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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've said this before. When you enter into a sexual relationship you kind of believe its going to be sexual for the long term. If sex ceases for any reason the terms of your relationship have changed. I don't think going behind a partners back is the answer though. I think discussion, communication and compromise are the way forward. I do know that isn't always achievable though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Think if I tried to discuss there would not be agreement, sometimes if I want to go somewhere on my own for the day I get asked why, my partner has mobility problem so rarely wants to go anywhere.

It is frustrating.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Think if I tried to discuss there would not be agreement, sometimes if I want to go somewhere on my own for the day I get asked why, my partner has mobility problem so rarely wants to go anywhere.

It is frustrating."

so you haven't initiated a discussion?

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By *ent in BlackMan
over a year ago

Silsden

If it’s through deception it’s cheating and completely out of order. If it’s by mutual agreement then no problems. People need to be honest. Imagine if you were the one being cheated on. It’s not nice at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A relationship is what you make it and if you can’t talk to her/him about sex or going out alone then is it the right fit for you or are you just allowing them to live their life at the expense of your happiness.

Live your best life.

Best of luck

T

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think you have hit the nail on the head, my needs come last if ever.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think you have hit the nail on the head, my needs come last if ever."

Does your wife know how you feel?

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

I did not cheat i just left. Life with no sex did not appeal to me but cheating was not the answer. I stuck around for several years then just walked out that door and never looked back.

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By *arentsgonebadCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

Hard situation to be in esspecially if you love the person and have spoken several times about how important sexual interaction is within a relationship once you lose it very hard to get back.

Age old question is are you willling to be with someone you love and sacrafice your sexual needs or do you leave someone you live in search of the attraction you require...

I dunno what the right or wrong answer is

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

If you are so unhappy op, is it worth staying in a relationship?

It's clearly frustrating you

Tell her exactly how you feel and give her a chance to work with you, if she refuses you have to decide if you can live without sex or if the relationship is worth saving

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By *aughty_builder87Man
over a year ago

Keston

I can't help in terms of cheating as me and my wife have an agreement we are both free to see other people and not because our sexlife is bad but more for different experiences. If you are unhappy with your sex life then id leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it’s through deception it’s cheating and completely out of order. If it’s by mutual agreement then no problems. People need to be honest. Imagine if you were the one being cheated on. It’s not nice at all."

This.

Cheating is lowest of low.

Think about her instead of just yourself.

Talk about it. If she cannot due to health, then it is hardly her fault, is it??

Be honest with her. You have made her choice, let her make her own choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had this discussion many times on site with guys claiming to have wife’s permission ask to speak to wife to see if it’s ok to do so which is only right and proper you get blocked does not instill confidence in people’s honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

Short sharp answer.

The guy is the dishonest cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

Well this happen to me after the kids were born. I love my family so we stayed as friends together. Well 7 years later I said I had no choice in her choand I didn’t think you meant forever so she agree I should find a way to full fill that need in a discrete manner so I ended up here ..... yeah that did not pan out for me either

12 years on .......... I am still cheating apparently, if the threads are to be believed. Anyway I am going to take up rock climbing instead

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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago

ribble valley

Sex is a huge part of a relationship to me. When sex goes downhill (unless for medical reasons) it's time to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

The element that’s wrong is having sex without informing the partner that doesn’t want sex. Cheating is cheating and isn’t acceptable to most people. If there’s a problem, then talk about it then agree a way forward. If its sex outside the relationship, fine, if all are in agreement. By the way we are not judging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

You imply there may be medical. Issues behind this so it's not really a choice for her?

Regardless of the reason, going behind her back is cheating. No question.

Talk, agree, act accordingly.

Sometimes think a degree of pls feel sorry for me when this subject comes up.... Nah. Having sex with others openly is a world away from skulking around lying and deceiving people.

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By *rnaughtyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

cheating is never the answer and it's devastating for those on the receiving end.

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By *idnight_Express69Man
over a year ago

Rochdale

He could choose to leave her instead of cheat on her. It’s an option.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the discussion.

I have not had sex with anyone but my wife albeit at least 12 yrs ago. Feel we been together too long to look for another relationship. Just wanted to know how others felt, the sex stopped long before the health problems set in,we used to have some great moments before then.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks for the discussion.

I have not had sex with anyone but my wife albeit at least 12 yrs ago. Feel we been together too long to look for another relationship. Just wanted to know how others felt, the sex stopped long before the health problems set in,we used to have some great moments before then. "

You must feel very sad. I think men are often expected to just put up with a sexless relationship and get very little sympathy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 22/09/20 00:31:06]

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

I think this is a hard question to answer.

You clearly still love your wife.

She possibly depends on you because of her ill health.

You don't want to leave because she needs you and you need her.

You have obviously been together through thick and thin,in sickness and in health.

And you just want someone to be intimate with, your still a red blooded man, and you have not rushed into action, you have been thinking about this for over many years.

I guess what ever YOU decide (take no notice about everyone's judgment they are not walking in your shoes)

Has got to be something you can live with.

And if it helps with your happiness and prolongs your wife's happiness in her marriage to you, then so be it. Good luck with your choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Read so many posts saying a guy is cheating on his wife/gf if he has sex with someone else,I understand what's being said, but if a guys partner decides they no longer want or have any interest in any form of sexual involvement with anyone, why does the guy also have to stop against his wishes?

I know about better or worse scenarios but whose cheating who?

Your views please"

Apparently the answer is yes they do.

Which is why their are so many cheats and divorce.

Some people think that having sex with someone else means you love your actual partner less.

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By *ounty durham bbw coupleCouple
over a year ago

darlington

Difficult for people to fully understand your situation this forum is a very judgmental section of fab be honest on your profile about your situation perhaps clubs when they reopen fully will be good option also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a wife so it's not me

I honestly have to say I have never seen anything about this and i'm on the forum constantly

unless its someone who knows him it's probably better to stay out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it cheating? If it's without the consent of your wife, then yes, it is cheating. With the consent of your wife, it's not cheating but is still adultery.

I feel for you OP, because to be in a situation where your relationship is involuntary sexless is not a nice position to be in. It is not natural to expect someone to just go against their most basic and natural instincts and become celibate. I personally think celibacy to be a form of self harm.

You mention that your wife has mobility issues, but also that the sex went before her mobility was reduced. From this I'm assuming that the lack of sex is not directly attributable to her lack of mobility. There are issues here, and you need to have a serious discussion with her about those issues. Personally, I believe there is a lot more to sex than penetration, and with the intimacy of kissing, caressing, foreplay, etc, there are many ways and means of satisfying each other.

I would suggest that as a matter of priority is talk to your wife, and try to establish the root cause of why the intimacy has stopped. And listen... the problem could be with you. Explain why it's important to you. Try and find a solution.

Personally, a relationship without sex where one side wanted it and the other didn't simply wouldn't work for me. There is a possibility that your sex life with your partner has ended, and you have to decide if you can life without a sex life. Your partner may allow you to have a sex life away from her, discreetly. Or you may have to leave a relationship.

But if you don't talk to her, you are making assumptions, and making decisions without being in full passion of the facts.

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By *empsey and hotpieceMan
over a year ago

North west

Op, I feel for both of you. Communication is key here.

The problem is a lot of people put love and sex in the same box, they don’t belong together.

You obviously love your wife but have sexual needs that the relationship isn’t fulfilling, it maybe difficult to explain to her that you feel the need to find sexual relief elsewhere but your not looking to replace her, that’s what you need to tell though.

If you just go ahead without her knowledge, then yes it’s cheating, if she understands and gives consent, it’s fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The problem is a lot of people put love and sex in the same box, they don’t belong together."

Life would be so much smoother for a lot more people, if they understood the difference between love and sex. If you can have them both in the same relationship then be happy.

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