FabSwingers.com forum: single girl safety.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have come to find quite a few single guys on this site get pissed off if i say first meet will be for a drink in a public place. Am i wrong to ask this?!

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

No, it isn't just you. Most of us meet away from our homes for an initial meet.

No way is a right or wrong way though, for others it will suit them to meet at home....it is whatever works for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No you are in your own right to say that, when i had a single profile it wasn't only me that demanded a drink in a public but also my partner who had a single profile as well. Don't ever change your mind stick with it... If they are genuine they will meet you and not worry about it. I found that it was too stressful going it alone in the end because the messages that i was getting were awful and often very blunt. So now we only have a couples profile and i can relax when having fun !!

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By *ounghornycouple1988Couple
over a year ago

bathgate

We meet at home but there is me n him although if I was single would onli ever meet in public place xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

do whatever makes YOU feel safe...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get it a lot, when i say i meet in a public place first for a drink with new people i get told its not a dating site by a few

I mean get a life how is meeting someone for a drink to see if you get on a date

There are lots of men who will happily meet you in public to put you at ease, anyone who cant respect your safty isnt worth bothering with

you put yourself first and do what you feel happy with dont change naything for anyone else, if they dont like how you do things they can go look elsewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always like a social meet first in a neutral public area, usually a coffee shop. It's works for me and I don't invite anyone to my home.

I know a couple of single females who have had a guy just turn up at their door when he's fancied a repeat meet. One had family at home too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ive been told that its not a dating site too. I go to townhouse on my own a lot and I find it easier there as i can have a drink and relax and not have to worry if something goes terribly wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think what you have there is a built in alarm bell....any guy who thinks its NOT reasonable for a woman to suggest somewhere neutral and public for a first meet should be avoided

Lets not bullshit we would all love to meet and fuck right away - it happens in the right circumstances but it should never be expected

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm doing a brand new meet on here (not someone I've met in a club) I always insist on a social meet somewhere public first. If the guy (or couple) get arsy about that then I'm of the opinion that its their loss!

You are doing the right thing. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ive been told that its not a dating site too. I go to townhouse on my own a lot and I find it easier there as i can have a drink and relax and not have to worry if something goes terribly wrong. "

Thing is you will replce these men a lot quicker than they will you, so if they dont want to do things you way just look for a guy who will do things your way

I dont think that women should call the shots on a meet, sex is a two way thing and both should have input but when it comes to meeting someone new i find it quite astounding how some guys expect you to just invite them to your home and fuck them without checking them out first

Surely every man realises how dangerous this could be for women and understand most women will want to out their safty first and respect a public meet to put the women they are meeting at ease

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By *orksvalleyguyMan
over a year ago

leeds

I wouldn't want to meet a woman I'd never met before in her home. Plain bonkers risky to do that!

If any guy is enough of a twat to get arsey about this after being lucky enough to get you to agree to meet him then bin him!

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By *utumnWoman
over a year ago

leeds

I always meet in a public place too if thats not acceptable then no meet. As added security let my friend know who I am meeting. If a further meet is arranged I always text her the address where I am going, never had any problems yet but you can't be too careful, that applies to single guys too one friend leaves details of where he's gone on his kitchen table just in case he doesn't come home!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Oh you'll find some right ones on here and they're getting arsier. The amount of messages I get asking what my problem is not meeting men that can't accommodate as I do is on the increase.

Don't let the creeps try and dictate how you go about your playtime. If they question don't even give them a second thought!

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I've done various scenarios....I've invited one or two men to mine as a first meet after messaging/chatting a while and I've had social meets only as well and I've also met new guys in a hotel so's we could play if we got on....Whoever I'm meeting, if they're new, I mail/text my friend their profile name and any other details I have about them just in case my bones end up strewn across the fells/moors/under a patio....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thats really bad! i hope you gave his name to the right people. This is the reason I insist on public meets.

a lot of people I have met in the past have been great with this.

Another 1 I get when i ask to meet for a drink is " I have drinks i can bring round!" no thats no y i want to go for 1!!

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By *iceguydaveMan
over a year ago

Monmouth

Let's face it, if you don't feel comfortable and safe, you aren't going to enjoy the meeting and it probably isn't going to lead anywhere - so it's just common sense for you to insist on a public meet initially.

Any fella (or couple for that matter) who doesn't like it is being unreasonable, frankly.

I'd also go further than some above who've said about texting a friend/trusted person with where you're going, who you're meeting, etc.: I'd suggest that you get that friend to call you, at a set point after your meet is due to start, to give you a 'getout' - if you're not happy with how it's going, it's easy for the call to be a 'family emergency', without you having to be blunt and face any awkwardness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often meet couples away from our home on a first meet,, sometimes you just arent sure about people,, and as a single female you have to be doubly careful usually (i have seen some pretty strong/tough looking women on here)

If guys get angry that the first meet has to be away from your home then you dont wanna meet with them anyway because they dont respect you.. and if they cant respect your self preservation instinct then what else dont they respect about you.

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By *orkscrew CurlsWoman
over a year ago

Loughborough Leics

Unfortunately for us some women do invite guys straight to their homes, and greet them virtually naked. So guys can come to expect it.

I'm the same as you and am cautious, like to chat on cam to confirm pics, let someone know where I'm going and who with, and am certainly not afraid to say no thanks if we don't click.

I ask what their problem is? Are they embarrassed to be seen in public with me? Or have they something to hide (ie a wife...)

Stick to your guns! There are plenty of guys who are respectful and play by the rules.

Curls x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no you have the right to meet where and when you want to, if they dont like it they can JOG ON.

You crack on babe xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was starting to think I had got it wrong by wanting to meet in public first. I was sick of being made to think I was asking for too much.

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By *ncMan
over a year ago

Dudley

As a single guy I would always expect to meet a single girl in a public place for the first meet, and I always advise newbies to do just that. In my opinion a man who objects to that is not someone I'd advise any girl to meet.

It's also a good idea to have a friend who knows who you're meeting, where and when. A quick call or text to say you're ok by an arranged time gives you a backstop just in case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy, even I prefer to meet at a neutral location first. What's the point of meeting at your or my home if we don't have anything in common? If I was just looking for a quick one, there are loads of women hanging around in pubs and night clubs. I'm picky about who I have sex with, no matter how horny I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was starting to think I had got it wrong by wanting to meet in public first. I was sick of being made to think I was asking for too much."

lots of men on here just want to turn up at your home, fuck and leave, they cant be arsed with anything that involves more than that so they will make you feel guilty to try and get you to change your mind, ive been called a time waster for not handing out my adress to stangers to come fuck me while my kids are in bed at 3am

Some will say what they think is needed to get you to do it their way

stick to your guns x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I have took the post off with a serious allegation about another member on it...if you quoted that post that will have been removed too.

To the poster of it report to the police plus Admin please.

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By *r mrs pCouple
over a year ago

taunton

"I have took the post off with a serious allegation about another member on it...if you quoted that post that will have been removed too.

To the poster of it report to the police plus Admin please."

not many females are believed when they report incidents to the police,if you say you met through swinging site,they sure as hell will not believe it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/07/12 17:57:59]

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I have previously met people at home as a first meet as I have a very good safety mechanism. But I have changed that and find it shocking when men ask where are they expected to fuck me then? I did suggest to one that I met him at his place then. I had no intention of doing that and was not surprised when his response was that he did not have 'strange women' back to his home.

I know it has been said before but there does seem to be a widespread assumption that the woman must accommodate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know it has been said before but there does seem to be a widespread assumption that the woman must accommodate."

ive always said that, its almost like some unwritten rule, guys talk to me like its already decided they're coming here sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was starting to think I had got it wrong by wanting to meet in public first. I was sick of being made to think I was asking for too much."

Like Perky said earlier, you set YOUR way of handling meets SAFELY and you stick to them WITHOUT exception - if a guy or anyone else won't abide by them then report and block. And as for an answer to any who want to come to your place, just remind them to go look at your profile PROPERLY where it says that you cannot accommodate....

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I have took the post off with a serious allegation about another member on it...if you quoted that post that will have been removed too.

To the poster of it report to the police plus Admin please.

not many females are believed when they report incidents to the police,if you say you met through swinging site,they sure as hell will not believe it."

How would you know that? Either way, this isn't the place to make allegations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have took the post off with a serious allegation about another member on it...if you quoted that post that will have been removed too.

To the poster of it report to the police plus Admin please.

not many females are believed when they report incidents to the police,if you say you met through swinging site,they sure as hell will not believe it.

How would you know that? Either way, this isn't the place to make allegations."

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I know it has been said before but there does seem to be a widespread assumption that the woman must accommodate.

ive always said that, its almost like some unwritten rule, guys talk to me like its already decided they're coming here sometimes

Ditto, which means that not only are they demanding nitwits, but they also haven't read my profile. DELETE!!

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By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I mean get a life. How is meeting someone for a drink to see if you get on, a date

Erm.....isn't that exactly what a date is?

OP, ignore them. You look after yourself. The guys who moan about a social meet first are just showing their true colours now rather than later. Better they do it now, over the net, rather than when you're in your house alone together!

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By *r mrs pCouple
over a year ago

taunton

"I have took the post off with a serious allegation about another member on it...if you quoted that post that will have been removed too.

To the poster of it report to the police plus Admin please.

not many females are believed when they report incidents to the police,if you say you met through swinging site,they sure as hell will not believe it.

How would you know that? Either way, this isn't the place to make allegations.

know that because my sister works helps battered wives[ rarely believed]

the lady who posted the comment in the first place to not make an allegation against anybody,just told what had happened to her.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

Always meet in public first. Exchange phone numbers and if it's just a mobile then get something else that can be used to identify someone.

I've even given a meet my car registration plate before a meet... why should I worry? I'm not an axe murderer so have nothing to fear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think what you have there is a built in alarm bell....any guy who thinks its NOT reasonable for a woman to suggest somewhere neutral and public for a first meet should be avoided

Lets not bullshit we would all love to meet and fuck right away - it happens in the right circumstances but it should never be expected"

Mr Chunky has it spot on for me.

When i was a single fem on here, i always met for a drink first.

Ok i might have played later the same night. But that was my choice, and i never promised the guys anything.

If a guy doesnt want to meet that way, he can respectfully tell you, not give you shit about it!!!

Lets face it, if the guy is already disrespecting you in messages on here, what is he going to be like on an actual meet??

Personally, if the guy is disrespectful or pushy in messages, I take it he will be a bad meet. And so say 'no ta'!!

Meet the way YOU want to!!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I'm not an axe murderer so have nothing to fear."

You might if she is!

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I've chatted to some for ages before meeting up but that's sometimes just the circumstances.

This site is what you make it, it may not be a dating site but I have made good friends from it and I do play with them as regularly as I can. I meet new people in public places and am now running out of Costa places lol.

Personal safety is paramount and whatever you feel safe is what counts, not anyone else's opinion. Like a previous post said if they don't like it move on, plenty more guys on here looking for meets than there are women. We are mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, grannies, etc men seem to forget that at times.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"I'm not an axe murderer so have nothing to fear.

You might if she is!

I guess I should be wary if a meet insists on tieing me to her bed on a first meet.

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

if people arent happy to do things your way, then they arent for you.

even we always meet in public first to scope each other out.

if people arent happy to do that, then we move on.

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Dont have a prob with an initial meet in a public place. CCTV is a single gals best friend and a proper guy should relise and respect that. Ya get a lot further when a gal feels safe than if your a pushy fucker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have come to find quite a few single guys on this site get pissed off if i say first meet will be for a drink in a public place. Am i wrong to ask this?!

I think you're right to do this. Stick to your guns and if they don't like it then don't meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a guy who wanted to meet at my home first and kept pushing when I said that I wanted a social meet before taking him home, plus I'm half of a couple and he wanted to meet only me not my partner although he would then come home to play with us both! Needless to say, we never did and never will meet! Disrespectful I call it as he took not notice of my needs or my partners

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By *orth West CoupleCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"I have come to find quite a few single guys on this site get pissed off if i say first meet will be for a drink in a public place. Am i wrong to ask this?!

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

"
Nope it's not you...but maybe you name might give them the wrong impression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer a meet in a public place but I did have a guy message me once who meets at his place or 'yours', I declined, told him, in the nicest possible way that it was an idiotic thing to do

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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

So much more fun when both parties are relaxed. Any man that realises that will accomodate a drink first.

Stick to your guns if that is what will make the experience better for you then I'm sure when play time comes around the lucky fella will be grateful!

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I have come to find quite a few single guys on this site get pissed off if i say first meet will be for a drink in a public place. Am i wrong to ask this?!

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

I think it is a wise precaution.

Having said that - I have met a couple of people at their home on a first meet.

Now, I know I'm a decent guy, and I guess the (long) conversations we had before we met must have convinced them I was an 'OK guy'.

But my advice would still be to meet on neutral and public territory first...

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Having your first meet in a public place rather than inviting them straight to your home has the following advantages:

1) You can guarantee that they ARE who you've seen in the pictures.

2) You can make sure that there is some level of physical attraction between the both of you, without feeling pressured to do anything.

3) You get a rough idea of what they're going to be like on a personal level, and can decide there and then if this is a person you want to bring into your home. - If they're not, you've lost nothing other than time. They don't know where you live or where you frequent, so cannot physically harass you if they turn out to be an asshole or a weirdo.

4) If you find yourself in a dangerous situation, you're not trapped in a confined space with them. There are people around you who can help.

- Men/Women/Couples who argue and try and pressure you into changing your terms are selfish and usually end up being a huge disappointment anyway.

If they can't appreciate that you're being smart and taking the steps you need to feel comfortable, then they're not worth meeting. Simple as.

As many others have said, "Stick to your guns". You don't have to lower your standards for ANYBODY.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having your first meet in a public place rather than inviting them straight to your home has the following advantages:

1) You can guarantee that they ARE who you've seen in the pictures.

2) You can make sure that there is some level of physical attraction between the both of you, without feeling pressured to do anything.

4) If you find yourself in a dangerous situation, you're not trapped in a confined space with them. There are people around you who can help.

- Men/Women/Couples who argue and try and pressure you into changing your terms are selfish and usually end up being a huge disappointment anyway.

If they can't appreciate that you're being smart and taking the steps you need to feel comfortable, then they're not worth meeting. Simple as.

As many others have said, "Stick to your guns". You don't have to lower your standards for ANYBODY.

- Amy. x"

Always trust your inner voice too. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Better to miss the chance with someone nice than to ignore that nagging feeling that something isn't quite right, and they turn out to be a nutjob. x

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Always trust your inner voice too. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Better to miss the chance with someone nice than to ignore that nagging feeling that something isn't quite right, and they turn out to be a nutjob. x"

Exactly! Well said.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have our "swinging rules", if someone doesn't like any of yours, excluding the personal safety issue, tell them to shuffle off and let their right hand get aquainted with their cock xx

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By *orksvalleyguyMan
over a year ago

leeds

I work in an organisation providing advice and support to people. Very occasionally we have to do home visits rather than someone come in to see us and we would never be allowed to do one unaccompanied.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Whether it is your home or your body, you should only invite someone in if you are entirely happy.

As others have said, meeting in public is entirely sensible. Stick to your standards and have fun. The same should go for anyone, guy or girl. I know if I'm not entirely comfortable, nothing doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do right too many nutters around nowadays its only right to feel comfortable first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go with your gut instinct and stay safe. If anyone has a problem with it, then you have to immediately doubt their intentions. I personaly have no problem meeting people socially first, if it leads to more, great, if not, then what's it cost you, the price of a drink or two. I find meeting for br_nch can be quite relaxing, doesn't seem as pressurized as a night out and gives you the whole day to see what happens, if you don't get on, then you've not wasted a day and if you do then you can take things as they come. Plus its daytime and inherently safer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm glad load of people have agreed with me as I was starting to loose faith. Feeling that this site was full of single guys just after cheap sex. I thought swinging was there to explore more then a quick fuck. It's about making friends and contacts along the way.

Safe sex should always be top priority from using protection to protecting yourself. I've had men beg for bareback sex, to come straight over after 1 message to "smash" me and other having a go at me calling me a crank/ bunny boiler for saying first meets will be for a drink. What happened to flirting and exploring each other before deciding if they are worth my time??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think what you have there is a built in alarm bell....any guy who thinks its NOT reasonable for a woman to suggest somewhere neutral and public for a first meet should be avoided

Lets not bullshit we would all love to meet and fuck right away - it happens in the right circumstances but it should never be expected"

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"I have come to find quite a few single guys on this site get pissed off if i say first meet will be for a drink in a public place. Am i wrong to ask this?!

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

No it's not wrong...you do things the way you are comfortable and happy with.

But equally different ways, work for different people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

huh?

Since when did a simple chat stop a man from being two-faced and then setting about you?

If a man wants to hurt you, there is very little you can do about it save pepper spray, a taser or a kick to the balls and running off to other men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I ment that I get a lot of 1st messages saying can I come to urs to give u a seeing too. Not hi there etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I ment that I get a lot of 1st messages saying can I come to urs to give u a seeing too. Not hi there etc"

Why hello thar.

Fancy a steak at the local? I'm quite ravenous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its your rules men have to respect that full stop as the meercats say simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

huh?

Since when did a simple chat stop a man from being two-faced and then setting about you?

If a man wants to hurt you, there is very little you can do about it save pepper spray, a taser or a kick to the balls and running off to other men. "

Although that comment may be true I don't think it's very constructive. The point of coffee first is to see if you get on, and also to see if there's an inkling that the bloke may be a nut.

Of course the nicest bloke can turn into a psycho behind closed doors. But still....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm glad load of people have agreed with me as I was starting to loose faith. Feeling that this site was full of single guys just after cheap sex. I thought swinging was there to explore more then a quick fuck. It's about making friends and contacts along the way.

The site is full of single blokes looking for free sex, not cheap sex.

However there's also a ton of nice people too. Just got to ignore the ones that are rude and send one line mails. Or block them.

Nowt wrong with what you're doing, don't let them make you question it. Chatting and flirting is good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

message message and message again until you are sure they are ok then, and only when you are sure meet for a coffee in a public place.

Always listen to your inner voice and if it says hes not what he seems then leave alone.

If they are genuine they will wait and understand your fears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met couples within one or two hours of them getting in contact with me,meeting at my place and at their's.i have to admit it was exciting with an element of the unknown about it!

Fortunately it was all good and there was no problems.however you can't be too careful and maybe the next time ,as you sometimes hear,it might not go to plan!!

Of course it's different for a man and It's a risk we , more often than not, foolishly take! I think it's wise for a single woman to meet up for a drink in public and I have no problem with that scenario, I always like to make that suggestion.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I state clearly on my profile that I always meet in a public place for the first meet. That way if anyone gets funny I can remind them that I made it clear and if they only looked at the pics and didn't read then that's their fault not mine.

I have a selection of coffee shops and cafes which I can get to with no trouble and where I feel comfortable in case I get stood up or which are discreet in case we start swapping saucy stories.

I prefer ti meet for coffee as people can be different when drinking...

Like others I have a safety friend. That way if I do go to a hotel or to someones house she knows where ti come with the rotty and the baseball bat...

I rarely invite back to mine, even when I have played a couple if times. If all else fails I have a couples card for my local club so we always have a place to play if the don't/won't accom and money's tight.

One last thing: gird yourself to be straight and tell guys at the meet if you don't want things to go further. It can seem very harsh but honesty is the best policy - getting home and booting up the computer to say no thanks can get complicated if they've sent you a "you're so gorgeous I can't wait" message. Far better to tell them to their face in a safe place where they are unlikely to kick off. I have met men with fake pics, old and out of date pics, men with poor hygiene, men who lied about height, age and body type, even a man who sobbed about his wife leaving him - then couldn't understand why I didn't want to play!

I also write (most of) my verifications based on the coffee meet; I want to know if someone will turn up on time, by socially presentable, be sociable, be well groomed with good personal hygiene, look like his pics and profile. Whether I fancy him or how many orgasms I had later are far more subjective!

Good luck and stick to your guns honey - some of those men will be crawling back in a week or so when they discover that meets don't drop in their laps.

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By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

[Removed by poster at 18/07/12 21:46:52]

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By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Even as a couple, we prefer a social meet before any sexual meets take place.

Safety aside (important for a single female, not so for us) I, particularly, need to know that I can connect on some level with a guy before he dips his wick.

I don't think that a social hour or so before someone fucks me/us is too much to ask. If they do - tough! (plus, it gives them the opportunity to say no thanks too lol)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although that comment may be true I don't think it's very constructive. The point of coffee first is to see if you get on, and also to see if there's an inkling that the bloke may be a nut.

Of course the nicest bloke can turn into a psycho behind closed doors. But still....

I speak from experience, believe me.

I know of a few guys are force themselves onto women but have a different face when dealing with friends or other men.

He is one of the guys, a talkative person.

But when he gets horny, you need to watch him behave and this is in public mind you.

I've talked to a couple of girls he has pretty much tried to rape. These women have known him for a while and 1 of them is on the same degree course as him.

Do not trust your ability to spot nutters or rapists so easily. If they want to conceal it, they can.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

What happened to respect and safety?

And why do men think I will just let them into my family home with out a good chat first?!

Is it just me??

huh?

Since when did a simple chat stop a man from being two-faced and then setting about you?

If a man wants to hurt you, there is very little you can do about it save pepper spray, a taser or a kick to the balls and running off to other men. "

There speaks the voice of experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although that comment may be true I don't think it's very constructive. The point of coffee first is to see if you get on, and also to see if there's an inkling that the bloke may be a nut.

Of course the nicest bloke can turn into a psycho behind closed doors. But still....

I speak from experience, believe me.

I know of a few guys are force themselves onto women but have a different face when dealing with friends or other men.

He is one of the guys, a talkative person.

But when he gets horny, you need to watch him behave and this is in public mind you.

I've talked to a couple of girls he has pretty much tried to rape. These women have known him for a while and 1 of them is on the same degree course as him.

Do not trust your ability to spot nutters or rapists so easily. If they want to conceal it, they can.

Fair point. I apologise for misunderstanding. I do know 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality types so I know how true that is.

Got to be careful but also at some point you have to trust a little bit or we'd never meet anyone. Better to meet for a coffee first and try to suss a bloke out and see if there are any warning signs, than to go straight into a meet. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've done both, met publicly first and also met at people's houses. However that is the both of us together. If we were to meet separately we would meet in public first. Nothing wrong with checking them out before taking it further, plus in our experience it was quite fun as we started swapping naughty stories in the restaurant!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's important for us to think of two things when we're meeting - our pleasure and our safety.

Set the boundaries and rules that are right for you, and only meet people that are complementary to what you're needing and completely respect you and your wishes.

There are some potentially dodgy characters - though these are likely few and far between. Being in a public place allows such equipment as CCTV and other people seeing you both together, and this will deter some, if they have other ulterior motives.

I'd include your meet demands in your profile - sorry, I haven't re_iewed it, to see if it's there. Whilst not everyone reads or respects profile details/limitations, it does set the tone and would put off some that wouldn't meet in public etc. It's easier for you if you never get contacted by people that aren't suitable, as messaging etc takes time and energy of course. If your meet preference is there, and people are still ignoring it, perhaps modify it, so that it's even more explcit and emphasised.

You may also find that it's certain types of people that won't meet publicly - maybe someone cheating, or more local etc. Filtering who you're potentially interested in could help minimise that too.

Overall, as a single girl, it is imperative that your safety is managed. Trust your gut instinct - I prefer not to meet if I'm _ncomfortable in any way. Good luck!!

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By *ourgeMan
over a year ago

stourport nr kidderminster

do what best for you . if they dont like it ,be thier lose and thier are plenty more people on hear who will respected what you want , i had the same from a couple who wanted to come to mine, with out havung drink first, i said no , and they did not like that either,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

always meeting in a public place for a single woman is the best, have met many that way as then it gives both parties the time to check each other out, with no strings and then can see if want to play from there. Respect works both ways!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personaly i have been meeting up for coffee with single girls for years ... i think they are very brave as there are lots of nutters out and about

if i get the feeling they are unsure about a meet i insist them bringing a friend male or female... most have a friend that know were they are and what they are doing, so i dont mind if they come as well

normaly 1st meets never end in bedso why not bring a friend

thats my _iew

happy swinging be safe play safe

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Just master the art of telling people to their faces that coffee is all that will be had...

Its much better to have that conversation pleasantly face to fave and part on good terms. And if they don't take it well you've really saved yourself bother!

It also gives them the opportunity to say no if you're not their type.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fair point. I apologise for misunderstanding. I do know 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality types so I know how true that is.

Personally if I ever saw him molest or force himself onto a girl I will deal with him there and then.

Nothing keeps men in line than another man breathing down his neck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fair point. I apologise for misunderstanding. I do know 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality types so I know how true that is.

Personally if I ever saw him molest or force himself onto a girl I will deal with him there and then.

Nothing keeps men in line than another man breathing down his neck."

If he's really that bad have a word with the girls and see if they will put a complaint in. Otherwise your gentle word with him could end up with you in trouble not him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he's really that bad have a word with the girls and see if they will put a complaint in. Otherwise your gentle word with him could end up with you in trouble not him."

The girls wont say anything, they're either scared of being made to complain about him and will be made a social outcast.

They all say "soandso is awful, I hate him" and the like but they still talk to him in a friendly way and rely on him.

Not all of them are like that but there is 0 evidence to back him up.

The guy wants to be a teacher aswell. The guys in the group all know about this but he is chummy with all of them.

One guy he does avoid however is the BF of a girl he forced himself onto. He had words spoken to him I know for sure.

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