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open relationship

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work?

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

If you're a jealous and insecure person I'm not sure it would. I feel you may be second guessing all the time what your partner was up to and perhaps overthink things. There is only one way to find out though.

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By *pexKinksterMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

I think for you truly to be happy in the relationship you want is to confront the reason why you get jealous? Have you played before together with a partner and another couple for instance or is it always solo meets?

I'll be honest I was the same when I first got into the scene. Was asking all sorts of questions to myself but really I should of been asking the questions to my partner.

In the end I did and it made it all the more fun, it was like a Wright lifted from me.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? "

Only you can answer that. It may work for some and not for others.

We wouldn’t have an open relationship. Having group fun together is all we would want. Once you start meeting others one on one there’s a risk of developing feelings and partners becoming jealous etc. If we all meet together we all have clarity as to what’s happening and can enjoy each other’s pleasure.

Lou x

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

In my experience successful open relationships are all about trust. If you could reconcile that inate trust with your natural jealously then it could work but I am not sure that jealousy and trust are natural bedfellows (in my experience).

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I think jealousy and insecurity would be difficult for even a normal relationship let alone an open one

R

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? "

Agree with another poster if your naturally jealous and secure open relationship is unlikely to work. Your best plan is to try in understand why you get bored with sex with the same guy and use that as a starting point. I'm not a psychologist but I suspect you are looking for something you still haven't found yet.

I'm very happy with my partner we have a great relationship, we do not need to look outside our relationship for something we have within it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isnt this just a friends with benefits kind of situation. Friendship and comfort but being able to do your own thing without have to communicate it.

An open relationship would most likely need more communication and especially around boundaries. And not sure insecurity and jealousy would be ideal for a relationship such as that.

You know best what you could be happy with, I think it's just a case of making sure everything is negotiated and agreed upon from the start. But there would be times you would likely need to discuss the situation as you go.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"If you're a jealous and insecure person I'm not sure it would. I feel you may be second guessing all the time what your partner was up to and perhaps overthink things. There is only one way to find out though."
Yes, being jealous and insecure and swinging is not good.

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By *mileyLadyWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

That's a complicated question and other replies on this thread have already touched on some key things you might want to think about. I have friends in polyamorous relationships who have found that the lifestyle really brings them closer and makes them more intimate with each other and incredibly strong together. If you're open from the start then it can mean you have very honest conversations about what you want and about what you both need. Honesty is absolutely crucial though, and deciding what your boundaries are. You'd need to agree rules that made you both comfortable, particularly if you are the kind of person who does naturally get jealous and insecure (and there's nothing wrong with that, lots of us are that way). Do you want to know who else the other is meeting, or not? Do you want to have visibility of each other's messages? Do you need to agree that each other always come first if there's a scheduling conflict? Would you ever play together with people that you met individually or always keep other meets/playmates separate?

It can be incredibly rewarding but it's not always easy. The key is to find something that works for you. If, as you say, you tend to get bored with sex with the same person, perhaps couples/group/stag/vixen meets, with a trusted partner, could be the thing for you? If you are naturally insecure, it might be helpful to research attachment types and find out what type you are. You might have an anxious attachment type, and spending some time working out why that is and what your triggers are could help you find that easier to deal with.

It can totally work, just take the time to be sure what you want and need, and like the other posters have said, honesty and constant communication is the key x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Based solely on what you've written, no it wouldn't work. I've never known a naturally jealous and insecure person who can happily live with the knowledge that their partner is possibly meeting other people but they might not know about it.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Im struggling to understand how this relationship you are talking about is considered a relationship?

You live apart, don’t know each others business but meet up every now and then for sex?

Surely that is just meeting people on FAB, but with the added bonus of claiming to be in an open relationship?

Figure out what it is it you are wanting from a relationship, and work from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? "

It might stand a better chance than if you were living together, but I suspect would still fail. I agree with others, you'll probably be second guessing all the time.

Why not get to the bottom of your insecurity, that would be much healthier and solve the problem permanently? If you're happy being non monogamous and enjoy having sex with others while still being committed to a single partner why can your partner not be the same as you? If you have a happy relationship then that's the bedrock, everything else is secondary, sex with others is just sex, enjoy it, then go home to your life, don't overthink it. Communication and honesty is vital though. The not living together thing kind of promotes the opposite, secrets. Xx

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

You’ve said it yourself. You are jealous and insecure. It wouldn’t work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

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By *sLillyMrWolfeCouple
over a year ago

near you...

If you do go for an open relationship, two words: Google Calendar

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol


"I think for you truly to be happy in the relationship you want is to confront the reason why you get jealous? Have you played before together with a partner and another couple for instance or is it always solo meets?

I'll be honest I was the same when I first got into the scene. Was asking all sorts of questions to myself but really I should of been asking the questions to my partner.

In the end I did and it made it all the more fun, it was like a Wright lifted from me. "

Ian or Mathew?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with others ITT, if you're naturally jealous and insecure, an open relationship isn't for you. I'd look to address your insecurities first, be confident in yourself, OP, you have no reason to be insecure. Jealousy is a harder obstacle to get over I think, but removing the insecurity and being happy and proud of who you are (that is, not relying on others to validate your worth) is a good start. Best of luck

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't. "

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Give it a whirl see what happens.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication "

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*can't be jealous.

Sorry autocorrect screw up on my post above xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work?

Only you can answer that. It may work for some and not for others.

We wouldn’t have an open relationship. Having group fun together is all we would want. Once you start meeting others one on one there’s a risk of developing feelings and partners becoming jealous etc. If we all meet together we all have clarity as to what’s happening and can enjoy each other’s pleasure.

Lou x "

Spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication "

Swinging with the right person is amazing. Trust and communication are a must.

A cuck would be having fun from hearing about your fun but if you don't like discussing it that wouldn't work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx"

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment.

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

I think you with stay single and keep Playing with different people..

Or get some counselling for your insecurities around jealousy..

Or learn to have sex with one person only forever.. which I couldn’t do personally

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? "
I think people have mentioned playing together. Why do you get bored with the sex? are you cummunicating with your partner? At least if you explore each others needs together, this might give you the balence you need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think jealousy and insecurity would be difficult for even a normal relationship let alone an open one

R"

Have to agree

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? I think people have mentioned playing together. Why do you get bored with the sex? are you cummunicating with your partner? At least if you explore each others needs together, this might give you the balence you need."

yes but they weren't interested in that kind of sex or relationship so we stayed in very vanilla settings.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"I think you with stay single and keep Playing with different people..

Or get some counselling for your insecurities around jealousy..

Or learn to have sex with one person only forever.. which I couldn’t do personally "

I don't think I'm that bad to have counselling, I just like everyone else in vanilla settings. just wanted to know about the practicality of having an open relationship, people's experiences of it rather about my flaws which i believe everyone has

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment. "

yes Im totally happy for FMM... not FFM

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine


"I always been in monogamous relationships where I easily got bored of sex with the same guy for long periods of time.. I'm naturally jealous and insecure person and only know absolute loyalty in a relationship. Would an open relationship where I don't live with a long term partner worked if we were allowed to play away as long as we were loyal and respectful of eachother time and feelings? Like if we don't need to know about eachother's business outside of our relationship? Could this set up work? I think people have mentioned playing together. Why do you get bored with the sex? are you cummunicating with your partner? At least if you explore each others needs together, this might give you the balence you need.

yes but they weren't interested in that kind of sex or relationship so we stayed in very vanilla settings. "
Then yoou need a partner who you can be yourself with, you should never have to be something else or hide any part of yourself. This is the good think about relasionships, exploring each other and enjoying the things that each other like. Find somewone who forfuls you mentally, emotionaly and physicaly, otherwise you cheat yourself out of the happyness you deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment.

yes Im totally happy for FMM... not FFM"

We meant mfmf xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamy isn’t natural. It was imposed as a form of control by various organisations I won’t mention as I could be accused of being anti-theological. O

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By *roy9Man
over a year ago

London

First you need to find someone who makes you feel that you are the most important person to them, no matter what. Personally when I feel this, anything is possible.

Good communication is key and part of this is giving someone permission to tell you everything, even something you might not like. You give this permission by not over reacting if you don't like something he his telling you... in those moments, stay calm and talk it through without anger. Respect and honesty are also vital. I hope you find a way to make it work for you, some of my best relationships have been open ones.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Monogamy isn’t natural. It was imposed as a form of control by various organisations I won’t mention as I could be accused of being anti-theological. O"

Monogamy is natural to some people. Imposing non monogamy is as bad as imposing monogamy in my opinion. Far better I think for people to be able to discuss what they want their relationship to look like from the start and continue that discussion throughout. From what I observe people are afraid to talk to their partners.

I also think that monogamy is still the main relationship model because of the issue of parentage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a learned behaviour and not a natural instinct. And it’s so ingrained into culture beacause of the last few thousand years.

Am I judging you? Nope. Never would. Well.. unless you’re a LARPer or think the world is flat.

Everyone has the inalienable right to live how are hey want as long as as all parties are happy and no laws are being broken and everyone is happy.

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment.

yes Im totally happy for FMM... not FFM"

So your happy to have your cake and eat it but not for your partner to do the same?

Reading all you have said my thoughts are you should stay single and meet all the single blokes you desire.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you're a jealous and insecure person I'm not sure it would. I feel you may be second guessing all the time what your partner was up to and perhaps overthink things. There is only one way to find out though."

This...

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By *otPrinceHarryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment.

yes Im totally happy for FMM... not FFM

So your happy to have your cake and eat it but not for your partner to do the same?

Reading all you have said my thoughts are you should stay single and meet all the single blokes you desire."

I'm pretty sure that's not what the OP meant. I read it as meaning that she isn't looking to play with other women.

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By *herryblossom_BJ OP   Woman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Get a cuck. You fuck around and he doesn't.

then I feel guilty that I have all the fun... I think I feel happier if he had equal fun.. just not interested in chatting about it with him and vice versa. I don't think I'm really jealous or insecure as the next person... I just always been with jealous and insecure men so it's rubbed off on me. If I met the right guy, I think i be ok as long as there's trust and communication

Meet as a full swap couple only? Equal fun, no secrets, you can see what's going on and share the experience, you can't be jealous of him having sex while someone else is fucking you at the same time. Xx

Good point. I'm only into same room fun, it's great to watch and share the moment.

yes Im totally happy for FMM... not FFM

So your happy to have your cake and eat it but not for your partner to do the same?

Reading all you have said my thoughts are you should stay single and meet all the single blokes you desire.

I'm pretty sure that's not what the OP meant. I read it as meaning that she isn't looking to play with other women."

ya right.. I'm not looking for couples or women.... just a man interested having a meaningful open relationship

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