FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection...

By *abio OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Yes ... Thorny subject... I am sure it happens to everyone and it is as much a part of swinging as a meet is

People have blocked... So that to me is a no thanks

People have never got back... So that to me is a no thanks

People have deleted mail... So that to me is a no thanks

People have written back and said no... So that to me is a no thanks

To me they are all the same... I brush myself down and move on... But for a lot of ppl it does matter.. But why?

Does a hand written no thanks get you any further forward? I don't understand why some get cut up over not getting a reply, when all I see by doing that is opening up a dialogue for ppl to try and change minds, or is opening to abuse...

Is one sort of no better for stroking an ego than another when the outcome is ultimately the same?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection doesn't hurt, expectation does !

and I think that is where a lot of people go wrong, they expect too much

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

If anyone is going to be bothered by a no in any of the above forms.... They best not mail me

I have (and will continue to) use all of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i don't understand it either as in real life u wouldn't expect to be everyones cup of tea why is a swinging site different x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i don't understand it either as in real life u wouldn't expect to be everyones cup of tea why is a swinging site different x

this is how i see it too

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont get rejected on here as i never send out a first message. But in real life we all get rejected. Whether its not being picked for the swimming team, not getting a job we went for we get rejected for things all the time. Its part of life so i cant understand why people on here would take it personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

rejection is part and parcel of life why. Only difference here is its not face to face so people dont have to say no. I see alot of woman complain about abuse off guys. I myself just try and send a pleasant message and take it from there. I would not even know what to put in a " why have you not replied message" seems embarrassing and desperate to me

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Rejection is part of life

Its how you get rejected that will depend on your reaction to it

In here yes I think sometime peoples expectations may be high,I also think that the way some people reject others is poor

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't send out messages, so don't get rejection. What I have noticed though is a rise in the amount of messages from people outwith my criteria criticising my choices.

One charmer stated overweight women trying to compete with hot young things shouldn't be so picky. Hmmm, wonder when he noticed I was overweight and picky - after he read my profile and saw he was excluded would have been a guess!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't send out messages, so don't get rejection. What I have noticed though is a rise in the amount of messages from people outwith my criteria criticising my choices.

"
what did he expect you to say. "yeah i see your point why dont you come over big boy" lol what a totally pointless fool. I hope you banned him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't send out messages, so don't get rejection. What I have noticed though is a rise in the amount of messages from people outwith my criteria criticising my choices.

"
what did he expect you to say. "yeah i see your point why dont you come over big boy" lol what a totally pointless fool. I hope you banned him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

urgh! it's the suggestion that it's a feckin' competition that pisses me off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

urgh! it's the suggestion that it's a feckin' competition that pisses me off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

i dont think i am too bad looking and i am a nice guy with a lot of friends.

it just all seems a bit impersonal on here sometimes and maybe thats why some people find it harder to take than others.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 19/07/12 13:46:35]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

it depends on people's experience on the web to be honest... it is part and parcel of the scene but unless you are aware of that it does come as a shock when the majority of your mails go unanswered.

I personally think that if someone has taken the time to read your profile in full, they match exactly what you are looking for ( albeit, in their mind at this point ) and they craft a well written message..... it is pretty piss poor just to delete that.

a 3 word message like 'fancy sucking this' deserves all it gets....

now we will get the 100 message a day stuff and I don't doubt that, but to scan through and delete the numpties with 3 words etc, would take a few minutes... the rest and I assume they will be few and far between as you hear that most messages are the 'fancy a fuck' ones...

I really think that if the shoe was on the other foot and females had to write them and craft different ones, they MAY have a different opinion., but it is not, nor will it ever be.

But no message sent should ever be guaranteed a reply..... and guys need to really understand that.

now the ones who have placed themselves on the altar of 'queen gash' and love the volumes of fawning mails because it strokes a low self esteem or a princess complex, well you will never really get replies from them that will lead to a meet.

But if after a few weeks on here and you still expect replies to ALL of your messages..... get real... IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN EVER.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it depends on people's experience on the web to be honest... it is part and parcel of the scene but unless you are aware of that it does come as a shock when the majority of your mails go unanswered.

a 3 word message like 'fancy sucking this' deserves all it gets....

I really think that if the shoe was on the other foot and females had to write them and craft different ones, they MAY have a different opinion., but it is not, nor will it ever be.

But no message sent should ever be guaranteed a reply..... and guys need to really understand that.

But if after a few weeks on here and you still expect replies to ALL of your messages..... get real... IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN EVER.

Beat me to it!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

urgh! it's the suggestion that it's a feckin' competition that pisses me off!

I was slightly irked as I'm here minding my own business, seeking playmates for me. It wouldn't cross my mind to write to somebody that states they're looking for a size 10 or smaller to complain about not meeting me because I'm a size 22 and telling them good look trying to pull an 18 year old!

Perhaps people are just fed up of the attitudes of others they just "head them off at the pass" and block.

Not nice for the ones that can take rejection, but sadly, you have no way of knowing.

Don't take it to heart OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How you cope with rejection goes very deep ... it's all linked with your confidence and also really deep seated stuff in your childhood too.

People just deal with it in different ways ... we should all learn to take it on the chin because it really can't be that personal when you don't know eacj other ... I found it tough at first to cope with rejection but now I'm an old hand at it ... as you say ... brush yourself down and move on ... life is a box of chocolates and we don't all like the same flavour I guess.

It is difficult when you spend time over something and start to look forward to it and especially when all the signals are there and then the rug is pulled from under your feet (still got the bruises)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of people on here, mainly single guys (though not tarring them all with the same brush), think that because you're members of a swinging site and enjoy the lifestyle, that you'll fuck anything that shows an interest.

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Lots of people on here, mainly single guys (though not tarring them all with the same brush), think that because you're members of a swinging site and enjoy the lifestyle, that you'll fuck anything that shows an interest.

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days"

you are spot on... I agree

but over the years in this forum, the threads started by females and couples over rejection are usually the ones written with the most venom.

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days"

Well your username suggest that you are up for everything which surely includes anything and anyone

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think some people need to realise that they will NEVER appeal to everyone and get over themselves.

People can and will change their minds. I doubt there are many of us who haven't been in correspondence with someone, everything looks promising - then nothing.

Most of us realise that people change their minds, are busy, get a better offer etc, some can't believe they've been "dumped". Needy people with fragile egos will struggle no matter what.

Not a lot to be done about that!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Not a lot to be done about that!"

Therapy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days

Well your username suggest that you are up for everything which surely includes anything and anyone

That's like saying your username is Sampson so if we cut off your hair you lose all your strength, it's just a username.

We're up for a lot of things, but everyone has preferences. Have to have an attraction to play with people, and if you can't handle a no to your message, you shouldn't be sending a message out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some people need to realise that they will NEVER appeal to everyone and get over themselves.

People can and will change their minds. I doubt there are many of us who haven't been in correspondence with someone, everything looks promising - then nothing.

Most of us realise that people change their minds, are busy, get a better offer etc, some can't believe they've been "dumped". Needy people with fragile egos will struggle no matter what.

Not a lot to be done about that!"

I agree totally

I think another 'trap' that people fall into is assuming that the person(s) on the other end of your message is corresponding with you and you alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days

Well your username suggest that you are up for everything which surely includes anything and anyone

That's like saying your username is Sampson so if we cut off your hair you lose all your strength, it's just a username.

We're up for a lot of things, but everyone has preferences. Have to have an attraction to play with people, and if you can't handle a no to your message, you shouldn't be sending a message out"

???? clearly misleading username!!!!!

you are clearly not up4everything cos it says in your profile what you dont do....

maybe it should up up4mostthings...??

and dont get so touchy,, its just a bit of harmless ribbing

it would be like me calling myself 'tinycock' when that clearly isnt the case...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have issues about rejection, you shouldn't be sending out messages. We expect to be rejected, that way if you are, there's no disappointment. If you're not, then happy days

Well your username suggest that you are up for everything which surely includes anything and anyone

That's like saying your username is Sampson so if we cut off your hair you lose all your strength, it's just a username.

We're up for a lot of things, but everyone has preferences. Have to have an attraction to play with people, and if you can't handle a no to your message, you shouldn't be sending a message out

???? clearly misleading username!!!!!

you are clearly not up4everything cos it says in your profile what you dont do....

maybe it should up up4mostthings...??

and dont get so touchy,, its just a bit of harmless ribbing

it would be like me calling myself 'tinycock' when that clearly isnt the case...

Not touchy at all, quite enjoy a bit of banter. Just proving a point that a username is just a username, not an advertisement of who you are or what you'll do.

With the right company, we are up for everything, but only when we're very comfortable with those people

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

i dont think i am too bad looking and i am a nice guy with a lot of friends.

it just all seems a bit impersonal on here sometimes and maybe thats why some people find it harder to take than others."

Trouble with this post Kenny, is that it sort of sounds like guys expect a shag just because they are on a swingers site. That is not going to happen until single men get the same reaction as women do from the men! It has been documented elsewhere how women of all shapes, sizes and looks can get a meet at the drop of a hat. It’s not their fault, that is the fault of guys who just want a shag! They can be picky, but guys will always have a hard time.

You may well be a good looking guy with lots of friends, but this is a site where we choose from what is on the profile. Are you really suggesting that couples and single women should arrange a social meet with anyone who mails, just so they can see the “real you”?

I don’t personally know Fabio, except what I have seen on the forums. Thing is, he actually comes across as a sane, sensible and well mannered guy. Not just sometimes, but all the time, so that gives us an idea of what he is like. Others who have met him say he is a good bloke too.. He may get his share of meets, but I’ll bet you he found it difficult at first!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Does a hand written no thanks get you any further forward?

Is one sort of no better for stroking an ego than another when the outcome is ultimately the same?"

To me it is the polite thing to do and people can still block after they have done it incase they get any more mail.

What I can't understand to how you get from a polite reply between adults to stroking an ego.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

i dont think i am too bad looking and i am a nice guy with a lot of friends.

it just all seems a bit impersonal on here sometimes and maybe thats why some people find it harder to take than others.

dont get me wrong, i dont expect anything from the site, i have been swinging for years and have many friends who i see for sexy fun. i was merely putting forward a reason why some people get cut up about rejection. personally i dont give a damn if people reject me i just sometimes wonder why...

i read profiles, i only message people, which is rare anyway, that i would appear to appeal to, i seem to fit the criteria they are looking for from what they say and then just get a 'no thanks' without explanation

i know i am one of very many 40 something average guys so i certainly wouldnt expect everyone to arrange a social meet but how can people make informed choices if they dont get to know people.

as i said it doesnt bother me, i can just empathise with some of the ones that do get upset by rejection.

and i wasnt havin a go at _abio either, he is obviously comes across as a great guy.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

For us, I ( Mrs ) only need the initial attraction to know wether I want to take things further....ie, if I don't fancy someone the conversation goes no further. I have been accused of being shallow, and I agree, it probably is, but we are not on here for a relationship, so the inital attraction has to be there before we will chat with a _iew to meeting so that could be why you get rejected at times by others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

but do you really think that you get an idea of someones attractiveness from a photo?

ok so you know what you dont like but how many times do you see verifications saying 'much better looking than their photo' etc etc

its just a point thats all, as i said i dont bother about people saying no thanks, i just sometimes wonder why..

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Yes ... Thorny subject... I am sure it happens to everyone and it is as much a part of swinging as a meet is

People have blocked... So that to me is a no thanks

People have never got back... So that to me is a no thanks

People have deleted mail... So that to me is a no thanks

People have written back and said no... So that to me is a no thanks

To me they are all the same... I brush myself down and move on... But for a lot of ppl it does matter.. But why?

Is one sort of no better for stroking an ego than another when the outcome is ultimately the same?"

Whilst I agree with the majority of what you say - messages which are deleted are not necessarily 'no' indications. Sometimes people delete all messages by accident (or so they say).

Some people I'm on chatting terms (and more) deleted my first message. Maybe the first message was a poor one, maybe they weren't interested at the time, maybe the second message struck a chord with them that made them want to find out more.

A second deleted message is more telling IMHO - then I leave alone....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

going back to an earlier thread. if someone contacts me, asks for pics, i send them and then im blocked with no more communication

im thinking rude tw4t(s) before moving on

if i get a sorry thanks for the pic but no thanks. im thinking fair enough they were nice enough to reply - before moving on

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"the thing is _abio it is obvious that you get more than your fair share of meets on here judging from your veries.

i suppose it is easier to move on for you if someone says no thanks because for you there will be another opportunity round the corner.

some people on here try very hard to write good messages and profiles and continually get rejected and eventually i can see it getting them down.

it doesnt bother me to a great extent but i do sometimes think 'why?' when people reject you having never got to know you but maybe just seen one picture.

but do you really think that you get an idea of someones attractiveness from a photo?

ok so you know what you dont like but how many times do you see verifications saying 'much better looking than their photo' etc etc

its just a point thats all, as i said i dont bother about people saying no thanks, i just sometimes wonder why.."

Well actually no, not from a photo . In our case it is a face on cam and chat that we go on but if I don't fancy the look of them, the conversation goes no further and we are polite and say so.

If I am honest, we take no notice of verifications as we like to make our own mind up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just had the perfect example of someone not handling rejection well.

Said he was a relaxed medical professional, with a free afternoon and would we like to meet. Replied that if he actually read our profile, he'd see why it's a no (we don't meet during the week, which is stated in our profile). His reply was "actually, get fucked".

Needless to say he's been reported to admin, but just proves that there are a lot of people on here who can't take rejection, who come across as nice, but as soon as you say that little two letter word, turn into psychos