take? How sad. And there was me thinking Fab was so inclusive.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?

Really? That's your take? How sad. And there was me thinking Fab was so inclusive."

I'm not sure you know what inclusive means

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Actual step one:

I wrote this in response to being asked BY WOMEN, which has happened several times. I do wonder if they put pressure on themselves sometimes and agree 100% with your comment."

I have never put pressure on myself, but men have put pressure on me. So I don’t think you understood me at all.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Don't mind me, just here for an evenings entertainment.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you."

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?"

It was bound to happen!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex instructions telling a woman what she likes, written by a man, are never gonna go down well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?

Really? That's your take? How sad. And there was me thinking Fab was so inclusive.

I'm not sure you know what inclusive means"

It means sharing knowledge and experience in a positive caring way, not trashing someone's work with biologically inaccurate statements, then trashing someone's response because they're the 'wrong' gender.

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

"To cover a few comments:

"No good for me, I have no idea what to do at step 4!" - you're a human being, right? Maybe a bot.

"I grew up in bishops stortford." - come home, we miss you.

"And even after all that...it might not happen!!" - you're not wrong.

"Get her to drink a couple of litres of water, wait two hours, start tickling." - cruel, but I like the idea.

"Can you send the cut down version?" - nope.

"I must admit to not reading the op, as it doesn't really interest me for the above points." - it makes me feel so valued so thanks for your comment.

"Just hit my g spot works just fine for me!! And if your not doing all the above anyway what is the point!!" - I guess this is the cut down version."

I'm sorry I didn't make you feel valued. I may have taken more interest if it came from a woman, someone who actually knows what it takes, bearing in mind what works for one doesn't always work for another.

I still haven't read it, again for the above reasons.

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By *allguynowMan
over a year ago

durham

Well I got a hard on reading those instructions! Now what do I do ????

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"Step 1. Find out what the woman enjoys

Step 2. Do it and then do it again.

From A woman

Agreed. And if she says 'I'd love to experience a liquid orgasm', then read my post."

We are all different, personally I love a good pounding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really really need to know what happened in step 4.

This may be the step I need

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you."

Lol do you know where the G-spot is, and what is very near it?

Believe me, I've had many experts who know everything about making a woman squirt.

It all started with an educational video on a porn site, on how to make a woman squirt, that did the rounds many years ago.

And then squirting videos became popular on porn sites too, with actresses squirting gallons of "ejaculate" all over the floor.

If you did try to make me squirt you could do it in a matter of minutes as I now have a weak bladder and urethra, partly due to being forced to piss myself 12 years back.

If women enjoy it, fine. But there's no magic thing and expert has to do to make it happen.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

"I really really need to know what happened in step 4.

This may be the step I need

It's drink 2 jugs of water so you can piss on them later and hope they'll stop trying to jackhammer you through the floor trying to make you squirt

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I still haven't read it, again for the above reasons. "

I'm sorry that you feel that only a woman would 'actually know what it takes.'

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Who had mansplaining a woman's anatomy to a women on their bingo call card?

Really? That's your take? How sad. And there was me thinking Fab was so inclusive.

I'm not sure you know what inclusive means

You don't have a vagina. You have no idea what it feels like.

Tell me, where does all the liquid come from?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I still haven't read it, again for the above reasons.

I'm sorry that you feel that only a woman would 'actually know what it takes.'"

Any man can make a woman squirt if he can curl up his fingers, or if she's overweight with a weak bladder like me.

If I could go back 12 years I would tell a certain man to fuck right off with his "new thing" that gave me a kidney infection.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

A man explaining what a woman likes/wants/needs is always going to get a mixed reaction on here OP.

Last I checked, all women (in fact all people) are different and have different likes and dislikes, sex is not a 'one size fits all' thing. Whilst this approach might work for some, for others it will not. Some of what you described is more likely to send me to sleep than make aroused, and certainly wouldn't make me squirt.

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I still haven't read it, again for the above reasons.

I'm sorry that you feel that only a woman would 'actually know what it takes.'"

No need to be sorry. I'm quite happy to be oblivious.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Lol do you know where the G-spot is, and what is very near it?

Believe me, I've had many experts who know everything about making a woman squirt.

It all started with an educational video on a porn site, on how to make a woman squirt, that did the rounds many years ago.

And then squirting videos became popular on porn sites too, with actresses squirting gallons of "ejaculate" all over the floor.

If you did try to make me squirt you could do it in a matter of minutes as I now have a weak bladder and urethra, partly due to being forced to piss myself 12 years back.

If women enjoy it, fine. But there's no magic thing and expert has to do to make it happen.

I understand your comments but I've had different experiences. Not from watching porn, but from working with women who ask, exploring their ideas and fantasies and doing my own research - including practical research. And my experience has been that many women not only want to know more, but also want their partners to learn. I thought sharing might help but it is clearly misplaced, based on these reactions. I won't make that mistake again.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I love what you have written, and if you take out the part about squirting I would give you 8 out of 10.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started !

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Are you definitely a woman? You might need to read up on your anatomy 101. Or PM me and we'll get together so I can show you.

Lol do you know where the G-spot is, and what is very near it?

Believe me, I've had many experts who know everything about making a woman squirt.

It all started with an educational video on a porn site, on how to make a woman squirt, that did the rounds many years ago.

And then squirting videos became popular on porn sites too, with actresses squirting gallons of "ejaculate" all over the floor.

If you did try to make me squirt you could do it in a matter of minutes as I now have a weak bladder and urethra, partly due to being forced to piss myself 12 years back.

If women enjoy it, fine. But there's no magic thing and expert has to do to make it happen.

You're wasting your time anyway. Most men who have messaged me on here are after a quick fuck. They don't want to waste time making a woman comfortable or relaxing her. They want to lay back, get their cock sucked, then jump on and finish inside me.

Was a nice thought though.

Have you any advice about neck massage for osteoarthritis?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started ! "

Please write an instructional. There's always room for more knowledge.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started ! "

If men stopped focusing on the end product (orgasm or squirting) I'd enjoy sex so much more.

Not in the right place for sensual sex I suppose.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started !

Please write an instructional. There's always room for more knowledge."

If a man needs a manual he's not the man for me.

What's wrong with finding out for yourself what we like?

I do it for men. I don't go in with a manual. I learn about how they like their g-spot treated by them, not by another man.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started ! "

Yep, same here, squirting & orgasm two separate things which occasionally coincide but often don't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Was a nice thought though.

Have you any advice about neck massage for osteoarthritis? "

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

The problem with arthritic conditions is that it's really about joints and cartilage, where as massage is about muscles and the lymph system. You really need a physio rather than a massage therapist. Having said that, any safe treatment that relaxes and stretches the muscles will ease the pressure on your joints - even though it may only be temporary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Yes there’s a big difference in a true female ejaculation from her glands and her losing bladder control and pissing for England. The lack of control due to pelvic floor and other issues is often not a lot to show off about, but it’s become a bit of a badge (or even vage) of honour for some it seems.

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By *luebellRacerCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

Sorry didn't read...

For me,

Step 1: apply intense vibration to my clit... job's a goodun!

The end.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

Men love fucking me. I leave a wet patch with minimal effort on their part.

If anyone does the finger blast or forceful anything they need lots of towels. And I don't sleep in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

I met a beautiful woman once who peed during sex and apologised profusely. I said it doesn't matter to me, but did you enjoy it? She said it was the best shag she'd had for ages. It's all about the pleasure. No badge required.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Was a nice thought though.

Have you any advice about neck massage for osteoarthritis?

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

Thank you. I keep getting offers of massage on my neck, which I was sure would make it worse.

I've had a deep tissue massage on my lower back by a qualified sports therapist thingy, which cured the pain.

Bloody hurt though.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"So, you're battering the bladder to force her to piss.

Nice one

See, I would rather stand over a man and pee on him, than on the bed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude"

In what way is that rude? I've been variously criticised for:

1. Talking about female orgasm which is apparently wrong because I'm a man.

2. Describing my personal experiences because they are a lots of other opinions, despite saying, at least THREE times, that every women is different.

3. Accused of not knowing about the female anatomy, despite formal training as a massage therapist and then being asked BY THE SAME POSTER, for advice on a medical condition!

4. Waisting my time because most men just want to get their end away.

The last thing I would ever want to be is rude.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

1) I only cum with very specific stimulation.

2) It takes ages. Literally ages. Anyone with a short attention span need not apply.

3) I have never squirted/gushed.

4) I have excellent bladder control.

5) I have no wish to emenate significant amounts of fluid from my nether regions during sex.

6) Anyone wanting/expecting the emenation of significant amounts of fluids during sex need not apply.

Yours,

Mrs KC.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1) I only cum with very specific stimulation.

2) It takes ages. Literally ages. Anyone with a short attention span need not apply.

3) I have never squirted/gushed.

4) I have excellent bladder control.

5) I have no wish to emenate significant amounts of fluid from my nether regions during sex.

6) Anyone wanting/expecting the emenation of significant amounts of fluids during sex need not apply.

Yours,

Mrs KC."

Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great way to give a woman a UTI. And I love how people still think peeing over someone is squirting that's porn it's made up. !! Take it from an actual "professional"

Yes you can squirt a small amount of fluid but you do not gush!!!

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude

In what way is that rude? I've been variously criticised for:

1. Talking about female orgasm which is apparently wrong because I'm a man.

2. Describing my personal experiences because they are a lots of other opinions, despite saying, at least THREE times, that every women is different.

3. Accused of not knowing about the female anatomy, despite formal training as a massage therapist and then being asked BY THE SAME POSTER, for advice on a medical condition!

4. Waisting my time because most men just want to get their end away.

The last thing I would ever want to be is rude.

Re read your post and you will see it!! And for the record I have a shower in the morning and a bath at night.. so yeah rude

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started ! "

This! OMG, THIS!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i get what you are trying to do here , but you missed the real first step - ask her doesn’t she even want to squirt - my answer would be no and it would save you alot of time and steps

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"1) I only cum with very specific stimulation.

2) It takes ages. Literally ages. Anyone with a short attention span need not apply.

3) I have never squirted/gushed.

4) I have excellent bladder control.

5) I have no wish to emenate significant amounts of fluid from my nether regions during sex.

6) Anyone wanting/expecting the emenation of significant amounts of fluids during sex need not apply.

Yours,

Mrs KC."

Wonderful! Adore you already. "Anyone with a short attention span need not apply." That rules out most of the male population then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a load of shit

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i get what you are trying to do here , but you missed the real first step - ask her doesn’t she even want to squirt - my answer would be no and it would save you alot of time and steps "

Quite possibly, although the premise of the post is that the couple's aim is to do that in the first place. No need to worry about my time. I'm having a ball here. Most enjoyable afternoon I've had since Lockdown started. OK... maybe second best, but still magical.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"1) I only cum with very specific stimulation.

2) It takes ages. Literally ages. Anyone with a short attention span need not apply.

3) I have never squirted/gushed.

4) I have excellent bladder control.

5) I have no wish to emenate significant amounts of fluid from my nether regions during sex.

6) Anyone wanting/expecting the emenation of significant amounts of fluids during sex need not apply.

Yours,

Mrs KC.

Wonderful! Adore you already. "Anyone with a short attention span need not apply." That rules out most of the male population then!

Good. If someone doesn't wish to find out about why it takes so long for me to achieve orgasm, then they're not coming anywhere near me or my vulva. Fortunately, Mr KC is a very generous, understanding and emotionally mature man and he knows exactly what's what.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What a load of shit

Sounds like maybe you haven't had the same experiences I've had. But your helpful comment is noted.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"1) I only cum with very specific stimulation.

2) It takes ages. Literally ages. Anyone with a short attention span need not apply.

3) I have never squirted/gushed.

4) I have excellent bladder control.

5) I have no wish to emenate significant amounts of fluid from my nether regions during sex.

6) Anyone wanting/expecting the emenation of significant amounts of fluids during sex need not apply.

Yours,

Mrs KC.

Wonderful! Adore you already. "Anyone with a short attention span need not apply." That rules out most of the male population then!

Hang on to him. He's a keeper for sure.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

" I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist"

I think you will find no professional body allows fingering clients, please update to amateur wannabe squirt guru or list your professional body

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

" I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist

I think you will find no professional body allows fingering clients, please update to amateur wannabe squirt guru or list your professional body "

I was just thinking how to articulate that in a polite way.

But yours hits the spot.

(Unlike ANY professional masseur I have ever had. Thankfully)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

" I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist

I think you will find no professional body allows fingering clients, please update to amateur wannabe squirt guru or list your professional body

I was just thinking how to articulate that in a polite way.

But yours hits the spot.

(Unlike ANY professional masseur I have ever had. Thankfully)"

I was just about to write something similar

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By *ge_load_ladMan
over a year ago

NW & Mids

Can OP confirm what STEP FOUR is please?

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By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth

Well that took a lot of reading!

K (fem)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist

I think you will find no professional body allows fingering clients, please update to amateur wannabe squirt guru or list your professional body

I was just thinking how to articulate that in a polite way.

But yours hits the spot.

(Unlike ANY professional masseur I have ever had. Thankfully)"

its for exactly this reason i wouldn’t book any of those massage at home companies - would only ever get a massage in a reputable salon or spa

(or a naughty one from a lover but that goes without saying is a different scenario)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude

In what way is that rude? I've been variously criticised for:

1. Talking about female orgasm which is apparently wrong because I'm a man.

2. Describing my personal experiences because they are a lots of other opinions, despite saying, at least THREE times, that every women is different.

3. Accused of not knowing about the female anatomy, despite formal training as a massage therapist and then being asked BY THE SAME POSTER, for advice on a medical condition!

4. Waisting my time because most men just want to get their end away.

The last thing I would ever want to be is rude.

Re read your post and you will see it!! And for the record I have a shower in the morning and a bath at night.. so yeah rude"

So let me get this straight. I've been accused of 'mansplaining' and obviously not everyone agrees with my views. Fair enough. But your reaction is simply two words 'How rude' and when I then ask for an explanation of what you mean your response is 'reread your post and you'll see it'. So you presumably think I'm dumb enough not to be able to understand you, or stupid enough to ask when it's clearly obvious. Would that be a fair assessment of your response?

You've completely lost me on the shower thing. I'm delighted to hear about your regular ablutions - very commendable. But I can't see it's relevance. My use of the phrase 'unwashed masses' was entirely metaphorical.

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By *ge_load_ladMan
over a year ago

NW & Mids

"Can OP confirm what STEP FOUR is please? "

Or anyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a load of shit

Sounds like maybe you haven't had the same experiences I've had. But your helpful comment is noted."

You nake so many generalisations about women all liking this, that of the other, hence my comment.

A few examples below:-

There are variations, but the basics are pretty similar for every woman

If you've fully connected with your woman and she's aroused, she will want something inside her vagina

there is ABSOLUTLEY NO VALUE is going anywhere near her G-spot until she is fully aroused

And don't forget, although you're focussed on her pussy, she'll still enjoy you touching her breasts or gently pinching her nipples

if she's not screaming for you to stop then KEEP GOING!

If you keep going, her orgasm will continue

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude

In what way is that rude? I've been variously criticised for:

1. Talking about female orgasm which is apparently wrong because I'm a man.

2. Describing my personal experiences because they are a lots of other opinions, despite saying, at least THREE times, that every women is different.

3. Accused of not knowing about the female anatomy, despite formal training as a massage therapist and then being asked BY THE SAME POSTER, for advice on a medical condition!

4. Waisting my time because most men just want to get their end away.

The last thing I would ever want to be is rude.

Re read your post and you will see it!! And for the record I have a shower in the morning and a bath at night.. so yeah rude

So you saying trying to educate the unwashed wasn’t rude! This is a forum with multiple people responding so am guess you’re talking about us all.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Has anyone sent for Princess Peach?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Valid point. Trying to educate the unwashed my be futile. Especially it seems because I'm a man. Haha.

How rude

In what way is that rude? I've been variously criticised for:

1. Talking about female orgasm which is apparently wrong because I'm a man.

2. Describing my personal experiences because they are a lots of other opinions, despite saying, at least THREE times, that every women is different.

3. Accused of not knowing about the female anatomy, despite formal training as a massage therapist and then being asked BY THE SAME POSTER, for advice on a medical condition!

4. Waisting my time because most men just want to get their end away.

The last thing I would ever want to be is rude.

Re read your post and you will see it!! And for the record I have a shower in the morning and a bath at night.. so yeah rude

So you saying trying to educate the unwashed wasn’t rude! This is a forum with multiple people responding so am guess you’re talking about us all."

Nope. I was responding to a post which suggested that 'Most men who have messaged me on here are after a quick fuck.'. You aren't a man, so my comment didn't apply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Has anyone sent for Princess Peach?"

I'm only responding as politely as possible. But I do love a mushroom, it's true.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I am a squirter/gusher whatever you want to call it and posts like this always make me feel ashamed and in all honesty a bit dirty (not in a good way)! It happened to me for the first time in 2019 when I was fully relaxed and lost my mental block I had no idea what it was at first. It is completely different to peeing, the sensation is different and the fluid feels and smells different but whenever the subject comes up I'm told its just p*ss and its disgusting etc. I can't help it so should I concentrate on not feeling pleasure to make sure it doesn't happen

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By *ge_load_ladMan
over a year ago

NW & Mids

Im looking for STEP FOUR

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I am a squirter/gusher whatever you want to call it and posts like this always make me feel ashamed and in all honesty a bit dirty (not in a good way)! It happened to me for the first time in 2019 when I was fully relaxed and lost my mental block I had no idea what it was at first. It is completely different to peeing, the sensation is different and the fluid feels and smells different but whenever the subject comes up I'm told its just p*ss and its disgusting etc. I can't help it so should I concentrate on not feeling pleasure to make sure it doesn't happen

No, not at all!!! You do whatever makes you feel good.

Respondents on here aren't objecting to the squirting, they're objecting to the "mansplaining" on how to make a woman "gush" xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one will ever make me squirt. I just don’t do it. No amount of trying has ever resulted in me squirting

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. Some constructive honesty. It sad that people have said that to you because what you experience is bother perfectly natural and something you should embrace and enjoy. My article hasn't been received well, but I would still like to say this: rejoice in who you are, however your body works. Explore it with an open mind and anyone who tells you it's wrong is a twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m really trying hard to stop myself saying what I really think. I’d be on the time out step forever.

OP, I don’t know how long it took you to write your instruction manual but two points.....

Not every woman is able to squirt and.....

Not every woman bloody well wants to!

Stop making it sound like our bodies are a radio that needs to be tuned in to work properly because whether you meant to or not, that’s exactly how it’s come across!

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Talented fingers and an open mind work for me

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By *lovisMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

So essentially it's Hands - Face - Space

Got it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Im looking for STEP FOUR "

And you win the award for being the first person to properly read it! Congrats. Like I said in post number #2, I didn't proof read very well. My bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really should proof read my posts properly. A few typos in the above but I'm sure you get the picture. "

What picture?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im looking for STEP FOUR "

Slow clap!

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Cant handle instructions...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the way i see it is if you think its different and you enjoyed the experience , carry on , no issues

the problem for me is, what is happening for most women doesn’t feel like a different experience, what is happening for most of us is the beginnings of a uti from getting bashed about down there til we do pee ourselves because guys have been told by porn that its hot to make a woman squirt and jabbing about near your bladder will make it happen , so now it stings when i pee for a week and i have to wash my mattress

and then i tell a guy i dont want him to do it because i dont enjoy it and i get told ive just not experienced it done right

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Step 73

If the lady isnt hydrated you will be there for a day

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

I’m just sitting here singing Step by Step by New Kids on the Block

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By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth

"Cant handle instructions...

In my experience most men don't read instructions anyway, they usually throw them away & do their own thing

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What a load of shit

Pretty much.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m really trying hard to stop myself saying what I really think. I’d be on the time out step forever.

OP, I don’t know how long it took you to write your instruction manual but two points.....

Not every woman is able to squirt and.....

Not every woman bloody well wants to!

Stop making it sound like our bodies are a radio that needs to be tuned in to work properly because whether you meant to or not, that’s exactly how it’s come across!

You are so right V. But respectfully, did you miss the part where I mention that every woman is different, or that this is my personal experience, or that you need to discuss and communicate with your partner? I tried quite hard to make it inclusive and supportive. I'm getting the impression that people see it as some kind of misogynistic lecture, which is a bit sad really.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"Talented fingers and an open mind work for me

Me too! I need to be able to relax and trust the other person(s) knowing I won't be judged

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"What a load of shit

Pretty much."

But Swing, you're just not doing it right

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Twat, is that a semiprofessional term or a non therapeutic projection?

Coming from not being educated in the “squirt” (why the hell can I not get the streak out of my head)?

What number does consent come under?

Also, granny egg sucking.

However, you have thought about it, which I suspect isn’t a process much practiced on here.

Hey, have fun!

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I’m really trying hard to stop myself saying what I really think. I’d be on the time out step forever.

OP, I don’t know how long it took you to write your instruction manual but two points.....

Not every woman is able to squirt and.....

Not every woman bloody well wants to!

Stop making it sound like our bodies are a radio that needs to be tuned in to work properly because whether you meant to or not, that’s exactly how it’s come across!

I think the reason you're getting that impression is that this really isn't your target audience.

You've acceded that "all women are different", but then go on to give a set of instructions and you've become defensive - and a little rude - when challenged.

I get that you posted with good intentions, but it clearly hasn't gone the way you thought. Maybe time to leave it be?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What a load of shit

Pretty much.

But Swing, you're just not doing it right

I'll happily not do it right, it works for me just fine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Twat, is that a semiprofessional term or a non therapeutic projection?

Coming from not being educated in the “squirt” (why the hell can I not get the streak out of my head)?

What number does consent come under?

Also, granny egg sucking.

However, you have thought about it, which I suspect isn’t a process much practiced on here.

Hey, have fun!

Twat is, like my article, just a personal opinion!

Consent is in the first para where it says "When you're both working together towards the same goal." Seems pretty clear to me, although I did also mention discussion and checkins throughout the entire fucking article! Maybe you missed that.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"What a load of shit

Pretty much.

But Swing, you're just not doing it right

I'll happily not do it right, it works for me just fine."

You and me both.

Instructions are for baking a cake

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m really trying hard to stop myself saying what I really think. I’d be on the time out step forever.

OP, I don’t know how long it took you to write your instruction manual but two points.....

Not every woman is able to squirt and.....

Not every woman bloody well wants to!

Stop making it sound like our bodies are a radio that needs to be tuned in to work properly because whether you meant to or not, that’s exactly how it’s come across!

I think the reason you're getting that impression is that this really isn't your target audience.

You've acceded that "all women are different", but then go on to give a set of instructions and you've become defensive - and a little rude - when challenged.

I get that you posted with good intentions, but it clearly hasn't gone the way you thought. Maybe time to leave it be?

No! I'm having so much fun! But yea, you're probably right.

Thanks for all the fish. xxx

Luv-massage out.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Twat, is that a semiprofessional term or a non therapeutic projection?

Coming from not being educated in the “squirt” (why the hell can I not get the streak out of my head)?

What number does consent come under?

Also, granny egg sucking.

However, you have thought about it, which I suspect isn’t a process much practiced on here.

Hey, have fun!

Twat is, like my article, just a personal opinion!

Soo sorry, got lost in the mirror marketing

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"Im looking for STEP FOUR

And you win the award for being the first person to properly read it! Congrats. Like I said in post number #2, I didn't proof read very well. My bad."

and you win the award for being least observant.... someone mentioned step four in the first comment after your OP

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"What a load of shit

Pretty much.

But Swing, you're just not doing it right

I'll happily not do it right, it works for me just fine.

You and me both.

Instructions are for baking a cake

Red, I had exactly the same thoughts re: being like a recipe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol"

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

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By *ornyhappyCouple
over a year ago

perth

"What a load of shit

Pretty much.

But Swing, you're just not doing it right

I'll happily not do it right, it works for me just fine.

You and me both.

Instructions are for baking a cake

Red, I had exactly the same thoughts re: being like a recipe."

I'm picturing the women of fab lying prone on the bed bored, whilst the men of fab clutch their phone in their hands attempting to follow the OP's very detailed instructions & getting confused because step 4 is missing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

in fairness to them if someone wets themselves from laughing there must have been something pretty hilarious already going on

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

in fairness to them if someone wets themselves from laughing there must have been something pretty hilarious already going on "

Some women do wet themselves inadvertently when they laugh, due to pelvic floor damage, pelvic organ prolapse etc. I'm a member of a support group for such women and its a very distressing thing. It's not in the least bit amusing for those who suffer. My prolapses don't affect my bladder, but I've had surgery to correct one prolapse (partly successful) but my uterine prolapse cannot be repaired and I rely on a medical device to hold it up, off my bladder. The prolapse squashing my bladder resulted in obstructed urination, frequent UTIs and my bladder became over stretched due to the obstruction. I can hold over a litre in my bladder, which is about double the average.

I don't find anything around pelvic organ dysfunction, incontinence etc amusing.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

in fairness to them if someone wets themselves from laughing there must have been something pretty hilarious already going on

I don't find anything around pelvic organ dysfunction, incontinence etc amusing."

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me."

Wetting yourself in public because you sneezed, laughed etc is not funny at all, no matter how you frame it. Anyone who finds it funny are clearly has some sort of insufficient intelligence level. You try pissing yourself in Tesco and tell me you'd find it funny?

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

It can be sometimes tbh. Two friends made me laugh so much one NYE (over a pork pie of all things) I wee-d my pants and had to take them off.

We still laugh about it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been lucky enough to have been with a few squirters x i didn't know that any guy could give lessons on how to make a girl squirt x any girls i have been with that squirted were naturals at it x i might not be a gynecologist but i will have a good look at girls squirting lol

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

Odd, the wife and I often joked about until she got the stitch.

Is it just Tesco’s?

Joke.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

It can be sometimes tbh. Two friends made me laugh so much one NYE (over a pork pie of all things) I wee-d my pants and had to take them off.

We still laugh about it now

If you could not control urine flowing from your bladder at all, I'm confident you wouldn't find it funny. There are thousands, nay millions of women who have to wear incontinence pants all the time because even tiny pressure on their pelvic floor means they wet themselves and it happens all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

in fairness to them if someone wets themselves from laughing there must have been something pretty hilarious already going on

I don't find anything around pelvic organ dysfunction, incontinence etc amusing."

but there are also people who don’t have incontinence issues who have pee’d themselves purely from laughing so much they engaged their bladder or whatever the terminology may be - i think it was pretty clear what the poster meant in the context of the thread - laugh a girl into bed and all that

and i say that as someone who absolutely would cross their legs if i sneezed in tesco and wouldn't be going near a trampoline

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

It can be sometimes tbh. Two friends made me laugh so much one NYE (over a pork pie of all things) I wee-d my pants and had to take them off.

We still laugh about it now

Definitely this has happened to me a few times! I don’t think there was any malice in it to be fair x

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

Odd, the wife and I often joked about until she got the stitch.

Is it just Tesco’s?

Joke."

Colposusupension is what it is called me thinks.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

Odd, the wife and I often joked about until she got the stitch.

Is it just Tesco’s?

Joke.

Colposusupension is what it is called me thinks."

Sacrohysteropexy is the preferred method for rectifying uterine prolapse but I am not eligible due to my pelvic nerve injury. Colposuspension is the re-suspension of a prolapsed bladder. Both are quite major surgeries.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

Odd, the wife and I often joked about until she got the stitch.

Is it just Tesco’s?

Joke.

Colposusupension is what it is called me thinks."

Oh, and you’re right about the intelligence, not sure I spelt properly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No! I'm having so much fun! But yea, you're probably right.

Thanks for all the fish. xxx

Luv-massage out."

You’re having so much fun??

And that OP is where you just lost any credibility.

Glad you find the thread so amusing.

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville

I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

I'm just baffled. Yes he's a guy, yes he has an opinion and has shared his learnings and experiences in a bid to help others, I don't see why everyone is so quick to demean his efforts. I'd love a guy to do this with me.

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started !

Please write an instructional. There's always room for more knowledge.

If a man needs a manual he's not the man for me.

What's wrong with finding out for yourself what we like?

I do it for men. I don't go in with a manual. I learn about how they like their g-spot treated by them, not by another man.

Why not find a partner to write your manuals together?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame. "

Old American people’s saying.

“You can talk about buffalo hunting, you can dream about buffalo hunting, you can talk about buffalo hunting”.

“If you have never been buffalo hunting (read a book, I digress) you know nothing”.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame. "

Yeah the "I've no interest in your post" brigade but I'll comment anyway haha

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I've read the post.

To be honest the vast majority is what I would expect in foreplay. I'm not just a hlle to fuck.

There are also two things I emphatically disagree with.

The first is that if she is unsure reassure her and continue... if the woman is unsure or uncomfortable you should stop! Not all women want to squirt. There's far too much emphasis on squirting these days.

The second is "Whatever you do: Do NOT give up! I'm going to say it twice: DO. NOT. GIVE. UP!"

In my opinion, if you keep doing the same thing for ages without the desired response, I'm probably not actually enjoying the experience

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Make her laugh, then they often wet themselves lol

Yes, because urinary incontinence is hilarious

Depends how you frame it.

This world is becoming far too serious for me.

Certainly not funny when you have to plan in toilet breaks to any trip you do. #menopause

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame. "

I thought it was a good post. I've chatted to him before and he has always been very polite, friendly, respectful and a true gentleman

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By *ewdtenantMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Thanks for posting. Ignore the ignoramuses amongst us.

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By *aughty Nas xxxMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

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By *inabushCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Couldn’t be bothered to read all that.

1. Learn and respect the body of the lady ur playing with

2. Stop assuming all women are the same

FFS !!!

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By *inabushCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

U are perpetuating a myth to other dick heads like you that all women are they same. They all can squirt. They all want to squirt and they are all comfortable with it. And u have the golden key that’s fits all women!

Seriously did u think this was going to go well ?

This is so dumb and disrespectful

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame.

Yeah the "I've no interest in your post" brigade but I'll comment anyway haha

I was interested. I wanted to air my views. The thread title said it all for me.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I can honestly say I have never orgasm when I’ve squirted . It’s two separate things completely for me .. and I’d think many ladies are the same ??

It annoys me sometimes when guys try to make me squirt. Then if they succeed they think that’s the job done .. hell no .. you’ve only just started !

Please write an instructional. There's always room for more knowledge.

If a man needs a manual he's not the man for me.

What's wrong with finding out for yourself what we like?

I do it for men. I don't go in with a manual. I learn about how they like their g-spot treated by them, not by another man.

Why not find a partner to write your manuals together?"

Because my knowledge is learned as I go along with each partner. You can't write an instruction manual for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well i quite often squirt, but not when I orgasm. Must be wired wrong lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well i quite often squirt, but not when I orgasm. Must be wired wrong lol"

Now that’s a sight I’d love to see

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well i quite often squirt, but not when I orgasm. Must be wired wrong lol"

I know what you mean by that x

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By *ixey and CopperCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

" I'm not a doctor, sex counsellor or some kind of guru, but as a semi-professional massage therapist

I think you will find no professional body allows fingering clients, please update to amateur wannabe squirt guru or list your professional body "

Look up a guy called Colin Richards at intimacy matters...you'll be surprised how common it is

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"I grew up in bishops stortford.

That is actually the most interesting thing I have read on this thread!

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

In all honesty, this took me back to the most mind blowing sex I’ve ever had. I would meet him regularly and really liked him. Sadly I don’t hear from him now

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Well i quite often squirt, but not when I orgasm. Must be wired wrong lol"

Nope! I've seen Mrs gush during a meet, vigorously being fucked at the time, she wasn't aware it'd happened until watching it back, she said she wasn't orgasming at that point either.

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville

"I can't believe how many people are bashing this guy???? I for one enioyed reading his post and wish more guys would take the time to do so

a lot of people here slating him yet openly admit to not having read his post???

So many kore things I could say but I feel I would be wasting my time. What a shame.

Yeah the "I've no interest in your post" brigade but I'll comment anyway haha

Exactly, I read it completely differently to some people on here x at no point did I get any bad vibes or think that he assumes all women are the same, I can't squirt but I'll happily keep trying in case i/we are missing something x I'm a bugger for not relaxing I just get too eager to fk but yeah this posts comments made me sad really. So much venom from people x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t get why everyone is having a go, personally. Some of the reactions have seemed really strange to me.

If you already squirt or regularly use a technique that makes women squirt when with you, then this isn’t for you. If not, then it could be quite useful. Isn’t it as simple as that?

I’ve never squirted, but I’d love to because I find it really sexy. If my partner tried to follow these instructions it’d be great.

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By *itzimadCouple
over a year ago

harwich

when did this world get so serious lighten up people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These posts are no different to those who start ones about big cocks or heavy cummers...all designed to make someone feel inadequate

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Men don't even bother to read profiles, they're never going to read all that... Or remember it.

And I don't want to have my brains fucked out thanks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t get why everyone is having a go, personally. Some of the reactions have seemed really strange to me.

If you already squirt or regularly use a technique that makes women squirt when with you, then this isn’t for you. If not, then it could be quite useful. Isn’t it as simple as that?

I’ve never squirted, but I’d love to because I find it really sexy. If my partner tried to follow these instructions it’d be great. "

honestly i think the problem is its just yet another man telling more men that if they just keep going long enough then they should be able to get a woman to squirt

like you said if you already do its not needed , but if you don’t want to , its actually really not wanted, porn is already misled encouragement enough for those of us and it’s frustrating to continually see it hyped up as something every woman should be able to or want to do - like some medal that tells a guy he is a sex god if he can do it

thats why i said to the OP i get what he was trying to do but he missed step 1 ask her does she even want to squirt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't and have never squirted and I get really put off with messages from men proclaiming they can do it guaranteed. It doesnt bother me that I can't and I get a good orgasm anyway. Wish there wasn't so much emphasis on it.

I also can't get myself off, very frustrating but men I've been with can. Our bodies are all different and it should be about pleasure not some "ultimate goal".

Whilst I love a good orgasm dont we all I also experience pleasure in other ways it's about the journey there for me.

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By *mmAloneMan
over a year ago

South Cheshire / Staffs

Hi - That was really insightful - thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with others.

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I too thought this was insightful, and I don't feel pressured or that this buys into the porn stereotype that all men should make all women squirt. Consent and communication was emphasised several times, and the fact that this was personal experience and not a medical/scientific professional opinion. Thanks for sharing your thoughts OP.

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