FabSwingers.com forum: Am i a lesbian

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When i was late teens i was bi and even had a serious gf, though i did go with loads of men. When i married at 20 my husband decided he didnt like me goin with girls so i stopped and for years i never thought of it except now and again id see a girl so lush id remember, and a cpl of d*unken fumbles occured. Years passed i divorced. When i met my bf i started swinging with him at clubs and meets and of course having sex with women. I was shocked how much i enjoyed it as i never really thought i was properly bi. My bf says i hav always constantly admired and gone after the fem of a cpl far more than the man. I know this is true. I cant stop thinking about girls and pussy and its all a bit much to take in tbh as im really wondering if im a lesbian? I hav always enjoyed sex with men but now im not so sure what i want. I hav started doin single ff meets so i can explore this properly. My heads so confused xxx mel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I forgot to say i hav always been a massive tomboy too who wont wear skirts and luvs football and is one of the lads. Its all a bit damning can i really been in denial all my life ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yeh, your a raving lesbo!

on, really, why lable yourself? So you like girls, good for you, go enjoy it!

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By *ubbliciousWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

If you enjoy sex with men and women then you are bi-sexual. I think it's as simple as that, I woulsn't go over thinking it and stressing yourself out about it. Being a tomboy is somewhat irrelevant to sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your bi .... i was with girls before men and married like you very young and had family but have girl-friends and thay turn me on as much as some men at times .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me a lesbian has never had sex with man at all just woman . If you have had men your bi .

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

I only have sex with women, I came out as a lesbian years ago. My family were very supportive

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By *ipgloss..Woman
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"I only have sex with women, I came out as a lesbian years ago. My family were very supportive "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am pretty much the same as you,, apart from the skirts and football thing... i always have prefered women even before i started liking guys.. but i couldn't live without a good cock now.. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some excellent answers further up. I've given up trying to analyse or understand my own sexuality, I'd say just go with the flow, love yourself for who you are, and enjoy whatever you feel like enjoying at the time. Resist the urge to label or box yourself, and most definitely resist being labelled or boxed by others x Remember too that sexual labels are by and large a modern construct.

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By *rs Robinson1Woman
over a year ago

Chapel Row

"Some excellent answers further up. I've given up trying to analyse or understand my own sexuality, I'd say just go with the flow, love yourself for who you are, and enjoy whatever you feel like enjoying at the time. Resist the urge to label or box yourself, and most definitely resist being labelled or boxed by others x Remember too that sexual labels are by and large a modern construct."

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By *ornyHorwichCpl aka HHCCouple
over a year ago

horwich

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS
over a year ago

Cheadle

Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

that's what you gotta think, your in a ltr with a boyfriend... not a girlfriend.. if you were really a lesbian you wouldn't have a boyfriend.. you wouldn't have sex with him because it wouldn't do anything for you. ergo... not a lesbian just a bisexual woman who may or may not have a stronger preference for women sexually..."
thanks... Ye that sorta makes sense. I feel bad on my bf about prefering women but at least i must be bi yes and at least he is happy for me to experiment. Thanks everyone

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you like men and women then you are bi sexual, if you only like the same sex then you are gay\lesbian and if you only like the opposite sex then you are straight.

I really don't understand why some people seem to have issues with being classed as one thing or another, you can't escape it, it defines how other people see you and you are\what you are and theres nothing you can do about it, so why worry.

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"When i was late teens i was bi and even had a serious gf, though i did go with loads of men. When i married at 20 my husband decided he didnt like me goin with girls so i stopped and for years i never thought of it except now and again id see a girl so lush id remember, and a cpl of d*unken fumbles occured. Years passed i divorced. When i met my bf i started swinging with him at clubs and meets and of course having sex with women. I was shocked how much i enjoyed it as i never really thought i was properly bi. My bf says i hav always constantly admired and gone after the fem of a cpl far more than the man. I know this is true. I cant stop thinking about girls and pussy and its all a bit much to take in tbh as im really wondering if im a lesbian? I hav always enjoyed sex with men but now im not so sure what i want. I hav started doin single ff meets so i can explore this properly. My heads so confused xxx mel "

just go with the flow enjoy being with who you want and dont lable yourself,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I dont want a label and im not bothered what ppl think, but its my own identity and it matters to me. Now im left thinkin is there much difference between bi-prefers-women and gay? Lol confused again x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

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By *rs Robinson1Woman
over a year ago

Chapel Row

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

lol

I like both lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

lol

I like both lol "

You're obviously confused as to what your inner self is saying about you then so I'm sorry, there's simply no hope left for you

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"I dont want a label and im not bothered what ppl think, but its my own identity and it matters to me. Now im left thinkin is there much difference between bi-prefers-women and gay? Lol confused again x"

Not really we all have our own prferences,yours appear to be mostly,maybe even exclusively towards women,but have enjoyed men in the past,so you can rigidly decide you are bi/lesbian, or just go with what is attracting you, thats clearly women, but if anything ever happens involving a man in the future, say at a club but mostly with thier incredibly hot female partner would that change your self image if you decide to call yourself a lesbian or not. to be honest it shouldnt matter like i say have fun and dont worry too much you are what you are enjoy it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want a label for youself, just choose a suitable Kinsey number! (Look up ‘Kinsey scale’ on Google or Wikipedia.) If you prefer women to a large extent, then you’re probably a 4 or a 5.

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS
over a year ago

Cheadle

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

well forget the food then, I was only trying to point out that your tastes change over time!!!! or is that stupid as well???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

well forget the food then, I was only trying to point out that your tastes change over time!!!! or is that stupid as well???

Did I say something was stupid ?

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

but its not set in stone peoples tastes change,

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

well forget the food then, I was only trying to point out that your tastes change over time!!!! or is that stupid as well???

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS
over a year ago

Cheadle

"Just remember that your sexuality is a s fluid as your other tastes, one year you might prefer beans on toast, the next you prefer egg!!!, don't fret yourself sugar plum, hugzzies, xxx

and in liking both sexes makes you bi sexual.

Tastes in food don't even come into it

that's like the daft notion that was bounded about on here a while back that if you liked men and women and that made you bi sexual, then surely liking pizza should make you Italian...

which obviously doesn't but the argument then went that because liking pizza didn't make you Italian then liking both sexes didn't make you bi sexual

you are what you are and theres no getting away from it

well forget the food then, I was only trying to point out that your tastes change over time!!!! or is that stupid as well???

Did I say something was stupid ?"

yes you did, anyway, why is it you always take a negative _iew of any of my postings, enough please.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 14/06/12 12:48:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And to the OP, why is your head in such a whirl? Who or what are you trying to live up to? You are YOU - no one else. And no one else has the right to expect you not to be true to yourself. You like what you like - end of. Get the feeling you are struggling more with what you think people expect of you, rather than how YOU feel..... To thyself be true......

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I did a scale diagram that didn't work when posted.

Dam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I understand that people can prefer men more than women one day to the next and vise verser but their still bi sexual because they have had sexual relations with both sexes.

My question back...

Why do some bi sexual people seem to have a problem with being bi sexual ???

What does it matter what they are, they are what they are, but many seem to have a problem admitting it to themselves and I don't know why ???

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"Yeah I understand that people can prefer men more than women one day to the next and vise verser but their still bi sexual because they have had sexual relations with both sexes.

My question back...

Why do some bi sexual people seem to have a problem with being bi sexual ???

What does it matter what they are, they are what they are, but many seem to have a problem admitting it to themselves and I don't know why ???"

thats your definition of bi, so someone who used to like one sex whas done that is absolutley bored of it and finds it a turn off (as does happen)and now prefers the other gender is to be labled Bi why? thats not what they are any more.Labels just over prescribe behavioural norms, and one thing swingers arent is the norm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I understand that people can prefer men more than women one day to the next and vise verser but their still bi sexual because they have had sexual relations with both sexes.

My question back...

Why do some bi sexual people seem to have a problem with being bi sexual ???

What does it matter what they are, they are what they are, but many seem to have a problem admitting it to themselves and I don't know why ???

Oh my god !!!

Yes it is my definition of bi sexual, just like it's the general rule of thumb definition for nearly every other single human being on the planet so I'm not exactly saying this for effect or to cause an uproar on the forum by coming out with something so "far out" or "radical"

1 Sexually attracted to both men and women.

2. Bisexuality is romantic or sexual attraction or sexual behavior toward males and females.

3. Alternating bisexuals:

May have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

4. Isolated bisexuals:

100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Those are just some of the definitions of bi sexual with the over riding theme of liking both sexes being a fundamental corner stone of the definition.

This is how society labels\distinguishes people apart from one another's sexuality and not just MY DEFINITION, so why jump on my back over what is the accepted definition of something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"why is it you always take a negative _iew of any of my postings, enough please."

I had a little joke about your eggs and beans which I didn't think would be taken with offense but I do apologize if some was somehow taken but as to the "negative _iew of any of your postings"... well I have no idea where your coming from on that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there are many lesbians that would have the kind of profile name you have.

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By *ovely kinkyCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Aw hun, don't fret! You might just be really enjoying women atm cos you had to give it up for a long time and were craving it or something put you off men slightly, I duno, but as long as you are happy and enjoy being with your bf then you're probably bi and don't change anything

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

on my profile it says im bi sexual, I know im bi because I just love womens flesh too much, the bi thing is more to do with be ok around guys too, im not drawn to guys but if its a group thing im not put off, i like people!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you, but at the end of the day, it's simply a label that helps explain what kind of person you are...

but point it out yourself just gets you a backlash sometimes on here when people refuse to accept when red is red and blue is blue.

All someone has to say is they think blue is kinda pink and it's followed by the response of it can be whatever colour you want it to be sweetie xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To me a lesbian has never had sex with man at all just woman . If you have had men your bi ."

I am a Lesbian, but before the penny dropped at age 30, I had had sex with men. Always had Gay leanings, but didn't want to admit it. Already had one Gay sibling and kinda thought it would be a poor reflection on my parents to make it 2, lol! Silly, I know! Anyway, I don't agree that just because I slept with men in the past that I am Bi Sexual. I wouldn't let a bloke touch me with a barge pole, let alone anything else, ha ha! Yes, there are men I find attractive as people, but sexually, no. I don't connect with guys in that way, particularly not emotionally. I think that makes me Lesbian regardless of my 'experimental' past. To be honest, I used to wonder what all the fuss was about with sex, until I slept with a woman, then WOW!!!!!

To the OP, I think it's great that you enjoy sex and/or relationships with both genders. Why limit yourself to just the one if you like both? Don't get hung up on it, just enjoy. Sounds like you have a supportive partner and as long as your relationship isn't suffering, then no need to worry yourself. Labels are a guide only, they just get you in the right aisle when it comes to choosing what you want to put in your shopping trolley

Hippo x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some it seems sexuality is fluid meaning it isn't solidly set in stone toward a predilection for a specific gender and resultingly is pendulous in nature ie perhaps these types go through phases of preferring sexual relationships with members of their own gender then defaulting back to partners of the opposite gender and so on.

On the basis of what you've said it sounds as though you have that type of sexuality.. you've enjoyed and been sexually fulfilled in long term relationships with men but also have had relationships with members of your own gender and been satisfied so it doesn't seem based on that evidence that you're a lesbian.

also not being stereotypically feminine doesn't necessarily mean you're lesbian lol.

provided you're content and happy just enjoy you're sexuality and stop scrutinizing and trying to pigeon hole it ;p

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By *umpsMan
over a year ago

city

my guess is that, perhaps, you have no sisters (just a guess) and grew up without sisters so never interacted with girls that well when you were growing up. so my thinking is that you want to gain a bit of what you missed out on without realising it.

this message is not meant to offend, and if it has, it was not my intention.

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

There is too much politics connected to people's sexuality. There is a lot more to a persons personality than who they have sex with.

Concentrate on the fun part of your life and forget the labels until you spot someone you fancy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

simple answer my girl. yee is bisexual and hell thats just great.

a lesbian wouldnt have sex with a man as it doesnt turn them on in the same way as a straight man wouldnt have sex with another man etc etc etc.

hell dear enjoy, there is no problem being Bisexual and there will be times when you fancy girl fun more and probably other times when you will hanker for a good cock.

just enjoy life and do what is right for you at the time.

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

"To me a lesbian has never had sex with man at all just woman . If you have had men your bi .

Hippo x"

So agree with this post, when it comes down to it just be true to yourself, thats you now, the past is just something that helped form who you are. its not about prescriptive defintitions, that can only inevitably narrow our own personal parameters just be true to what feels right for you. that said if you do feel the need to define yourself and havent decided why not look in the mirror and proudly say `I am a Lesbian` then a couple of hours later do the same and say `I am a bisexual' if you feel good about saying one then thats you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think that being lesbian actually has much to do with who you have sex with...

There's an old definition of a lesbian that still rings true:

"A Lesbian is a women who's primary physical, emotional and social needs and wants are best met by another women, regardless of whether those needs and wants are acted upon."

How does it feel - does any of that fit?

I'd define myself as lesbian, even though I might use a man occasionally for no-strings emotionless raw sex - because everything else in my life, social, emotional and romantic can only be filled by a woman.

I'd say that you're only truly bisexual if you can fall in love with either a man or a woman equally. It isn't easily defined just by who you go to bed with...

Hope some of that helps, or gives food for thought...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you do feel the need to define yourself and havent decided why not look in the mirror and proudly say `I am a Lesbian` then a couple of hours later do the same and say `I am a bisexual' if you feel good about saying one then thats you."

Best definininition of sexuality I've seen yet

will this work for me aswell if I say I have an average 6" willy then come back and say I have a 12 incher

To the OP, if you don't like to think about having a definition of sexuality then simply don't think about it and just have fun with who ever you want when you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say that you're only truly bisexual if you can fall in love with either a man or a woman equally. It isn't easily defined just by who you go to bed with...

Hope some of that helps, or gives food for thought...

That's an excellent definition and exactly how I feel.

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Just having a chance to write down here your inner most thinking about your sexuality is no doubt a big step forward for anyone questioning where they are in the big sex world. Well done Fab for giving people the opportunity.

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

Best definininition of sexuality I've seen yet

will this work for me aswell if I say I have an average 6" willy then come back and say I have a 12 incher

To the OP, if you don't like to think about having a definition of sexuality then simply don't think about it and just have fun with who ever you want when you want."

Funnily itjust possibly (tho not definately. might it depends how honest you are to yourself, if you say you have a 12' weener it may be funny but im sure it wont make you feel intrinsickly good about yourself, whereas the 6` one might feel right its honest acceptance of who you are.

Of course all this is assuming that thats the true one, for all i know that was exagerating too so try saying ` have a 2" stubby' just to be sure

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

well said..

had an idea that i might be bi curious when i was nearly 16, never acted on it or explored till over 25 yrs later..

hey ho..

cant abide lables..

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Female sexuality is often far more fluid (no gushing jokes thanks) than a static state. If we think of sexuality as a continuum with straight at one end and gay at the other, rather than neat little clearly defined boxes, it is fairly common for many women to drift back and forth along the line.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Female sexuality is often far more fluid (no gushing jokes thanks) than a static state. If we think of sexuality as a continuum with straight at one end and gay at the other, rather than neat little clearly defined boxes, it is fairly common for many women to drift back and forth along the line."

Think some men are similar, and maybe more would be if it were not for the 'usual' constraints..

Strange that some people appear to be happy to be 'labled' and therefore conditioned as x, y or z, surely ones sexuality is similar to ones appetite or other facets of our psyche?

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

My wife is a one man lesbian. Although she has been known to experiment with hetrosexuality.

I can understand the need to know your own identity, especially if you where in a relationship for a long time where your bi side was pretty much left out.

Call your self a lesbian who is open minded about men? Hetrocurious, it's a new label and you are the first!

Sexuality does have massive fluidity and even with in what may seam quite vanilla relationships to most on here, there will be fluidity of sexuality, from never really thinking about sex for weeks at a time, to a month of wanting it every day.

The preferance for women is no different, you may prefer a main menu of women and then every month a cock. (To put it in crude terms).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe its just excitement of the novelty. Def is for me. I prefer sex with a woman a zillion times more than with any bloke but would never consider dating a woman. Doesn't matter about labels, you enjoy what you enjoy that's all that matters.

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