FabSwingers.com forum: Terrible experience

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I arranged a meet with a woman a while ago to turn up and find another man present. This was news to me however seemed more than ok for him to watch. He then started filming us which I did not consent too. I had made it clear I didn’t want filming and especially no faces to be shown.

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Why the heck didn't you turn around and leave immediately when it became apparent things weren't as you'd agreed?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck that - sounds awful start to finish.

I guess all you can do now is chalk it up to experience and not let it happen again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why the heck didn't you turn around and leave immediately when it became apparent things weren't as you'd agreed?! "

Having asked politely the first time the guy had just said he’d leave the room and not film. So I continued to the meet.

I then after 5/10mins turned around to find him standing there filming and naked! Again nothing against people into that however having not consented felt very uncomfortable and where I’m not an in your face person just asked they were deleted and ran for the door

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fuck that - sounds awful start to finish.

I guess all you can do now is chalk it up to experience and not let it happen again."

Mate it’s got me seriously questioning the site and some of the people on here. Having given a big level of trust to those meeting. I now am trying my best to contact this lady to get her “fb” to prove he’s deleted everything but having no such luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You let ur organs take over

If you weren’t comfortable or talked about before hand why did you stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You let ur organs take over

If you weren’t comfortable or talked about before hand why did you stay "

It wasn’t mentioned on her part he would be present. I was greeted at the door by her as agreed and was always just a Mf meet.

I think I am too trusting of people and take their word for gospel. End of the day I would’ve expected a woman would have the respect to reply and ensure she could provide proof from him it’s deleted as I’m sure no one else would appreciate it to be them in my situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?"

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x"

A while ago? But you only joined 3 months ago

During lockdown

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x

A while ago? But you only joined 3 months ago

During lockdown"

This is with a previous profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x

A while ago? But you only joined 3 months ago

During lockdown

This is with a previous profile. "

I see

So you had a terrible experience with a different profile

Deleted it

And then made a new one

With you now!! Im easily confused at my age

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By *ommenhimCouple
over a year ago

wigan

"You let ur organs take over

If you weren’t comfortable or talked about before hand why did you stay

It wasn’t mentioned on her part he would be present. I was greeted at the door by her as agreed and was always just a Mf meet.

What would be proof that it’s deleted to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x

A while ago? But you only joined 3 months ago

During lockdown

This is with a previous profile.

I see

So you had a terrible experience with a different profile

Deleted it

And then made a new one

With you now!! Im easily confused at my age"

My first instance was to delete and run a mile away from this site and swinging forever however being unable to shake it felt I needed to talk to someone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You let ur organs take over

If you weren’t comfortable or talked about before hand why did you stay

It wasn’t mentioned on her part he would be present. I was greeted at the door by her as agreed and was always just a Mf meet.

What would be proof that it’s deleted to you? "

Just a screenshot of the camera roll on iPhone and deleted items I guess would put my mind at rest.

Appreciate he could’ve shared it by now but just for some peace of mind

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Just as any pics or videos posted on the Internet should be assumed to have lost your control, the same is true of anyone else taking images of you. You have to take control of them in the moment.

As you'd firmly insisted that he'd stopped earlier, you had absolute right to get him to handover the device for you to delete the material.

As it didn't happen at that moment, you can probably not rely on him deleting it now that you are not there and time has passed.

Always stop anything and everything that you disagree with as soon as you decide to stop it. It's absolutely reasonable to stop anything, whilst remaining polite and keeping your boundaries clear. It seems that the meet was very different to the actual meet agreed beforehand, so you also had grounds for holding them to account.

If you know where they live, you could potentially make a formal request for them to delete the material, after getting a copy.

But I think that you probably have to put it behind you and decide how you would respond in future to a similar issue, so that you are prepared and able to deal with it immediately

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just as any pics or videos posted on the Internet should be assumed to have lost your control, the same is true of anyone else taking images of you. You have to take control of them in the moment.

As you'd firmly insisted that he'd stopped earlier, you had absolute right to get him to handover the device for you to delete the material.

As it didn't happen at that moment, you can probably not rely on him deleting it now that you are not there and time has passed.

If you know where they live, you could potentially make a formal request for them to delete the material, after getting a copy.

But I think that you probably have to put it behind you and decide how you would respond in future to a similar issue, so that you are prepared and able to deal with it immediately "

Thing is I know where she lives but as agreed I wanted to remain discreet on both parts as she has a partner and the guy present was her fuck buddy.. I agree I think it’s a case of forgetting but just my nature is very trusting and see the best in everyone. Clearly a lesson here to harden up and not be so trusting which is a shame as Iv spoken to many who are lovely but feel this has ruined my experience now for the future. (Trying to not sound a drip haha) but just a shit one really

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South

"Why the heck didn't you turn around and leave immediately when it became apparent things weren't as you'd agreed?! "

Big brain/little brain conflict.

Little brain for the win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just as any pics or videos posted on the Internet should be assumed to have lost your control, the same is true of anyone else taking images of you. You have to take control of them in the moment.

As you'd firmly insisted that he'd stopped earlier, you had absolute right to get him to handover the device for you to delete the material.

As it didn't happen at that moment, you can probably not rely on him deleting it now that you are not there and time has passed.

If you know where they live, you could potentially make a formal request for them to delete the material, after getting a copy.

But I think that you probably have to put it behind you and decide how you would respond in future to a similar issue, so that you are prepared and able to deal with it immediately

It's a horrible thing to happen, hope you are ok.

It's disgusting that people are taking the piss out of you. If you had been a woman posting there would be hugs and glitter!

If something like that happens again just make an excuse and leave. If you feel too shy just pretend you feel ill.

If they contact you again save all messages to pass on to the police. Revenge porn is a crime.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just as any pics or videos posted on the Internet should be assumed to have lost your control, the same is true of anyone else taking images of you. You have to take control of them in the moment.

As you'd firmly insisted that he'd stopped earlier, you had absolute right to get him to handover the device for you to delete the material.

As it didn't happen at that moment, you can probably not rely on him deleting it now that you are not there and time has passed.

If you know where they live, you could potentially make a formal request for them to delete the material, after getting a copy.

But I think that you probably have to put it behind you and decide how you would respond in future to a similar issue, so that you are prepared and able to deal with it immediately

It's a horrible thing to happen, hope you are ok.

It's disgusting that people are taking the piss out of you. If you had been a woman posting there would be hugs and glitter!

If something like that happens again just make an excuse and leave. If you feel too shy just pretend you feel ill.

If they contact you again save all messages to pass on to the police. Revenge porn is a crime.

Yeah isn’t the best. She has been online since and not replied to any messages. Just wish she’s have the decency to reply and ensure all is ok

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

No idea why you stayed. Especially when you say she wasn't the most hygienic.

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

If it didn't feel right from the start, why the hell did you continue to have full sex with the person?

Self inflicted as they say.

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By *ent in BlackMan
over a year ago

Silsden

"I arranged a meet with a woman a while ago to turn up and find another man present. This was news to me however seemed more than ok for him to watch. He then started filming us which I did not consent too. I had made it clear I didn’t want filming and especially no faces to be shown.

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

Seriously I’d have walked at the point of the bloke being there. It wasn’t agreed from the onset. It has to work both ways.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

OP. You are not responsible for this. You had something happen that should not have. I guess at this point there’s not much you can do unless they post it somewhere. Revenge porn has criminal consequences. You should not have to defend yourself against the baying hounds on here.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x "

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x "

It is appalling but he let it happen when he had every chance to prevent it. Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes and next time think with his head.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x

It is appalling but he let it happen when he had every chance to prevent it. Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes and next time think with his head."

There is no but...... and the fact you make it his fault says more about you than him.

V x

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By *andemanMan
over a year ago

bedforshire

OP I am sorry you had this experience its really shitty. But you need to take control of the situation. Go back round and ask to delete the footage yourself. If they fail to do so and you met them on here report them. If they make threats about using the video than you will just have to tough it out.

Letting people away with this type of behaviour will only encourage them to do it to others.

Remind them that what they have done can and is a criminal act and it is they that should be worried. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it legal to film someone without permission? The OP is saying he told him not to and to leave and he returned naked and continued? I therfore don't think he loses control or rights to images that were stolen in the first place.

I'd report the profile to admin for a start. It's a single profile and you got a couple... if it was me I'd probably seek a bit of legal advice aswell. If you were a woman getting filmed without permission all hell would break loose nodoubt.

I don't think we should just be "chalking up to experience" things like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did you bother?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it legal to film someone without permission? The OP is saying he told him not to and to leave and he returned naked and continued? I therfore don't think he loses control or rights to images that were stolen in the first place.

I don't think we should just be "chalking up to experience" things like this. "

Would you also seek to be more alert to signs that maybe are an indicator that the best thing to do would be just leave if it happens in the future?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the sort of thing you risk on sites like this. I have met unscrupulous people to, and had some scary experiences. The Internet and online hookups can lead to some unwanted issues. Pretty much anything you put on here is public domain, I can well understand people having no images.

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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Op what happened was horrible and I can understand why it's playing on your mind now. Your good nature and reluctance to make a scene has been taken advantage of but your desire for sex has been exploited too. Is there a reason you're particularly concerned now, some time after the event?

I don't know how you want to move forward. You've asked for the video to be deleted but have no evidence that it has. You could tell the woman that you will contact the police if it isn't deleted, do you have any evidence that it hasn't or know anything about the guy? You could report the woman to the site but again, do you have any evidence? If not the site can't do anything. You could go to the ladies house and ask her to ensure that the video is deleted but it sounds as if you're reluctant to do that. Do you have evidence that the video has been published anywhere? If so you could take that to the police who could advise you on revenge porn and your next possible move.

Personally I think you've learned a very harsh lesson here, as most of us have one way or another along the way. If you arrive for a meet and the slightest thing makes you uncomfortable or isn't as you agreed, leave. It's difficult, its very hard to say no to people face to face but if you're meeting people under these circumstances you've got to learn to do it.

This couple (I reckon there's a strong chance he was her partner) were wrong to do what they did but, and I say this with empathy you have to accept your part in this. When we first started out we sent one image to a guy that showed my face, he turned very nasty afterwards and it worried us at the time, we learned fast only to send clothed face pics. I think you have to put this behind you and move on a little wiser and a lot less trusting of people you meet on the net.

Read all the above in a mum type voice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met a couple at their hotel, she was stunning but utterly detached and within ten minutes I concluded she was not a willing player. Made an excuse and legged it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP I am sorry you had this experience its really shitty. But you need to take control of the situation. Go back round and ask to delete the footage yourself. If they fail to do so and you met them on here report them. If they make threats about using the video than you will just have to tough it out.

Letting people away with this type of behaviour will only encourage them to do it to others.

Remind them that what they have done can and is a criminal act and it is they that should be worried. Good luck."

I have done but no messages being read. I messaged a guy on here that looked just like the guy present. Again no face pics on his profile and I got quite an abrupt message back which makes me think I got the right guy but nothings gonna be done.

It’s a shame coz it’s now ruined all the experience now of this site

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op what happened was horrible and I can understand why it's playing on your mind now. Your good nature and reluctance to make a scene has been taken advantage of but your desire for sex has been exploited too. Is there a reason you're particularly concerned now, some time after the event?

Read all the above in a mum type voice

Haha this hits the money 100%. I have said about police etc and it’s just been ignored. The one message I got back made mention of me being threatening when all I said was I know where you live and wouldn’t want to go around to ask it to be deleted. So not threatening at all

I have reported to the site but nothing has been done as of yet. Part of me really wants to name and Shame in the hope they realise what they’ve done and do ask asked in providing proof it’s been deleted.

Nightmare!! But live and learn aye! Nice guys get a tough ride! Haha

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

Plus you've already mentioned a lack of hygiene

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

So sorry this happened to you OP,

Sounds pretty scary if I'm honest I'd have run a mile too if I were you, but please know that there are some really amazing genuine people here too,

Keep your guard up, arrange public meets first and take your time is my advice.

Good luck x

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x

Yeah I know. He left the room when asked and it continued. Only when I turned around a few mins later he reappeared filming. So I stopped instantly and left. It’s not knowing how long he was there filming when I clearly said no twice!"
sure you said this is her fb but she already has a real partner, well imo she has more to keep secret than you.so ask her to get it deleted or you will inform thepolice and tell her to expect a visit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So sorry this happened to you OP,

Sounds pretty scary if I'm honest I'd have run a mile too if I were you, but please know that there are some really amazing genuine people here too,

Keep your guard up, arrange public meets first and take your time is my advice.

Good luck x"

Thanks! Appreciated x

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

Is this not an issue site admin can get involved with eg a member misrepresenting themselves on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is appalling but he let it happen when he had every chance to prevent it. Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes and next time think with his head."

Victims of sexual assault are faced with that attitude time and time again. A video was taken against his will. He already said no to filming. No means no, or is it only no when a woman's virtu is at stake?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

Is this not an issue site admin can get involved with eg a member misrepresenting themselves on here? "

That would surely involve the story being absolutely true

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

Is this not an issue site admin can get involved with eg a member misrepresenting themselves on here?

That would surely involve the story being absolutely true"

I think that’s between the victim and who ever he chooses to report it to.

V x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Why is the woman's smelly fanny relevant to this incident ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez, the hypocrisy is strong here, the poor guy has reached out and been pretty much told it’s his fault, he’s not telling the truth and that he should have done this that and the other. It’s antiquated thinking like this that allows rapists to escape justice.

OP, I’m sorry this happened to you, I believe you and if you need an ear to listen then get in touch. I have no real suggestion on how you move forward, but there are organisations out there that can help as well.

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By *ama Raised a RebelWoman
over a year ago

Walsall

Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jeez, the hypocrisy is strong here, the poor guy has reached out and been pretty much told it’s his fault, he’s not telling the truth and that he should have done this that and the other. It’s antiquated thinking like this that allows rapists to escape justice.

Facts are it all happened. Yes I should’ve walked away after initially saying no when arriving. However he did leave the room and left us to it. Yes it wasn’t the best experience but only found out the hygiene bit when it was “too late” which is not kind on her part if I’m to jump up and leave it as that. Evidently it was enjoyable to the point I could finish. The fact of the matter is I don’t know how long he was out the room for and filming what exactly I don’t know. This is the issue having asked twice by this point. I then asked him as I was leaving to ensure they was deleted and he just said ok and I left (having wanted to get out ASAP and forget the whole experience)

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

So they could have been deleted and you are worrying about nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

If you ever find yourself the victim of a sexual assault, this is the most likely response you will get from the police (I know, as I know lots of people who work with victims) so I hope your thinking and attitude gives you strength should you ever find yourself in such a tragic and unfortunate situation, which I hope you never do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Filming someone during sex without their consent is a criminal offence.

Realistically there is not much you can do about it now, but I would suggest being more cautious with who you meet and have clear boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

I struggle to believe any police officer saying this, especially anyone from a sexual offences team.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont worry . viewers wont be looking at your face xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

So, when someone has been the victim of the R word, this is what the police will say?

" you should have thought with your brain?"

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

[Removed by poster at 28/09/20 15:47:29]

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By *spotpleasurerMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Not a lot you can do about this, even if they delete files from a device in your presence there could be copies anywhere.

At least you were aware of the situation and left quickly. With modern day technology it's possible to film with a spyhole cameras without anyone being the wiser.

Don't let it put off you fab, the majority are nice people that are genuine and want a discreet meet just like yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't name and shame, it's against site rules.

Is this not an issue site admin can get involved with eg a member misrepresenting themselves on here?

That would surely involve the story being absolutely true"

What can site admin do?

This was a private meet and the OP chose to stay even tho he wasn’t happy with certain things. I’m not sure how this involves Fab?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

OP this is not your fault.

I have made mistakes and learnt from them and I’m sure most on this thread have too.

Put it down to experience and learn from it.

Please don’t trust random people on Fab, only ones that you know well.

Take care x

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By *athan 123Man
over a year ago

rochdale oldham border

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

Crikey a scary experience really really wanted to film you very dangerous If I got into the public domain Maggie self on YouTube and with my experience of meeting a woman in similar circumstances she was not clean downstairs and made me feel very ill at the time and that made me think more about female cleanliness was a yuk experience for me

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

"
The filming aside why would you continue with a meet with someone who wasn't in your opinion hygienically clean ?

You should have walked away from both her & the filming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

So, when someone has been the victim of the R word, this is what the police will say?

" you should have thought with your brain?""

No, it’s not.

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By *iffler 2019Woman
over a year ago

Saltash aka Fraggle Rock

"Fucking hell people. What happened is appalling and no less so because it’s posted by a man.

V x "

Well said V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

So, when someone has been the victim of the R word, this is what the police will say?

" you should have thought with your brain?"

No, it’s not."

The police arent perfect

But I struggle to believe they would say that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a true story im not convinced what with you carrying on with someone unhygienic and a bloke being there unexpectedly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Green arrow is always handy.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Green arrow is always handy."

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing. "

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Green arrow is always handy."

OP does seem rather confused as to how long he has been on Fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share""

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Is this a true story im not convinced what with you carrying on with someone unhygienic and a bloke being there unexpectedly.

Some guy there unexpectedly, but carries on anyway!

Smelly and/or dirty, but carries on anyway!

Unexpected guy starts filming, but carries on anyway!

Unexpected guy comes back in and starts filming again!

Leaves without obtaining proof that filming was deleted!

Messages some random on here that looks like unexpected guy!

What's not to believe

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Sounds like you should have thought with your brain and walked away at the start and not think with your cock.

Yeah let’s tell all victims of any crime that they should have thought better about something. Fucking hell.

OP. I’m so sorry I too believe you and hope you find resolution.

V x

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well."

OP your audience has turned into detective, judge and jury and found you entirely at fault. Judgemental? Us? No surely not.

My advice would be to not check back here again. Take legal advice if you need to and hopefully you will find your Resolution.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well.

OP your audience has turned into detective, judge and jury and found you entirely at fault. Judgemental? Us? No surely not.

My advice would be to not check back here again. Take legal advice if you need to and hopefully you will find your Resolution.

V x "

If OP goes to the police, they will ask the same questions!!

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well.

OP your audience has turned into detective, judge and jury and found you entirely at fault. Judgemental? Us? No surely not.

My advice would be to not check back here again. Take legal advice if you need to and hopefully you will find your Resolution.

V x

If OP goes to the police, they will ask the same questions!!"

Yes. They will.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well.

OP your audience has turned into detective, judge and jury and found you entirely at fault. Judgemental? Us? No surely not.

My advice would be to not check back here again. Take legal advice if you need to and hopefully you will find your Resolution.

V x

If OP goes to the police, they will ask the same questions!!

Yes. They will.

V x "

My point was that you said Fab folk had been too judgy

But if he goes to the police, they will turn 'detective' too

They wont just accept that the supposed photographer is guilty!

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By *iffler 2019Woman
over a year ago

Saltash aka Fraggle Rock

Oh no Police will say it is a free for all like they told me when something happened in a club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

You should of walked away Sounds horrid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, when someone has been the victim of the R word, this is what the police will say?

" you should have thought with your brain?""

Asked by someone who has never had the misfortune of having to report such an offence...

Yes, sadly in a lot of cases, that is exactly what will be said. Victims of sexual assault are failed by every element of the police and criminal justice system on a daily basis.

Victims are not believed. Victims are held responsible for what happened. Victims are not allowed get many of the treatments they need to recover from the assault. The treatment of victims of sexual assault is so sub-standard that many withdraw the complaints because the way the police handle (or mishandle) the investigation it further traumatises the victim. The victim has to choose between receiving trauma treatment, or perusing a case. The treatment of victims os so shoddy that many have their lives destroyed to such an extent, and further traumatised by the investigation, that they end their own lives. It's complexly fucked up beyond all recognition, and swept under the carpet.

If you don't believe me, I pray you never find out for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If OP goes to the police, they will ask the same questions!!"

Modern policing: If the OP goes to the police, they will do everything possible to persuade him to not make a complaint. To difficult to solve, don't want the statistic making their performance look bad.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"Green arrow is always handy.

What on the green arrow is so pertinent? I see nothing.

12 weeks ago. "Just made some videos with the FB. Keen to share"

Also he says this happened on a previous profile but on recent posts the OP says he is new to Fab. Other inconsistencies as well.

OP your audience has turned into detective, judge and jury and found you entirely at fault. Judgemental? Us? No surely not.

My advice would be to not check back here again. Take legal advice if you need to and hopefully you will find your Resolution.

V x

If OP goes to the police, they will ask the same questions!!

Yes. They will.

V x

My point was that you said Fab folk had been too judgy

But if he goes to the police, they will turn 'detective' too

They wont just accept that the supposed photographer is guilty!"

You are correct. Maybe. Or they won’t because (see reasons eloquently given above). My point is, they can. We should not.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are correct. Maybe. Or they won’t because (see reasons eloquently given above). My point is, they can. We should not.

V x "

For the sake of clarity here, (and this isn't directed at V) guilt or otherwise is determined by trial.

The police gather evidence.

The CPS make a decision to charge based on the evidence presented.

The court hears the case and magistrates, juries and in some rare cases judges only decide on guilt.

So, the police will not decide on the guilt or innocence of a supspect. However, unlike any other crime, where a sexual assault has taken place, there is a pervading attitude that it was the victims fault, and this doesn't just happen with the police, but all the way through the systemm. The CPS have at present charged an historically low number of sexual assault cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give the poor chap a break, we are all sexual beings and make mistakes. It's very easy to be accurate in hindsight. Meeting strangers on hookups is risky and living in a age of social media makes it more so. Live and learn as the old saying, says,

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"You are correct. Maybe. Or they won’t because (see reasons eloquently given above). My point is, they can. We should not.

V x

For the sake of clarity here, (and this isn't directed at V) guilt or otherwise is determined by trial.

The police gather evidence.

The CPS make a decision to charge based on the evidence presented.

The court hears the case and magistrates, juries and in some rare cases judges only decide on guilt.

I know all that.

. It was more an abridgement of how it works in reality. Cos I couldn’t be arsed to explain every role in the judicial process. But thanks.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Give the poor chap a break, we are all sexual beings and make mistakes. It's very easy to be accurate in hindsight. Meeting strangers on hookups is risky and living in a age of social media makes it more so. Live and learn as the old saying, says, "

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Amazed how a few on here have ‘attacked’ the OP. Judge and Juror! Checking on his green arrow, questioning when it happened, giving advice after the event!

We have so many detectives on here. West Yorkshire Police would appreciate the likes of you in their division!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are correct. Maybe. Or they won’t because (see reasons eloquently given above). My point is, they can. We should not.

V x

For the sake of clarity here, (and this isn't directed at V) guilt or otherwise is determined by trial.

The police gather evidence.

The CPS make a decision to charge based on the evidence presented.

The court hears the case and magistrates, juries and in some rare cases judges only decide on guilt.

Crimes of a sexual nature are hard to prove. Often they occur in private with no witnesses and little evidence.

Victims are (or should, I acknowledge there have been failings but I think this has improved in recent times) always believed unless proven otherwise.

Within my job I had an extra role, which involved supporting victims of sexual assault. I gave up my free time to do this. In 5 years I did not deal with one genuine victim. It’s soul destroying and the final straw was leaving my own family on Christmas Day to attend a victim that turned out to be lying, so I no longer do that role- a role of which I was good at and treated victims with compassion and dignity, and most importantly- I believed them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

U should have told them u are not comportable with them filming and said no and went home x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are correct. Maybe. Or they won’t because (see reasons eloquently given above). My point is, they can. We should not.

V x

For the sake of clarity here, (and this isn't directed at V) guilt or otherwise is determined by trial.

The police gather evidence.

The CPS make a decision to charge based on the evidence presented.

The court hears the case and magistrates, juries and in some rare cases judges only decide on guilt.

Crimes of a sexual nature are hard to prove. Often they occur in private with no witnesses and little evidence.

Victims are (or should, I acknowledge there have been failings but I think this has improved in recent times) always believed unless proven otherwise.

Bloody hell! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Victims are (or should, I acknowledge there have been failings but I think this has improved in recent times) always believed unless proven otherwise."

I know people who spend their working lives helping survivors. The false allegations are rare... but cases collapse for lots of reasons, including the victims withdrawing the complaint. The main reason complaints are withdrawn is because the investigation is so harrowing on the victim.

It needs to improve, now, and until it does perpetrators of sexual assault are living in the golden age of prosecution free crime.

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By *ugarplumpfairyWoman
over a year ago

scotland

I don't think we should just be "chalking up to experience" things like this. "

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Well this escalated quickly.

At the end of the day there are two sides to the story and we have been given only one side.

If the OP feels he has been the victim of a sexual crime, then i would hope he contacts the authorities and reports the incident.

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By *annydevonMan
over a year ago

Exeter

what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

I would have left over the hygiene thing not keep going till some bloke whip a camera out...and you stilled stayed to finish now you are looking for sympathy.

Lesson learned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman posted this, everyone would be all "omg you poor thing, im so sorry" "this should never have happened" "he's a cunt"

Etc etc etc. Noone would blame her and yet, OP is being blamed.

Why?! Cause he's male?! Jesus christ. Someone violated another person's trust and consent. End of story. You can sit there and say "oh id have left" "id have decked him" - but until you're in that situation, you don't know.

OP. Hope you get some closure.

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By *ebel Red HotWoman
over a year ago

York

Its not nice not at all but why let someone film you I just don't get it. If you are not happy about it then walk as a woman I would I just don't get why you hung around surely a shag isn't worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this happened a while ago? Or it just happened?

A while ago.

Just feel a bit exposed and taken the piss off. Yes I could’ve done more but when in that situation I didn’t know exactly what to do if you get me x

A while ago? But you only joined 3 months ago

During lockdown

This is with a previous profile.

I see

So you had a terrible experience with a different profile

Deleted it

And then made a new one

With you now!! Im easily confused at my age"

A classic for unite tactic wanting to start something

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

V x "

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

Erm no. I neither said nor suggested it.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a woman posted this, everyone would be all "omg you poor thing, im so sorry" "this should never have happened" "he's a cunt"

Etc etc etc. Noone would blame her and yet, OP is being blamed.

OP. Hope you get some closure."

If a woman spoke about the guy's cock being a bit whiffy whilst recounting such a tale, I'd be equally suspicious

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

The thread where you offer to share videos of your FB - is she happy for you to share them ?

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

Erm no. I neither said nor suggested it.

V x "

Male or female if someone was put in a position that they were uncomfortable or even afraid of, there would be some level of resistance.

The OP carried on. As I said above there are two sides to this story.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

Erm no. I neither said nor suggested it.

V x

Male or female if someone was put in a position that they were uncomfortable or even afraid of, there would be some level of resistance.

The OP carried on. As I said above there are two sides to this story. "

Victims do not always resist. In fact they frequently do not.

V x

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

Erm no. I neither said nor suggested it.

V x

Male or female if someone was put in a position that they were uncomfortable or even afraid of, there would be some level of resistance.

The OP carried on. As I said above there are two sides to this story.

Victims do not always resist. In fact they frequently do not.

V x "

As I can see your point with regards to resistance, I very much doubt its applicable in this situation.

Again the OP willingly decided to continue after he expressed his concerns to the couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yet you are willing to share videos of you and your FB??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being as respectful and polite as I can the female wasn’t to the hygiene level I would’ve expected from someone wanting to be “clean”.

It’s just eating me up a little knowing some squirmy blokes got a video on his phone now of me with someone which I didn’t consent too.

I left under the impression if I messaged her and asked it to be deleted it would be respected and it simply hasn’t. What do I do?

I’m a little confused you said her cleanliness wasn’t up to standard and you are worried there is a video of you is that right ? So am I right to assume that even though she wasn’t very clean you still had sex on film ? I’m sorry but if this happened to me id have left at the sight of the other guy whom I had no idea was there. And if no permission was given I’d have personally took the phone and made sure that no films had been taken.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

Was it actually recorded? Did you see evidence that a video actually exists? Has the video been shared anywhere and caused upset? If not, assume it doesn’t exist and move on with your life, otherwise this will consume you. As others have said, you live and learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yet you are willing to share videos of you and your FB??"

Exactly. Be careful though, I’ve already been shot down in flames and called judgemental amongst other things because I’d checked the green arrow which revealed many inconsistencies .

Judgemental? No, sceptical, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you know it hasn’t been deleted?

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By *urygent1Man
over a year ago

North West

Fully agree..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It blows my mind to think some people think this is false and didn’t happen! I don’t quite understand how and why anyone would take their time to make up such a thing! Weird how some people’s minds work! Yes this did all happen and I have had a message back from the Lady saying it’s been deleted and that she would then in turn “cause a scene” should I continue to discuss with her.

Lesson learnt when using fab it seems. Going to trust that it was deleted and leave it as that.

As for those questioning still why did I stay. Iv made it perfectly clear when I first asked him to leave he left. To my knowledge didn’t return until I turned around and saw him shortly after which is when it all came to a stop! Clearly people going to have opinions and that’s fine but it’s something I don’t wish to repeat and going to be more cautious with others in future meets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what a load of bullshit. we are in control of our own encounters. if you didn't like it you should have left

Equal bollocks. We are not always. Sometimes someone takes away our control. Or are you suggesting that if the victim is a man they should somehow man up and deal with it differently?

V x

So are you suggesting he was forced into intercourse with the female who lacked in personal hygiene?

Erm no. I neither said nor suggested it.

V x

Male or female if someone was put in a position that they were uncomfortable or even afraid of, there would be some level of resistance.

The OP carried on. As I said above there are two sides to this story.

Victims do not always resist. In fact they frequently do not.

V x "

100% true!

And even the biggest, burliest bloke won't have that initial "I'll just deck him" attitude if they were suddenly jumped. Initial reaction is to freeze. The fact that the bodies of most victims of sexual assault freeze and don't resist is used by defence to suggest compliance... it's anything but and is the bodies natural reaction.

A lot of people on here need to wake up and get educated on sexual assault, what it actually is, and how their own behaviours can perpetuate the abuse in society.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very supportive comments.

Yes you made a mistake going along with it still... but you can’t blame yourself and people mustn’t judge you.

Hope your ok. You need to put it behind you.

Move forward and not fall for that again.

I can imagine you feel anxious about this but they could be doing it with lots of people so your video is in with many others.

Take care

Florence x

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

If you want honest, tr_stworthy people you probably shouldn't start with cheating people.

You got pressured into something and that's NOT okay. Men often get told they were thinking with their dick or whatever but think of the reaction a woman would get.

The fact she's with someone will work in your favour here, she's not going to show that video around is she.

Truth is that there's nothing that can be done now apart from controlling how you deal with this. Let it keep eating away at you for months or even years. Or you can learn from it, grow stronger as a person and use this as fuel to push yourself to stand up and be heard next time.

No means no.

You said no recording and they ignored it.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"If you want honest, tr_stworthy people you probably shouldn't start with cheating people.

You got pressured into something and that's NOT okay. Men often get told they were thinking with their dick or whatever but think of the reaction a woman would get.

The fact she's with someone will work in your favour here, she's not going to show that video around is she.

No means no.

You said no recording and they ignored it."

Exactly this and this is very good advice and something to think about. I’ve learnt from mistakes and it’s made me deal with things better....

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"It blows my mind to think some people think this is false and didn’t happen! I don’t quite understand how and why anyone would take their time to make up such a thing! Weird how some people’s minds work! Yes this did all happen and I have had a message back from the Lady saying it’s been deleted and that she would then in turn “cause a scene” should I continue to discuss with her.

Lesson learnt when using fab it seems. Going to trust that it was deleted and leave it as that.

She's going to cause a scene? Tell her to bring it on

Didn't you say she's married and with an FB? If so she's got a lot more to lose than you, OP, so call her bluff. At this late stage what harm can that do? Especially seeing as it was your rights that were violated in the first place

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