FabSwingers.com forum: Believable lies, unbelievable truth

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here's an interesting one...

So, a guy meets a girl on here. Usual story, messages, then meets with great and regular sex, fun and frolics. However, the guy wasn't 100% honest with the girl, but they're good friends and everything continues. While she may be aware of the lies behind the relationship, they both carry on.

The same guy meets another girl. Slightly different this time, as this girl is the real deal, and for whatever reasons the guy is completely and openly 100% honest with the girl, probably because he fell for her in a big way. He certainly likes her, a lot, and she appears to like him. Socially, they meet and still like each other. Lots and lots of messages and pictures flow between them. She likes what she reads, and is flattered... but then it all goes cold. She announces that while she likes what he says, she doesn't believe what he says... and winter comes.

So, as this guy freezes over he wonders... Is honesty an impediment to success on fab, and is bullshit and lies the way to the girls? Discuss...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lies and bullshit will always catch up with you in the end

And if people lie to get what they want, invariably they end up looking like a cunt

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By *spotpleasurerMan
over a year ago

Norwich

As Mr Lincoln said,

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Always tell the truth, you will sleep better. . If you have to lie make sure it’s for a damn good reason and be prepared, it will get you one day and fuck things up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is, in all fairness, the best policy.

My big argument against achieving something, in this case a sexual liaison, under a lie is the potential issue it raises. Without consent, it becomes sexual assault or even worse, r a p e. If the person knew the truth would the consent granted under the lie be given if the truth were known? Think about that...

In the first instance, the person you have to be honest with is yourself. Your own truth being unbelievable to somebody else is their issue, and won't be an easy on to solve. Who knows, perhaps they've been subjected to a barrage of lies in the past, or maybe your words are too good to be true?

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By *otfabcouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Honestly.... Well to a certain extent, we want people to have been honest about the sexual interests and honest in terms of pics, which should show be a good depiction of the person you are meeting.

Minor details we could not care less about, if a ladies has used a false name, thats fine, or is 33 but profile says 31,we don't care.

You don't need to be forthcoming about every aspect of your life with us, we are here for sex NOT finding soul mates

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think the problem here is the guy thought he had found a soulmate... certainly he thought he had found something, experienced something that had happened so infrequently in his life.

Yes, minor details like age, name used here, etc are not big issues in most cases especially if it's just a quick bunk-up.

For the guy, telling the girl how strongly he was attracted to her, and how highly he thought of her, simply wasn't believed. But a lie? Would that have found an easier ear?

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By *otfabcouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Honesty is, in all fairness, the best policy.

Truth definitely preferable.

But to claim Ra** after the fact is ridiculous.

If a lady tells a guy she has the tightest pu**y on the planet, and based on this, he consents to having sex,this doesnt become ra** just because she wasn't as tight as she claimed,regardless of whether he wouldnt have agreed if he knew beforehand.

When we choose to sleep with someone, there is always a chance it doesn't live upto expectation, and the same thing could be applied to virtually any situation, and retroactively call them all ra**

There would be no end to the situations that could count as ra** if people used that logic.

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman
over a year ago

Swansea

I think it would always be hard for people to form relationships on here even when you are being honest about who you are. We don't know what you were hiding and maybe that has an aspect more so to her not being sure?

I'm honest about who I am but I don't give out intimate details because I'm not looking for a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One lie can quickly spiral and before you know it, you are leading a double life.

I suppose when it comes to NSA it may not have the same consequences but the hurt it could cause is no less real

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But to claim Ra** after the fact is ridiculous.

The problem with your logic here is that it's wrong. No, seriously just stop for a moment.

Firstly, in the example you quoted, it is not possible for a woman to r a p e a man. That is a legally proven and accepted face. A woman can sexually assault a man, but no more.

I'm not talking about a claim of sexual performance or experience... christ we'd all be in jail if that were the case... but gaining consent under false pretences. A classic one would be claiming to be single when married or in a relationship, claiming to be STI free if you know you are not, or offering some form of advancement or gain by sleeping with them.

Recently, there was a case in court where the case against the person being charged with r a p e was based on his claims of having a vasectomy when he hadn't. Never got to find out the outcome.

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By *otfabcouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

But to claim Ra** after the fact is ridiculous.

The problem with your logic here is that it's wrong. No, seriously just stop for a moment.

Firstly, in the example you quoted, it is not possible for a woman to r a p e a man. That is a legally proven and accepted face. A woman can sexually assault a man, but no more.

Recently, there was a case in court where the case against the person being charged with r a p e was based on his claims of having a vasectomy when he hadn't. Never got to find out the outcome."

OK your debunking is based onto sexual organs, but we can go with with that, let just reverse it then, it's a guy claiming to be 13 inches when he's only 11.

It still doesn't qualify as ra**.

It would be impossible to draw a reasonable line.

Don't get me wrong lying/exaggerating to get someone into bed is despicable, but not ra**

The knowing transmission of STI/STD IS different as your causing harm to someone, but it's not ra**, but definitely should be (and is) classed as criminal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK your debunking is based onto sexual organs, but we can go with with that, let just reverse it then, it's a guy claiming to be 13 inches when he's only 11.

It still doesn't qualify as ra**.

It would be impossible to draw a reasonable line.

Don't get me wrong lying/exaggerating to get someone into bed is despicable, but not ra**

The knowing transmission of STI/STD IS different as your causing harm to someone, but it's not ra**, but definitely should be (and is) classed as criminal.

Okay, firstly we agree that gaining consent through lying is a despicable act. So lets park that one.

Bragging about some visual provable physical attribute is totally different. Saying "Hey, I'm 13 inches" when the reality is 13 centimetres still leaves the other party time to say no, which means no, and even when given consent can be withdrawn at any time, even halfway through the act itself. But in the example where the guy was confused between inches and centimetres it would be pretty obvious, and the other party could refuse consent on discovery of said confusion.

So what about things that are not easily visible? Where you are placing your trust in the other party telling the truth?

Yes, I know the issues around STI's and such and was using this as an example. There are separate laws for that.

R A P E and sexual violence is a scourge on society and while men can also be affect by it, in the main women are the victims of men. Sadly, knowledge of the law, how the crimes are investigated, and the prosecutions delivered are well below the standard that society should be comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I agree with what people are saying about the R word and stuff (can't type it in here for some reason) but that's going beyond my original question.

Why are some people happy to hear a lie, and others run away from the truth?

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By *spotpleasurerMan
over a year ago

Norwich

'Why are some people happy to hear a lie, and others run away from the truth?'

You've really answered your own question ... it's people!

Everyone is different and will respond differently and you cannot generalise from one person to the next. However, it's simpler to tell the truth all the time, at least then you know they are interested in the genuine you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"'Why are some people happy to hear a lie, and others run away from the truth?'

You've really answered your own question ... it's people!

Running away from the truth is precisely what happened.

Thing is, they knew the real me. It wasn't about who I was. They just didn't believe what I was saying about them. It really is a strange one, and to be honest it's really fucked me over. I guess a part of is its their shit to deal with, but it's given me a manure help of my own to clear also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps its what the truth was?

Sounds like you may have developed feelings for this lady, and that is possibly what made her run away? I know Fab isn't a dating site as such, and for some its an escape, fun, precisely because you don't want a relationship, just sex? Did you intimate to her how you felt about her, that you had developed feelings for her? Perhaps she was developing feelings for you, and felt best to get out now?

People... we're not all the same and we all take some figuring out!

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I agree with what people are saying about the R word and stuff (can't type it in here for some reason) but that's going beyond my original question.

Why are some people happy to hear a lie, and others run away from the truth?"

People hear what they want to hear (or not)

End of the day she didn't want to be with you.

Only she can tell you her reasons but if she wanted to be with you she would be OP.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I doubt I'll ever know.

What I can say is I told the truth. There is nothing I said to her that I didn't mean, nothing I said that wasn't true, and she got the real me. I'm not sure that's what I got from her though. Maybe one day she'll explain, and I'll get answeres, but right now I've been ghosted.

I may have the moral high ground, but I'm sitting in an emotional low ground.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I doubt I'll ever know.

I may have the moral high ground, but I'm sitting in an emotional low ground."

Sorry to hear that OP. Being rejected can sting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that OP. Being rejected can sting.

Thank you. Rejection would be easier to take if I knew why, honestly. But as others have said, she didn't want to be with me, so that is an answer in itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel your pain OP, but don't dwell and move on. And believe me, I know how cold that sounds and how hard it is, but what are the options?

The real question now though is do you be as open and honest in the future?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Crikey!

I started reading this as one thread which quickly turned into a whole other debate!

Men are not very good at lying; women are very good at detecting bullshit

Moral of the story - you don’t have to disclose all, but don’t lie about what you’ve laid on the table

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Moral of the story - you don’t have to disclose all, but don’t lie about what you’ve laid on the table "

But that's the issue... the things people would normally try and lie about, such as status, name, personal details etc... she knew all that was real. It's what I thought of her and how I felt about her - which was all true - that she didn't believe, or want to believe. My confusion comes from if she knew and accepted what a lot of people may bullshit with, why was the fluffy stuff so hard to take on board?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My confusion comes from if she knew and accepted what a lot of people may bullshit with, why was the fluffy stuff so hard to take on board?"

Perhaps she didn't want fluffy stuff? Perhaps what she wanted was hard, fast and furious. I know the popular myth is all women want the Mills & Boon bollox, but some, many, perhaps the majority of ladies on here even just want sex, like blokes?

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman
over a year ago

Swansea

"Perhaps its what the truth was?

Sounds like you may have developed feelings for this lady, and that is possibly what made her run away? "

This exactly, I've had meets and formed I guess "sex buddies", I like that it's not complicated, we have good fun, great sex and it's no drama.

I've had a few instances where the man has said he'd like more and it's not for me. I mean it's harsh to say but it's a mood kill. Brings something different to the table and if you're not on here to find love it can mess with your head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But to claim Ra** after the fact is ridiculous.

The problem with your logic here is that it's wrong. No, seriously just stop for a moment.

Firstly, in the example you quoted, it is not possible for a woman to r a p e a man. That is a legally proven and accepted face. A woman can sexually assault a man, but no more.

Recently, there was a case in court where the case against the person being charged with r a p e was based on his claims of having a vasectomy when he hadn't. Never got to find out the outcome."

Court of appeal quashed the r**e ruling. Said its not r**e.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Court of appeal quashed the r**e ruling. Said its not r**e. "

Thanks for the update... I didn't even know a verdict had been delivered.

I suspect the case won't be over yet though. I'm sure organisations and charities involved with sex crime may want to have the supreme court take a view. It is perhaps the most misunderstood area of UK law.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting one this. I wasn't immediately, forthcoming about my circumstances unless asked directly and found that once I'd got to know someone/couple quite well, they more likely to be flexible. Now it's very obvious from my profile that I'm married and as a result I often don't get to first base, which is a shame. So maybe it's a timing thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now it's very obvious from my profile that I'm married and as a result I often don't get to first base, which is a shame. So maybe it's a timing thing."

I'd take the view that anything that is a potential deal-breaker would need to be divulged before anything happened, but not necessarily up-front. That way, everyone gets a chance to know each other and make their own judgement call. So long as they get to make that judgement call! And in your case, no point in messaging people who clearly state on their profile they are not interested in those who are attached.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now it's very obvious from my profile that I'm married and as a result I often don't get to first base, which is a shame. So maybe it's a timing thing.

Agreed, but I have actually met people who got in touch with me, had that clause in their profile but liked me and agreed to meet after telling them I'm married. So don't always believe what you read either and once you've had a chance to explain yourself properly, it can make the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without reading all the other replies, The one who knows all the truth gets to make an informed decision and decides you arent for her after all despite initially seeming it. The one you are lying to doesnt know the full truth so has fallen for someone/a situation that is a lie and that will never last as they dont know the real you, because if they did they would go the way of the first.

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By *otfabcouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Without reading all the other replies, The one who knows all the truth gets to make an informed decision and decides you arent for her after all despite initially seeming it. The one you are lying to doesnt know the full truth so has fallen for someone/a situation that is a lie and that will never last as they dont know the real you, because if they did they would go the way of the first. "

Her?

Sounds like your assuming only Men would lie regarding this lol

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

"Here's an interesting one...

So, as this guy freezes over he wonders... Is honesty an impediment to success on fab, and is bullshit and lies the way to the girls? Discuss..."
I always tell the truth here, what you see is what you get. I think out of the men I've met, only 3 have been totally honest with me and its not loads I've met either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her?

Sounds like your assuming only Men would lie regarding this lol

The scenario in the op was a male lying to a female

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The scenario in the op was a male lying to a female"

It's sort of that, although the lie was more of omission than statement.

While the person concerned in the example at the start knew everything about me in terms of who I was, status, etc. (you know, the bullshit people usually offer), when I told her how incredible she was, she felt it was bullshit. What confused me is given how honest I had been, why wasn't it believed?

Of course, it may be a side issue. I got ghosted so I'll never know the reason. I genuinely felt she was incredible, that we connected, and watching it all slip through my fingers wasn't easy. Perhaps her lack of self confidence (which isn't obvious if that's the issue) or past experiences, or a change of heart.

Just quite confusing actually. Maybe its karma.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay, so your "relationship "ended, if we can call it that. The thing with relationships is they take two people to start, but only one person to end, much like consent which has been mentioned here also.

In my lifetime I've had three, long term, serious relationships end on me. Two were hugely traumatic, and in some respects I still live with the scars which haven't healed. One, well I never got to know why. and that brought its own issues.

Personally, I don't like ambiguity in these matters. While the truth in words might be painful, the honesty cannot be denied, and in time knowing that honesty helps you move forward. Having recently experienced a ghosting here like the OP, I think that hurts more than the rejection.

If you've been honest with her OP, it's a shame she felt unable or unwilling to be as honest with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All I can say with certainty is everything she had from me was honest, even where it may not have been to my advantage being so.

With hindsight I cannot say with certainty that was reciprocal. So I walk away... In time they may return from ghost to the material world, and if that happens and they contact me I’ll take a view.

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