FabSwingers.com forum: Open Marriages

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi,

Most of us are aware there's many `cheating` unfaithful married Men and Women on Fab. Alot are in sexless marriages... And who can blame them for `cheating`... We all have needs etc... etc... etc... Sexual Needs.

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

So basically what I'm trying to say ... All of you that are in sexless marriages or relationships that may have the `guilts` about `cheating` behaviour... Why don't ye approach Wifey or Hubby and tell them you want an open relationship... On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

I have a open relationship. She is a bit of a cuck queen. She likes hearing what I got upto. She knows I have a way bigger sex drive than her. As some say I got the cake and can eat it.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

We make it work with rules.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a open relationship. She is a bit of a cuck queen. She likes hearing what I got upto. She knows I have a way bigger sex drive than her. As some say I got the cake and can eat it. "

Happy For You ... lucky you eh

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

Rule have to be obeyed. For sure.

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By *enatton2Couple
over a year ago

West Midlands

I remind Mrs regularly that she has a free pass, anytime she likes. She does try to use it but she’s not rampant. I don’t really bother, I love flirting with women but if I’m going to play with them, I want Mrs playing too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a happy marriage, but I still play outside of it. He's aware but not involved, I do what I want with who I want xx

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By *ndecidedMan
over a year ago

London

Usually cos people don't want to adit the problem. They assume that their oversexed partner will eventually calm down, lol.

They want to have their cake and eat it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm in a happy marriage, but I still play outside of it. He's aware but not involved, I do what I want with who I want xx"

Brill... I'm the same... I can do what I want too but with my partners knowledge only... He has to know... He says it's for safety reasons... Not sure about that... Think he just likes to check them out and compare himself to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have an open relationship mutually agreed and it is my (Tasmin) second one as I did when I was married. It is much easier if people communicate as few people have the same sex drive and needs. It works for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect many don't because once you open that lid you can't take it back and it could be a source of further discord

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We went from being a swinging couple to including a more open relationship. All above board and hence the single and couples profiles.

Works for us and keeps it simple and no hiding.

Best marriage we could ask for (both of us

)

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm in open and polyamorous relationships. I've previously had open relationships in the past that didn't work as while the other person loved the idea of having that freedom themselves, they didn't like me having it also. It isn't always easy and jealousy can crop up but I'm very lucky to have found partners who want to have this arrangement as much as me and who are willing to talk through wobbles with me. Mostly though we're all happy for each other to be enjoying ourselves and sometimes I have to play wing woman in clubs when they're totally oblivious to being hit on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in a happy marriage, but I still play outside of it. He's aware but not involved, I do what I want with who I want xx

I do usually tell him if I'm meeting a new guy elsewhere for safety reasons. But otherwise my other sex life is my business. Although he usually figures it out if I'm sloppy

lol xx

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By *ohnlooking4uMan
over a year ago

bath

I’m in a relationship and find myself here without my partner knowing. Some people don’t agree with it but that’s up to them as I’m sure no matter what your situation some people will disagree with it. If it’s not for you then fair enough but plenty here who aren’t bothered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in open and polyamorous relationships. I've previously had open relationships in the past that didn't work as while the other person loved the idea of having that freedom themselves, they didn't like me having it also. It isn't always easy and jealousy can crop up but I'm very lucky to have found partners who want to have this arrangement as much as me and who are willing to talk through wobbles with me. Mostly though we're all happy for each other to be enjoying ourselves and sometimes I have to play wing woman in clubs when they're totally oblivious to being hit on

That sounds awesome. How many partners do you have if you don't mind saying? Xx

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Marriage had never appealed me but i could be tempted with the idea of an open marriage.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

That sounds awesome. How many partners do you have if you don't mind saying? Xx"

Two romantic partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m in a relationship and find myself here without my partner knowing. Some people don’t agree with it but that’s up to them as I’m sure no matter what your situation some people will disagree with it. If it’s not for you then fair enough but plenty here who aren’t bothered."

So what's stopping you been honest with your partner explaining you have an imbalance in your sexual needs and it would make sense all around for you to be open about everything so you could meet those needs elsewhere whilst still retaining the other parts of your relationship that work?

It's not fair that somebody cheats on their partner and many lives have been wrecked by this.

What makes this thread different is its highlighting it also isn't fair for one partner to not want sex and expect the same from their partner whom does have a sex drive and needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose things may change over time, and sex is just part of some relationships. It does baffle me a little that people sacrifice their happiness for the sake of society pressures. But conversely I appreciate that for some they feel like they have no confidence they would be more happy without some support of a marriage, such as financial or living with children etc.

I could see the positives in the right dynamics, I think the relationships that work for both / all people doing as they wish, and living harmoniously, or living single in a positive way, is far more healthy and actually living rather than being in unhappy relationships.

Or in short....yeah sex is an important part of relationships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im not in a open marriage and neither of us want that however our sexual lifestyle is and has always been very open

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in an open Marriage. She knows she can play with whomever she wants, but is not overly interested since having our children.

We talked about it and we decided to be open.

I can see why people may cheat in this situation. Some people are incredibly selfish, and refuse to even begin to understand their partners view (from either side).

But if you feel you need to.... its your choice. Few people are as lucky to be in my position.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

If it was just about the sex, the physical act and no more than that because home life is great in every other aspect, I'd be far more comfortable with a partner visiting an escort than making a mental and physical connection with someone else.

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was just about the sex, the physical act and no more than that because home life is great in every other aspect, I'd be far more comfortable with a partner visiting an escort than making a mental and physical connection with someone else.

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

I can be purely physical. I'm perfectly happy with my marriage but I've also had sex with a lot of other men while being married. It's never crossed an emotional line. I've had a girlfriend too and tried to go poly for a while too, that broke down but not due to contention or conflict with my marriage xx

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

The thing that I don't understand more than anything else is cheating is generally the first port of call instead of couples counselling, where they could aquire the tools to communicate openly and honestly, with respect and consideration. Where they listen to hear not to reply.

Too much effort tho that.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

True. I do have permission so I'm not a cheater, and would never lie about anything if asked. But I've also slept around without my husband's knowledge when the mood takes me, I don't think all couples would be comfortable with that xx

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

"The thing that I don't understand more than anything else is cheating is generally the first port of call instead of couples counselling, where they could aquire the tools to communicate openly and honestly, with respect and consideration. Where they listen to hear not to reply.

Too much effort tho that."

To take your (correct) advice people would need to be aware of their/their partners needs, able to communicate there was a problem and not allow ego to get in the way. Big steps when communication has often already failed...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking as someone who is in an open relationship... it isn't going to work unless there are strong foundations set. In particular, the couple needs to have very good communication skills and there needs to be trust.

This is just my opinion but... it strikes me that most couples in a sexless marriage with one half of the couple hiding their feelings and thinking about cheating (or actually cheating)... probably don't have good communication skills. So just going 'Right, let's open the marriage *without* doing work on ourselves and addressing underlying issues' is just throwing petrol on a house that's already on fire.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Speaking as someone who is in an open relationship... it isn't going to work unless there are strong foundations set. In particular, the couple needs to have very good communication skills and there needs to be trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd second all of this.

Out marriage is insanely deep routed, with complete trust and strong communication. We thought about swinging when we first got together and it would have been a disaster. Now I know I could shag every guy on Fab and it wouldn't make a dent in our marriage. But it's taken 10 years and a lot of life experiences together to give us this strength in our relationship. And we continue to communicate deeply and regularly. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did you "find" yourself here? You mean like it was an accident?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much effort tho that."

Exactly. The cheaters are basically lazy. And entitled. I for one have no time for them.

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

I'd second all of this.

Damn. #goals

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By *ickNamelessMan
over a year ago

Valencia, Spain, Dublin, Cork

[Removed by poster at 23/03/21 18:54:14]

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By *ickNamelessMan
over a year ago

Valencia, Spain, Dublin, Cork

I fully agree with the opening statement. However, it presupposes that people are rational. But we are both rational and emotive creatures, and the irrational side tends to dominate when core aspects of our being as relationally situated human subjects are at stake, aspects such as sexuality, which is closely linked with recognition, fear, pride, shame, self-esteem and various other emotions. I know from experience that otherwise rational and humane people will not have a rational, pragmatic discussion leading to solutions to the problem of a sexless marriage.

I was in a marriage where the sexual attraction had waned and did propose swinging together or giving each other the freedom to see others, all while maintaining the other aspects of cohabitation and child-rearing. It was categorically rejected and later used as ammunition in divorce proceedings – my depraved moral character allegedly made me a danger to the children, who would be harmed by seeing a sexually incontinent father. Suggesting opening up the marriage caused it to deteriorate further, and the fact itself was used by her lawyers years later to try to prevent contact with my children.

I also think we have to qualify the concept of open marriage. Paraphrasing Tolstoy, it may be the case that every happy open marriage is the same, while every unhappy one is unhappy in its own way. The only open marriage I have observed is that of a friend and sometime lover I know from here. She and her husband have lost sexual interest in each other, have different tastes, and solved it by agreeing that each had the freedom to pursue other relationships. Their different psychologies meant that the way she went about it was to enthusiastically meet many men and have lots of the kind of sex she never had with her husband. His approach was to find one girlfriend, who subsequently left him. While she is having a great time, like a second youth, he is increasingly miserable, jealous and difficult for the whole family to live with.

My current partner is stuck in a sexless marriage, which is difficult to leave for complex financial and emotional reasons. The husband is essentially emotionally dependent on her, and they are financially dependent on shared business interests, which he practically no longer contributes to. What would work for her and me is if she would either end the marriage or come to some sort of arrangement whereby it is “opened up” or “polyamorised”. That, however, is much easier said than done, and not as simple as suggested here. She continues to have affection for him and does not want to hurt him, and he would inevitably feel very hurt knowing that she is cheating on him not only with me, but that she and I have sex with other people together. His mental state of health, compounded by addiction issues, could in my view realistically lead him to harm himself, her or both. Although he is a decent, reasonable man, she knows that coming clean about what she is doing and trying to negotiate a modus vivendi with him is doomed. He would react destructively and self-destructively. And if she even brought it up for discussion, married life would become intolerable. We are not happy with the current situation of clandestine meetings, friends providing alibis for her, the moral burden of adultery, and the fact that we can’t commit it quite as much as we want.

My partner falls into the much reviled “cheating” category, but her moral character is impeccable. It could even be argued that it is because she is a caring and moral person that she has not – as her friends and even in-laws have advised – left a very difficult man she once loved, and with whom sexual life ended over a decade ago.

There are many more than 50 shades of grey in this debate, and it is not as simple as saying that any rational and ethical spouse would allow their wife or husband to find the fulfilment they lack in the marriage elsewhere. The ethics of these situations cannot easily be reduced to abstract universal rules, such as open marriage as a perfect solution or that cheating is inherently bad. Thinking about my own situation in utilitarian consequentialist terms, my lover’s husband could be said to be better off in his state of ignorance; she is happier than she was without the relationship with me, he is being taken care of emotionally and practically, and he is less miserable than if he knew that she was sleeping with me several times a week, and when restrictions are lifted with multiple other couples and singles. There are no easy solutions, and it is not obvious that honesty and openness are the ones that cause the least harm or give the greatest benefit to the greatest number.

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By *shantyWoman
over a year ago

Folkestone

[Removed by poster at 23/03/21 19:03:59]

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By *shantyWoman
over a year ago

Folkestone

Sadly lack of communication is all too often the problem, often through fear or embarrassment or just plain being selfish, but it’s much easier said than done.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

"I fully agree with the opening statement. However, it presupposes that people are rational. But we are both rational and emotive creatures, and the irrational side tends to dominate when core aspects of our being as relationally situated human subjects are at stake, aspects such as sexuality, which is closely linked with recognition, fear, pride, shame, self-esteem and various other emotions. I know from experience that otherwise rational and humane people will not have a rational, pragmatic discussion leading to solutions to the problem of a sexless marriage.

This is a way off the Op. Where people are open it can be harsh to comment. However you are kidding yourself, and your own destructive projection is not masked by theory and faux objectivity. The saving grace is your own attitude may have been formed on a belief in your perfect partner and all that is said. Your repeated labelling of the husband is deeply troubling. I really doubt any sort of open relationship is what you are after in this context. Best of luck to you all - particularly the partner and the children.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Too much effort tho that."

It's not cheating if your partner is fine with it. There's nothing wrong with my relationships in order to need counselling, we just enjoy sex with other people as well as each other.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I mostly agree with you, though there are sometimes other reasons that people stop having a desire to have sex that don't stem from problems within a relationship. Though I say this as someone who would date someone who was asexual so I don't really subscribe to the idea that sex is necessary for a relationship to be happy and loving. That is also easier to say when you don't date monogamously though

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

I know you’re in an open marriage and that’s good if all happy with it but would your husband be happy about you sleeping around without his knowledge?

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By *ickNamelessMan
over a year ago

Valencia, Spain, Dublin, Cork

Just to clarify, I am divorced, I have children. My partner, girlfriend, lover or whatever word is appropriate, has no children and is married to a decent guy with addiction and mental health problems, for whom she feels strong affection and responsibility. Life would be easier for our consciences if she would either leave him or come to a pragmatic arrangement that she needs sex more than five times in the last ten years, the last time being three years ago.

As a divorced person, I should perhaps not be involved with a married woman. My general point is that circumstances are unique and while I agree with the thrust of the OP, things can be more complicated, and there are circumstances in which being honest about infidelity may cause a harm that is avoided by staying silent.

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By *ickNamelessMan
over a year ago

Valencia, Spain, Dublin, Cork

If dishonesty is categorically bad, what should you do when the Gestapo come and say "We have been told that Cohen the Jew is hiding in your attic? Is it true?" Should you follow the universal rule that honesty is always the best policy and send Cohen to his death? Or should you assess the situation and decide that, in this case, the least harm is done by lying to the Nazis?

The same applies to my situation. Should she tell him that she is seeing me and risk him harming himself or her ? Is the ethical thing to do to follow an abstract rule or to consider the consequences?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

I'm single but I don't trust myself

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"If dishonesty is categorically bad, what should you do when the Gestapo come and say "We have been told that Cohen the Jew is hiding in your attic? Is it true?" Should you follow the universal rule that honesty is always the best policy and send Cohen to his death? Or should you assess the situation and decide that, in this case, the least harm is done by lying to the Nazis?

Wait, what? Who's going to be killed by Nazis if you don't keep screwing this married woman?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Just to clarify, I am divorced, I have children. My partner, girlfriend, lover or whatever word is appropriate, has no children and is married to a decent guy with addiction and mental health problems, for whom she feels strong affection and responsibility. Life would be easier for our consciences if she would either leave him or come to a pragmatic arrangement that she needs sex more than five times in the last ten years, the last time being three years ago.

Does she know you are telling a bunch of strangers her marital situation on a public forum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happens if he finds out? How is that going to affect his mental health?

I have mental health issues. If I found out that my partner was cheating on me... there's a very real risk that it would drive me to take my own life. Not specifically over the cheating, but the lies, the betrayal, the deceit. I would genuinely feel that my life was over and I could never trust another person.

I also personally know of two men - both with mental health issues - who discovered their partner was cheating on them, snapped and attempted to kill the woman.

No judgement - just an observation... she's potentially playing a fucking dangerous game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much effort tho that.

Unfortunately too true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you voiced this to your partner?

That is a helluva emotional burden to lay on someone else

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

We completely agree with you. Having met and also knowing both men and women in such situations, we've obviously discussed it.

It seems incredibly selfish to deny someone their sexual needs just because you don't want or can't have sex.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

Great thread OP. Very insightful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What happens if he finds out? How is that going to affect his mental health?

I also personally know of two men - both with mental health issues - who discovered their partner was cheating on them, snapped and attempted to kill the woman.

No judgement - just an observation... she's potentially playing a fucking dangerous game. "

I'm assuming your partner knows your here... Yea...

If not you are being very hypocritical...

This is why I'm saying I think it's best to be honest... and it's just my opinion...

As you say it's not so much the `cheating`... It's the lieing and betrayal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you voiced this to your partner?

That is a helluva emotional burden to lay on someone else"

No, he knows that I suffer from suicidal ideation and that I have attempted suicide multiple times in the past - but I'd never specifically say to someone 'if you did x, I'd kill myself', because that's not fair.

But that doesn't mean that someone's actions wouldn't tip me over the edge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happens if he finds out? How is that going to affect his mental health?

I also personally know of two men - both with mental health issues - who discovered their partner was cheating on them, snapped and attempted to kill the woman.

No judgement - just an observation... she's potentially playing a fucking dangerous game.

I'm assuming your partner knows your here... Yea...

If not you are being very hypocritical...

This is why I'm saying I think it's best to be honest... and it's just my opinion...

As you say it's not so much the `cheating`... It's the lieing and betrayal"

Me? Yes, my partner knows I am here - it was his idea for me to make a profile on here in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

I know you’re in an open marriage and that’s good if all happy with it but would your husband be happy about you sleeping around without his knowledge?"

I've got a free pass, and he's never been bothered about all the men I've had sex with that he does know about. Xx

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

This is not about the act of dishonesty. You are only using the pretence of seeking an open relationship as a stepping stone to get your partner to move to your expressed desire of a relationship with you. Disingenuous at best. Manipulative at worst. Hiding behind some nazi analogy to try and virtue signal is bizarre and frankly only shows how far you will go to obfuscate your own position. All the troubling (and hostile) things you have said about the husband will have one primary source. It is possible your "impeccable" paragon of virtue - the only "cheater" in this - may not be all she appears. Either way a very dangerous game, and far FAR from an open relationship. Good luck to you all.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The best solutions in relationships are those that are created by all parties, rather than 1 party deciding what it should be and creating an ultimatum for the others.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

I know you’re in an open marriage and that’s good if all happy with it but would your husband be happy about you sleeping around without his knowledge?

I've got a free pass, and he's never been bothered about all the men I've had sex with that he does know about. Xx"

I get that but you didn’t answer my question. Would he be happy about you not telling him about certain men you’ve slept with?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"The best solutions in relationships are those that are created by all parties, rather than 1 party deciding what it should be and creating an ultimatum for the others. "

I think this goes on with a lot of swinging couples, most are in it because one wants it and the other just goes along with it. Before you shoot me down me and my fwb have been told that when we met some couples in the past. It’s not ideal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happens if he finds out? How is that going to affect his mental health?

I also personally know of two men - both with mental health issues - who discovered their partner was cheating on them, snapped and attempted to kill the woman.

No judgement - just an observation... she's potentially playing a fucking dangerous game. "

Cheaters NEVER control when they are caught. So what happens If / When he finds out about you??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wait, what? Who's going to be killed by Nazis if you don't keep screwing this married woman? "

Wow.

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By *he incognito twoCouple
over a year ago

near you

Brilliant post....a bit more of an conversation/discussion rather than people ranting....we have been married 30+ years very happy and wife has a free pass when ever she chooses ....however because she has that freedom she may use once a month..once every six months ..and to be honest is usually the same couple of guys ...its interesting reading some of the post as there is a common theme...but some people ask us the question..how do i feel/we feel and the simplest explanation we give is that some people play tennis ,ride a bike ..go swimming we have sex and sex and love are two different entities some people struggle with our analogy..but it works for us

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By *fter dinner delightCouple
over a year ago

bury st edmunds/london

We have a understanding we love sex with other people I (pat) love watching Ben play with another lady on his own as when he comes back hope I love finding out what he done and he loves watching me take cocks in front of him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Brilliant post....a bit more of an conversation/discussion rather than people ranting....we have been married 30+ years very happy and wife has a free pass when ever she chooses ....however because she has that freedom she may use once a month..once every six months ..and to be honest is usually the same couple of guys ...its interesting reading some of the post as there is a common theme...but some people ask us the question..how do i feel/we feel and the simplest explanation we give is that some people play tennis ,ride a bike ..go swimming we have sex and sex and love are two different entities some people struggle with our analogy..but it works for us "

^^^^^^^ This Exactly... Sex and Love are 2 totally different things... Sex as in animalstic fking and Sex as in making love... Or whatever...I personally don't like the phrase making love and maybe saying animalistic sex isn't the word either...

Anyway there's loving sex and sex that you need to satisfy your sex drive... Cum pains I call them and yes I do get them when I so need to climax

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

It's cheaper

You're not in the cheaty category tho, you're in the open variety. The 2 are massively different

I know you’re in an open marriage and that’s good if all happy with it but would your husband be happy about you sleeping around without his knowledge?

I've got a free pass, and he's never been bothered about all the men I've had sex with that he does know about. Xx

I get that but you didn’t answer my question. Would he be happy about you not telling him about certain men you’ve slept with?"

I don't think he'd be bothered no. I can ask him xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have a understanding we love sex with other people I (pat) love watching Ben play with another lady on his own as when he comes back hope I love finding out what he done and he loves watching me take cocks in front of him."

Legend

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Too much effort tho that.

"
I can’t understand tho how anyone can stay married without communication.It’s a major part of marriage and without it imo the marriage might as well be over .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not fair that somebody cheats on their partner and many lives have been wrecked by this.

What makes this thread different is its highlighting it also isn't fair for one partner to not want sex and expect the same from their partner whom does have a sex drive and needs.

KJ"

I have been with my partner for 30 years. He is older and about 12 years ago he went off sex and hasn't touched me since. We don't sleep together but still have a loving relationship. But I know him well enough to know he would never agree to me seeing anyone else for sex so we have never spoken about it. He assumes I have just accepted and am OK with zero sex.

I have always had a high sex drive and so have met a handful of guys over that time, but always feel guilty afterwards and I know if he found out he would never forgive me.

Every relationship is different and I wish I had his blessing to meet someone occasionally to fulfil my needs, in the way that many couples on here do.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It's not fair that somebody cheats on their partner and many lives have been wrecked by this.

What makes this thread different is its highlighting it also isn't fair for one partner to not want sex and expect the same from their partner whom does have a sex drive and needs.

I have always had a high sex drive and so have met a handful of guys over that time, but always feel guilty afterwards and I know if he found out he would never forgive me.

Every relationship is different and I wish I had his blessing to meet someone occasionally to fulfil my needs, in the way that many couples on here do. "

How can you love someone yet cheat on them? That’s not love in my opinion.....! If he finds out he will be devastated. Please explain as it baffles me! I was cheated on by a long term partner and it still hurts me a bit now albeit when I found out I was devastated. I’m single now. It’s left me not able to trust another man ever again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

In an ideal world that would be fine but you also have to take in to account how your spouse would feel if you told them they weren’t giving you enough and wanted to go elsewhere!

Before Minnie started having health issues our sex live was rampant and we were on here up to all sorts. Fast forward about five years and now sex is something we have occasionally and swinging, in whatever guise, is extremely unlikely for the foreseeable future.

I could say to Minnie, as I have a very high sex drive, that I need more, and Minnie being the loving wife she is has sort of given me the green light but I’ve chosen not too as it doesn’t feel right and I know it would irreparably ruin our marriage. If she could have sex more I know she would, and this situation is a lot harder for her than it is for me so I feel I can go without the kind of sex we had because I love and respect her and don’t want to add that kind of emotional stress to her already stressful life at the moment. I’ve learnt to deal with my sex drive and tbh don’t feel like I’m missing out at all!

Just because one of you is going without and needs it more doesn’t mean the other isn’t struggling to cope in another way and for the sake of getting your rocks off occasionally your relationship could very well be doomed.

That’s just my take on it anyway

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By *ere againMan
over a year ago

Lancashire

That sounds awesome. How many partners do you have if you don't mind saying? Xx

Two romantic partners."

How did you find them really struggling to find any guy that wants more than a quickie?

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By *risrugbyfanMan
over a year ago

yate

Hi,

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

In an ideal world that would be fine but you also have to take in to account how your spouse would feel if you told them they weren’t giving you enough and wanted to go elsewhere!

That’s just my take on it anyway "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open marriage works great for us, clear boundaries but it has undoubtedly brought us closer together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many claim "it's just sex" but if that was the case, then surely an escort is the obvious answer, if it really is "just sex" and no more.

Agree. We joined here to play together and not seperate. But each their own. But there is always the danger in open relationships that one of you will catch feelings for one of the lovers you meet. Not for us anyway and we both talked about this subject and decided it was not worth the risks involved.

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By *risrugbyfanMan
over a year ago

yate

Until recently my partner was on here with me but due to health issuses, physical and mental stopped meeting .she did admit that some of the comments we received aimed at her for not wanting to meet didn't help .several so called friends actually messaged to say we should split up .

She knows I'm still on here and is fine with it ,but, have had several nasty messages from people who dont know us basically saying we wont last as a couple and I'll meet someone else.

I would happily walk away from fab if she asked me to but she hasnt and told me to carry on .

No one really knows what goes on inside an relationship but are really quick to judge on it from reading a profile .

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By *andy2123Couple
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Hi,

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

I agree with this. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The best solutions in relationships are those that are created by all parties, rather than 1 party deciding what it should be and creating an ultimatum for the others.

Not all cpls. We both played as singles on here before we met. It was both our idea to form a cpls profile on here not just one of us. But agree thats some do swing due to pressure from the other as i met cpls like that on here when i was a single guy. Id rather leave than bow to pressure. You cannot be happy in a relationship like that ever.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

That sounds awesome. How many partners do you have if you don't mind saying? Xx

Two romantic partners.

How did you find them really struggling to find any guy that wants more than a quickie?

I met one on Whiplr and one on OK cupid. I've kissed a lot of frogs beforehand though. Dating is hard.

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By *incloudukMan
over a year ago

Medway

I prefer my open relationship as you free and don’t need to worry about being shouted at du to jealousy

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I have to laugh at swingers who shag everything going telling people to suck it up and be faithful to a partner who won't have sex with them.

If I had a partner and went off sex I would expect them to look elsewhere.

If I became too ill to have sex I would tell them to look elsewhere.

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

I'm in a semi open marriage, wouldn't have it any other way. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a Vixen. I meet guys I choose and he isn't involved.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"I'm a Vixen. I meet guys I choose and he isn't involved. "

Does he have a say in who you meet, approve of them and then express approval for that particular person for you to play with you regardless as to whether he's there or not?

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

I ask as you come across as a female led hotwife couple, I maybe wrong but always interested in these dynamics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People don't just cheat because there's no sex at home though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

But what I honestly Do Not Understand is... How can any Man or Woman expect another to live a life without sex... It's totally unreasonable behaviour and an off the wall expectation

Absolutely brilliant comment and great thread x

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"People don't just cheat because there's no sex at home though."

Indeed. Everyone deserves to have their needs met and to be happy, and there's bound to be some sort of incompatibility or mis-match with a lot of couple's libido. But they deserve at least an honest and open line of communication, a conversation about it before resorting to cheating.

In my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People don't just cheat because there's no sex at home though. "

Yes I agree... There's many factors why one would `cheat`... A high sex drive where one Woman or Man just isn't enough. They also may have different Kinks, which one or the other may not part-take in. And some just cannot remain monogamous. I honestly don't think the human race were meant to be monogamous. How many relationships have lost the `Spark` after a good few yrs together. A high percentage I reckon. Those who haven't lost the `Spark` consider yourselves very lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But some, no matter how good a sex life they may have at home still cheat.... Just because they can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree with you by saying that a lot of marriages after a while lose the spark x can't believe that some people are in a sexless marriage unless they both don't want sex .then there's a lot of couples with different kinks or whatever x people in marriages that go tits up after a while will either get involved in 3 somes or even start to play away from home x there's numerous other things that probably happen too xx i don't blame guys or girls who are on here for a bit of fun if they end up living like that

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By *armupartistMan
over a year ago

York

My marriage nearly failed after it became sexless. The Mrs wasn't/isn't interested but there was just too much to lose by us going separate ways. I knew it was hopeless when she told our Relate counsellor, "It wouldn't matter to her if she never had sex again". Obviously I was very hurt and decided it must be me. Was I just a crap lover unable to turn her on. For me it changed when I took a holiday on my own (I had always wanted to go skiing - another thing in which she had no interest). On this holiday I was befriend by a couple who were experienced swingers and he generously shared his wife with me. She was very keen and I had an amazing time. She also rubbished the idea that I was 'a crap lover'. After the holiday I told my wife that I needed a sex life or would no longer put up with our sexless marriage. Eventually we came to an 'arrangement' and I ventured into the swinging world via Quest and Fab. Part of our arrangement was that she didn't want to know about my encounters, which is a challenge as we are both retired and live on top of each other. Whatever, on the few occasions that I have made it work I return home with a big smile on the inside. Incidentally i don't accept that this is cheating.

When a couples sex drive is at opposite ends of the spectrum it is very difficult. It showed itself quite early in our marriage but after the children arrived what sex drive she had disappeared altogether. I recently learnt that she has never masturbated in her life... I met her when she was twenty...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly the situation I am in. Things between A and I are rubbish and he hasn't touched me for 8 weeks. Yet when I asked about a meet i had been offered Friday..i got told if i go...don't come back. I don't know what to do, but think I deserve to be wanted

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is exactly the situation I am in. Things between A and I are rubbish and he hasn't touched me for 8 weeks. Yet when I asked about a meet i had been offered Friday..i got told if i go...don't come back. I don't know what to do, but think I deserve to be wanted"

^^^^^^^ This scenario/situation annoys me so much. So he expects you to go without sex just because he has no libido or sex drive at min. I admire you so much for telling him that you wanted to meet someone. Your honesty etc... And he won't `allow` it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have swung for 14 years and I have given him permission to play alone if he wants, but won't allow me the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a terrible position to be in. You should do what you want to do x I've been in a relationship like that before so I can relate to what you are saying x don't understand why guys go like that when they are not interested and youve not to enjoy yourself x i feel rotten for you x it's a form of bullying x hopefully you will sort things out x good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home."

I think you’re being more generous there than some people would be; someone with no desire for sex could quite easily, with their own personal bias, expect their partner to behave the same way especially if they are the jealous type.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

And thankfully I don't suffer from the `Green Eyed Monster`... I just don't get it how any humane human being can and will expect another to abstain from sex for a life time. I've chatted to a few on here who are in this type of dysfunctional relationship. Some as young as early 30`s... Crazy Shit IMO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you xx"

No problem xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

Your absolutely correct about the green eyed monster x it amazes me that some people are in a position like that x great thread x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

Your absolutely correct about the green eyed monster x it amazes me that some people are in a position like that x great thread x

Thanks Scottie, sure you know only too way about the `Green Eyed Monster` from what you have told me, you were on the receiving end. X

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By *itzimadCouple
over a year ago

harwich

the first surprise reading this thread is how many people have married someone with a vastly different sex drive surely thats part of the process towards marriage?finding another person with similar ways

years ago a woman well into her 60s told me people live to long to be monogamous now now im that age i can see she was right

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

Your absolutely correct about the green eyed monster x it amazes me that some people are in a position like that x great thread x

Thanks Scottie, sure you know only too way about the `Green Eyed Monster` from what you have told me, you were on the receiving end. X"

*Too Well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the grounds that they cannot expect you to live a sexless life... Any Humane Person would give the `go ahead` to seek sex elsewhere if it's not happening at home.

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve been with people who I’m pretty sure would never be up for anything like that arrangement.

Luckily, I married one that suggested it!

Your absolutely correct about the green eyed monster x it amazes me that some people are in a position like that x great thread x

Thanks Scottie, sure you know only too way about the `Green Eyed Monster` from what you have told me, you were on the receiving end. X"

I certainly was and it's not a nice thing when the jealousy kicks in x the trust goes out the window etc x then if you leave your phone lying about the green eyed monster makes the other half look through your phone and that's the pits x im sure a few couples have had this happen to them but wouldn't admit it x i would love to hear from anyone who has endured the looking through the phone bit x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly the reason that I am here. My partner of 23 years lost complete interest in sex several years ago we’ve worked hard to stay together as in all other respects we’re still perfect for each other.

Through a LOT of talking we came to arrangements that work for both of us but the crazy thing is that if they showed the slightest bit of interest in rekindling that side of our relationship, I’d give this up in a heartbeat. I still fancy them like crazy and it breaks my heart sometimes not being able to share that with them.

I sometimes hate that I only have this lifestyle to express my desires and I wish I could be happy without any physicality at all just as they are but I know in my heart that I can’t be like that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

``years ago a woman well into her 60s told me people live to long to be monogamous now now im that age i can see she was right``

^^^^^^^^ I can actually understand what you mean by your above comment. When sex has gone out the window for both... as in as they get older and possibly sex drive has totally depleted for both... It's about companionship. But that's another topic I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is exactly the reason that I am here. My partner of 23 years lost complete interest in sex several years ago we’ve worked hard to stay together as in all other respects we’re still perfect for each other.

I sometimes hate that I only have this lifestyle to express my desires and I wish I could be happy without any physicality at all just as they are but I know in my heart that I can’t be like that

That's sad to hear that x believe me you are not alone x there's a lot of couples who have ended up exactly like you x i know exactly what you mean x i wish you all the best xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe Love and sex are two different things...

If a person in a sexless marriage goes to a sex club infrequently to get a sexual buzz...

That shouldn’t be considered cheating because there is no emotion involved.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have swung for 14 years and I have given him permission to play alone if he wants, but won't allow me the same.

That's not nice of him to not let you play after you gave him the green light to play alone x it's actually quite shameful of him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much effort tho that.

Exactly. The cheaters are basically lazy. And entitled. I for one have no time for them. "

doesn’t it work both ways, blame to share and all that

the person who knows their partner had a higher sex drive and isn’t interested in meeting half way is just as lazy and entitled when it comes to getting their way rather than communicating, but we always seem to see that person as the innocent victim - it takes 2 people to make a relationship work, and most of the time 2 to make it fall apart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

8 weeks is really not that long , if its someone that was happy to swing before i would rather be working through with them the causes for lost libido currently and probably have the toys on constant charge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are in lockdown. Probably thought you'd bring home covid and goodness knows what else.

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By *iceButtSlimMan
over a year ago

somewhere

You say that he hasn't touched you for 8 weeks, but have you made any moves towards him? If he have then fair play to you on wanting to meet with another, but if not I appreciate why he'd day no.

You also mentioned that you've given him permission to play away, but does he? Or does he hide it if he does?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say that he hasn't touched you for 8 weeks, but have you made any moves towards him? If he have then fair play to you on wanting to meet with another, but if not I appreciate why he'd day no.

You also mentioned that you've given him permission to play away, but does he? Or does he hide it if he does?"

He doesn't even offer a hand when I'm crying.

He has played a few times...but like most guys doesn't get that many offers

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

You say that he hasn't touched you for 8 weeks, but have you made any moves towards him? If he have then fair play to you on wanting to meet with another, but if not I appreciate why he'd day no.

You also mentioned that you've given him permission to play away, but does he? Or does he hide it if he does?

He doesn't even offer a hand when I'm crying.

He has played a few times...but like most guys doesn't get that many offers"

You say together for for 14 years. After 8 weeks of some change (you know not what), You are discussing this on a swinging site he can read, and you will no doubt get men lining up to "support" you. How will he feel? Whilst noone should stay in a relationship they are not happy in, you really need to work offline with him, not here; particularly when it is only the upset that drives it. Sure it feels shit, and you are lonely (covid stress allll over) but start with him. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say that he hasn't touched you for 8 weeks, but have you made any moves towards him? If he have then fair play to you on wanting to meet with another, but if not I appreciate why he'd day no.

You also mentioned that you've given him permission to play away, but does he? Or does he hide it if he does?

He doesn't even offer a hand when I'm crying.

He has played a few times...but like most guys doesn't get that many offers

"
I'm hoping this may make him listen. Unfortunately this has been building for a while

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I've done this several times over the years and it never ends well so now I don't mention it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While I agree with some of the comments on here, some about people looking elsewhere and cheating because they're not getting it at home, I can't. Yes sex is important and if that breaks down on one side it can be hard. I've been in this situation only it was me that lost interest in sex. I lost interest because of other shite that was going wrong in our marriage, sex just wasn't important at that point. Instead of listening and trying to work through our problems, he was only interested in the lack of sex and went and found it elsewhere without my consent. Marriage over. Sometimes the loss of sex is down to other things and those things need to be worked on too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Marriage had never appealed me but i could be tempted with the idea of an open marriage."

Will you marry me

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By *exylovingcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Uxbridge

This is a very interesting thread with some quite diverse comments. Our own experience is we have been together 7 years. It quickly became apparent my wife has a much higher sex drive than me (particularly when there is a full moon). We decided upon a swinging lifestyle quite early on. My wife now has three bf/fwb which suits her fine and I am more than happy with that. We have a great sex life between us but I am more than happy for her to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. We both feel it enhances our relationship. One of her boyfriends wants to take her to a sex party and spend the night with her. She is more than happy to go to the party and will be an enthusiastic participant for sure, but she will not spend the night with him. She regards that as too personal as probably so do I. We both regard sex as her hobby in the same way I go to football etc. The freedom she has in our marriage suits her extremely well and she treats me like a king so it is very much a win win situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife asked me if I wanted this a while ago my first instinct was to run for the hills lol but we talk about it every now and then she seems keen on it... work in progress I guess

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By *K DriverMan
over a year ago

Weston super Mare

But what if you can’t control the desire to release and be yourself?

I too in a previous relationship had my sex drive use as a weapon against me so as time has gone on and the ex saw the error of what she did and we are no longer a couple we are very open with each others sex lives.

So I found a new partner and she is nothing like my ex, she knew I was a naughty lad when she met me and I think that’s what made her want me more, now in the beginning I told her alot she knew about my swinging lifestyle and the biggest part was that I was bi and have told her all about what I have done. From the start I asked if she would be interested in swinging and after some thought agreed to try it, we met a few couples had some fun and she even liked the idea of sharing a cock which is what we did, she did and I had to agree to draw the line at full swap, soft play only which has been hard to keep to anyway We have been together for a few years now I have kept my sexual urges in check but more and more my want for cock to sick and be fucked with grow stronger, I did speak to her about maybe pegging me her response was what does she get out of it. The next conversion was maybe having a threesum with a bi guy so I can take cook in me while I fuck her and to say the least she was horrified at that. So communication lines are open but with no resolution. I don’t want to cheat as its called but its becoming a problem to where I’m fucking her from behind and in my mind I have a cock in me at the same time, not sure she would take it well if I told her that. I have made the suggestion she could have sex with another guy? Its not cheating if I know about it! Like most couples on here other parts of the relationship are good! Just because she takes another guys cock doesn’t mean I will love her less and trying to explain to someone SEX and love are two different things..

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Ah yes, an open marriage, the ideal for many people I should imagine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It been an interesting thread. As we all know relationship dynamics are extremely complicated things, and no two relationships are exactly alike. So what different people want and need, or consider fair and acceptable varies wildly.

The common theme seems to commutation though. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want. Then explore the options and hoped find on that doesn't make the other uncomfortable.

I realise how lucky I am. My husband gave me a free pass. I do whatever I like with whoever I like and he trusts me. It's the best parts of being single and married at the same time. I guess it works for us as we're happy and confident in our marriage, he trusts me, he's not possessive, and I can separate sex from emotion/love.

I don't think I could ever do monogamy. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what if you can’t control the desire to release and be yourself?

That's a really lame excuse

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"It been an interesting thread. As we all know relationship dynamics are extremely complicated things, and no two relationships are exactly alike. So what different people want and need, or consider fair and acceptable varies wildly.

The common theme seems to commutation though. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want. Then explore the options and hoped find on that doesn't make the other uncomfortable.

I don't think I could ever do monogamy. Xx"

Sounds like you're living the dream. But yes, I agree that the key is to be completely honest with yourself and also any partners you have about who you are and what you want, and hope to find love and acceptance from them in order to be able to live it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a open relationship. She is a bit of a cuck queen. She likes hearing what I got upto. She knows I have a way bigger sex drive than her. As some say I got the cake and can eat it. "
u definitely have

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"But what if you can’t control the desire to release and be yourself?

I would imagine there are things your wife would like and desires too, I dunno, dinner cooked by Gino DiCampo once a month maybe, but she compromises and eats what's in front of her.

Have you tried using a butt plug in you whilst you're in her perhaps? I know it's not the same as a cock, but is still a compromise.

If you can't control the desire, it sounds pretty extreme and very unhealthy if not dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been in a sexless -come- open marriage because of the no intimacy. It's caught up with us and we still live together, have separated but still love eachother. It's so hard having differing sex drives, he is a once a month guy, if that. Doesn't have an animal instinct in him, where as I have an incredible sex drive, playing atleast 5 times a day

my best friend today took sides with my husband because she doesn't understand how soul destroying it is to be with someone with no sex drive. She judged me and said I should have left him first and not gone down this road and said I should just leave fab

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been in a sexless -come- open marriage because of the no intimacy. It's caught up with us and we still live together, have separated but still love eachother. It's so hard having differing sex drives, he is a once a month guy, if that. Doesn't have an animal instinct in him, where as I have an incredible sex drive, playing atleast 5 times a day

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

If it's purely a matter of sex why didn't the open marriage work? Surely you can find plenty of sex partners on here after covid, one a day if you really wanted? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what if you can’t control the desire to release and be yourself?

for some people sex and love are different , for others they are inseparable

when people have mentioned communication as being key on this thread that is because communication lets you know where everyone stands, fully understand the other persons thoughts and feelings and then work out what compromise you can both come to if any, unfortunately it can also lead to you finding out there is a void between you in an area of your relationship where neither of you can move far enough to meet in the middle

what it doesn’t mean is you just talk about things and then expect the other person to magically jump to your view and you get everything you wanted

telling her she can fuck another guy is probably not going to achieve the aim you seem to have of her reciprocating with allowing you the same freedoms, if you feel you really need that kink and she feels she really can’t go there then no matter how good the rest of your relationship you might just not be compatible , you have to decide can you compromise or is it a deal breaker , for me if i had already had the discussion, couldn’t see a middle ground and felt my remaining option was to cheat then it would be a deal breaker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

genuine question rather than judgement,

where do you find the time 5 times a day, is it possible you have some form of sex addiction that could be worked through and managed by filling some of your time with other things you can do together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

If it's purely a matter of sex why didn't the open marriage work? Surely you can find plenty of sex partners on here after covid, one a day if you really wanted? Xx"

I think being in lockdown shown me that I can't stay in a marriage in these conditions. I want to be wanted you know. Love your profile

xxx

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By *K DriverMan
over a year ago

Weston super Mare

Can I ask? Do you have a dirty imagination? Do you masturbate? Do you have any fantasies?

Well my misses doesn’t!! I have tryd to use her mind in a naughty way can’t do it she says! What am I suppose to do there?

My bad naughty and dirty mind is been slowly wiped out, yes it might be dangerous and extreme but that is what I use to do...

Plus I have had a cock thrust in and out while fucking a pussy and a butt plug just isnt the same..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

genuine question rather than judgement,

5 times a day to play solo, could be 5 minutes at a time each time? Not much time playing but I am horny all day, if that makes me a sex addict then I'm guilty as charged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

If it's purely a matter of sex why didn't the open marriage work? Surely you can find plenty of sex partners on here after covid, one a day if you really wanted? Xx

I think being in lockdown shown me that I can't stay in a marriage in these conditions. I want to be wanted you know. Love your profile

xxx"

Yes covid would have been a challenge if you have a high sex drive. I have an average one and still struggled at times without the casual sex in addition to sex with my husband. Sorry to hear it did work. I'm sure you'll have a ton of fun on here though!! And maybe find an open, sex crazed partner to settle down with, if anywhere is the place this is probably it.

Thanks darling, I like yours too

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

I agree with her .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

If it's purely a matter of sex why didn't the open marriage work? Surely you can find plenty of sex partners on here after covid, one a day if you really wanted? Xx

I think being in lockdown shown me that I can't stay in a marriage in these conditions. I want to be wanted you know. Love your profile

xxx"

Feel free to send me a friend request xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

I agree with her ..... "

Here they come, torches and pitch forks lol.

He agreed to an open marriage ... same as swinging except he doesn't take part. So don't you agree with open marriages in principle then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

genuine question rather than judgement,

5 times a day to play solo, could be 5 minutes at a time each time? Not much time playing but I am horny all day, if that makes me a sex addict then I'm guilty as charged

sorry didn’t mean for the guilty thing to be implied, was just a genuine query because i couldn’t think of any other activity in life apart from eating that i would feel i needed to do 5 times a day unless i had some sort of compulsion

i guess when you flip it to 25 minutes a day it seems less drastic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We starting swinging as a couple 5 years ago clubs etc and met lots of lovely people along the way..for us it works as long as we both know about it..its something that turns both of us on and sometimes we have met as 4somes and 3somes.. husband has a singles profile on here too I have one on another site ..honesty is paramount were happy and wouldn't change a thing x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

I’m on this site as anonymous, and wish to keep it that way. I know I’ll get judged for this. But I’m in a relationship with my partner. As we started off having good sex then further into the relationship it started to wear off. I have a really High sex drive, whereas my partner doesn’t. And is a bit vanilla when it comes to sex. I could go all day long. But I’m not Getting it. We’ve just bought a house together and had a child too. Which is 1 years old though. So I’m in a sticky situation as I’m thinking why doesn’t she want to have sex anymore. I’ve tried but not getting no luck. And I have needs to fulfill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

PM'd you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if only life was so black and white and things were that easy

If it's purely a matter of sex why didn't the open marriage work? Surely you can find plenty of sex partners on here after covid, one a day if you really wanted? Xx

I think being in lockdown shown me that I can't stay in a marriage in these conditions. I want to be wanted you know. Love your profile

xxx

Feel free to send me a friend request xx"

Thanks for accepting

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By *ex-BombsCouple
over a year ago

Flitwick

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

Sounds tricky, Have you considered she may be absolutely knackered from having a young child? Have you spoken to her about it? Does she get as much help with the child rearing as she needs? All these things can make a person mentally exhausted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

We have spoke about it. But she seems to brush it off more quickly and we don’t seem to make any time together. We have support from both sides of family.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

We have spoke about it. But she seems to brush it off more quickly and we don’t seem to make any time together. We have support from both sides of family. "

She may have support from both sides of the family but does she honestly feel she has support from you?

A 1 Yr old. So basically the whole of lockdown? I'm not surprised she's not feeling it

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By *ex-BombsCouple
over a year ago

Flitwick

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

We have spoke about it. But she seems to brush it off more quickly and we don’t seem to make any time together. We have support from both sides of family. "

It’s great that you’ve spoken about it but speaking as a woman with a high sex drive and who was a single parent for years she may just want to have your attention in other ways that don’t involve sex and by doing that she may feel more inclined to have sex with you, bath with candles, massage etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in this position myself - sex drive is at opposite ends of the spectrum...not had any carnal pleasures with wife for 3 years and keep my 'secretive' fun time to a minimum. Not had fun for over a year because of covid. Will take a leaf out of your book.

This is a great post...slight deviation from initial quesiton but very enlightening ...thank you

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By *ilithxxWoman
over a year ago

Brighton

I’ve got an open marriage, I’m not a vixen, a hotwife... none of the labels, I’m just a woman. I have a wonderful sexual relationship with my husband but also have relationships outside my marriage. I choose the guys I meet without any involvement from my husband. He doesn’t know who I meet, doesn’t want/need to know. He does the same. I don’t need his permission, or a pass, he doesn’t need mine. We are free to fall in love with others too, which has happened and hasn’t made a difference in the love we feel for each other. I guess we fit the definition of poly amorous.

We are both committed for the other to have the most fulfilling life as possible, and we are not fearful we are jeopardising our relationship at all, we’ve been married for 20+ years.

It works for us, I just wouldn’t want to stand in the way of him having great experiences, be it sex or meaningful relationships with others, I’m grateful he affords me the same freedom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I've talked to my partner bout it she call me sick and now I've found out that she's cheating on me....go figure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve got an open marriage, I’m not a vixen, a hotwife... none of the labels, I’m just a woman. I have a wonderful sexual relationship with my husband but also have relationships outside my marriage. I choose the guys I meet without any involvement from my husband. He doesn’t know who I meet, doesn’t want/need to know. He does the same. I don’t need his permission, or a pass, he doesn’t need mine. We are free to fall in love with others too, which has happened and hasn’t made a difference in the love we feel for each other. I guess we fit the definition of poly amorous.

We are both committed for the other to have the most fulfilling life as possible, and we are not fearful we are jeopardising our relationship at all, we’ve been married for 20+ years.

It works for us, I just wouldn’t want to stand in the way of him having great experiences, be it sex or meaningful relationships with others, I’m grateful he affords me the same freedom"

I'm almost exactly the same as this. Pleased to know I'm not alone. Works perfectly xx

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

We are both committed for the other to have the most fulfilling life as possible, and we are not fearful we are jeopardising our relationship at all, we’ve been married for 20+ years.

It works for us, I just wouldn’t want to stand in the way of him having great experiences, be it sex or meaningful relationships with others, I’m grateful he affords me the same freedom"

Sounds lovely, and such a powerful thing. I'm envious.

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By *corpioMan
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 25/03/21 20:14:22]

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By *onochrome2Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

Having a 1 year old probably isn't helping.

After having a kid a few years ago the last thing I cared about for a long time was sex. I was just exhausted and stressed all the time and didn't feel sexy at all, I hated the way my body and pussy looked.

Took me a long time to get over it

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By *onochrome2Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

We have spoke about it. But she seems to brush it off more quickly and we don’t seem to make any time together. We have support from both sides of family.

She may have support from both sides of the family but does she honestly feel she has support from you?

A 1 Yr old. So basically the whole of lockdown? I'm not surprised she's not feeling it "

I think I actually would have gone mental if I'd had a kid during lockdown. Having mum friends for play dates at soft play and socialising were the only things keeping me sane a few years ago.

Generally men don't understand how much of an impact having a child can be, both physically and mentally.

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By *ookingfun82Man
over a year ago

Enniskillen

Great thread, discussion rather than judging.

If it wasn't for two children and her poor health we would both say we wouldn't still be together. Sex is a major problem, I have a higher sex drive and more adventurous, she just wanted an orgasm every now and then and used sex to control me. She was on here at one point but because the idea was amusing rather than any interest while I would love to be in the lifestyle and she knows it. She has even said in the past she wouldn't mind me having an affair but an affair is an emotional connection and cheating, to me swinging is more akin to a passion or sharing interests and not but that's my view. Arranging meets, as much as I would love to, isn't me to do and hide it but if an encounter happened I don't think I could miss the opportunity.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I’m currently in the same kinda boat with Juicy-Lucy.

We have spoke about it. But she seems to brush it off more quickly and we don’t seem to make any time together. We have support from both sides of family.

She may have support from both sides of the family but does she honestly feel she has support from you?

A 1 Yr old. So basically the whole of lockdown? I'm not surprised she's not feeling it

I think I actually would have gone mental if I'd had a kid during lockdown. Having mum friends for play dates at soft play and socialising were the only things keeping me sane a few years ago.

Generally men don't understand how much of an impact having a child can be, both physically and mentally."

About 2 months for your genitals to go back to size and function. Tits that felt like they were on fire.

Then there was the mental side. Holy fuck I thought I was going insane one minute and Supermum the next. It changed constantly. Being responsible for an actual life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Great thread, discussion rather than judging.

Nope if you are fucking other women without permission from your wife its cheating. You can sugar coat it which ever way you want but fucking behind a partners back is cheating period!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/03/21 14:43:47]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Great thread, discussion rather than judging.

Nope if you are fucking other women without permission from your wife its cheating. You can sugar coat it which ever way you want but fucking behind a partners back is cheating period! "

^^^^^^^ Agree 1000%...It's not rocket science. Doing something deceitful behind another's back without their knowledge is cheating...simple as and yes you cannot sugar coat it in anyway regardless of your reasons to cheat.

Saying this I don't judge in anyway... We all have our reasons for being here. Just such a pity some can't approach their Wives/Hubbies or Partners and discuss an open relationship. When I say discuss I mean... tell them you want an open relationship and you're going to do it... especially those in sexless relationships... I've said it already...I don't understand how another humane human being can expect another to live a sexless life... Best of Luck if anyone decides to take this step...ye may well be surprised by the reaction from your spouse or partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Great thread, discussion rather than judging.

Nope if you are fucking other women without permission from your wife its cheating. You can sugar coat it which ever way you want but fucking behind a partners back is cheating period! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Great thread, discussion rather than judging.

Nope if you are fucking other women without permission from your wife its cheating. You can sugar coat it which ever way you want but fucking behind a partners back is cheating period!

devils advocate, if you had matching sex drives to be able to keep all satisfaction within your relationship but one had a kink that the other disagreed with, would you allow them to scratch that itch elsewhere?

i think thats a perfect example of where an open relationship could be a solution but also understand where folk are coming from who say no because they can’t get their head around the kink

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

``devils advocate, if you had matching sex drives to be able to keep all satisfaction within your relationship but one had a kink that the other disagreed with, would you allow them to scratch that itch elsewhere?``

Yes I most certainly would ok it for them to be able to satisfy their kinks else where if I wasn't into said kinks... I'm very open minded and also have great empathy and understanding for those who aren't getting what they want at home. It must be so sexually fraustrating.

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