FabSwingers.com forum: Pushing boundaries

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes all that kind of stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ? "

Probably all of the above or some variation of them. Usually it's people who are more vanilla and want to try something more kink oriented, guys who've taken fingers and want to move to toys, women who have only tried singular penetration and want to explore double, maybe someone who is dom wanting to give sub a go or vice versa.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

We only joined here to meet a woman for a Threesome. We met a few and enjoyed it. We also learnt that we have other fantasies.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have kink in our lives, but it’s those deeper fantasies we haven’t tried out - gangbangs but blindfolded, 2 Dom’s, being used like a ragdoll, pushing our sexual preferences etc.

We certainly talk about some filth, but no idea if it’s enough or how far we can go right now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ? "

get this often they say i wanna try this with you and introduce you to something new then they get pissy when i say ive already done that

i cant help that before me n hubs became a cuckold couple that we were experimenting with everything sexual

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ?

get this often they say i wanna try this with you and introduce you to something new then they get pissy when i say ive already done that

i cant help that before me n hubs became a cuckold couple that we were experimenting with everything sexual

I know exactly what you are taking about I get messages saying that I going introduce you to something new and they get pissy when I say done that and know more about it then they do. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ?

get this often they say i wanna try this with you and introduce you to something new then they get pissy when i say ive already done that

i cant help that before me n hubs became a cuckold couple that we were experimenting with everything sexual

I know exactly what you are taking about I get messages saying that I going introduce you to something new and they get pissy when I say done that and know more about it then they do. X"

I’ve experienced this too, a long list of things they want to ‘introduce’ me to, and got really annoyed with me when I said I’d done it already

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ? "

No idea and it winds me up haha!

The same as “I’m looking for kink”. What’s kink?

Then they freak out if you tell them your idea of kink haha!

Wish people would just say what they want haha x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Its what ever your boundaries are that you want to try and work on.

They can be both sexual and non sexual, but should be done with someone you trust in a safe environment.

Some people don't like being blindfolded or restrained, so pushing their boundaries would involve doing activities that involve them.

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Depends where you start from.

The first visit to a club or first meet with a couple is a massive push of the boundary.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ?

No idea and it winds me up haha!

The same as “I’m looking for kink”. What’s kink?

Then they freak out if you tell them your idea of kink haha!

Wish people would just say what they want haha x"

It would be so much easier if they did just say xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Its what ever your boundaries are that you want to try and work on.

They can be both sexual and non sexual, but should be done with someone you trust in a safe environment.

Some people don't like being blindfolded or restrained, so pushing their boundaries would involve doing activities that involve them."

This exactly what I mean as saying pulling boundaries mean different things to different people, and it all depends on their starting from. X

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Well yes different people will likely have different boundaries, but the interpretation of what “pushing a boundary* is should be fairly consistent regardless of the person’s ability or experience.

*Other people may refer to boundaries as soft and/or hard limits

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Boundaries are completely individual to a person (or persons) for some it might be sex with the light on, for others it may be multiple penetration, for others it might be experiencing a particular type of pain, the variations and permutations are endless.

Asking to have boundaries pushed requires details of what those boundaries are in the first place!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hard boundaries must be respected at all times. No means No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends where you start from.

The first visit to a club or first meet with a couple is a massive push of the boundary.

That's mine

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Hard boundaries must be respected at all times. No means No. "

Absolutely they should, although I think this is where the difference between boundaries and limits comes into play, they go hand in hand but there is a subtle difference.

Either way if someone is asking to have their boundaries pushed I think it's safe to assume it's a soft boundary/limit

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

I think it's all relative..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met at least two guys who think just kissing another man would be pushing their boundaries, though they don't mind other types of oral and even anal play. People are funny...

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We’ve pushed boundaries in several ways since we’ve been together...

The amount of orgasms we’ve each achieved in a day.

Hard no’s have turned into yes’s in terms of some sex acts we’ve now done.

We’ve also bought recent toys which only a few months ago would have been considered a hard no...

I think when the trust is built the boundaries will always be pushed...

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By *stonMTMan
over a year ago

cleveland

Mine would be trying a club with some one or a couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hard boundaries must be respected at all times. No means No.

Absolutely they should, although I think this is where the difference between boundaries and limits comes into play, they go hand in hand but there is a subtle difference.

Either way if someone is asking to have their boundaries pushed I think it's safe to assume it's a soft boundary/limit"

This is why communication is important above all. I have boundaries and I am not interested in "pushing" them. I will explore within them. But if someone comes along saying they want to push boundaries, it puts me off. Although to be fair, I think it's often a phrase people throw around on profiles without much thought (note I said often, not always).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When people say they are looking to push their boundaries, what boundaries are you talking about?

Are we talking anal ,bondage, 3sum or watersports or something else ? "

Ask them

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By *ow are you ABCMan
over a year ago

Chester

Love being pushed to the limits

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Sometimes, stretching your sexual map isn't easily defined in terms of a list. In a trusting setting, where creativity and spontaneity allows for deviation, many new experiences can unfold, some of which lead to a desire to dive down a deeper rabbit hole - one that maybe you wouldn't even have guessed at!

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Sometimes, stretching your sexual map isn't easily defined in terms of a list. In a trusting setting, where creativity and spontaneity allows for deviation, many new experiences can unfold, some of which lead to a desire to dive down a deeper rabbit hole - one that maybe you wouldn't even have guessed at!

Exactly this.

Jo.Xx

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Hard boundaries must be respected at all times. No means No.

Absolutely they should, although I think this is where the difference between boundaries and limits comes into play, they go hand in hand but there is a subtle difference.

Either way if someone is asking to have their boundaries pushed I think it's safe to assume it's a soft boundary/limit

Indeed, communication is key - and boundaries has always been something discussed before a meet as far as I am concerned, helps things flow without awkwardness during a meet for starters, apart from the obvious reason.

I also think boundaries can broaden the more familiar and comfortable you are with someone, but again communication comes into it, and frankly on a site like this if you can't be open about what you do/don't like sexually I'm not sure where you can be.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Love being pushed to the limits "

The limits of what? That is like saying I you like eating ice-cream ? Ok but what flavor ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones."

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT. "

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though."

Does that mean you have no boundaries? You would be happy if I said I going to anal first you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread. Very interesting.. I’m so late on my interests and want to explore sexually. Most my life had a pretty normal sexlife and have yet to experience so many things. Also not known how to approach certain topics with some

Females in my past. I like how open ppl are here. And none judgemental it seems

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though.

Does that mean you have no boundaries? You would be happy if I said I going to anal first you? "

I have boundaries, and I always question them.

Think it might be a tad messy, struggling with piles at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though.

Does that mean you have no boundaries? You would be happy if I said I going to anal first you?

I have boundaries, and I always question them.

Think it might be a tad messy, struggling with piles at the moment."

I am truly sorry to hear that and hope they get clear soon x

I the purpose of the this thread was to point out that saying you want to push your sexual boundaries is like saying you want to do engage in sports. Great but what kind of sports?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though.

Does that mean you have no boundaries? You would be happy if I said I going to anal first you?

I have boundaries, and I always question them.

Think it might be a tad messy, struggling with piles at the moment.

I am truly sorry to hear that and hope they get clear soon x

I the purpose of the this thread was to point out that saying you want to push your sexual bo undaries is like saying you want to do engage in sports. Great but what kind of sports? "
. Good point actually. It’s quite general and could mean anything

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"To me, most boundaries are cognitive construct to support beliefs.

Unfortunately some are not supportive and the belief a behaviour bind.

(Phobia is a great example).

The mind hates confusion, hence it creates boundaries and paradigm.

Some boundaries need to be opened, there is always linguistic clues in this.

Some boundaries need a little more depth.

However, boundaries are not real, else we would all have the same ones.

Boundaries are real I know my limits when it comes to certain sexual acts. Like I know how far I will go when it comes to CBT.

Totally agree, they are real to you, not everyone though.

Does that mean you have no boundaries? You would be happy if I said I going to anal first you?

I have boundaries, and I always question them.

Think it might be a tad messy, struggling with piles at the moment.

I am truly sorry to hear that and hope they get clear soon x

I the purpose of the this thread was to point out that saying you want to push your sexual boundaries is like saying you want to do engage in sports. Great but what kind of sports? "

Oh right, wish you had said that and not implied it, thought after your cbt comment it had been generalised, so sorry.

However, what I said earlier still stands.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry for the confusion xx

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

People on here who want to push their own boundaries: Fine. Great. Have fun.

People on here who want to push other people's boundaries: Giant red flag. Consent violation waiting to happen. Avoid.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Its only a consent violation if its non consensual.

We like to help others experience things that could be deemed testing their limits or pushing their boundaries, but I do not see that as marking us with a red flag or being future consent violators. But to each their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it means butt stuff.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think it means butt stuff.

Why do you think that?

It can mean absolutely anything that someone has either not tried or perhaps is nervous about trying but wants to.

For example I've never experienced the cane, it both scares and excites me - if I were to experience it that would be pushing a boundary for me.

I think the point the OP was making however is that you often see people saying they want to push their boundaries, but they never specify what those boundaries are to be able to have them pushed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I note your comments - However, my stance remains unchanged. I still think it’s butt stuff

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I note your comments - However, my stance remains unchanged. I still think it’s butt stuff

Interested to know why you think that though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's anything I know about sex, it's that most people – regardless of gender – like a finger up the butt. It progresses from there. Next thing you know your a full blown anal addict. I’ve seen it in real life happen to mates. It’s debilitating. They really leave the house now as they are just obsessed with putting things up their arse. Scary times.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I was going to avoid contributing to this thread as many people I respect have already contributed.

So I want to approach the discussion from a different angle.

Lately there has been a number of threads started using terms also used in BDSM, but used in a sexual context. The OP when starting the thread was not clear whether they were talking about sex or BDSM (latterly clarified)

I distinguish between Modern BDSM practitioners who are RACK,SSC, or PRICK aware, and Old School BDSM where the sub just submits to the dom/me and has no say. The stereotype is of an all knowing "real dom/me" that knows best and takes control and indulges themselves to which "real subs" surrender in absolute rhapsody.

The reality was far different and one of subs being abused sexually, physically and emotionally. Out of this Modern BDSM developed where subs are empowered and their wishes (call them b

oundaries or limits) are respected.

In principle there is no problem with Old School BDSM and everyone is entitled to their own dynamic. That is provided the sub is aware there are other ways of being a sub, (i.e being empowered) and the sub has positively decided not to be empowered. Old School dom/mes tend to call themselves "true doms" and subs that don't submit to them or submit the way they want are "fake" which can be annoying or underming to a sub.

Throw into the mix the sex dynamic, lets call it swinging . The exploration of sexual boundaries is similar to exploration of BDSM boundaries, except the swinging exploration is all about sex. The problem with those in the sex dynamic is that they have only recently started thinking about consent, whereas those involved in Modern BDSM and go to events I would suggest are more aware of the issues of consent and the nuances. These issues are not so much based on words but on principles of behaviour.

Therefore a lot of these threads fall into confusion with Old School BDSM types, Modern BDSM types and swingers putting forward their divergent views.

Which is why people starting threads need to be clear about their topic, and in real life people need to be clear about the type of experience they are expecting.

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