FabSwingers.com forum: If you are in to BDSM

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm. My sexual relationship somewhat involves BDSM.

I'm in control. Recent example - I've asked him to see if HE can push my boundaries. He said no because he would want me to pick the boundaries that I want to push, instead of him pushing my boundaries that he wants to push.

I say he brings the creativity, he says I bring the open mindedness. He's creative in putting forward new ideas to me, he says I'm open minded to new ideas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a daddy/little dynamic with my husband so it's not quite the same as what you're asking, but I suspect you'll get a lot of different answers to this since every dynamic is so different.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub? "

Both

To provide head scratches

To be annoying as fuck

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub?

Both

To provide head scratches

To be annoying as fuck

Preach.

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By *untimes11Man
over a year ago

cardiff

The sub has the power to say no and withdraw consent.

So it's the sub who has the ultimate control over what's being played out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sub has control, the Dom can do whatever they like within the limits of the sub and what has been previously discussed

Everyone has their own dynamic set up, it’s what works between each individual, there isn’t a hard and fast rule

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Neither is in complete control. Yes the sub has their safe word and chooses to submit but the Dom can choose to not dominate too.

It is a dance of gently manipulating eachother both physically and emotionally in a way you both find pleasing.

Anything less is unfulfilling.

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By *edHeadedFunWoman
over a year ago

Didsbury

"Neither is in complete control. Yes the sub has their safe word and chooses to submit but the Dom can choose to not dominate too.

It is a dance of gently manipulating eachother both physically and emotionally in a way you both find pleasing.

Anything less is unfulfilling."

This

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Both have equal control, although the balance varies depending on the situation. The sub may set their hard limits, but when a sub is in subspace it's the Dom who is in control of the situation.

The purpose of the Dom and sub are totally dependent on what they set it up as.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in control within the boundaries of her fantasies.

My role is to be the catalyst that sparks her inner slut, and allows her to enjoy what vanilla society tells women they can't enjoy.

Her role is to obey within the boundaries of her fantasies.

Well that's the dynamic between maid and I, and it works.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Interesting question, on the face of it the Dom, but in reality probably the sub as they allow the dom to have control and power over them, by then with that power and trust then maybe it's the Dom! Who knows

But that's what I like about BDSM, you're always thinking, it's like chess, never boring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting question, on the face of it the Dom, but in reality probably the sub as they allow the dom to have control and power over them, by then with that power and trust then maybe it's the Dom! Who knows

But that's what I like about BDSM, you're always thinking, it's like chess, never boring. "

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By *heKinksCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Control is equal, as without either participant, the dynamic cannot exist xx

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It's often said the submissive has the control and the power - personally as a submissive I disagree from my personal perspective of the D/s dynamic - for me the power and control is held equally, the dominant and the submissive are just opposite sides of the same coin.

A lot is made of a submissive having safewords, boundaries and limits - but for me that loses sight of the fact a dominant has exactly the same things, they may not be expressed in the same way as they are for a submissive but they're there all the same.

A dominant has just as much ability to stop a scene as a submissive does.

As for what each of them are, I think that's something that can be very specific and individual and defined by individual dynamics between two or more people rather than being something objective that is generically defined.

No doubt it has elements of control and being controlled to it, along with power exchange etc but the specifics are unique to a particular D/s relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub? "

"The one that needs that dynamic the least" Catherine Robbe-Grillet

The purpose is to satisfy the desire. It should be pleasurable to perform either role and to experience your counterpart's one.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Some really interesting points on this as I originally felt the submissive had the control. But I have certainly learned something from this thread, every day is a school day.

Now to find my Dom who understands it as well as some on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly I read this headline and immediately thought the post would be *Clap your hands*

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde

"It's often said the submissive has the control and the power - personally as a submissive I disagree from my personal perspective of the D/s dynamic - for me the power and control is held equally, the dominant and the submissive are just opposite sides of the same coin.

A dominant has just as much ability to stop a scene as a submissive does.

No doubt it has elements of control and being controlled to it, along with power exchange etc but the specifics are unique to a particular D/s relationship."

I was going to start typing and decided to just say.... ditto!!!

I don't ascribe to the 'sub has the power'... a Dominant also has choice to take the control, they also have limits..... and can a submissive submit with no Dominant?

So... I would say it's a symbiotic relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Absolutely that’s how I feel about it too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well now I wish I had thought of that!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sub is always the one in control, they can stop the scene any time and pick their limits.

The Dom runs the entire play, the sub hands over control to the Dominant with trust they will be looked after but can safe word any time. The Dom should have experience experience when it comes to BDSM. The Dom doesn't give up control to the sub. They ooze confidence and that is what attracts a sub.

The sub loves to please a Dom in or out of the bedroom depending on the D/s relationship . The sub gets turned on and excited by the Dom. They enjoy bdsm in many aspects and with a good Dom the sub can thrive xx

This is my definition x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub?

Both

To provide head scratches

To be annoying as fuck

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Love the analogy from nature.

Lion is going to sleep.

Lioness is wanting sex so she strolled over and stuck her sex on his face.

He growls her off.

She returns, and sits on his face.

He gets up and bites and scratches her pinning her down then fucks her.

He gets up and go and lies down.

She gets up blooded with a smile on her face.

Who was in charge?

It’s a trust, an understanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/07/20 01:23:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love the analogy from nature.

Lion is going to sleep.

Lioness is wanting sex so she strolled over and stuck her sex on his face.

He growls her off.

She returns, and sits on his face.

He gets up and bites and scratches her pinning her down then fucks her.

He gets up and go and lies down.

She gets up blooded with a smile on her face.

Who was in charge?

It’s a trust, an understanding."

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is why I left the other fetish site with their wisdoms and fancy floggers

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

this is why I left the other fetish site with their wisdoms and fancy floggers"
What came First or what cane first the chicken or the egg , Dom the sub put them in there place after control has been signed over , but yes as above was very eloquently put , We are one entity

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

A dominant has just as much ability to stop a scene as a submissive does.

No doubt it has elements of control and being controlled to it, along with power exchange etc but the specifics are unique to a particular D/s relationship."

I agree as usual.

But I would like to add in regard to something that people forget and to which Licentious amusingly alludes.

Keeping things simple (which means leaving out the issue of sex), a Dom is not a dom because of a sub, in the same way a sub is not sub because of a dom.

Whether or not a sub or dom is in a relationship they will identify themselves as dominant or a submissive (unless they switch or change over time but we are keeping it simple). They each have inherent qualities (and I am not talking about true doms and subs) that make them categorise themselves in a role when in D/S relationship (I know not everyone does, but we are keeping it simple) and are looking for someone in the other rope to complement them.

In other words each are finding a way to express themselves.

Some doms need to be controlling and pushing boundaries. Some subs need that kind of dom.

Other doms like to draw behaviour out of subs and as such needs subs that like to feel that they can expand their boundaries with the dom there to support them and to inspire them.

Therefore behind OP's questions there is a need for the subs and doms to know themselves and be honest about themselves when negotiating entering into a dynamic/relationship. Because neither is a mind reader but each wants something specific. Finding the right partner is the problem of D/S.and requires honest communication.

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By *aimeSmithTV/TS
over a year ago

Cliss

Having tried domming, it’s incredible how much power the sub has, and how much thought and creativity is required to Dom!

I find it much easier just being sub xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub dom is about trust and understanding and time, from my experience its much harder dominating someone because you have to understand their limits and they have to be comfortable with what you are doing to them

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

Control is 50/50.

It's about consent. Both people need to consent. Either can remove consent at any time, and that's the control.

As for purpose, that's entirely dependent on the relationship / dynamic.

We're engaged and also dom / sub. Including collaring. We also have a DDLG relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub? "

The sub has control at all times

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Can you answer to these questions?

Who has control in a Dom / Sub relationship? What is the purpose of a Dom?

What is the purpose of a Sub?

The sub has control at all times"

But so does the Dom/me, and not just in the sense of a submissive having given them control - a dominant has just as much right to hand back control as a submissive has to take it back - so the two things go hand in hand for me, neither Dom/me nor sub holding the control completely - it's held equally.

If course that may vary depending on individual dynamics and agreements but the very basis of *any* relationship, regardless of the dynamic, or whether it is D/s, is that either person has the ability to relinquish or remove control.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Each dynamic is different, however it is considered power exchange for a reason.

Both Dominance and submission are of equal importance on the journey you take together.

I am not a fan of labels as they can be restrictive and give off the wrong impression.

For example not all subs are masochists, and not all Doms are sadists but that is a very common misconception.

It is also not always a case of the Dom mentoring the submissive, as Dominants can also learn and grow from the experiences they share with their submissive.

My analogy is that Dominants are drivers while submissives are passengers. The passenger can influence both the journey and its destination but ultimately it is the drivers decision on the actual route taken, any stops/diversions along the way and when/where your final destination is reached.

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By *issyfaggotfayeTV/TS
over a year ago

Bolton

Who has control? Both parties as it works on communication and trust.

The Dom is there to push my limits, I am there to serve as Sub and take whatever is agreed is within my limits and my boundaries be pushed

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