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BDSMish from a distance

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So how do other sub and doms cope when you have to go long distance for a while?

Doms - what challenges and tasks do you set for your subs?

Subs - how are your physical, emotional and mental needs catered for?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Regular contact

Understand that being pragmatic trumps the D/s fantasy. That means set tasks and routines that a) mean something and b) are achievable

There is nothing worse than pointless rules and tasks that are set up to fail.

With my ling distance sub I only have 2 routines and set her tasks as and when.

Routines

To say hello and good night when she wakes up or heads to bed

Send me a daily photo of something that made her smile along with 2-3 positive things and 1 less positive thing that happened each day.

Because life gets in the way, family and other relationship commitments, any tasks I set tend to take into account her availability - so nothing that has to be done right now.

We have done slave positions with accompanying photos.

We discuss what she is looking to find through her submission.

I am not a fan of picking her clothes on a daily basis. It does nothing for me when we are apart.

However I like buying her outfits and giving her my opinion on what looks good when she is meeting others.

I am also not a photo collector, so while I have had her edge and practise denying herself an orgasm its not an every day occurrence.

Punishments have been lines and stress positions backed up with photo and video evidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a daily task to do each morning.

We talk most days, checking in on each other (Dom care is important too!)

I pick up the odd punishment for 'bad' behaviour.. Yesterday i lost my pants priveledge for the next 9 days

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By *Jones19Man
over a year ago

Evesham, Worcester, Pershore

As mentioned above, routine and basic tasks to keep the line of communication open seams the best way.

Previously had a submissive that I couldn't see for a while, so we had daily routine of "Good Morning Sir" and "Goodnight Sir" pictures. She had an ongoing task that allowed us to work positively on something she was eager to work on. There wasnt much punishment that I can recall so cant really help you there (best behaved sub ive had). But don't forget to just talk too. Find something that fits your relationship and stay connected.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm paying attention to all of these ideas

We do talk every day so I suppose it's a case of adding new aspects.

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By *hilledout-coupleCouple
over a year ago

telford


"I have a daily task to do each morning.

We talk most days, checking in on each other (Dom care is important too!)

I pick up the odd punishment for 'bad' behaviour.. Yesterday i lost my pants priveledge for the next 9 days "

Ooo what did you do to deserve that you naughty minx x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yesterday i lost my pants priveledge for the next 9 days "

Wow. What a meanie, huh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a daily task to do each morning.

We talk most days, checking in on each other (Dom care is important too!)

I pick up the odd punishment for 'bad' behaviour.. Yesterday i lost my pants priveledge for the next 9 days

Ooo what did you do to deserve that you naughty minx x"

Pffftt, well in my opinion i didn't do anything bad... i was my usual sweet, angelic, delicious self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yesterday i lost my pants priveledge for the next 9 days

Wow. What a meanie, huh."

I had a choice of keeping my pants... And putting my womaniser in the drawer instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a "Dom", the primary thing is to maintain contact. Understanding my submissive's mental state is important - I'll ask questions like what they've done today, what they've eaten etc. I think there's this "macho" idea of what a Dom is but that can get toxic pretty quickly, especially with distance (how can you decide what to do with the controls you have if you don't first check the dials?). That conversation needs to be maintained.

Another important thing is play time. I will (often on a whim) decide that my submissive is going to be doing something they sometimes aren't in the mood/mindset to do. But because of the stuff above I can pretty well judge how far to push them. It's tempting to wait until you next see them but it's a great way to flex your creative muscles, as well as remind them who's boss

Play time may be anything from "remote foreplay" (for example, I've been getting her to use her pussy pump on different parts of her body - until she begs me to masturbate) to writing me a story or acting out a dramatic scene in many pictures. It takes some imagination but I enjoy it (it's play time for me too!).

Ultimately, being able to exert control over your submissive entirely "hands free" is very satisfying, and deepens that bond. So if this is new to your dynamic then it can be a very rewarding silver lining to the otherwise unfortunate situation we find ourselves in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a "Dom", the primary thing is to maintain contact. Understanding my submissive's mental state is important - I'll ask questions like what they've done today, what they've eaten etc. I think there's this "macho" idea of what a Dom is but that can get toxic pretty quickly, especially with distance (how can you decide what to do with the controls you have if you don't first check the dials?). That conversation needs to be maintained.

Another important thing is play time. I will (often on a whim) decide that my submissive is going to be doing something they sometimes aren't in the mood/mindset to do. But because of the stuff above I can pretty well judge how far to push them. It's tempting to wait until you next see them but it's a great way to flex your creative muscles, as well as remind them who's boss

Play time may be anything from "remote foreplay" (for example, I've been getting her to use her pussy pump on different parts of her body - until she begs me to masturbate) to writing me a story or acting out a dramatic scene in many pictures. It takes some imagination but I enjoy it (it's play time for me too!).

Ultimately, being able to exert control over your submissive entirely "hands free" is very satisfying, and deepens that bond. So if this is new to your dynamic then it can be a very rewarding silver lining to the otherwise unfortunate situation we find ourselves in."
Absolutely correct comment

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Not had to do this during lockdown but have in the past, some things that work.

Make sure to message every single day and set tasks. As well as normal tasks, You can set little development tasks like write 3 new habits to take up by the end of the month and then check / feedback weekly, monthly.

As well as messages, photo, video rewards you can send customised gifts next day using amazon prime for rewards. You can also book appointments for waxing, nails etc

Mailing each other intimate things like underwear as long as you both can get to a post box you can mail pre paid Jiffy bags or even send her mailing labels

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am intrigued about being a sub for a female Dom but I really have no idea how to start, with dynamics and the like. Although if possible I would love to be a sub for a BBW lady, but again I really have no idea how to go about being a sub.

I hope this makes sense to someone and if it does please PM, rather than taking over this wonderful thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP and all I have been reading up on BDSM on the web and I am very intrigued indeed. Thank you once again OP for piquing my interest

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