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Lack of sex in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

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By *helmercpleCouple
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I would never meet without consent swinging for us is based on mutual trust. If sex is not on the cards which is rare for my wife then I suppose a five knuckle shuffle over some 1980's vintage porn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i moved out divorced

then moved on and never looked back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over! "

Oh I so know this!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its down to the individual and their circumstances too play or not too play that is the question mmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my hubby is lot older than me, he doesnt mind me seeing other men.

think he likes me seeing other men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

Oh I so know this!!!! "

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

deal with it before it turns to years and years and years and years

no matter whats good in the relationship your best trying to get it out in the open and worked around, if they cant or refuse to without good reason then is it someone you really want to stay with another 5/10 years especially in the same circumstances

like some people seem to have said or hinted at earlier maybe its a sign that things aint right and maybe things need killing or curing, but if u ignore it you might just be kidding yourselves and denying both of you's for quite some time before you face up to things for what they really are

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By *ikerbob1957Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Not had sex or any contact with the wife for about 5 years now and bugger all before that as well. Sex was never a big priority for her and it was most off-putting to be told that she would rather have a cup of tea!!

On here to see what happens before I get too old to care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't swinging without the other partner just cheating? #justsaying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over! "

Yep, I put up and shut up for about 5 years being the good wife. I can't leave due to the circumstances but I play. He still comes first as does our daughter so my priorities are sorted .. I just deserve some fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Isn't swinging without the other partner just cheating? #justsaying"

depend if the other partner knows or not

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By *onnoisseur100Man
over a year ago

Woking-ish


"Isn't swinging without the other partner just cheating? #justsaying"

Or a threesome! - if there isn't a partner to give or withhold permission.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"deal with it before it turns to years and years and years and years

no matter whats good in the relationship your best trying to get it out in the open and worked around, if they cant or refuse to without good reason then is it someone you really want to stay with another 5/10 years especially in the same circumstances

like some people seem to have said or hinted at earlier maybe its a sign that things aint right and maybe things need killing or curing, but if u ignore it you might just be kidding yourselves and denying both of you's for quite some time before you face up to things for what they really are"

Very good point. Often difficult in reality though.

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

Yep, I put up and shut up for about 5 years being the good wife. I can't leave due to the circumstances but I play. He still comes first as does our daughter so my priorities are sorted .. I just deserve some fun.

"
In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"deal with it before it turns to years and years and years and years

no matter whats good in the relationship your best trying to get it out in the open and worked around, if they cant or refuse to without good reason then is it someone you really want to stay with another 5/10 years especially in the same circumstances

like some people seem to have said or hinted at earlier maybe its a sign that things aint right and maybe things need killing or curing, but if u ignore it you might just be kidding yourselves and denying both of you's for quite some time before you face up to things for what they really are

Very good point. Often difficult in reality though. "

Personally, I would have loved to have been able to talk to my ex as the sex was crap for many years before it all came to an end. But, although she would happily talk about anyone elses sex life, when it came to ours it was a no-go area. I made the big mistake of staying for the kids who, all the time, she was poisoning against me behind my back to the point that I no longer see them.

If you do have a problem with the sexual side of a relationship AND you have a partner who is prepared to discuss it (even if it is grudgingly) then yes, seize the opportunity.

If, like I did, you have a partner who refuses point-blank to discuss it, given my time over again, I would have packed my bags and left....... having made damn sure the right people knew exactly why so she could not hide behind the lies...

This whole subject is the classic case of my Grans saying ... "Circumstances alter cases..." i.e. every situation's different, and has to be dealt with in its own, unique way...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

Yep, I put up and shut up for about 5 years being the good wife. I can't leave due to the circumstances but I play. He still comes first as does our daughter so my priorities are sorted .. I just deserve some fun.

In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites. "

Why? Ever watched Dr Phil? He has a little saying which really made sense to me when I left my ex... "In a relationship, if the sex is right, it's 10% of it. If it's NOT right, then it's 90% of it".

Took me some time to 'get it', but it's true. It wasn't right in mine, and with all the tension and unseen effects on our kids, it WAS 90% of what was going on - and I should have left a lot sooner than I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Isn't swinging without the other partner just cheating? #justsaying"

Cheating is such a horris word ... there are reasons, we all have needs, and we all need to be wanted. But leaving a partner isn't asways an option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

Yep, I put up and shut up for about 5 years being the good wife. I can't leave due to the circumstances but I play. He still comes first as does our daughter so my priorities are sorted .. I just deserve some fun.

In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites. "

+2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes cant be easy for a man to give up his home and be away from his kids.

i would have cheated on my hubby because i wasnt getting enough sex.

i think he would too, though he always says that i am enough for him.

i think most men would if they were being offered it on a plate, especialy if she was young and fit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It got to the point of being lucky to get it once a month with the other half until she dropped the bombshell of saying she thinks we should meet other people due to a lack of experience(we'd both only slept with 2 people each including each other).

She's very very vanilla but ironically is on here and has all kind of good verifications which pretty much kept adding nails into the coffin.(The fact that she made excuses about some things yet could do them with other guys - long story).

Currently sorting out stuff for the divorce and now that i'm meeting people off here and elsewhere i'm getting it pretty regularly. I can usually guarantee it with at least one meet a weekend, quite often with two different meets (Fri + Sat nights). Good times.

Only problem is now, i'm gonna be quite dubious about being open to another relationship in the future.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge


"I didn't have the bottle to have an affair or look for sex outside the relationship. So I put up, shut up and went without for the best part of ten years until the penny finally dropped and I realised the relationship was over!

Yep, I put up and shut up for about 5 years being the good wife. I can't leave due to the circumstances but I play. He still comes first as does our daughter so my priorities are sorted .. I just deserve some fun.

In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites. "
why would you lose home or kids ??? may move out the house and i am sure done correctly both parties will do whats best for the children. not been with my ex wife for many moons now but see my kids all the time. as for a home build a new one its only bricks and mortar.

if you cant be honest then you are cheating it is really that simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's called making love !! And for me it's true !! But it's quite rare !! And the less you have the more you want sometimes !! So many different things have an input on this !

Just my two penth !

Thanks ,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"as for a home build a new one its only bricks and mortar". Many relationships fail later in life, once the children have left home and new batteries are in the remote for the TV. Can be rather late in life starting to build a new life and there are many people caught in this situation, why should one go without just because theother has switched off, there should be a clause in the marriage vows to cover this eventuality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers all. Seems there are/have been a few of us in this position. Like has been said, everyones circumstances are different.

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

Am I the only one that finds the point of this slightly wrong. Not sure if I'm grabbing the wrong end of the stick here, but if the other half had not given consent to play, I wouldn't be expecting them to be scouring swinging forums? I'd either be looking to improve our sex life together first, or if it couldn't be done and was so bad that affected the whole relationship, then maybe it'd be time to move on..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Am I the only one that finds the point of this slightly wrong. Not sure if I'm grabbing the wrong end of the stick here, but if the other half had not given consent to play, I wouldn't be expecting them to be scouring swinging forums? I'd either be looking to improve our sex life together first, or if it couldn't be done and was so bad that affected the whole relationship, then maybe it'd be time to move on.."

Nope most definitely not the only one that finds it wrong.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?"

The first two. Lack of sex is not an excuse for lack of respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't approve of people who play without their partners consent then don't play with them, but don't condemn them for what they do - it really isn't your business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you don't approve of people who play without their partners consent then don't play with them, but don't condemn them for what they do - it really isn't your business.

"

It's not by business but I fail to see why I shouldn't have an opinion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I Feel so much better that I'm not alone in feeling how I feel.

I didn't expect so many women to feel the same to.

I love my wife and child and couldn't imagine leaving, it would also destroy my elderly parents.

Sadly for me/us my wife just wants vanilla once every 2 weeks and it just kills me.

I've just read this back to myself and sound a bit sad don't I!

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales


"If you don't approve of people who play without their partners consent then don't play with them, but don't condemn them for what they do - it really isn't your business.

"

What? This is a forum, right.. it ASKS for opinions! I may not agree with it, but my comments about the OP are not judgemental in any way, but my one's to you when I suggest maybe you don't understand the concept of 'opinion' perhaps is...

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales


"I Feel so much better that I'm not alone in feeling how I feel.

I didn't expect so many women to feel the same to.

I love my wife and child and couldn't imagine leaving, it would also destroy my elderly parents.

Sadly for me/us my wife just wants vanilla once every 2 weeks and it just kills me.

I've just read this back to myself and sound a bit sad don't I!"

Not at all. It sounds like there are some issues in your relationship.. maybe they can be fixed, maybe they can't, but I don't think vanilla sex once every two weeks is ANY excuse to sleep around behind a partners back if you genuinely love and respect them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?"

Yes it does. For me it would indicate that my partner has no attraction to me and it would make me very sad. I would bring it out into the open and if not possible to fix it - get out. I need sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you don't approve of people who play without their partners consent then don't play with them, but don't condemn them for what they do - it really isn't your business.

What? This is a forum, right.. it ASKS for opinions! I may not agree with it, but my comments about the OP are not judgemental in any way, but my one's to you when I suggest maybe you don't understand the concept of 'opinion' perhaps is..."

And OP hasn't stated what he does...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?

Yes it does. For me it would indicate that my partner has no attraction to me and it would make me very sad. I would bring it out into the open and if not possible to fix it - get out. I need sex."

Tried once or twice. Will try again when the time is right. Cheers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only dream lol :o)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always makes us laugh with men on here who say they are on as a single because their wives are not into sex. Bet if given a chnace their wives would love a young buck between their legs, see how uninterested they are then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my wife very much but havnt had sex with her for a good few years due to an illness on my wife's part she knows I play she just doesn't want to know the details

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I Feel so much better that I'm not alone in feeling how I feel.

I didn't expect so many women to feel the same to.

I love my wife and child and couldn't imagine leaving, it would also destroy my elderly parents.

Sadly for me/us my wife just wants vanilla once every 2 weeks and it just kills me.

I've just read this back to myself and sound a bit sad don't I!"

And you dont think it would destroy your elderly parents,wife and child if they found out you've been meeting people off a swingers site for sex?

Im off the opinion that if someone loves their wife/husband/partner/children then either sort the lack of sex out or end the relationship, going behind backs for sex is destructive, hurtful and cheating no matter how much you dress it up.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Depends on the circumstances. Aside from having a mortgage with my ex of 4 years, we weren't married and didn't have any kids so when sex went down the pan, I didn't feel I had any real reason to stay, but I know it can be difficult for others when there are children involved..

My ex went off sex about a year and a half before we broke up. He wasn't interested in talking about it or fixing it, and although he claimed it had nothing to do with me, it knocked my confidence almost completely underground! - I have never been the kind of girl who can cheat and he had made it clear he was a firm believer of monogamy so I put up and shut up with a stupid fantasy in my head that things would change.

Outfits weren't working, I changed my appearance a lot and lost weight, and tried anything I could to get him aroused, but it just wasn't working and he clearly wasn't interested in trying.

When I think back now, I don't know why I didn't leave sooner. But at least nobody can say I didn't try.

Again, I know the situation was easier for me, but I am still a firm believer that playing without the other person's knowledge/consent is wrong. When it comes to cheating, there are no excuses. If you're not happy and it can't be fixed then it's clearly time to move on.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites. "

When the kids are old enough to go their own way, what will you and your wife have in common? Obviously not the sex, so it will just be the house, the car, the kids who have moved on, the silences and the avoiding spending time with each other!?....and when you do eventually part because life has become so unbearable...one of your kids will face up to you and tell you they wish you had split years ago because their childhood was crap (like my son did) while you were playing the lying game!!

I'm happy to say my son and I are very close but it hurt like hell when he told me how he felt about me and his dad playing at happy families!

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton


"Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?"

It's never happened to me, wouldn't cheat though, if it's that bad I'd end the relationship. Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheat and cheat o and a bit moor cheating no sex no faithful

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Ex lost interest in sex after many years of marriage - she still did it but it was routine, she was obviously bored and it wasn't at all erotic or satisfying, so went down the traditional route of affairs, one night stands and getting a mistress. We divorced after 26 years. I'm so lucky to have found a new wife who shares my enthusiasm for sex, as a couple and with other people too. Everyone deserves good sex and lots of it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always makes us laugh with men on here who say they are on as a single because their wives are not into sex. Bet if given a chnace their wives would love a young buck between their legs, see how uninterested they are then!"

Well said !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont understand how you can go off sex with someone you love and care about.

sometimes guys have it lucky and dont realise it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" In the same boat and still people say leave. Why give up my home and kids just for a sex life. Thats why lots of us use these sites. "

the thing is your potentially giving all that up for a just a sex life.... if you get caught! you wont end up with a home and they will get the lions share of everything in a divorice etc

where if you tried to deal with it properly then theres a chance you still get to keep that, even if it ends in you leaving, then you will still have your kids, still own a share in the home etc, things will be split fairly,

if you get caught you will give up your home and kids just for a sex life, you might get a new home and cope with the money you will have to regulary pay out but at the end of the day you will still have your families respect, you might loose that and them all together if you get caught playing behind their backs

easier said that done, but you are risking it all for just a sex life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only time we are not up for sex is if the time of the month comes and that isn't enough to stop us

Only time we don't hump is when we are apart...thats when the toys/hands come into play. Meeting alone is not an option right now.

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By *ookinky2Couple
over a year ago

Holmes Chapel, Cheshire


"

When the kids are old enough to go their own way, what will you and your wife have in common? Obviously not the sex, so it will just be the house, the car, the kids who have moved on, the silences and the avoiding spending time with each other!?....and when you do eventually part because life has become so unbearable...one of your kids will face up to you and tell you they wish you had split years ago because their childhood was crap (like my son did) while you were playing the lying game!!

"

Oh, I so understand this. I was a son like that but my parents hung onto each other right to the end (probably out of fear) and neither of them managed to enjoy much as a result. I feel so sorry that they didn't split and I'm sure my childhood would have been happier too...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Isn't swinging without the other partner just cheating? #justsaying"

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By *aldybiMan
over a year ago

Shrewsbury


"I Feel so much better that I'm not alone in feeling how I feel.

I didn't expect so many women to feel the same to.

I love my wife and child and couldn't imagine leaving, it would also destroy my elderly parents.

Sadly for me/us my wife just wants vanilla once every 2 weeks and it just kills me.

I've just read this back to myself and sound a bit sad don't I!

Not at all. It sounds like there are some issues in your relationship.. maybe they can be fixed, maybe they can't, but I don't think vanilla sex once every two weeks is ANY excuse to sleep around behind a partners back if you genuinely love and respect them."

True enough. I'd suggest you get yourselves to Relate or similar while there's time. You both need to understand one another's inner thoughts about this, and those thoughts need to be expressed in a sharing environment before they get all twisted up and come out in anger or frustration.

My wife couldn't talk about it. Refused counselling. Drink, denial and abuse drove me away so I am now a single parent and really quite happy with our situation, but I know that counselling could have made a difference if she'd consented years ago.

Just my £0.02

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"Lack of sexual activity in a relationship, sucks doesn't it (or not as the case may be)!

Anyway what do most of you do when you have no consent from the other half to play? Masturbate to porn, masturbate to your imagination, meet anyway or other?"

Just chat here ..

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