FabSwingers.com forum: Subs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Looking for a long term sub.

And any tips of being a dom

Thanks

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

My tips would be

- what are you looking for in a sub? For a D/s dynamic to work you need to be aligned.

- what do you have to offer as a Dom? What skills do you bring to the conversation that will interest a sub in you?

- what experience do you have? Be up front and honest about your skills and experience.

- learn about SSC, RACK and PRICK. These remind you to make informed decisions about your activities

- safety first. Ensure you know about any medical issues, mobility issues, medication they are taking, triggers, limits, boundaries of any prospective sub or play partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly? Yes you have to start somewhere, but asking for a long term sub when it sounds like you have little or no experience as a dom could be quite dangerous.

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

First question, what do you think being a Dom means?

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Honestly? Yes you have to start somewhere, but asking for a long term sub when it sounds like you have little or no experience as a dom could be quite dangerous. "

There seems to be an awful lot of extremely young and inexperienced men throwing these terms around on here lately, it’s pretty worrying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tbh i dont have any experiabce being a dom. And what i think it means is haveing someone fully trust you to do things that is slighty pushing there limits not just rough fucking i know its about stimulation of the mind

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Looking for a long term sub.

And any tips of being a dom

Thanks"

There are quite a lot of informative non fiction books on the subject also some pretty good podcasts. Do some research around the subject and hopefully you'll meet someone you can explore with.

Good luck, enjoy the journey

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Nows not really a great time to be starting anything new, especially a LTR built upon something you have little experience with.

I would suggest you read, listen, observe. There are plenty of web sites out there that give an opinion on how D/s works.

There are several books on amazon.

There are even some youtube channels that cover this topic

Just don't take 1 persons word as gospel. There is no one true way.

When times are better seek out your local kink community, attend munches and events.

I will say this, being a D type can be a lot of work for some. Its a mindset and attitude, a calling if you will, that some have and some don’t.

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Tbh i dont have any experiabce being a dom. And what i think it means is haveing someone fully trust you to do things that is slighty pushing there limits not just rough fucking i know its about stimulation of the mind "

BDSM isn’t about pushing limits, limits are there for a reason. For example, one of mine is scat. If anyone tried to push that limit even slightly, I’d never forgive them. Subs trust our Doms to respect and work within our limits, not push them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This... Annoys the hell out of us when a dom thinks pushing limits is what it's about. If anything it's the exact opposite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Disappointing, I thought my answer was going to be meatballs until I clicked on the thread

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

This... Annoys the hell out of us when a dom thinks pushing limits is what it's about. If anything it's the exact opposite "

I’m glad I’m not the only one, it genuinely really bothers me. If someone wants to “push limits”, I wouldn’t even feel safe having vanilla sex with them, never mind anything potentially dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This... Annoys the hell out of us when a dom thinks pushing limits is what it's about. If anything it's the exact opposite "

He's a kid on heat... no experience but he's watched 50 shades and thinks its a simple slap and he's a dom

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By *eil777Man
over a year ago

leicester

I would like to be a sub with a Dom bi couple

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"BDSM isn’t about pushing limits, limits are there for a reason. For example, one of mine is scat. If anyone tried to push that limit even slightly, I’d never forgive them. Subs trust our Doms to respect and work within our limits, not push them."

This is where the comment each Dynamic is different is handy, but also can be the cause of a lot of miss information.

Depending on the D/s dynamic you have, you may use both soft snd hard limits.

Hard limits being a definite “No” and possible consent violation if you approach, push or break them.

Hard limits can become Soft limits and vice versa and both can move from being limits to accepted behaviour.

Soft limits tend to be those where there is more appetite for pushing or breaching them. I push soft limits if I feel there is some benefit to the sub or relationship.

Regardless of your own thoughts about topics, its ultimately about what has been agreed to within each dynamic.

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By *9alMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

a big part of the dom/sub relationship is communication , different subs have very different likes dislikes & limits , there is no point in forcing someone to do something that panics them when you could both enjoy a different activity , A previous poster mentioned she did not like s--t, but you might find a sub into s--t who hates being tied up .

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

This is where the comment each Dynamic is different is handy, but also can be the cause of a lot of miss information.

Depending on the D/s dynamic you have, you may use both soft snd hard limits.

Hard limits being a definite “No” and possible consent violation if you approach, push or break them.

Hard limits can become Soft limits and vice versa and both can move from being limits to accepted behaviour.

Soft limits tend to be those where there is more appetite for pushing or breaching them. I push soft limits if I feel there is some benefit to the sub or relationship.

Regardless of your own thoughts about topics, its ultimately about what has been agreed to within each dynamic."

I know about hard and soft limits and use both, I was trying to keep things simple for OP. I think it would be better if he starts from a position of respecting limits, hard or soft, given his lack of experience, rather than assuming they’re negotiable. Personally, looking back at the checklist I completed over a year ago, some of my soft limits have changed a little, but my hard limits haven’t shifted and I don’t expect they ever will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven't had a sub in ages, quite fancy a foot long.

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