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Reciprocity

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I know everyone has their likes and dislikes but I just want to hear your opinions on your play partner

- receiving blow jobs but refusing to give them

- wanting you to remove all your hair but not their own

- wanting to give you anal sex but refusing to rim you or let you do anything to their ass

- having their orgasm every time but leaving you to assist yourself into climax if at all

I get it if these are terms you agree upon before but from a regular play friends please help me understand this. I made a decision this year that without reciprocity I would rather be celibate. I’m done with all the giving and not getting. What could I do differently to ask for what I want without terrifying the shit out of my partner? I’m not a fan of making anyone do what they’re not into so am I just better off waiting and sticking to my guns till the right FB how enjoys mutual reciprocity shows up? Any tips welcome x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take sex off the table until you get to know someone a little better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also wouldn't stand for things being one sided (some things I don't want to reciprocate, but taking those aside)

Just make it clear from the start that you're looking for a mutual thing, not something where only one person benefits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would make sure there is sexual chemistry before meeting.

So all this stuff doesn't apply with me

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I was in a one sided relationship once, never again.

You both need to enjoy each other if there are too many mismatches are you really compatible.

Personally I wouldn't choose to play with someone who didn't enjoy most of what I do and vice versa

Is it time for both of you to have an open conversation

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If something you want terrifies the shit out of your partner, they shouldn't be your partner. It sounds to me that you need to take control, kick his lazy, selfish arse out the door and find someone who enjoys sex as a whole, not just for their own pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks I ended it a while ago. I’m just trying to learn from my mistakes xx

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It has to work both ways and you can usually get a good idea long before you get to the bedroom just by the direction of the conversation.

Most people who are selfish in bed will talk about themselves but never ask about you.

It's one of the reasons I use the word mutual on my profile and insist on two way conversation.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

There’s loads of male profiles on here who say they are all about mutual pleasure, love giving etc.

Shouldn’t be that hard, purely from a sex point of view, for a woman to find a giving partner on fab.

I can understand real life relationships being a bit trickier to navigate when people are looking for a whole range of compatible life goals etc.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Life is full of compromises. If you are the one who always have to make the compromises then you need to work out whether the positives of the relationship are worth the negatives.

Nobody should be expected to rim if they don't want to, but the rest does sound selfish.

The thing that you have listed that is a big problem is that he gets to climax most times and you don't. That's a sign of selfishness.

It sounds like you have problems with sexual compatibility, and that's a serious problem. It certainly won't fix itself. If this were a romantic relationship there might be upsides to the relationship. Having somebody whose principal benefit to you is satisfying you sexually and they don't do that does sound to me like it's time to move on. It's not like there aren't loads of options for you out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found myself in that situstion in a few relationships. They never lasted. When i played as a single on here before meeting john if the guy i met was a crap shag id not meet up with him again. As s swinger you can pic and chose if you fancy meeting them again. But in a relationship other things might be great so you tuff if out hoping they will change bur in my experiences they did not even try so i walked. I had my lottery win meeting this one as its the best sex of my life, and he is as kinky as myself . Jen

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK


"I know everyone has their likes and dislikes but I just want to hear your opinions on your play partner

- receiving blow jobs but refusing to give them

- wanting you to remove all your hair but not their own

- wanting to give you anal sex but refusing to rim you or let you do anything to their ass

- having their orgasm every time but leaving you to assist yourself into climax if at all

I get it if these are terms you agree upon before but from a regular play friends please help me understand this. I made a decision this year that without reciprocity I would rather be celibate. I’m done with all the giving and not getting. What could I do differently to ask for what I want without terrifying the shit out of my partner? I’m not a fan of making anyone do what they’re not into so am I just better off waiting and sticking to my guns till the right FB how enjoys mutual reciprocity shows up? Any tips welcome x"

There has to be reciprocity... but rather than doing the things he wants but him not doing what you want, just abstain from doing those things that he wants unless he reciprocates.

He won’t go down on you?... Don’t go down on him.

He won’t shave?... Don’t shave yourself

You should never do anything for anyone if they won’t do it for you.

And if it’s something that you need to have from him that he won’t do, he’s not the one for you and there’s plenty out their that will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for this thread OP. Thanks so much.

I like a balance of sexual energies and passions but when it feels like its just you doing all the work or constantly changing yourself for the other persons pleasure its unsatisfying!

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

This has happened in the past but now I have no qualms about saying no to someone if I think they are being selfish and it's all about them. For me it should be about both people getting pleasure not just one of you.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Sex, like any part of a relationship requires good communication and negotiation.

However, my own opinion is that a successful relationship is not a case of you get out what you put in, but more that all people involved get out of it what they need/want/desire and forget about what you put in. You put in what is needed to ensure a healthy relationship.

If I want oral, but my partner is not interested in performing oral, then I have to assess how important that is to me and try to understand their aversion. If its a deal breaker then should the relationship end!?!?

I don’t feel that to get oral I have to give anything in return, be that oral or taking the bins out.

However the flip side is also true, if my partner wants oral then I wont issue an ultimatum, demand or covert contract.

The idea being that we are both happy to carry out activities that the other enjoys because they enjoy it.

If that leads to a “one sided relationship” where one person gets all the fun, then as long as its all agreed and the other person isn't feeling taken for granted then its all good.

But then again, my relationships involve D/s so I may not be aligned with many others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know everyone has their likes and dislikes but I just want to hear your opinions on your play partner

- receiving blow jobs but refusing to give them

- wanting you to remove all your hair but not their own

- wanting to give you anal sex but refusing to rim you or let you do anything to their ass

- having their orgasm every time but leaving you to assist yourself into climax if at all

I get it if these are terms you agree upon before but from a regular play friends please help me understand this. I made a decision this year that without reciprocity I would rather be celibate. I’m done with all the giving and not getting. What could I do differently to ask for what I want without terrifying the shit out of my partner? I’m not a fan of making anyone do what they’re not into so am I just better off waiting and sticking to my guns till the right FB how enjoys mutual reciprocity shows up? Any tips welcome x

There has to be reciprocity... but rather than doing the things he wants but him not doing what you want, just abstain from doing those things that he wants unless he reciprocates.

He won’t go down on you?... Don’t go down on him.

He won’t shave?... Don’t shave yourself

You should never do anything for anyone if they won’t do it for you.

And if it’s something that you need to have from him that he won’t do, he’s not the one for you and there’s plenty out their that will."

This.

I had a selfish ex and the like the poster above I stopped doing what he wanted if he wouldn't reciprocate... Don't feel you have to put up with it.

I'm now upfront with any playmates that I am a little selfish and prefer to be pleasured than do the pleasuring and never had any complaints.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone. I stopped exactly like you suggested. He didn’t budge and that really highlighted how unwilling he was to meet me halfway. So called it off as it was no longer giving me what I needed. I think I just need to not feel guilty for articulating my needs and insisting they get met along the way.

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By *aturasqCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Really interesting thread.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

My view is that if your on here you shouldn't ask.doe what you are not prepared to do yourself.

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By *ostonJoeMan
over a year ago

Boston

A balanced relationship is not about reciprocating like for like, but receiving what you want and giving the partner what they want. All the time respecting each others boundaries and not expecting them to go beyond the limits. From time to time the ballance can shift and that is where communication is important to let the other side know you feel undervalued. If you ultimately cannot agree or continue to feel undervalued then all you can do is withdraw from that relationship.

.

.

Try introducing the sexy sticker board of rewards into your relationship. You can set the trade value of precious relationship balancing expectations and keep up to date with how much you have on account. Should you feel undervalued at any time you can renegotiate the inequity of a yellow 'blow job' only being of 20% the value of the red 'romantic meal' sticker, such as from March 29th 2017. The ballance of yellow stickers should be carried over to the next month, like your mobile data is. It wasn't your fault you you couldn't complete the other four that month. Just don't be surprised when he comes up with that big brown 'birthday bum sex' sticker from 2001! I know he always brings that up, but he was looking forward to it all year and you let him down.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Thanks everyone. I stopped exactly like you suggested. He didn’t budge and that really highlighted how unwilling he was to meet me halfway. So called it off as it was no longer giving me what I needed. I think I just need to not feel guilty for articulating my needs and insisting they get met along the way. "

Never feel guilty for making sure your needs or wants are met!

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By *hank you sirMan
over a year ago

colchester

Call me naive but I assumed everyone reciprocated. Its very selfish for one person to climax and not the other, and personally I'd be rather rattled by that outcome myself

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By *i de BiCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

Meeting at our house but not theirs .

No kissing but cock sucking is ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks. I lasted as long as I did because of the give and take aspects you all mention. But in the end the fact that he was totally cool to take certain things and categorically refuse to give them was a flagrant reciprocity issue for me- predominantly around me orgasming. And yes you’re right that did lead to me feeling diminished. like I was some kind of desperate housewife that would just accept it as better than nothing and be grateful.

So many choices of men on here so I know I will be ok. Thanks beautiful people xxx

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip


"Thanks everyone. I stopped exactly like you suggested. He didn’t budge and that really highlighted how unwilling he was to meet me halfway. So called it off as it was no longer giving me what I needed. I think I just need to not feel guilty for articulating my needs and insisting they get met along the way. "

Good for you, but you are not the one who should feel guilty. You were meeting his needs and he wasn't meeting yourself. That's down to him, not you.

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