FabSwingers.com forum: When "no thank you" is not enough.

By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

So like loads of other women i get alot of messages. Obviously easy enough to say "no thank you" to those who do not appeal but what do you do with those who ask why?. Do you ignore or explain to them why they are not for you?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve no need to explain.. if someone asks you out in a bar and you turn them down you don’t have to explain... if you’re being kind enough to give a “no thank you” they should take that as it says, “no, but thanks for asking...”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just ignore, if I say no thanks I think that's good enough

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

No reply is a polite no thanks (as per Fabs FAQ), some can’t handle rejection.

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By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I actually do explain as it will maybe help them in the future. The truth hurts but i mean well. If they do not have pics or a good bio i will tell them or if they are not what i am looking for then i remind them how important it is to read profiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends. We may say generally they're not what we're looking for or there's no attraction. Also lots of guys message us whose profile says they're only looking to meet women - we always tell them no thanks and why (we only meet as a couple so we're obviously not what they're looking for).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we dont bother explaining why no thanks is a polite enough answer

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By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"we dont bother explaining why no thanks is a polite enough answer"

No thanks should be enough but i find more asking why so i always reply honestly to them.

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By *oulja_01000Man
over a year ago

North East

To be honest... A genuine 'No thanks' is all it needs.

Everyone drinks there tea differently. Those that dont understand this (I'm afraid mainly single males) just dont understand the lifestyle and boundaries.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"we dont bother explaining why no thanks is a polite enough answer

No thanks should be enough but i find more asking why so i always reply honestly to them.

When I did the same they'd want to use my reasons to negotiate.

It's not a negotiation. My no is final

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By *rPerfectGentMan
over a year ago

Shardlow

The first "no thanks" should be enough. If you feel like telling them why, and you have the time and inclination to do so, then go ahead. But after that I would simply block the other person to prevent any further communication.

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By *ilth500Man
over a year ago

Merseyside

"So like loads of other women i get alot of messages. Obviously easy enough to say "no thank you" to those who do not appeal but what do you do with those who ask why?. Do you ignore or explain to them why they are not for you?."

ignore and block. i block the non replying and deleters after a certain time to save me bothering them again and wasting both our times.

fab disclaimer; must be thick skinned to use Fabs!

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By *oba1966Man
over a year ago

Eastleigh

Just "no thank you" is sufficient, if you want to give a reason, give it with the "no thank you"

Rob

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I always appreciate a 'no thank you' or 'you're not for me' but being honest I just expect a delete with no reply. But then I've been around long enough to know how it works. I would never ask 'why not' because I probably wouldn't like the answer! Even if I was expecting it. However if someone were to ask, then the truth would be best. Hopefully they can handle it.

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By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"The first "no thanks" should be enough. If you feel like telling them why, and you have the time and inclination to do so, then go ahead. But after that I would simply block the other person to prevent any further communication. "

I only explain why if they ask. I feel i owe them an explaination. Am i too soft?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with others, saying no doesnt require an explanation. If they don't agree, the block button comes in handy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been brutal in the past and simply said, "I don't find you attractive". (That was to a woman btw).

Which should be obvious really....if you did find someone attractive then you'd be keen to speak more.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

You should not bother with any other action beyond a block

Block them

A takes no time

B they know you have rejected them and not overlooked them

C they cannot bother you if they are an arse

Fab guide lines are wrong

Fab suggests no reply automatically means no interest

This is fundamentally wrong and ambiguous as ladies can receive so much mail they DO overlook messages

Fab should suggest blocking rejected profiles as an efficient method of clarity

And tell the men that moan

Blocking is not rude it just means they have zero interest in any interaction with you get over it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just delete any follow up messages.

It usually works but I do have a very persistent trans profile that just won’t give up, I’d normally block but the messages she sends are actually hilarious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I get a message back saying no thanks not what we're looking for I'll just reply ok thanks no worries then, I really don't see the use throwing a strop wether it's one knock back or a thousand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess the curiosity in me would like to know if it was something very minor that I could fix for to help with future communications with other females.

But I could not email and ask the reason why if someone had said no thanks to me, I'm not owed that explanation and really anyone is not owed that explanation, if theres no interest then it's end of story.

I just always presume I'm not their type and if it was something off putting I don't think 2nd chances are really going to come.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I only explain why if they ask. I feel i owe them an explaination. Am i too soft?"

Unfortunately yes. It's an admirable trait but many take advantage of that here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say no thanks. If they as why I say cos you are not my type. If they ask how not, they get blocked,

I do this is mainy cos I am a fucking bitch with no filter at times and if I told them why they are not my type, I may hurt their feelings.

So I chose the line, if you have not got anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

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By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I seldom block as find that harsh if they have done me no wrong. If they ask why then i am blunt and honest. If their profile is boring and they have no pics i tell them. Maybe they are not for me but a bit of advice may make them make a few changes which may help them in the future.

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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago

Gleam Street

If they insist on knowing, I do the same...if they try to change my mind I point out the profile they ignored... after that-hell mend them if they still come back with a whingy message.

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

If I get a thanks but not my type my reply is no probs happy fabbing or something like that and that’s it. Blocking someone isn’t harsh,I have a few on mine and I’m quite nice!

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By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

We get plenty of messages and only respond to "interesting" ones lol....ping pong long winded messaging is a waste of everybodies time and people should grow up and deal with the fact we dont all fancy each other..thank the lord for the block button

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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield

I don't think there's any need to explain yourself, if you've said no it should be obvious that they are not what you're looking for.

That said, I can see why some guys might think it would be useful to know why - its easy to get worked up about why, what's wrong with me, and all that. Especially when it happens time after time. Some attach too much weight to it, when really it's just a case of 'not my type' and hundreds of guys for every woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a no bargaining ground in my view. If one says no the other needs to walk away without "why", "but", "maybe" etc. If they don't - l just block.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people ask why we always tell them, some think they can change your minds so making it clear why the attraction isn't there usually stops the pestering types.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its nice when someone takes the time to reply with a no thanks. I always reply back with a quick, no probs, thanks anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if someone is respectful and pleasant then knowing why can help them. It can feel quite cold when you’re sending pleasant messages and get zero back.

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

I think its nice when someone takes the time to reply with a no thanks. I always reply back with a quick, no probs, thanks anyway"

This.

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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I just say you are not my type. If they persist I tell them bluntly then block them

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By *luebell888 OP Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"I think if someone is respectful and pleasant then knowing why can help them. It can feel quite cold when you’re sending pleasant messages and get zero back. "

That is what i think. Must be soul destroying for men on here.x

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

‘No’ is always enough. To also say thank you is just overly polite

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By *s2pervsCouple
over a year ago

Truro

My good lady and i message with absolutely no expectation of a reply...more than happy to receive a "thanks but no thanks" and happy to give the same to those with an approach we appreciate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The same thing happens to men as well.

No thanks reply and then a barrage of questions or abuse.

I just tend to block now

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By *itSamCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

OMG we had that once and to be honest the person thought they were gods gift to us. They replied I am bi and you should be happy to get someone who is. We said again no thank you. Why they ask. BECAUSE YOU ASKED WHY makes it more of a definite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG we had that once and to be honest the person thought they were gods gift to us. They replied I am bi and you should be happy to get someone who is. We said again no thank you. Why they ask. BECAUSE YOU ASKED WHY makes it more of a definite.

I got a response of 'you should be grateful a woman even messaged you'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if someone is respectful and pleasant then knowing why can help them. It can feel quite cold when you’re sending pleasant messages and get zero back.

That is what i think. Must be soul destroying for men on here.x"

Not really, I think those who have been here a while and understand this world know that a no thanks is sufficent, no explanation is needed.

Those who message with “quick bang” or “want me 2 lIck u?” Are the sort who should just get deleted.

Ultimately the ones who can handle rejection (with or without explanation) are the ones who will stick around and those who expect things to progress quickly will always see it as a negotiation.

Personally I would say no thanks, and if asked why would tell them I don’t owe them an explanation and can meet who I wish.

If they messaged for a third time the. i would block.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had one I said no to today ..

.. then the abuse came

pmsl .. brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We declined a few. Some say fair do's. The last 1 we reported. No need for body calling the Mrs. Out of order

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By *ockandspoonCouple
over a year ago

Chester

I'll say No thanks,then I get followed by why, I reply sorry your not my type, then followed by well what is your type, I reply to well not you lol x

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

At least you take the time to reply with a no thank you message.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I had one recently that just wouldn't give up, in the end I stopped responding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the people we have said no to have been gracious and just said ok thanks for replying.

Some - as is always the case - not so nice and then Mr usually takes over the answers.

One the other day refused to take no for an answer, he had to be blocked.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I actually do explain as it will maybe help them in the future. The truth hurts but i mean well. If they do not have pics or a good bio i will tell them or if they are not what i am looking for then i remind them how important it is to read profiles."

I tend to do this. Though if they continue to pester then I may tell them the truth in a blunt way.

Depends on my mood. I also often block after saying no thanks so that this cannot happen

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

I only explain why if they ask. I feel i owe them an explaination. Am i too soft?"

No id say your a considerate caring person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It should be.

Can't handle a no?

Block and move on

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Never explain, never justify.

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By *ootballFlowerCouple
over a year ago

Ollerton

We always try and give a polite no thanks - but literally not 1 hour ago we said no to someone, gave a polite reason and yet still they act like it's a negotiation, pushing and trying it on.

If you can't accept a polite no - you will never accept an no in the heat of the moment!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We always try and give a polite no thanks - but literally not 1 hour ago we said no to someone, gave a polite reason and yet still they act like it's a negotiation, pushing and trying it on.

If you can't accept a polite no - you will never accept an no in the heat of the moment!"

This is exactly it.

I'd rather find out you don't respect consent online.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

* general you of course

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

Nobody needs to explain anything to us. We dont even mind if we dont get a no thank you.

If someone does not reply to us, we leave it at that. I really dont get why other people care so much about it.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Simple answer is .. no sorry not my type and please don’t ask y...

just not that’s all

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