FabSwingers.com forum: How to be dominant (fem)

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm talking to a guy who told me he likes to be submissive in bed. I'm up for trying out being domme but I wouldn't be into the whole "latex, dominatrix, whips and chains etc" kind of vibe. When I think of dominant men I have been with I think throatfucking, choking, hair pulling, rough sex. What are some ways for women to show that same kind of natural dominance in bed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask him what he likes. He might just mean he likes the woman on top.

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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago

Northumberland

I find face sitting to be quite dominant. The lady has control of the situation and the guy is definitely sub.

I love it when this happens to me,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him he doesn't get to tell you to be dominant. haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ask him what he likes. He might just mean he likes the woman on top.

That ! He may have hidden ideas that he doesn't know how to voice. Feel him out ( so to speak ) what he has seen watched or heard that planted the seed! Just be confident with it . Have fun .

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Facesitting.

Kissing your feet.

Calling you mistress.

Tie-up and tickle.

Tell him when and how to pleasure you.

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By *iger-NWMan
over a year ago

Preston

Maybe wait until the pandemic is over

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ask him what he likes. He might just mean he likes the woman on top.

I've tried asking but he's being a bit cryptic, I think he's shy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe wait until the pandemic is over"

Don't recall saying I was meeting him in the near future.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Facesitting.

Kissing your feet.

Calling you mistress.

Tie-up and tickle.

Tell him when and how to pleasure you."

Good ideas, thank you

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

A lot of it starts with confidence and verbal stuff.

My ex had a real dominant streak, but struggled with the verbal side - giving orders etc. She loved to pin me down by the throat and fuck me, biting, scratching etc loved to be in control and feel she was overpowering me, even when on the bottom she would try to control the rhythm and flip me over

When she got her confidence, usually through drink, and believed she was in control she would order me to my knees while she stood , grab me by the hair and have me remove her underwear with my teeth as she slapped my face and pulled my hair .

She used to scare the hell out of me , very unpredictable and I saw stars a couple of times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ask him what he likes. He might just mean he likes the woman on top.

I've tried asking but he's being a bit cryptic, I think he's shy

Google mojo upgrade. Someone on here once mentioned it. I found it very useful.

Maybe search for domme women porn. Find some things that you like or wouldn't mind doing, and send him the links. Tell him to let you know which ones he likes.

Good luck

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By *lli_sissyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cambridge

When an domme friend and i first decided to give it a go, she was interested but not sure what, i had ideas but didn't want to push... so i sent her links to articles and websites that discussed fetishes i liked, but hoped also might interest her.

We then compared lists once she'd had a look, picked the ones we both wanted to try, we found that helped both of us articulate our interests better as i was giving links to interests that she could look over and choose those of mutual interest without judgement... from there, we developed and moved to her taking over the lead and ideas over time.

Hope you have fun exploring interests.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ask him what he likes. He might just mean he likes the woman on top.

I've tried asking but he's being a bit cryptic, I think he's shy

Maybe ask if he is interested in cross dressing? Many men are but won’t bring it up in case it scares you off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Edging and tease him while he can't touch you, use toys on him if that's his thing, get him to put your knickers on, tell him to eat your arse and pussy; grab him by the throat when riding his face and pull his hair, foot worship, pee on him, spank him, lightly massage his cock and balls with your feet wearing stilletos, put your knickers in his mouth, be very verbal.

Just a few ideas you could run by him. He may like some, he may hate them, depends on how domme he wants you to be.

Have fun

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By *iproperswingersCouple
over a year ago

Rainham

"I'm talking to a guy who told me he likes to be submissive in bed. I'm up for trying out being domme but I wouldn't be into the whole "latex, dominatrix, whips and chains etc" kind of vibe. When I think of dominant men I have been with I think throatfucking, choking, hair pulling, rough sex. What are some ways for women to show that same kind of natural dominance in bed? "

Hey, it's Charlotte here... Just start by taking charge of the moment... Leading him.. Grabbing his throat a bit.. Not too much, just in a passionate way.... Tease him.. You have to almost trick him with being a bit sub, but switch it quickly back in the moment, so the shock factor triggers him.. It's all psychological the dom\sub thing

tying him up with his hands above his head and a blind fold can help too.. Build a bit of trust xx

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By *wingingSam93Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Midnight Vixen knows what she's talking about. Pretty much everything she said

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By *atexbisexTV/TS
over a year ago

Central London

Face slapping

Facesitting

Verbal humiliation

Foot worship

Strap-on

CBT

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some great advice on here, thank you guys

Doesn't seem as scary as I thought anymore. I like the idea of teasing and edging without allowing him to touch me. Not sure about facesitting though as I'm not trying to suffocate him haha. But lots of other good ideas

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Google mojo upgrade. Someone on here once mentioned it. I found it very useful.

That's the 2nd time I've seen that site mentioned this week! The first was in a book on swinging I've just finished reading.

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By *randmrsmanchesterCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Depends what sort of thing he’s into.

Tell him what to do,Tell him what you want him to do to you,Restrain him,Blindfold him,Headphones to remove a different sense. Bite him

, grab his neck, pull his hair, make him listen to you but not touch.

Is he into degradation ? Edging? Pegging ? Toys? Facesitting.

So many routes you could take but he would have to give you some ideas to run with. You may also realise you enjoy some thing more than you thought you would.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

To be honest it does not sound as if he is being sub, but that he is topping from the bottom.

If someone is not interested in entering into a proper discussion of what they want and what are their hard and soft limits,I would suggest walking away. Turn it the other way if a Dom refused to discuss what they wanted to do, any sane sub would walk.

I know there is the thrill of the unknown but is not normally recommended.

If the sub is serious you can download a list of activities and get him to fill it out and discuss it with you. If that is too clinical ask him either to tell you about his best experience and why or worked or you can have him send you his favourite porn clip or piece of erotica.

If he knows you are inexperienced and he is not helping out and is also expecting you to do all the work, it feels like you are either being set up to fail or just being set up.

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By *adyx4Woman
over a year ago

Durham

"Some great advice on here, thank you guys

I like to call it pussifocation

Tell him to tap your ass for air

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This!

You need to discuss boundaries before playing - for both of you.

It’s hard when you are new to know what you like and don’t like and that’s okay. Evolution is natural and expected. But you need to establish what both of your “absolutely no” “when I get more comfortable with you we can see” and “let’s give it a go”

If he is not communicating- that’s needs to change. Consensual D/s only works when you communicate. What is he attracted to in subbing? Does he like pain, does he like being in service to a female, does he like sissification, does he like humiliation. And don’t forget about you - what do you like? Or think you will like?

I would recommend checking out The Mistress Manual book. It’s a good introduction (does have its limitations) and you can access it free through the Internet Archives.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Forget about labels, Dom/sub means different things to different people, as there are so many facets to it.

The analogy I like to use to explain it to people is the driver and passenger.

The Driver (Dom) is in charge of the journey. They determine the speed, the route, the number and length of comfort breaks etc.

The passenger (sub) can help influence the journey, they can read a map or mention local land marks that could be visited, they can ask for w comfort break but ultimately they are at the mercy of the driver.

With that in mind, as a Domme/Top the main thing to remember is its about your pleasure.

If you only focus on doing what they want, you are letting them Top from the bottom and are not actually dominating them.

Sure you can do things they like, but your focus should be on having the fun you want in a safe way.

Things the Mrs does when domming

Orgasm Denial

Post Orgasm Torture

CBT - cock slapping a firm favourite

Restraints

Flogging

Spanking

Face sitting / ass worship

Foot worship / foot massage

Its not just about rough sex, most submissive en just want you to tell them what to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Face riding and sitting are great, as is him giving you oral as if in 69 but rather than him being over your face have him kneel just to the side of your shoulders, you can the grip his head and grind into his face. Pegging is another Avenue but might not be for either of you. Edging and orgasm denial, making him fuck you how you want to be fucked before allowing him to finish. Something as simple hand cuffs or doing as he is told its upto you how far you want to take it and he better enjoy it

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm a switch but the way I dominate a guy is totally different to both the way I dominate a woman and the way I like to be dominated by men. Men are horny little creatures ruled by their cocks. Their much more fun to tease to the point of insanity and to make them work hard and adore me in order to get what they want. It's fun to exploit their personal desires. Men who love eating pussy are fun. Make them beg for it, let them taste it on your fingers, straddle their face and play with yourself.

Really its all a personal thing though. You need to find what scratches your itch about it or it just feels like an act and that's hard to keep up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a switch but the way I dominate a guy is totally different to both the way I dominate a woman and the way I like to be dominated by men. Men are horny little creatures ruled by their cocks. Their much more fun to tease to the point of insanity and to make them work hard and adore me in order to get what they want. It's fun to exploit their personal desires. Men who love eating pussy are fun. Make them beg for it, let them taste it on your fingers, straddle their face and play with yourself.

Really its all a personal thing though. You need to find what scratches your itch about it or it just feels like an act and that's hard to keep up. "

Outstanding pics

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Soooo the guy ended up ghosting me and then disappearing out of nowhere so never mind haha. Still good to know these things though, a lot of it sounds fun and totally not what my misconceptions were about dommes

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Soooo the guy ended up ghosting me and then disappearing out of nowhere so never mind haha. Still good to know these things though, a lot of it sounds fun and totally not what my misconceptions were about dommes

Just out of curiosity, which parts sound fun and what were your misconceptions?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just out of curiosity, which parts sound fun and what were your misconceptions? "

The teasing and denial is what appeals to me most, it's like being in control but subtly. I think I struggle a little with the dynamics of extreme power play.

And my misconceptions were that there is a lot of pain, humiliation and giving out orders involved. Which, from reading the responses, there can be to a degree but it can be a lot more sensual too.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

A common misconception about BDSM of Dom/sub is that its all about whips, canes and pain. Its power play.

Not all submissives are masochists and not all masochists are submissive.

While we can happily play in ways that would pit some off, we spend a lot of our time doing sensation play, teasing, edging, orgasm denial, CBT, massage, blindfolds, wax and ice, tickling etc.

As long as we get a reaction, thats what we care about.

But every dynamic is different, there is no “one true way” in kink. Forge your own path, and as long as you play safe (not safe sex but understand some aspects of BDSM play can cause injuries), ignore anyone who suggests you are doing it wrong.

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Behind the bike shed!

Kitty does a mean line in teasing! She’s tied me up blindfolded me and just stroked scratched tickled and generally played with me before. It’s so sexy. She also edges really well!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Just out of curiosity, which parts sound fun and what were your misconceptions?

The teasing and denial is what appeals to me most, it's like being in control but subtly. I think I struggle a little with the dynamics of extreme power play.

And my misconceptions were that there is a lot of pain, humiliation and giving out orders involved. Which, from reading the responses, there can be to a degree but it can be a lot more sensual too. "

It's my favourite part

. Such a power trip.

Yes they're quite common misconceptions on both sides. I've heard people say before they thought they were submissive because they didn't like pain or humiliation. Domination and submission are about power and control and exactly how that looke is totally individual to different people, hence why negotiation is so important.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"A common misconception about BDSM of Dom/sub is that its all about whips, canes and pain. Its power play.

Not all submissives are masochists and not all masochists are submissive.

While we can happily play in ways that would pit some off, we spend a lot of our time doing sensation play, teasing, edging, orgasm denial, CBT, massage, blindfolds, wax and ice, tickling etc.

As long as we get a reaction, thats what we care about.

This!

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Get a big stick and whack the cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Following

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By *rSpriteandMsClitBangCouple
over a year ago

hadleigh

You wonderful ladies! I screen shotted a bunch of posts earlier, thinking I could probably do some of it and could certainly use some for inspiration. I'm not used to being dominant so I struggle with confidence and knowing what to try.

Thanks to the above advice, I have just given Mr Sprite a lovely time, which culminated with him coming so hard his face went all tingly and he couldn't get up for aaaaages!

I started by kissing him, and teasing him, while not letting him touch me. Spent ages slowly teasing around his cock before touching him. Used a couple of vibrators on him to amp him up a little more. Then blindfolded him, and tied his hands.

Gave him a blow job, and then switched to wanking him, and back and forth, with plenty of edging.

Got out some more toys, and put in his new p spot vibrator while using our male wand attachment to bring him close... And then bringing him back down.

I finally climbed on top, but first used his dick to rub my clit, and only let him put the very tip of his cock inside me until he'd begged me to fuck him. Telling him to beg me was hot as fuck.

Then I rode him while pushing on the P spot vibe and covering his mouth, until he came. Fucking bucket loads of it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies.

And a huge thank you from Mr Sprite too!

C (her)

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"You wonderful ladies! I screen shotted a bunch of posts earlier, thinking I could probably do some of it and could certainly use some for inspiration. I'm not used to being dominant so I struggle with confidence and knowing what to try.

Thanks to the above advice, I have just given Mr Sprite a lovely time, which culminated with him coming so hard his face went all tingly and he couldn't get up for aaaaages!

Gave him a blow job, and then switched to wanking him, and back and forth, with plenty of edging.

Got out some more toys, and put in his new p spot vibrator while using our male wand attachment to bring him close... And then bringing him back down.

I finally climbed on top, but first used his dick to rub my clit, and only let him put the very tip of his cock inside me until he'd begged me to fuck him. Telling him to beg me was hot as fuck.

Then I rode him while pushing on the P spot vibe and covering his mouth, until he came. Fucking bucket loads of it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies.

And a huge thank you from Mr Sprite too!

C (her) "

That sounds unbelievably hot. Glad you both had a good time!

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By *rSpriteandMsClitBangCouple
over a year ago

hadleigh

Thank you! Yours was one of the posts I used as inspiration! Next time, I'm planning to do as you mentioned with straddling his face and playing until he's begging for a taste...

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

You can make him strip slowly for you, and tell him exactly what you want and how and when you want it.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Thank you! Yours was one of the posts I used as inspiration! Next time, I'm planning to do as you mentioned with straddling his face and playing until he's begging for a taste...

Aww glad to help! I hope you enjoy that just as much as I did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A common misconception about BDSM of Dom/sub is that its all about whips, canes and pain. Its power play.

Not all submissives are masochists and not all masochists are submissive.

While we can happily play in ways that would pit some off, we spend a lot of our time doing sensation play, teasing, edging, orgasm denial, CBT, massage, blindfolds, wax and ice, tickling etc.

As long as we get a reaction, thats what we care about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks to the above advice, I have just given Mr Sprite a lovely time, which culminated with him coming so hard his face went all tingly and he couldn't get up for aaaaages!

Gave him a blow job, and then switched to wanking him, and back and forth, with plenty of edging.

Got out some more toys, and put in his new p spot vibrator while using our male wand attachment to bring him close... And then bringing him back down.

I finally climbed on top, but first used his dick to rub my clit, and only let him put the very tip of his cock inside me until he'd begged me to fuck him. Telling him to beg me was hot as fuck.

Then I rode him while pushing on the P spot vibe and covering his mouth, until he came. Fucking bucket loads of it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies.

And a huge thank you from Mr Sprite too!

C (her) "

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By *odkaboy2Man
over a year ago

bristol

Personally I find restraint to be a massive turn in, eg tie and tease. To be sexually controlled by another is an amazing feeling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact that he's left shows he's a fantasist.

But he may have opened Pandoras box for you.

Maybe you should try and find someone for tie and tease. I have no doubt you won't be short of People wishing to join you

Get to know the person a little firat and then experiment but on your terms

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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

Try The Ultimate Guide to Tease and Denial by Georgia Ivey Green. Covers loads of subjects.

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By *torm in a G cupWoman
over a year ago

Land of the Long White Cloud

Im not in to any form of degradation. Domination can be sensual too.

To me it is more about trust. If he is not so open to discuss exactly what he wants then you should discuss what he doesn't want/isn't prepared to to try (hard limits) and to have an agreed safe word. That way it gives you more scope to try things and he can always stop things.

I love to tie a guy up and blindfold him. This act alone gives me more confidence and heightens his other senses.

Tease him with lips, tongue, fingers, nails. Ice cubes can be lots of fun too.

Face sitting.

If he is agreeable anal play can be lots of fun, but best to discuss it as an option first. Fingers, toys, maybe even a strapon.

Explore together what feels comfortable for you and him.

Have fun

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