FabSwingers.com forum: My partner

By *7pete27 OP Man
over a year ago

plymouth

Hi guys, please don’t judge me but I have a partner who doesn’t know I’m on fab,I love her very much but our sex life is a bit non existent at the mo, I’d love her to wear sexy lingerie but she’s not that interested!! Any ideas how I can change this??

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Easy to say, harder to do but I would suggest talking to her first about your concerns is the way forward.

If she isn't interested in sex at the moment, getting her some nice undies is unlikely to change her mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi guys, please don’t judge me but I have a partner who doesn’t know I’m on fab,I love her very much but our sex life is a bit non existent at the mo, I’d love her to wear sexy lingerie but she’s not that interested!! Any ideas how I can change this??"

Why do you think your sex life would improve if she wore sexy lingerie?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to her, not us

Opening up about your frustrations can be hard, but this is the person you love and, despite her lack of libido, I would assume she loves you too

One thing is for certain, this situation won't be made better by you being here or by buying underwear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps she's on fab too getting sex if she's not getting it at home.

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By *hongman1Man
over a year ago

Mansfield

At risk of sounding like a parrot you definitely need to talk to her. There may be a genuine reason, we’ve had a really tough year to deal with, maybe it’s taken her toll and it’s affected her sex drive?

And just to add, the OP didn’t say it would be made better by her wearing sexy lingerie, he just said he’d like her too, maybe it gets him going to see his wife dressed in a sexy way?

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

You seem to be taking a fairly crass path to "fixing" things.

TALK

HER

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

You can not mould someone into something they are not. I think you would score more brownie points by buying her something she wanted rather than what you wanted.

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By *entlecaressMan
over a year ago

Wakefield/ Beverley

Nothing can change for anything in the world without communication.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only one side of the story here and complete strangers can't help you either.

If you seriously think your partner wearing sexy lingerie is the solution, you have some serious problems OP.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do you know why she's changed, I'm assuming she has as you say "at the mo"?

Has she been ill, is she stressed or depressed, are there difficulties or resentments in your relationship, is she on medication which decreases libido? If you find out causes, you're on the road to a solution.

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By *7pete27 OP Man
over a year ago

plymouth

"Do you know why she's changed, I'm assuming she has as you say "at the mo"?

"
she has put on a few pounds and she says that’s the reason!! I tell her how much I love her and I don’t see any difference in her all the time but it makes no difference

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By *armupartistMan
over a year ago

York

I have been married for nearly 50 years the marriage is a great partnership in all respects except sex. Professional guidance did nothing to bring us together on this front. She has a very low libido and actually at one session expressed to the counsellor (a woman) that, "it wouldn't matter to her if she never had sex again". You may imagine I felt deflated and hurt and undesired. However, by expressing her total disinterest in having a sexual life with me but wanting us to be together changed our relationship and made me stop trying with her. I respected her and subsequently didn't want to put her through the 'trial' of feeling she had to have sex. I confess I developed a roving eye and had a number of sexual affairs with older woman and friends in the context of my work, which was very much removed from home. But in retirement those opportunities disappeared and I lived a sexless life until I found swinging and sex clubs. Sadly at my age I get few 'takers' although I still have the touch and love those few intimate encounters. I wouldn't have taken this route if I had a full sexual home life and although I agree OP with most of the respondents to your dilemma that you must work hard to talk with, understand and awaken your wife's libido, sometimes it is a matter of biology and hey, we are all different. Good luck!

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By *rumpet and ScouseCouple
over a year ago

Chorley

Id be pissed if I had a low sex drive and you bought me underwear you need to ask her what she would like how you can improve things.

I dont know your situation but do something nice out of the blue !

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By *rancis6Couple
over a year ago

sale

once that menopause gets in motion its downhill all the way we have been there ??

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

"Do you know why she's changed, I'm assuming she has as you say "at the mo"?

she has put on a few pounds and she says that’s the reason!! I tell her how much I love her and I don’t see any difference in her all the time but it makes no difference "

From a womans POV i can see where she is coming from because I have been through this. I put on a lot of weight when i was pregnant with our 4th baby. Afterwards I felt so fat and undesirable. I hated myself. I wouldnt let my husband see me naked. I didnt want him touching me and i felt utterly worthless despite him telling me constantly that he loved me etc. You need to have a conversation with your wife, ask her if there is anything you can do to help, ask her how she is feeling. Do not turn the conversation into a well i need sex and youre not giving it to me type of thing but chances are that will only make her feel resentful that you only care about sex rather than her wellbeing. (my opinion only as i do not know your wife and cannot say how she will react.) Communication goes a long way when the correct words are used. Plus i would imagine she would feel ten times worse if she found out you were on here behind her back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the sex has gone, and you don't tell her how your feeling will just breed resentment. I'm talking from experience, not judging you. I totally understand your need for intamacy, I've been there.

Sadly my marriage ended after 25 years, as after we talked, and nothing got resolved. Talk to her, try work it out, cook the romantic meal, buy her flowers, do what you have too. All the best x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Do you know why she's changed, I'm assuming she has as you say "at the mo"?

she has put on a few pounds and she says that’s the reason!! I tell her how much I love her and I don’t see any difference in her all the time but it makes no difference "

You've made a start.

It's a difficult and sensitive area of relationships because you don't want to hurt your partners feelings. Is it actual sex you miss or the hugging, hand holding, cuddling bit? Would she be happy for non sexual intimacy like that? Sometimes that can make a person feel loved and more inclined to open up, on both sides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tell her how much I love her" but I'm on swingers site to hook up with couples and ladies, discreetly as she doesn't know I'm on here.

Think I'm missing something here

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By *lixir of lifeMan
over a year ago

knob Creek

I’m no expert atall, I’ve been single 5 years ..

But best 5 years I can remember..

Single life is great and tinder is very much my sexual friend..

Just giving you an alternative view ..

Life’s too short to be with the wrong person..

Be honest with her, and if you’ve both changed and your lives are now poles apart, then Try a separation..

But whatever you do ... don’t cheat !!!

That’s a cowards thing ..

Be honest with her, more honest than you’ve ever been before..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty. Honesty and more honesty.

There may be a reason shes not interested in sex. She may know your on here and not told you. She may have something emotional or physically wrong. But you cant expect her to get sexy unless she feels 100% into it. If you love her that much, open up and communicate. And be patient with her as youll most probably expect her to be with you when you talk to her about stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe she shes getting signals that you aren't really into her.

I think the big warning sign that your relationship is doomed is that you're looking to fuck other people on a swinging site.

Maybe talking to her about the issues rather than asking advice off strangers on a sex site might help.

Or maybe she's getting all she needs off other people because she knows her relationship with you isn't going anywhere.

Why can't people just be honest and talk to each other?

Just don't get it.

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