FabSwingers.com forum: Women’s views on erectile dysfunction

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi Ladies (& lads)

Vulnerable subject for me so please go easy.

I have written a book to support the women living with partners who have erectile dysfunction.

I wondered would that be something you might want to read? Just trying to get a sense of it and maybe build up a fan club before I self publish.

It’s such a “shame-ridden” subject that I feel it needs to be spoken about more openly.

Please feel free to post your experiences here or if it’s too personal please do email me direct.

This is genuine and I could really do with some supporting lasses around me as I know it’s a lonely journey to face alone.

Thanks beautiful souls.

I posted in a different forum and got no replies so thought I would try here instead.

Peace, love and light x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a lady personally but one of us is imputant* and for some reason I’m thinking it’s me but we have no problems with it as a couple as we still enjoy a very active sex life together but to be fair it did take me a couple of years to get my head around the loss but it helped that my loss was self inflicted by my own stupidity and knowing better than the doctors.

Therefore that is the only reason we are on fab as I have no interest in waving mr floopy at any woman in anger and we are only here to enhance the pleasure of the woman I love.

Good luck with your book op.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

T that is beautiful.

Beautiful that you love her enough to get past your ego and want her happiness. I truly know how tough that is.

But opening up and talking about is it the best way forward for sure xx

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

I can only speak of one couple I have met where the husband suffered from erectile dysfunction and some premature ejaculation.

The way they dealt with it was they incorporated it into their play. They didn't focus on it. They liked the meet to flow naturally with him watching and when he was hard he quickly got in position. Seeing how aroused he got and how hard he came was a great sight.

When we were all finished playing they thanked me for being so understanding. I just said understanding of what..all I saw was a very kinky couple having such great fun and I thanked them for letting me be a part of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks Mast, delicate thoughtful impression x

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

"Thanks Mast, delicate thoughtful impression x"
Thanks. They were a super couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not a lady personally but one of us is imputant* and for some reason I’m thinking it’s me but we have no problems with it as a couple as we still enjoy a very active sex life together but to be fair it did take me a couple of years to get my head around the loss but it helped that my loss was self inflicted by my own stupidity and knowing better than the doctors.

Therefore that is the only reason we are on fab as I have no interest in waving mr floopy at any woman in anger and we are only here to enhance the pleasure of the woman I love.

Good luck with your book op.

Awe, that's so sweet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex husband was impotent. He wasn't willing to do anything about it, nor see a Dr, not talk, nothing. Instead I was pushed away and made to feel dirty if I even hinted I may enjoy an early night and things be all about me. I tried everything.

I eventually left the marriage because he clearly didn't love me enough to want to try other things to maintain intimacy. You know it's bad when he won't even cuddle in bed in case I got ideas.

Massive kick in my teeth (and frankly in my ego) when he moved on and has what seems to be a million kids, having finally sought help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are so many causes of erectile dysfunction and many are not properly investigated by the NHS.

It would be interesting to see a womans perspective as its not really an issue a woman can suffer from themselves, in which i mean wanting to have sex with the person your with but unable to do so.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

ED is not something I have experienced firsthand with a partner, but I like learning from other people’s experiences. So happy to help out with focus groups/reading the book etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a thing that happens from time to time with me. So i just make sure C has the best time i can give her. Shes understanding and im a pleaser anyway so happy days

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

"Its a thing that happens from time to time with me. So i just make sure C has the best time i can give her. Shes understanding and im a pleaser anyway so happy days

S"
Are there any signs or triggers you have noticed when it happens or is about to happen? It's great you have such a great strong relationship that you can deal with it together and not let it effect you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If viagra works on the male then no issues.

Sure, theres no spontanious sex, but no reason you cant have foreplay or tease whilst the blue pill does its magic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a thing that happens from time to time with me. So i just make sure C has the best time i can give her. Shes understanding and im a pleaser anyway so happy days

SAre there any signs or triggers you have noticed when it happens or is about to happen? It's great you have such a great strong relationship that you can deal with it together and not let it effect you both.

Stress and overthinking things:/ you let it get to your head and the fun ends. I do have some little blue friends but iv not even opened the box yet as its not that often. Thats the key though, the understanding of your partner at the time. Were humans, were not fuck machines!

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By *mooth Operator 07Man
over a year ago

in the deep mist of the valleys

"Hi Ladies (& lads)

Vulnerable subject for me so please go easy.

I have written a book to support the women living with partners who have erectile dysfunction.

I wondered would that be something you might want to read? Just trying to get a sense of it and maybe build up a fan club before I self publish.

It’s such a “shame-ridden” subject that I feel it needs to be spoken about more openly.

Please feel free to post your experiences here or if it’s too personal please do email me direct.

This is genuine and I could really do with some supporting lasses around me as I know it’s a lonely journey to face alone.

Thanks beautiful souls.

I posted in a different forum and got no replies so thought I would try here instead.

Peace, love and light x"

This is really intresting post OP and its great to hear from couples who support each other with ED. I think its one of those sensitive subjects that is never discussed and the reality, many men/couples do suffer the negatives of ED. You only have to see the tv adverts relating to ED

Big respect and shoutout to all of you couples who support each other

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By *essiejamesABCCouple
over a year ago

Salisbury

Therefore that is the only reason we are on fab as I have no interest in waving mr floopy at any woman in anger and we are only here to enhance the pleasure of the woman I love.

Good luck with your book op.

Respect to you T.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we started swinging I suffered anxiety related ED. Im over it now fortunately but that took 9 months of retraining my brain. Some ladies were amazing in the way they handled it and others well, they really didn't help at all!

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

"When we started swinging I suffered anxiety related ED. Im over it now fortunately but that took 9 months of retraining my brain. Some ladies were amazing in the way they handled it and others well, they really didn't help at all! "
Anxiety from a bi play side or how exactly? Fantastic profile. You two are seriously hot!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My ex husband was impotent. He wasn't willing to do anything about it, nor see a Dr, not talk, nothing. Instead I was pushed away and made to feel dirty if I even hinted I may enjoy an early night and things be all about me. I tried everything.

I eventually left the marriage because he clearly didn't love me enough to want to try other things to maintain intimacy. You know it's bad when he won't even cuddle in bed in case I got ideas.

Massive kick in my teeth (and frankly in my ego) when he moved on and has what seems to be a million kids, having finally sought help

This is a very real problem. The book is very much written to help women think through what they can and can’t control for when they have a partner who sticks their head in the sand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/10/20 16:31:59]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks! I would love to hear from the lads what the “ideal” response you might want from a partner is be it a one night stand or long term one. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Its a thing that happens from time to time with me. So i just make sure C has the best time i can give her. Shes understanding and im a pleaser anyway so happy days

Severe headaches the next day appear to be a major side effect for some. Not good when you then have young kids to care for sadly

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

It's a subject that doesn't get discussed enough. A mate of mine (seriously it is a mate and not me!) went to his GP about suffering from premature ejaculation and the GP actually made jokes about it. So the whole area of ED and PE just doesn't her the respect it deserves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a subject that doesn't get discussed enough. A mate of mine (seriously it is a mate and not me!) went to his GP about suffering from premature ejaculation and the GP actually made jokes about it. So the whole area of ED and PE just doesn't her the respect it deserves. "

That doc needs his/her license revoked

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That doc needs his/her license revoked

Indeed. Beautiful couple profile btw. My idea of the perfect way to live xx

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

city

Great post, and a topic that deserves more talking about. Its an issue I work with sometimes, during Tantra massage. There are many causes, and it affects the man and his partner(s), as well. It's not a problem... If its not a problem. Its only problematic if either partner wants and needs more... Like a hard cock and nothing less. There are many barriers to intimacy and sex, and ED is but one.

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

That doc needs his/her license revoked

S"
I said be should report him but he didn't want the hassle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There are so many causes of erectile dysfunction and many are not properly investigated by the NHS.

It would be interesting to see a womans perspective as its not really an issue a woman can suffer from themselves, in which i mean wanting to have sex with the person your with but unable to do so."

It is very much an issue women can suffer with. There are quite a few conditions that affect women that can make penetrstion difficult.

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By *mooth Operator 07Man
over a year ago

in the deep mist of the valleys

That doc needs his/her license revoked

S"
100 % agree with you, that's disgusting.

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By *andy400Man
over a year ago

London

Hi. I underwent a full prostrate removal 5 years ago. Which now means I can't get hard. I do use injections into the penis, which give me a semi hard on. Good for oral but no good for full sexual intercouse. But my partner understands and still gets full enjoyment (I'm great with my tongue). We have been on several meets, explained beforehand my problem. Those we have meet have never been disappointed. So there is life afterwards. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are so many causes of erectile dysfunction and many are not properly investigated by the NHS.

It would be interesting to see a womans perspective as its not really an issue a woman can suffer from themselves, in which i mean wanting to have sex with the person your with but unable to do so.

It is very much an issue women can suffer with. There are quite a few conditions that affect women that can make penetrstion difficult. "

Iv not come across this but iv certainly read about such things. To me, its the same, male/female/trans- we are all just human and respect should be the paramount in any event. Theres just too much stigma for males, not enough coverage for females and god knows how trans um people(dont know how to politely put it), feel about and deal with such matters!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for sharing Pandy. My partner would never talk openly about any of this so I admire all of you that do xx

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By *andy400Man
over a year ago

London

There is nothing to be ashamed about. Speak to Doctor. Happy to chat privately.

Andy

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By *fter dinner delightCouple
over a year ago

bury st edmunds/london

My hubby has Ed sometimes he can hold a hardon but other times he can or he just can’t get hard at all,but with help from a blue pill it’s better.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

My soon to be ex had/has ED.

We were together 18yrs. He never told me. I only found out when I discovered he was having an affair & I found 100's of viagra in a bag of his. I was told by him he doesnt have that problem with her.

It makes sense now, when he took a tablet & it worked.

MsD

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"My hubby has Ed sometimes he can hold a hardon but other times he can or he just can’t get hard at all,but with help from a blue pill it’s better."

That pill is a (sex) life saver.

Good job my hands are great.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My soon to be ex had/has ED.

We were together 18yrs. He never told me. I only found out when I discovered he was having an affair & I found 100's of viagra in a bag of his. I was told by him he doesnt have that problem with her.

It makes sense now, when he took a tablet & it worked.

MsD"

Not being told till pregnant was a tough pill to swallow. I feel for you.

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By *urabriteMan
over a year ago

stafford

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By *olyester123Couple
over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

I never had a problem untill a few months ago when I started on medication I needed ,viagra now does not help we do.have fun in the bedroom together and karen is great about it this site is good because every now and again we meet a single guy and she gets to have penetrative sex which I love to watch

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By *ature friendly coupleCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough

I dont mind admitting i have suffered with this for a number of yrs now and got worse as time went on,it started straight away when my marriage broke down. Doctors cant help much and blue pills do help but little, my partner can meet on her own and we have fun afterwards and as far as this site goes we dont get any interest shown apart from single men...frustrating is not the word.

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By *andytownMan
over a year ago

Gods Own Country

"Hi Ladies (& lads)

Vulnerable subject for me so please go easy.

I have written a book to support the women living with partners who have erectile dysfunction.

I wondered would that be something you might want to read? Just trying to get a sense of it and maybe build up a fan club before I self publish.

It’s such a “shame-ridden” subject that I feel it needs to be spoken about more openly.

Please feel free to post your experiences here or if it’s too personal please do email me direct.

This is genuine and I could really do with some supporting lasses around me as I know it’s a lonely journey to face alone.

Thanks beautiful souls.

I posted in a different forum and got no replies so thought I would try here instead.

Peace, love and light x"

Is it in hard back

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

"Hi Ladies (& lads)

Vulnerable subject for me so please go easy.

I have written a book to support the women living with partners who have erectile dysfunction.

I wondered would that be something you might want to read? Just trying to get a sense of it and maybe build up a fan club before I self publish.

It’s such a “shame-ridden” subject that I feel it needs to be spoken about more openly.

Please feel free to post your experiences here or if it’s too personal please do email me direct.

This is genuine and I could really do with some supporting lasses around me as I know it’s a lonely journey to face alone.

Thanks beautiful souls.

I posted in a different forum and got no replies so thought I would try here instead.

Peace, love and light x

Is it in hard back

"
And the idiot award goes to...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great post OP and it's a topic that should eb discussed more openly to help destigmatise it. So here goes...

ED has recently entered into my life, and is extremely not welcome! I have recently met the most amazing lady I could have ever imagined... she is beautiful and amazing in so many ways and as an added bonus, has the most stunning body that fits my desires 100%. I'm talking a direct, perfect, match. This lady is stunning.

We've shared intimacy together and she is amazing. But... I'm not as hard as quickly as I'd like, I'm not as firm as I'd like, and I don't climax. But we can and do have sex, and yes, she is satisfied in many ways and has lots of fabulous orgasms which are a joy to be part of.

I'm very fortunate to be with such an amazing lady, and when I've discussed my unwelcome issue she has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. (I did say she was amazing in so many ways, right?) My concerns though is giving her my everything, and wanting her to know that I am equally satisfied (and oh boy, I am!) So, I'd love to hear how women feel about this...

I will be seeking treatment with my GP, and know I have someone who will be supportive and helpful and work through it with me. I'd hate her to think she's not doing it for me, and I'd hate to loose her over it.

I don't understand why a guy would not want treatment for it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Ladies (& lads)

Vulnerable subject for me so please go easy.

I have written a book to support the women living with partners who have erectile dysfunction.

I wondered would that be something you might want to read? Just trying to get a sense of it and maybe build up a fan club before I self publish.

It’s such a “shame-ridden” subject that I feel it needs to be spoken about more openly.

Please feel free to post your experiences here or if it’s too personal please do email me direct.

This is genuine and I could really do with some supporting lasses around me as I know it’s a lonely journey to face alone.

Thanks beautiful souls.

I posted in a different forum and got no replies so thought I would try here instead.

Peace, love and light x

Is it in hard back

Sadly it will only come out in soft form hahahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Great post OP and it's a topic that should eb discussed more openly to help destigmatise it. So here goes...

I don't understand why a guy would not want treatment for it."

Thanks for this. Sounds like you’re onto a winner. Loving and appreciating her and always being open and talking together is everything, I think. Intimacy is so much more than sex and the glue that keeps you together in the long run. Whatever you do don’t shut down on her. Happy to chat further xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my husband has it cannot get erections at all but he never stuck his head in the sand from the moment he felt the problem he talked but then we dont hide anything his was pure health reasons with complex problems..

he was worried as he still wanted a sex life we had been swinging 25 years + already and we talked and talked and then he mentioned cuckolding as hes always enjoyed me with other guys so thats what we did no negatives just more possessives and now we are a full on cuckold couple..

and yes without doubt i would of walked away from swinging as im part of him and without him theres no swinging..

so guys you need to open up tell your partners theres problems let them know so they can understand specially swinging couples as there are so many ways to still enjoy the lifestyle..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/10/20 14:47:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great topic! Like mental health issues, this is a subject that needs to be de-stigmatised. Obviously as part of the male ego, it's a very sensitive subject, but equally how the lady reacts and copes is very important and I'm looking forward to reading the views of the ladies on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for this. Sounds like you’re onto a winner. Loving and appreciating her and always being open and talking together is everything, I think. Intimacy is so much more than sex and the glue that keeps you together in the long run. Whatever you do don’t shut down on her. Happy to chat further xx"

She's incredible in every way, and I'm lucky to have someone so supportive. Shutting down on here is not an option for me. My determination in solving ED is to allow her as much pleasure as I can possibly provide.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

This is something that every man worries about, even if it’s never happened to him.

Disregarding any alcohol (or whatever) having a detrimental effect, sometimes that little voice in your head saying ‘It’s going down!’ is impossible to bypass. It’s difficult to explain if you’ve not experienced it, but an understanding partner is essential.

Usually a nice cup of tea, a change of subject, and a few kisses can work wonders....

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By *iglesMan
over a year ago

Helston

I used to have a regular meet where the husband couldn't perform but he had no qualms in letting other guys help his missus out. He never even wanted to watch and was happy as long as his wide was returned to him wearing a smile.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"my husband has it cannot get erections at all but he never stuck his head in the sand from the moment he felt the problem he talked but then we dont hide anything his was pure health reasons with complex problems..

and yes without doubt i would of walked away from swinging as im part of him and without him theres no swinging..

so guys you need to open up tell your partners theres problems let them know so they can understand specially swinging couples as there are so many ways to still enjoy the lifestyle..

Wonderful to hear you’re working as a team on this. There’s something about getting past the ego and insecurity that takes time but means a whole new layer of love and respect for each other when you do. That someone loves you enough to want you to be fulfilled and happy is a big deal in my books. I hate the idea of leaving my man behind but he has asked me to play single

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