FabSwingers.com forum: focusing on negatives....

By *abio OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

okay... after seeing the millionth "why can't I get a meet because I am young/old/muscular/black/white/bi" thread.... I wondered why people focused so much on the things they can't control... as opposed to the things they can...

basically... are these just "easy excuses/easy get outs".... but don't actually solve any underlying issues....

I tend to suggest instead of concentrating on the things you can't control... focus on the things you can, and just be the best "you" you can be....

actually... is the issue the fact that you can't appeal to everyone, so what you do is try to turn those you can't rather than focus on those you can.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed. Stick to who you are because the truth will always out.....

However, you're always gonna get those who 'change' to suit others. The amount of 'straight' guys who suddenly are 'orally bi' when they read our profile is amazing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all know there are more men than women on here, but when i meet men who moan about it or that because of their age people arent interested.

i just think they shouldnt be so negative and older men are the worst for moaning about things sometimes.

people of all ages and looks get to meet others on here, maybe just not as often as they would like to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fabio this is a good topic and just might get some flack of peole but i for one will be watching it

To answer the question -

Do you think the reasons could be more down to the fact that those that complain, regardless of thier sexual preferences, dont have a personality or are to stuck up thier own arse to think beyond a shag ?

Just my opinion folks !!!

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By *woBiTwoCouple
over a year ago

north manchester

If we see a profile with any ranting on it (updates moaning about time-wasters, increasing block-lists etc) it's an immediate turn-off for us and we move on. "Accen-tuate the positive.... elim-inate the negative...."

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

some think that self pity is attractive and it is usually as a result of unrealistic expectations.

they hear about swingers and visualise orgies and a mass free for all... they join and after a very short time REALITY hits them smack in the face.

and they can't understand it or deal with the feeling of rejection, so they either wallow in it, in the hope of a 'feel sorry for them' shag or question others in the hope of changing their minds.

if I am very, very honest, I do feel for them as it is really easy to question it as someone who has evolved over time on the site. I think completely differently from when I first joined.. my under arching guiding principles and values are intact, my approach has changed considerably.

if people were to celebrate their strengths, be confident in their approach and give off positivity... they will achieve, in varying degrees as some will always do better than others. rather than knock them down, look at what they do differently from you and adapt.

swinging can do wonders for people with low self esteem, it can also be last nail in the coffin for a few...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People in general will always blame outside influences/others for their own lack of success - be it in relationships, work, life in general or in this case - not getting the attention they're seeking!

A lot of the time a misunderstanding of the environment and preconceptions about how easy things will be don't help - a lot of assumptions are made by people who think things will be handed to them on a silver platter!

Those who are in it for a quick fix will always moan and whinge far more than those who are thinking longer term and without expectation!

But that's the same whether you're a new site member - or you've just attempted to 'buy' the premiership title!

All good things come to those that wait!

Patience, people!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we see a profile with any ranting on it (updates moaning about time-wasters, increasing block-lists etc) it's an immediate turn-off for us and we move on. "Accen-tuate the positive.... elim-inate the negative...."

Very well put

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By *uyuksno1Man
over a year ago

poole

"Agreed. Stick to who you are because the truth will always out.....

However, you're always gonna get those who 'change' to suit others. The amount of 'straight' guys who suddenly are 'orally bi' when they read our profile is amazing!

same we get that all the time drives us nuts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i reckon most of those guys that post those threads can getand do get meets.

just not with the women they want at times and that leads to the frustration

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very well put

I agree entirely. There is nothing more off putting than reading a profile saying "all etc etc will be blocked, don't do this don't do that, read my fxxxxing profile etc"

Reminds me of when i was with my ex wife lol

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By *abio OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"i reckon most of those guys that post those threads can getand do get meets.

just not with the women they want at times and that leads to the frustration

so it could come down to the perceived expectations from the site don't match up with the reality and this is there way of "lashing out" so to speak.....

so of it is chasing something that isn't in their grasp so it becomes a challenge to them to turn heads...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to take it from a different perspective than just saying they're moaning minnies.

Out and about, a fit, good looking man will be able to garner interest and sexual interest.

You take that ability away when it comes to online dating or casual sex sites like FAB and AFF.

The reason being is that these men KNOW they can get women but the power is removed or diminished and then they're given the line; "well you're 1 of 200 fellas messaging me, what makes you so special?"

Men make it worse for each other on these sites but it isn't helped by those 'special' types in the female categories who think they can demand due to supply shortages.

And before anybody tries to piss on my post here, note I said 'special' and not all.

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By *abio OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"You have to take it from a different perspective than just saying they're moaning minnies.

Out and about, a fit, good looking man will be able to garner interest and sexual interest.

You take that ability away when it comes to online dating or casual sex sites like FAB and AFF.

Men make it worse for each other on these sites but it isn't helped by those 'special' types in the female categories who think they can demand due to supply shortages.

And before anybody tries to piss on my post here, note I said 'special' and not all."

maybe there is something to that, but not in the way you quite mean....

maybe it forces "a fit, good looking man" to rely of something other than being just "fit and good looking"

if that is the selling point.. cool... however they are other selling points that may attract

maybe the mental is as much a part of this and swinging as the purely physical....

its not that you take away that, but have to add other bits so to speak... lets just call them more "well rounded people"...

and maybe some men who have been lauded over don't adjust very well to the shoe being on the other foot so to speak.....

the classic example is when you hear people on here and in clubs complaining that its easier to pull in normal nightclubs than in the swinging scene....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plus when you are on this site you don't tend to have your "beer goggles" on so choose more wisely than after a night on the pop and grabbing the last dance in the club to go home with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe there is something to that, but not in the way you quite mean....

maybe it forces "a fit, good looking man" to rely of something other than being just "fit and good looking"

if that is the selling point.. cool... however they are other selling points that may attract

Looks appear first, if the guy acts like a prat then yes, a lot of women are put off by that.

If the guy is loaded or is well-known/famous then thats a big YES to a shag in the ladies eyes. (dont deny it!

)

However on the websites unless the man is that 1 in 1000 exception, he is lobbed in with the rest and this gets to many guys.

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