"does anyone find it hard to find real doms anymore or isit just me ? Guys seems to think being In control makes them dom  "
I guess it depends on how long a person has been on the scene for. Honestly for anyone new to the scene (not in any way trying to say you are, just in general) I really feel as though it's super tough to find someone genuine. The problem is the players tend to come across in a way that someone with no real experience in the scene assumes a Dom would talk / act, which is almost never the case - certainly not before limits, kinks, and terms have been laid out. Thing is, not only does it taint the scene and put off newbies, but it's also downright dangerous.
Once you've been around a bit, it's dead easy to spot the assholes playing at it to get into your pants though, and honestly it's so so so so much easier to find someone through munches and kink events than it is online, but worst case scenario there's always the-fet-site-that-shall-not-be-named-lest-i-am-banned-from-the-forums.
As a male switch, I personally wouldn't ever look for a sub online, but that's because for me I prefer to have some kind of a bond with those I play with since I feel it makes me more in tune to their needs, desires, and body language during play, whether that be friends or with a romantic partner. I'd happily look for a Domme online, though, because again it's easy to spot the fakes (the bullshit "slaves must pay tribute to speak with me" - if I wanted to pay for it, I'd seek out a pro-Domme, not some cam girl trying to turn a quick buck playing bdsm). |
I think that for many many men and women, rough sex is seen as being Dom. They don't want or understand the psychology of serving, giving up control, offering yourself etc. They also don't understand that aftercare and cuddles from a Dom are important when a sub gives so much.
