FabSwingers.com forum: Consent

By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

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By *ndian gentMan
over a year ago

walthamstow

Totally agree Alice

Can’t touch without asking, in my book it would be sexual assault

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate been touched by random men in clubs, has happened a lot to me over the years, my husband is usually close by watching. I actually had to ask my husband to take me home from a club in Edinburgh as I couldn't move without been groped and never returned after that.

On the flip side we have also met many lovely respectful men in the club we now use in Newcastle

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I agree.

If a stranger were to bump into you accidentally, you would expect some form of apology from them.

If a stranger were to bump into you on purpose you would consider that rude and it could escalate.

Its no different to touching people in a club, event or other social setting. No one should have to put up with unwanted physical contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree.

If a stranger were to bump into you accidentally, you would expect some form of apology from them.

If a stranger were to bump into you on purpose you would consider that rude and it could escalate.

Its no different to touching people in a club, event or other social setting. No one should have to put up with unwanted physical contact.

Totally agree! and fail to see how anyone (reasonable) could disagree with this. Especially how you worded it.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

"Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Totally agree.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

Apparently a touch on the shoulder is quite frequently used in clubs between strangers to indicate interest.

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"I hate been touched by random men in clubs, has happened a lot to me over the years, my husband is usually close by watching. I actually had to ask my husband to take me home from a club in Edinburgh as I couldn't move without been groped and never returned after that.

On the flip side we have also met many lovely respectful men in the club we now use in Newcastle "

I'm sorry you experienced this.

It's great when it works and everyone gets the rules though

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"Apparently a touch on the shoulder is quite frequently used in clubs between strangers to indicate interest. "

I've heard this, but not seen/experienced it so much.

On a few occasions, in a club setting, I've been touched sexually without my consent. The amount of hands I've had to swat away or remove from my intimate person whilst I've had my back turned especially, is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to constantly be on my guard.

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

It's not a difficult concept to understand at all. It always supprises me why so many let them get away with doing it.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

"Apparently a touch on the shoulder is quite frequently used in clubs between strangers to indicate interest.

I've heard this, but not seen/experienced it so much.

Have had similar experiences. I've also heard the touch on the shoulder thing, but personally think there should always be verbal communication to obtain consent.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

"Apparently a touch on the shoulder is quite frequently used in clubs between strangers to indicate interest.

I've heard this, but not seen/experienced it so much.

Agreed completely of course. Just wondering what your reaction might be to a touch on the shoulder, particularly if the person who touched your shoulder was someone you might be interested in playing with?

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"Apparently a touch on the shoulder is quite frequently used in clubs between strangers to indicate interest.

I've heard this, but not seen/experienced it so much.

If someone touched my shoulder and made a verbal comment about their intent then it would either be a verbal yes, or no. I wouldn't assume to know what they wanted. With consent there's no room for grey areas or assumptions.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Reading this thread puts me off going to a club.

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By *heonixRaven 777Woman
over a year ago

Guildford

There are idiots everywhere unfortunately, touch me at your peril if I haven’t said you can. I come with claws and sharp teeth and I am not afraid to use them on the idiots.

But on the whole I tend to find most men in the clubs very respectful and do ask first. Even when my dominant is offering my cunt out to all and sundry.

Those delightful respectful and thoughtful men and ladies still ask me first if it is ok to.

So thank you to those who know how to treat someone x

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

During sparkle (Trans celebration in Manchester) I walked out of my hotel fully dressed to go and meet some other girls in the Village. Suddenly out of the blue a hand was on my arse and a guy asking if he could meet me later. Literally a few steps away from the hotel not even in the Village in front of people just walking past. I told him to ‘fuck off’ and then headed over to meet the girls. It wasn’t the first time it had happened to me, but the first in daylight and in the middle of the street.

Yes I do now appreciate the word ‘consent’ dressed as a woman I no longer had the anonymity that I have as a bloke. So I do have sympathy with women or men who have to deal with inappropriate touching on a regular basis.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm sure some people think sitting next to them in a club is an invitation.

Many wandering hands in the jacuzzi, I've had my own hand grabbed and put on a dick more than once.

Empty jacuzzi? I'll go for a float, people I don't know start getting in, I'm getting out.

I tend to spend most of my club time chatting in the smoking area or having a boogie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I'm with you on this one. I always ask if it's ok to touch in group fun even if we've played before. It's the right thing to do.

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"Reading this thread puts me off going to a club."

Most people who attend swingers clubs are extremely respectful.

I've been groped in pubs and night clubs too. A minority of people just don't get that it's not OK to touch sexually without achieving verbal consent first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Totally agree Alice

Can’t touch without asking, in my book it would be sexual assault "
exactly this

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"Reading this thread puts me off going to a club."

It's not restricted to clubs I've seen this happen in normal bars too.

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By *izzmasterzeroMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Yeah I've had my dick and bum grabbed on several occasions by women in bars and nightclubs when I was younger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/03/21 13:04:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% ask first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone touches me and I don't like it I slap them.

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Seems that way to many assume that just because they are in a "Swingers" situation it's "Ok" to grope/touch ? and we had a few at our socials and they soon got put right and shown the door and they got most upset as well but comes down to some regarding this site as a strictly "Sex" site where any kind of common decency/manners or respect can be left at the door in the pursuit of "Sex" and then falls under the radar most times as well as the so called "Vanilla's" think because it 's a "Swingers" do we have no kind of boundaries or rules or even morals and have hard of a few Females complaining to the Police and even there attitude was " You were at a swingers club/party so what do you expect etc etc " but sexual assault is sexual assault where ever it happens surely ?? and just like the "Take one for the team" that has been suggested to us a few times ?? as well...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lets be very clear here that this is not just a ''men'' problem in swing clubs single women and couples believe they are above the consent thing too ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reading this thread puts me off going to a club."

Snap

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

It's not a difficult concept to understand at all. It always supprises me why so many let them get away with doing it. "

But surely it shouldn't be up to the victim to police the behaviour of others? What everyone should understand is that touching without express consent is not OK.

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

"lets be very clear here that this is not just a ''men'' problem in swing clubs single women and couples believe they are above the consent thing too ..."

Absolutely agree.

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By *xhibitionistbenMan
over a year ago

Ware / Kings Cross

A lot of men have had no experience of being touched sexually in any unwanted way, so some don’t convert that in to how it would feel to be in that position. That ignorance is not an excuse.

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville

"Reading this thread puts me off going to a club.

Snap

Please don't let it, 99% of people are very respectful, you may get the odd one who slips the net but you will find a quick word in the staffs ear and they're gone in a flash x they are there to protect you and will do x clubs are a wonderful place to go and atmosphere to soak up x it's easy to focus on the negative experiences but there are so so many more positive to outweigh it x I personally think you're more at risk of being groped in a nightclub x but that is purely my experience and my thoughts, not tarring everyone with the same brush x

Go to your first club night with someone you trust wholeheartedly and look out for each other until you decide whether the club scene is for you? X

Don't let an idiot put you off potentially awesome fun, friends and more x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reading this thread puts me off going to a club.

Snap

Go to your first club night with someone you trust wholeheartedly and look out for each other until you decide whether the club scene is for you? X

Don't let an idiot put you off potentially awesome fun, friends and more x "

this may be true in some clubs but not in all ... clubs have no problem telling a guy to leave but ive yet to see an offending woman or couple be told to leave normally because its thier every week we run the club types ''the click'' ...

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

My first and only 'orgy' situation involved several men thinking that they could put their hands and fingers in places that were exposed while I pleasured a nice lady. It was only my second club visit, so I was nervous and inexperienced. I didn’t want to upset the entire room by making a fuss, despite the attention being completely unwanted. I even had to say 'gently!', several times to men who were too rough. It was horrible.

After that, I always took a man with me; one who wasn’t afraid to tell people to stop.

The consent thing seems obvious but still needs emphasising. Men still tend to see a woman as an object to be used, when the mood takes them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consent and and at least understanding any limits are the basis we would start on especially in playing in a private situation, in a club with Slut supervised by myself then we would include others agreeing what pleasures are available but safety rules and it’s only with those we choose. That could be with people we’ve just met

Also why we tend to distance those that need a bit too much Dutch courage or drink to play

Difference between enjoying a drink or needing it to get over inhibitions.

Hearing of bad experiences is never good and why no always means no

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

It's not a difficult concept to understand at all. It always supprises me why so many let them get away with doing it.

But surely it shouldn't be up to the victim to police the behaviour of others? What everyone should understand is that touching without express consent is not OK."

This is true its not upto the victim, what I meant was if these type of incidents aren't reported and the perpetrators are allowed to get away with it, they'll continue to do it because they don't face the consequences of thire actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll always ask before hugging someone new, hell I will even ask if its OK to sign off a message with a hug

Its a real shame a few spoil the fun for so many

I've always enjoyed my times at clubs but I'm hardly going to be bothered by people

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

"I'll always ask before hugging someone new, hell I will even ask if its OK to sign off a message with a hug

Its a real shame a few spoil the fun for so many

I've always enjoyed my times at clubs but I'm hardly going to be bothered by people

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)"

This is so refreshing. I hate the hug/kiss thing when people meet up. But how would you say, 'no, I don’t want your hug, thanks, I’m good', without sounding like an arsehole?

I’d end up hugging anyway, still disliking it. The pressure not to offend is enormous, I find. Part of being British, perhaps?

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"I'll always ask before hugging someone new, hell I will even ask if its OK to sign off a message with a hug

Its a real shame a few spoil the fun for so many

I've always enjoyed my times at clubs but I'm hardly going to be bothered by people

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)

This is so refreshing. I hate the hug/kiss thing when people meet up. But how would you say, 'no, I don’t want your hug, thanks, I’m good', without sounding like an arsehole?

I’d end up hugging anyway, still disliking it. The pressure not to offend is enormous, I find. Part of being British, perhaps?"

Just say you're not really the hugging type but then you have to hope that you're not about to turn around and want to give the next person a huge big hug....might be a bit awkward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll always ask before hugging someone new, hell I will even ask if its OK to sign off a message with a hug

Its a real shame a few spoil the fun for so many

I've always enjoyed my times at clubs but I'm hardly going to be bothered by people

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)

This is so refreshing. I hate the hug/kiss thing when people meet up. But how would you say, 'no, I don’t want your hug, thanks, I’m good', without sounding like an arsehole?

I’d end up hugging anyway, still disliking it. The pressure not to offend is enormous, I find. Part of being British, perhaps?"

Not everyone likes to be hugged etc thats why I ask with people I'm meeting for the first time. I don't want to appear rude etc so asking does no harm and you know where you stand with noone having to do anything they don't want/like etc

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By *astesLikeMagicWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Reading another thread on here this morning, and not wanting to derail it, I want to talk about consent and people's perception of that.

The comment was part of a reply from a man in reply to the OP of the thread, another man, and went:

"If someone touches you and you don't want the attention, just brush their hand away, if they do it again, tell em to do one"

I'm sorry, but no. No one should touch anyone without asking first. Get verbal consent and then touch. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Totally with you on this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll always ask before hugging someone new, hell I will even ask if its OK to sign off a message with a hug

Its a real shame a few spoil the fun for so many

I've always enjoyed my times at clubs but I'm hardly going to be bothered by people

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)

This is so refreshing. I hate the hug/kiss thing when people meet up. But how would you say, 'no, I don’t want your hug, thanks, I’m good', without sounding like an arsehole?

I’d end up hugging anyway, still disliking it. The pressure not to offend is enormous, I find. Part of being British, perhaps?

I have an friend like this. She hates being touched / hugged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's really not hard to to ask, consent should never be presumed and even if given, can be removed at any time.

No one owes anyone anything when it comes to their own body.

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

[Removed by poster at 29/03/21 16:49:23]

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By *lice Malice OP Woman
over a year ago

The Facility

Hugs OP (I hope thats ok?)

Hugs from you are always gratefully received. Hopefully next time I see you I'll get a hug in person.

I used to be a prolific hugger until a few years ago when a few people on a different scene started to say, 'actually you know what? I want everyone to respect my personal space and not just assume that I want to hug everyone'.

It took some getting used to, not hugging people automatically, but everyone has a right to their own personal space being respected.

The same in a swingers club/nightclub/bar/other. People are entitled to respect. Always ask them before you touch."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a tough one. Personally I hate being touched by strangers, but I wouldn’t kick up a fuss if they do it. It’s part of human communication. Being tactile can mean anything from friendship to flirtation. Neither of which are a crime.

It makes me wince when someone touches me, but I recognise that it’s my issue x

Each to their own though.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Completely agree with this, even for me in normal day to day, I wouldn't randomly touch someone on the shoulder.

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